Embarrassed to admit masterbation issues

I almost created another account for this thread. I know it sounds stupid since they would both be anonymous. I am so unbelievably embarrassed by this. It is not something I have ever talked about with anyone. I posted in the "sex in marriage" section with related issues, but only touched briefly on this. I was so nervous about the info i put out for public scrutiny I deleted the thread.Many respondents felt I need counseling. I need to stop fooling myself. I am not going to counseling. It is expensive, but more than that I don't like doctors. I need to find the strength to control myself. This new found motivation has been inspired by me becoming a regular reader on TAM for the last month or so. I want.....need to quit smoking. OK change routines, buy e-cig and work on it. Want....need to lose that last 20lbs to get in my correct BMI. OK start biking 20min twice a day to work and school, buy giant cylinder of oatmeal and deny the doughnuts. These changes have moderately obvious paths for working on them. What do I do about excessive masterbation? I thought I could essentially go cold turkey, but it is harder than cigs or sweets. I think it is my worst addiction. This morning I broke down, I could not even muster a drop of will power to stop myself. I felt awful afterwards, mostly because I had lost to myself with out putting up any kind of fight. Then as usual I quickly spiral out of control and go twice more before I took shower, and then in the shower again. Why can't I control it. I feel like this can't be normal. I assume most guys are between 1-3 times a day. I try to hold myself there, but on average it is way out there. It would be a good morning if I could hold myself to less than 3. I don't think this is a porn addiction. I do often look at porn, but I don't really need it. I hate this about myself and have for a long time. It was an issue even before I got married. I am pretty sure my wife does not know. We have separate computers and mine is such a POS she never uses it. My thought now is like most addictions it is probably best to go cold turkey and stop feeding the cravings. I know me and as soon as I let myself go "just once" turns in to "oh well you already failed why stop now". I know many will say this is my biggest problem, but I am not ready to bring this up with my wife. Defiantly not ready to bring this kind of issue up with a stranger in person at counseling office. I know that is weak and cowardly, but just posting on here has been super hard for me. I can't imagine looking someone in the eyes if they knew this about me.

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