Men and "Compliments"

Lately I've noticed most men seem to have a habit of giving "interesting" compliments.

Example: Went on a first date with a guy to a local sporting event. We had a great time and later that week went on a second date to a trendy restaurant. There the following exchange occurred:

Date: When we first met, I immediately knew I was attracted to you.
Me: (teasing) And how'd you know that?
Date: Well, during the entire football game I was rock hard.

Mind you, this was in a crowded but quiet restaurant. And he had a LOUD voice. At the time I wanted to die but now it makes me giggle. It's like there's no brain to mouth filter - have any of you ladies experienced this?

Put the internet to work for you.

via Personal Recipe 2629979

Patience isn't my virtue

My wife and I have been married for about 10 years. We dated for five years before I proposed. Recently she decided that she isn't sure if she wants to be married to me. I am a honest man to her. I have never had an affair physically or emotionally. But I haven't been the easiest person either. I have an anger issue when I drink and I don't have to drink alot for this. It sometimes only takes two or three beers for the monster to come out. We had planned on a vacation for our anniversery, while talking about it I had asked her how the prices were for the trip. I wanted her to make the majority of the plans since she really knows what she wants. After asking about the prices I had asked if she still wanted to go since she still hasn't made up her mind. She still wanted to go but asked me the same question. My response was "I doubt if we make it that long". Yes I know not something I should have said but I said it. A couple of days later she ask ed me if I seriously thought if were going to stayed married that long. I didn't mean to open the can of worms but I yet I am. We had alot of discussions shortly after that. In one of those talks she told me that she loved me but wasn't in love with me. I was devastated. I love her and is in love with her. She mentioned the thought of divorce doesn't make her sick anymore. It does to me. Then one night with her family she brought out a video that a friend of hers sent. I naturally asked which friend it was. She told me an old friend from high school. we are in our mid 30's. I told her that I never heard of this friend. After a little discussion it comes out that is a guy she was engaged to back then but he cheated on her and they broke up. He had found her on social network and wanted to apologize for everything. Which is fine with me but he wanted to exchange numbers and stay in contact. Not fine with me. We had talk some more about him and found out that sh e had sent him some innocent landscape pictures. He doesn't live close to us. I told her one night in a 4 beer rage that I didn't like it one bit and that I wanted her to not contact him in any way. Not mature I know. She didn't like my comment. A few days later I had asked her about being cold and distant. she said that she didn't think she was. Look like she was hiding her phone from me when in the same room. I thought she was cheating on me. She claims she never would. But I asked why out of all her old friends why him. Her response was "because He was there". Emotional cheating to me but what do I know. I went to visit family for a week to think and cry about all this. Needed to get my head on straight. I had been open about everything, no secrets, no lies. She still hasn't given me a reason why she doesn't want to be married to me. I tried not to push but told her that I can't help myself until I know what needs to be fixed. I honestly want us to rem ain married. She told me that she will try to try to work on the marriage. She still hasn't said anything to me. I have told her that I am frustrated with this right now. I told her that if she was open to talking way back when then we wouldn't be in this bad of a situation. Not smart but she holds everything in for days before she erupts with feelings. She agreed to a marriage counselor with me. I want to not be angry. I promised time and time again to quit drinking even though I drink 4 beers every other week. I am willing to do whatever it takes. But still frustrated that she won't open up to me. I know Im not perfect. I know I have caused issues in the past. I know I have broken promises. I want to show her that now we are in this situation I am dead serious about changing. I am sure there is more that I have forgotten but I need help. Even the Pastor won't call me back. I have no one to talk to right now I am lost, scared confused.

Put the internet to work for you.

via Personal Recipe 2629979

Perfect and Not

My wife and I have been married for almost two years. In many ways, things are perfect. She would not doubt that I treat her well, though he worries I am overworked and stressed. We split the housework, I busy myself at the weekend and she cooks dinner and makes breakfast in the week. She is very understanding if I was to go out.

Only a couple of issues. She is not prepared to get a job and since we married, she is no longer interested in having kids (that had been my main motive for getting married). She helps with the housework now, but initially, I was working very long hours to make ends meet and then doing all the housework. This was a shock, indeed we had down reasonable hefty marriage preparation and are not kids (she was 30 and me 35).

That said, she worries about me and is tender. Just is not prepared to leave her confort zone. Would anyone recognise themselves in this and what helped them.

Thank you.

Put the internet to work for you.

via Personal Recipe 2629979

How long to fall in love?

After a conversation with a flatmate, I'm curious to find out how long it has taken different people to fall in love with their partner.

So I am posing the question on TSR.

How long did it take for you to fall in love with a partner?

Put the internet to work for you.

via Personal Recipe 2629979

Checked in or Checked out

Hello,

I have another thread on the sexless issue in my marriage. I have had a hard time, like many men, getting an answer out of my wife. Is she medically LD? Is she not attracted to me? etc etc. One I keep playing out in my head is has she fallen out of love with me.

So I ask others on here, who have had a wife fall out of love with them or checked out on the marriage, what were some behaviors and or signs? (both obvious, like cheating and subtle)

I feel like I get mixed signs, but my head is also clouded by pessimism of a sexless marriage.

Put the internet to work for you.

via Personal Recipe 2629979

Should I confront OM

My wife and I are almost fully R at this point. My main problem these days is how unusual her affairs were, especially the second ONS. It still doesn't make sense so I sometimes still have doubts.

My question for this thread is: Is there anything to be gained by contacting the OM and asking for his side of the story? For those who haven't followed my past threads, the OM I'm talking about is an old coworker of both me and my wife. They had a very random ONS 23 years ago while I was deployed in the Navy.

Part of me thinks talking to him will get me past the last hurdle and part of me thinks there's nothing to be gained. I guess it's possible he could blow her story away and make things worse but I don't believe that would be the case.

Have any of you had a real talk with the AP? Did it hurt or help? Would you do it again?

Thanks all.

Put the internet to work for you.

via Personal Recipe 2629979

An Open Letter to LostWifeCrushed's husband

At the eleventh hour, my WH decided to be a decent person. He let up on me with the endless silent treatments and actually sent me an email asking us to try MC.

This, after I deleted my latest thread and put several things on CL to sell to move out and leave this whole failed mess in the rearview.

I have been trying for 2 years in R. A completely false R. Of course, NOW he wants to try, when I have one foot (both feet?) out the door.

I feel like this is just part of the cycle we go through. I know our relationship is very narc.-codep. leaning. I have little faith this will last more than a day or 2 before the silence sets in again.

I have also heard you should not go to MC to see if you can work it out. You have to be dedicated to fixing things.

clay told me to be proud of myself for holding out this long, and not to be afraid of change.

clipclop told me if he really wanted to fix the marriage that people here would help. So I am asking for help.

If anyone knows my story....please write a post to my husband. I need help and cant describe anything without getting angry and emotional. I feel I have been fair describing our relationship, although I realize it is only one side of the story.

I am thinking of asking him to post in CWI as a condition of me staying, asking for advice from his side of things and deal with the betrayal that is tearing our marriage apart. I doubt any of this will matter but he reached out in love and not anger, so I am responding.

Thank you to everyone who has helped me here.

Put the internet to work for you.

via Personal Recipe 2629979

Need advice about marriage and friends

I would like other married people to help me with something im confused about. Ive been married for about 3 years now and te first 2 years i barely saw my friends because my husband always thinks im up tp no good. I always invite him out with my rriends but he doesnt want to come. He even gets upset if i hang out with coworkers if there are males in the group. I have no problem about him being with ne and my coworkers either but im scared he makes a scene because im friendly to someone who turns out to be male. Im faithful and i have proved it. I dont think i should give up friendships or social life with a group of ppl just because there are men in them. Im not unapropriated and they all know im married and i act like it. Please advice
Posted via Mobile Device

Put the internet to work for you.

via Personal Recipe 2629979

Told my wife about going to counselor. Massive email blow up today.

I went to a marriage counselor last Friday to see about getting help for my self with our marriage being my wife and I have been on a down hill slide about things for awhile now and I want to fix it.
According to my wife so much of her/our problems start with me so I took the benefit of the doubt and went and checked out counseling. What I learned was that I am not the person with the primary problems. I have some issues to work on but nothing compared to what she has been showing. (See other threads of mine for details if you are curious.)

I watched her moods all week and thought that perhaps she had started coming out of her low funk on her own so I was going to cancel the appointment.

However last night we did our taxes and she had a fit that I got money back and she didn't and it made no sense to her whatsoever that because my last years income put me in the lower income range I got most of my taxes back. She however made nearly 3 times what I did which put her well within the tax range that doesn't get money back.

Today I got a weak apology email that pissed me off so I sent her one back saying I saw a counselor last week and that she would like to see her next then possibly the both of us together after that.

I admit the email notification was not the best way to do it but to be honest I am so sick and tired of getting my butt chewed whenever I do try and start a conversation with her about our problems this seemed more fitting. Not right but more fitting.

I want to communicate with my wife but I don't want to deal with the over bearing highly confrontational spoiled princess attitudes when I get when I do it in person.

At least she said she is going to see the counselor next week.

Any thoughts? :(

Put the internet to work for you.

via Personal Recipe 2629979

Threesome

During or before your marriage or whatever, have you ever had a threesome? How was it? Did you do it in relationship or not?

Put the internet to work for you.

via Personal Recipe 2629979

Opposite Sex Friends, Help

Didn't see anything immediately and didn't want to find something only to ressurect a thread.

Came here about a year or more ago due to divorce. Wife became mentally ill from a medication and personality switched horribly.

I'm 5 days from 1 year divorce anniversary and I've been dating. Has sucked but found an old girlfriend from back when I was like.. 20. We were both played by a so called friend cus he wanted to sleep with her. He basically broke us up. We were kids and communication wasn't that high yet so we both took what we were told as truth.

Now, here we are. She's widowed for 2 years now. We're doing the 50 questions thing. ONe of hers being about friends of opposite sex and how I would handle her being friends with a guy she was once intimate with. So I asked her how she'd handle her EA if she found herself in one and she did say "work on it ourselves or with counseling"

But she said "I couldn't imagine leaving my job after 8 years because of it, just to get away from the EA partner"

I'm curious, am I being oversensitive or anything to letting this bother me?

Hope this is a good section for this discussion.

Thanks.

Dewayne

Put the internet to work for you.

via Personal Recipe 2629979

Do I like Her?? Confused

Hey - Have no idea if she is on here so would like this to be anon just in case

Basically I think I might like this girl, but not sure if I do.

We have only known each other since about November time.

We seem to get on as friends. Went for drinks the other day with two of her friends (I would say im friends with one of them).

I just keep thinking whether I like her or not "in that way", as I do think she is really lovely and pretty.

I should probably note that I have never had a girlfriend and I have quite low self esteem about this stuff. I wouldn't want to do anything which risks losing a friend.

Sorry if its not enough info. Im just confused

Put the internet to work for you.

via Personal Recipe 2629979

I'm giving up the fight

I've been told that getting visitations with my dd, who is 14.5 and wants nothing to do with me is a waste of time. We were always very close, but after the split in July, and after 3 shared custody visits she has decided to live with dad, her brother and brothers gf full time. I contacted the court system and they said it would take 6 months to get the order, and at her age they will not enforce it or maintain it. So this means my ex wins.

He vowed that he would see that I would end up alone and bitter if I left him. And he has ensured that. The whole time she was with me he would text her that her dog missed her, that he was depressed without her, that he would allow her to have no curfews, and let her get piercings, use foul language and do what she wants. I text her that I love her all the time and invite her to do things but get no response. She did text me a few weeks ago asking me to mail her money. I bought a condo 8 blocks from the family home. I'm always asking her to visit for an afternoon, go out shopping, and I do the same with my son. I just get no replies.

I left due to a 3 year PA on h's part and a lot of emotional abuse. My son, 23 is in his dad's camp. He does not believe his dad had an affair ( I have the aids and syphilis tests and the marriage proposals from my ex to his OW). But of course I won't involve the kids by showing them these things.

I don't see them anyway, other than a gift grab for 10 minutes by my son on Christmas Day, he came alone and said his sister wasn't interested in coming. I also got a nice gift for son's gf and received no acknowledgement. Son got me a cheap box of chocolates after I loaned him $500 before Christmas.

I was always good to my kids. Always worked hard to make things special for them. Always told them I loved them. Was the parent that taught them to swim, ride a bike, helped son learn to drive because his dad was too chicken to go out with him. Helped son to get his first job at McD's by filling out the application with him. Paid son's tuition to college every year so far.

Where to go from here in life? Is there any point to going on?

I can't return, my nerves cannot take another round of him pitting our son against me. This was happening all the time, I would do something my ex disapproved of and he would run and tell our son who would rage at me. No way for even a dog to live. Also name calling and religious rants about what a bad Christian I was if I so much as alluded to the A.
Thanks for reading, I won't post on this again. I am just really, really depressed tonight.

Put the internet to work for you.

via Personal Recipe 2629979

How much money would you spend on your partner on valentines day?

Just curious on what amount roughly people spend on their partner on Valentines?

I personally haven't ever really acknowledged valentines day regardless of whether I was in a relationship or not. Talking to a couple of colleagues today, it seems as though some couples spend more extravagantly on valentines presents than on birthday presents.

Would the amount you spend on valentines increase depending on how long you've been a "couple"? A friend told me he wouldn't spend much on his girlfriend but would probably spend more if she was a girl that he fancied and was attempting to initially impress.

Put the internet to work for you.

via Personal Recipe 2629979

it backfire in my face

hi i am gonna try to make it sort i am been married for 16 years with two kids 13 boy and 7 old girl i have my one business so am a nice guys and a very good provider we have it all nice house car ,etc i love my wife , when we first met we talk it about my job and if i should open my own place and she really push me to go for it , after i open my places i worked hard and the hours didn't match my wife schedule she detention it later and i apologize for this busy time of my live when i came late from work she was always sleeping . now it Ben 9 years i change my hours to be more with my family .our sex life after was up and down now it Ben down to once a week and i am the nice guys who have to do every thing from giving feet massage asking for a kiss when i come home after work hurt so much when her answer i am busy so i stop asking or touching her . in begin of 2014 my wife after waking up tell me she have a dream of me cheating on here i have no idea where this coming from ? after she was not felling good for 20 day nothing happen and i didn't try if she say i am not feeling wheel i know its gonna be no .after this she came to me for making love and as usual was very good i don't know if she want me to star kiss her or what but she act weird . last weekend i tell her to close the Dore of the bedroom since we had guest and i was acting more Domitian role and she like it she want it more next morning :smthumbup: after it ben two knight she come back early to bed after me 15 minutes to day a talk to her at work and she sound very angry i don't know if i should try to kiss her after work or it gonna be a hell of weekend please help me

Put the internet to work for you.

via Personal Recipe 2629979

Birth order and marital success

I was surprised how close this came to difficulties in our marriage. H and I are both middle-born. Has anybody else ever thought about how birth order might affect your marriage? I would never have thought that an oldest/youngest paring would be good.


Kevin Leman: Best Marital Pairings

Put the internet to work for you.

via Personal Recipe 2629979

Casual sex

Interested to know peoples opinions on casual sex? Ok? Wrong? What do you think?

Put the internet to work for you.

via Personal Recipe 2629979

I saw a girl (that I like) kiss another boy on the cheek as they passed...

Hey TSR,

http://ift.tt/LBOo3g

Here's a previous thread which I started so you can see this within the context of this one... I think it's slightly relevant.

There might seem to be a really stupid and obvious answer to this question...

I saw a girl that I like kiss another boy on the cheek as they passed in between classes, but is it possible that it's anything else other than a relationship and how do I go about asking the girl in question?

Although it is the second term of university, I don't really know the girl in question that well. I had issues in the first term with attending lectures and seminars (which are smaller class based discussions) and so didn't really see that much of her. She also didn't seem to be at many of the classes which we had scheduled together.

Anyway I'm digressing... she hasn't really dropped any obvious hints that she has a boyfriend beyond the kiss on the cheek that I saw and I've got to know her a bit better these past weeks although only seen her within classes (but she has done things like initiate conversation and talk about topics outside of uni work). I have been meaning to meet her outside of class but haven't asked on the basis that she might interpret it the wrong way. I have her on facebook or I could see her in person on Monday but I'm not sure how I could go about asking the question particularly since it's been nearly two weeks since I saw her kiss X on the cheek.

I'm not overly infatuated with this girl so I'd be fine with being friends if she did have a bf but anyways feel free to give me your advice.

Put the internet to work for you.

via Personal Recipe 2629979

Saw a girl on the tube

Saw a beautiful girl on the tube yesterday, she kept looking at me and smiling throughout the whole journey, but I did not speak to her guess I'm shy or I thought she was going to talk to me, I had to get off and as I was getting off she smiled right in my face, I'm really regretting not talking to her. its been bugging me I guess there's no chance seeing her again, anyone have any suggestions. hope i don't sound like a creep lol

Put the internet to work for you.

via Personal Recipe 2629979

I'm so done with everything.

I feel like everything in my life turns to ****. I'm so sick of everything. I just found out that I've been cheated on by my boyfriend, I feel like I'm failing academically at university, I have family problems at home, I still feel devastated about my mum dying (nearly five years ago), and I hate my personality and social awkwardness. I just feel like I'll never be good enough for anyone or anything. I feel so alone and down about everything. I just don't know what to do. :(

Put the internet to work for you.

via Personal Recipe 2629979

Break up blues

I've just broken up with my girlfriend of about 1 year. We were in the same school year, she's now in first year at a top university and I'm on a gap year. We were doing very well, and were totally in love over the spring and the summer. When she went to uni, we tried the whole long distance thing and I visited her regularly for the first couple of months. Gradually we drifted apart as she had to study more and more, and we started talking less regularly, and confiding in each other less. It came to a head before Christmas, when she told me she was considering breaking up because we never saw each other (she has always worked super hard, and she didn't seem to be able to make much time for me). We talked things over, and took a few days to think things through then we made up, and were good again.

Then she went on holiday for the winter with some friends from uni. We texted and spoke regularly for about a week, then she only texted me every 1 or 2 days. When she got back she went straight back to uni, and texted me saying we need to talk.

Yesterday we broke up. She said couldn't cope with having a partner she couldn't see often and it was only going to get worse (I'm going away volunteering for 3 months in a week). She told me I deserved someone who wanted to be in a relationship, and said we could have worked if the circumstances were different, which I thought referred to my volunteering. We've both been dreading it for months as far as our relationship is concerned, and I had seen this coming. I agreed with her, and we decided to be friends.

Except now I'm at home and I'm absolutely distraught. Just before our talk, I was planning to tell her about how much i loved her and how great we had been and try desperately to change her mind, but I didn't say anything like that, I just agreed and told her it had been fun. I can'tt think why I didn't say it to her at the time, maybe I was scared to lose her even as a friend, but I feel terrible now like I could have done something. What can I do? I know it's not exactly an enticing deal, get back together then wait 3 months for me to come back only to be in a long distance relationship when there are hordes of guys swimming around at her university that she can see all the time. Deep down I feel like I know she won't want to get back together, but I'll never forgive myself if I don't at least say something. But I don't want to lose her as a friend either! What should I do? Anyone?

Put the internet to work for you.

via Personal Recipe 2629979

Does this girl like me? What should I do?

In advance I'm sorry for the long question, but all of it is relevant so please read. There are 2 parts to this question, you can answer both or just one.

Ok so I'm 14 and there's this girl at my school who I think is showing signs of liking me. Let me just state first of all that I don't plan on dating/going out with her but it's not her, it's me (cliche I know). I like her kinda cos she keeps popping up in my mind and I even had a nice (not perverted) dream about her. She goes on the same bus (to and from school) as me. Anyway, sometimes when I walk past her in the halls she gives me a friendly hit and sometimes (if she has time lol) chases me just to hit me. Last year there was a period where every time she went past me she said hi, even if she had to go out of her way to do it. At this point I didn't go on her bus and I barely knew her but her mum previously worked with my dad so we were acquainted. On Wednesday she came into the room I hang out in every lunch time and none of her friends were in there and she always says she doesn't like the people who hang out in the same room. When I came in at lunc htime today she immediately said hi and focused on me. I left shortly afterwards because my friends wanted to go to the canteen again and she said bye to me and blew me a kiss. She's never done this before and she doesn't act like this on our bus. When I got back in the room, she had left. When she came back in, she wasn't with any of her friends and she came straight over to me to ask me for food (she does this a lot). I told her I didnt have any and she emptied my bag to look for it, I didn't really care. After she'd searched I was gonna put the stuff away then she offered to do it for me, I accepted. She did it, stole my homework diary and pencil case. I had to wrestle her to get them back and she seemed to enjoy it.

Also a couple extra details: she always talks about this guy at her church who she says she's going to marry because he's perfect or whatever, we're both in the same year and we aren't very good friends or anything. I haven't dated anyone properly ever and I haven't liked anyone for about 2 years.

Does she like me? I'm not sure? Or am I just over-analysing this.

Here's the second part. If you reckon she likes me, what should I do? I kinda like her but I really can't do the whole relationship thing right now so how do I let her know that.

If you read this all, thank you.

Put the internet to work for you.

via Personal Recipe 2629979

Girl confusing me, help?

Anon or don't bother as I think girl is on here.

So long story short, I used to see myself as a bit of an "alpha male" I used to enjoy going out with my mates, picking up girls, doing the deed then starting the cycle again.

Now however, I have met a girl at uni that I actually really like and could see myself in a relationship with, but she has me like putty in the palm of her hands and I really don't know what her intentions are. When sober we will speak a little maybe have a little flirt but this is as far as it goes, however when we are drunk she will be all over me, kissing me on the cheek, kissing me and spending a lot of time with me, but what annoys me (and makes me a tad jealous if im honest) is she will also kiss other people right in front of me.

I understand that none of you are mind readers but I was wondering if any of you know what the girls intentions are. I am normally decent at reading actions but she has me so confused.

Put the internet to work for you.

via Personal Recipe 2629979

Shy person needs help.

So to explain my worries as briefly as possible:

There's this girl a year above me at university who I met about 2 years ago. We instantly became great friends (she had a boyfriend at the time) and connected with each other on every level. Quite recently though she had broken up with her boyfriend and I have allowed myself to develop very strong feelings for her, but being the deeply introverted and shy person that I am, I have never been able to approach girls in that way and with her it is even worse as I consider her to be the best friend I have ever had but I am too scared to attempt to take it further with running the risk of losing her.

I have never been very good with people and I have no way of knowing whether she likes me or not seeing as we always love being in each others company which for me is the greatest thing in the world yet I'm too shy to try and take it further as I would wish.

Is anyone able to lend any word of advice? I'm turning here because I couldn't really talk to anyone about it for fear of embarrassment; but I have no wish to continue in this state of wanting more from something I already love.

Put the internet to work for you.

via Personal Recipe 2629979

Girl, who is in same friendship group, doesn't like me back, what should i do?

hi guys, so following on from title, i dont want to make things awkward between us and i want to remain good friends, but what should i do?

we go out as a group every week, so do i carry on going out and just move on like that, or do i keep my distance for a week or two and then go back to socialising with them?

never been in this situation before and its so difficult!

Put the internet to work for you.

via Personal Recipe 2629979

Not sure how to proceed...

Anon or delete please, I don't want to be recognised.

Hi TSR, really need your advice on this one even if it is a bit cliche.

I really like this guy at work. We always see each other around but we don't really work in the same section so although we've spoken a few times I haven't really had the chance to get to know him.

I started liking him a few months ago. That same month I went to a party with a friend and without knowing any of what I'm telling TSR she asked me if I knew him as she said that he kept 'staring awkwardly' in our direction. Ever since then we've exchanged a few glances and awkward smiles at work but I just don't really know how to take it any further. I'm quite a shy and self-conscious person and I don't really have any experience with how to deal with guys. Every time I have spoken to him I can only manage to say something work related and I always get a short reply. He never really talks to me directly but sometimes when I'm with other people he'll joke with them but I can never tell if he's just talking to them or all of us, so I always wonder whether he likes me or not?

I really want to get to know him or do something about this or at the very least get some kind of confirmation that he likes me too. I really need some holiday from work and was thinking of messaging him on facebook to ask if he can cover for me but I don't know if that would be weird? I'm not friends with him on there either as I'm too shy to add him :$

Any constructive advice would be much appreciated :)

Put the internet to work for you.

via Personal Recipe 2629979

Back from Beijing, had a great time :)

Hi everyone,

Title says it all really, I probably had some of the best few weeks of my life in Beijing :)
The culture in China is quite different to here in the UK as you'd expect, but the more time I spent there the more I got used to it, and the more I liked it!
My boyfriend (I think I can call him that now without being too pre-emptive:D) was lovely, he really made me feel welcome over there.
We did all sorts of things, including some first time experiences for me ;)

Anyway thankyou for the advice and help earlier TSRers, I am very grateful.

Put the internet to work for you.

via Personal Recipe 2629979