Should I be bothered if a guy takes my on a first date but the date is the exact same as his first date with his ex girlfriend???
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When you have had enough let it out. A forum style blog about relationship issues and concerns,join in and have your say.
Date an Asian girl, fed up of racist comments
In the past few months I've been dating my gf (British Chinese):
- comments about having yellow fever (from whites and basically everyone, so many I've lost count)
- "can't you get a girl of your own race? You must be a loser" (Chinese guy)
- "loser white boy" (Vietnamese guy)
- "stop stealing our women" (Chinese guy)
I try to brush it off and have a thick skin but.. I don't know. Is this really what people think when they see me and my gf walking down the street holding hands? I should clarify, this is only a small minority of Asian guys saying this (lots of Asian guys are completely cool with it)
- comments about having yellow fever (from whites and basically everyone, so many I've lost count)
- "can't you get a girl of your own race? You must be a loser" (Chinese guy)
- "loser white boy" (Vietnamese guy)
- "stop stealing our women" (Chinese guy)
I try to brush it off and have a thick skin but.. I don't know. Is this really what people think when they see me and my gf walking down the street holding hands? I should clarify, this is only a small minority of Asian guys saying this (lots of Asian guys are completely cool with it)
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me...i cant find myself anymore
well first off i was in a relationship like 9 months ago but we got together really quick so im sure that was the problem, not to mention we went together about like four times... i feel so stupid for doing that anyway...my ex cheated on me he was going with another girl while going out with me & it really hurt like hell...after we broke up i start talking to this guy that wanted to talk to me way before my ex i didnt talk to him because my dumb ass was hypnotized by my ex & we talked kind of seriously for 6 1/2 months then it just fell off bad like i only hear from him once a month maybe & sometimes when he comes down here anyway...i feel like i have this high guard i protecting myself like omg idk like i would always get responses from him like i dont express my feelings enough & do you even like me omg its so stressful...i just idk...
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Introvert at a Party
Hey
So i am an introvert and at parties and group situations i find it difficult to know what to say.
I think in my head what i could say and simply cross them off because i think they are boring, too nosy, not funny etc..
So, at parties- i would find it easy to approach people if i knew what to say- so how do i come up with conversation starters? and how to keep it interesting?
I am 17 btw
Cheers
So i am an introvert and at parties and group situations i find it difficult to know what to say.
I think in my head what i could say and simply cross them off because i think they are boring, too nosy, not funny etc..
So, at parties- i would find it easy to approach people if i knew what to say- so how do i come up with conversation starters? and how to keep it interesting?
I am 17 btw
Cheers
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He's turned me into a psycho!!
Right TSR, i apologise for the long paragraph but basically the summer of 2012 i started a new job and everyone was raving about how good looking this boss guy was, however because i recently came out of a relationship i didn't really see the big attraction. So this summer of 2013 whilst i was working there i noticed the boss staring at me (and yes i understand that is nothing but he wasn't based on my floor nor did he have reason to be there) and this happened frequently where i would be working and he would walk past me and strike a conversation. He would laugh at everything i say and admittedly i am a funny person i have been told. I got the impression he liked me. I gave him the cold shoulder simply because there would be a lot of hassle if this was to go further. He is 10 years older than me and an Caucasian whereas i am a British Asian. So i left the job in the hope i wou ld forget about him and move on but recently i cannot stop thinking about him and i feel like im stalking him because i search for him on the internet (i have found out a lot of stuff) and i seem to find myself drawn to where he lives in the hope of bumping into him! What shall i do?!
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Is this an incredibly bad idea?
I went on holiday during summer and met a guy, we got on really well, had somewhat of a mini holiday relationship and slept together. Unfortunately things didn't work out, as they rarely do with holiday flings.. It was very intense and ended pretty horribly.
ANYWAY here's the issue. I'm going to uni next year, i'm at the point of making my choices and for a long time i've wanted a particular uni to be my first choice. Bet you see where this is going. He's at that particular university currently. -.-
I swear i don't want to go because of him, it's one of the few top uni's that accept my grades for the course I want and it's reviewed so well.. I just don't know what to do though.
If he sees me, will he think I'm stalking him :o
Im in a new relationship and don't have those feelings anymore, ugh I just don't know.
What do I do.
ANYWAY here's the issue. I'm going to uni next year, i'm at the point of making my choices and for a long time i've wanted a particular uni to be my first choice. Bet you see where this is going. He's at that particular university currently. -.-
I swear i don't want to go because of him, it's one of the few top uni's that accept my grades for the course I want and it's reviewed so well.. I just don't know what to do though.
If he sees me, will he think I'm stalking him :o
Im in a new relationship and don't have those feelings anymore, ugh I just don't know.
What do I do.
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Girls, would you go out with a guy who suffers from depression?
Okay I'm sure you have all seen my posts and probably come to the conclusion I suffer from depression or at least some chemical/hormonal imbalances in my body which makes me the way I am. :o I don't have any friends or social life but at the same time, I don't feel like getting one. I prefer to retreat to my room and stay there all day. I hate being around people in general. I might not suffer from depression but there is a high likelihood I do.
What I'd like to know is would girls want to go out with a guy who suffers from depression? Or would you discriminate against depression sufferers and rule them out for boyfriend/dating/sex material?
I hope they don't. Please do not try to be polite about this. I want brutally honest answers. I don't mind if you say no and you hate people with depression and would never want sex/relationship with someone who suffers from depression.
What I'd like to know is would girls want to go out with a guy who suffers from depression? Or would you discriminate against depression sufferers and rule them out for boyfriend/dating/sex material?
Quote:
Originally Posted by techno-thriller ![View Post]()
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Eton boy wants to go out with me (a council estate girl)
Hi, I was wondering if anyone can give me advice. My name is Dani and I'm a second year at university. I was completely shocked that I got into uni to study economics (especially as it's a Russell Group) as I come from a run down, old chavvy council estate in East London - only 40 people my secondary school have gotten into uni in the last 5 year! my mum is a cleaner and my Dad is on disability benefits. All my life my family has struggled to make ends meet - and I am the first person in my family to get into university!!
Anyway I was at a party with my flat mates and I met this boy - at first I noticed he waas very posh - he spoke like he had a plum in his mouth - and he was wearing Jack Wills
so I just assumed he was the typical "rah" student that isn't a rare sight at the uni I go to. I was surprised as they usually ignore girls like me with my scruffy old Converse and messy hair(although at the time I looked reasonably presentable!). He offered to buy me a drink and I said yes- and we got chatting. He was really funny and nice and easy to talk to. He told me that he went to Eton!! and failed to get into Oxbridge when he did his A Levels. When he asked me about my education I tried to brush it off and quickly mumbled something, and changed the subject. I also learnt he wants to travel Australia after uni.
He asked for my number and if he could see me again and I said yes. So a week later we went for dinner - the night was good, we talked about things from movies to music and food, but I noticed he was a bit aloof with the waiters and didn't say please or thank you, and afterwards he insisted the he paid. It's been abot 2 weeks since then and I haven't seen him, we've only been texting and he's been busy with uni work (he always texts first) We have kissed once but nothing more.
I still haven't told him about my background - I am beginning to really like him now and I'm worried that he'l go off me if he finds out about it, and I'm going to be sad and disappointed - especially bad for me as I am over emotional and always dwell on things. My friends think it's great but they don't know that he doesn't know about my background ! They are surprised like me that this "rah" boy wants to go out with me. Should I come clean to him or keep it a secret for a while longer?
P.S I am truly sorry for the appalling spelling and grammar - my fingers are freezing (no heating!)!!!
Anyway I was at a party with my flat mates and I met this boy - at first I noticed he waas very posh - he spoke like he had a plum in his mouth - and he was wearing Jack Wills
so I just assumed he was the typical "rah" student that isn't a rare sight at the uni I go to. I was surprised as they usually ignore girls like me with my scruffy old Converse and messy hair(although at the time I looked reasonably presentable!). He offered to buy me a drink and I said yes- and we got chatting. He was really funny and nice and easy to talk to. He told me that he went to Eton!! and failed to get into Oxbridge when he did his A Levels. When he asked me about my education I tried to brush it off and quickly mumbled something, and changed the subject. I also learnt he wants to travel Australia after uni.He asked for my number and if he could see me again and I said yes. So a week later we went for dinner - the night was good, we talked about things from movies to music and food, but I noticed he was a bit aloof with the waiters and didn't say please or thank you, and afterwards he insisted the he paid. It's been abot 2 weeks since then and I haven't seen him, we've only been texting and he's been busy with uni work (he always texts first) We have kissed once but nothing more.
I still haven't told him about my background - I am beginning to really like him now and I'm worried that he'l go off me if he finds out about it, and I'm going to be sad and disappointed - especially bad for me as I am over emotional and always dwell on things. My friends think it's great but they don't know that he doesn't know about my background ! They are surprised like me that this "rah" boy wants to go out with me. Should I come clean to him or keep it a secret for a while longer?
P.S I am truly sorry for the appalling spelling and grammar - my fingers are freezing (no heating!)!!!
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Have any straight males looked at gay porn?
What did you think?
Why did you?
I mean I don't think it would be strange to be curious or really question the persons sexuality.
Just wondering how many people have done it?
Why did you?
I mean I don't think it would be strange to be curious or really question the persons sexuality.
Just wondering how many people have done it?
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Would you dump your partner if they had a fear of heights, spiders, needles etc.?
Determining how important it is for men to not be 'pussies', and how much of a turn-off even admitting to being afraid is.
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Huge trust issues - Don't know how to make them better
Basically I've always had huge trust issues when in relationships, and I think it's because my mum has cheated in the past.
I want to know if there's anyone I can talk to for free out there as I genuinely think I need therapy or something as it's destroying my current relationship with a girl I love so much, but I can't afford to pay to talk to anyone as I'm on a tiny budget as it is atm.
Thanks for your help in advance.
I want to know if there's anyone I can talk to for free out there as I genuinely think I need therapy or something as it's destroying my current relationship with a girl I love so much, but I can't afford to pay to talk to anyone as I'm on a tiny budget as it is atm.
Thanks for your help in advance.
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It demotivates me how everyone i know is so homophobic.
I'm in college atm and i just came out of form time where my tutor raised up the topic of homophobia.
Then everyone's reactions clearly implied they hate homos and i thought 'oh god, this is going to get interesting'.
So i'm not straight and i'm muslim.
I've been raised up by a muslim family.
Most of my friends at college are muslims because the college is vastly overpopulated by muslims (70%).
I don't know anyone else who's not straight, so i feel really alone.
All in all, it demotivates me how even my parents will reject me - i'm not saying i want to come out though, i'm just thinking how being a muslim is making my life difficult.
I know i'm probably making a big issue out of this, but i've had anxiety all my life and i don't know what to do.
Thoughts?
Then everyone's reactions clearly implied they hate homos and i thought 'oh god, this is going to get interesting'.
So i'm not straight and i'm muslim.
I've been raised up by a muslim family.
Most of my friends at college are muslims because the college is vastly overpopulated by muslims (70%).
I don't know anyone else who's not straight, so i feel really alone.
All in all, it demotivates me how even my parents will reject me - i'm not saying i want to come out though, i'm just thinking how being a muslim is making my life difficult.
I know i'm probably making a big issue out of this, but i've had anxiety all my life and i don't know what to do.
Thoughts?
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Did I miss out at uni?
I never lost my virginity at uni so it feels like I missed out on all the action. I was sociable but nothing ever happened. How many people on here never had sex at uni?
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Fighting to maintain interest in studying, friends, relationship, life - help?
Hi everyone, I'm a 22 year old engineering student in Canada currently in 3rd year (2 years behind due to transferring schools once and also dropping courses unfortunately). Life feels like a struggle with little reward or enjoyment.
I have a girlfriend of 2 years, we get on well but I've begun to find the relationship tiring (still holding on though, it was better in the past when we didn't live with our respective parents). She is a beautiful tall natural blonde and very caring, honest and loyal and I love her. I am disinterested in most of the people around me at uni, everyone from the studying robots to the party nuts and the silly activists and everyone in between. I've seen it all before and it's getting old, like me, which I think is part of the problem. I deleted facebook because it is a waste of time and basically don't use the internet for socializing at all (I created my account on TSR just so I could post this).
Studying takes up most of my time and I struggle to study efficiently so most of my time gets eaten up. I do find keeping on top of things quite stressful and feel like I could enjoy life and start being more alive if I could get that under control. I also volunteer on a research project and a race car design project for the engineering department as a time-filler and something to keep me holding on, which serves its purpose half-heartedly enough.
I live at home to save money (part of the reason I transferred schools) and my parents are ancient, religious and made of stone. My house is a crypt. On weekends I usually go to my girlfriend's house for one night, her parents are more relaxed. We always stay in and bore ourselves with walking around the house then refrain from sex because her parents can hear it and it would be uncomfortable and unsatisfying. We fall asleep together in her bed like an old married couple. This is often preceded by mild bickering and mutual commiserating about our dead sex life and the fact that we both live at home. My girlfriend is only in 2nd year so she has even longer till she's done.
I have recently gained some weight however I also have been going back to the gym (I used to be very into weightlifting). My efforts to keep to the gym on a regular schedule have not gone so well. I've skipped most of my workouts because of lack of time due to studying and also poor sleeping habits.
In school I am doing okay, I have near perfect lecture attendance and okay tutorial attendance. I am excelling in 2 courses and doing moderately/poorly in the other 3 (bordering on failing however there is time and marks left in the finals so I am not super worried yet). My school performance has always been fairly unstable and unpredictable in university, excelling here and failing there.
The only things I enjoy are studying engineering (certain topics, not everything) and looking up random interesting things mostly from history politics and science (which I use as a huge procrastination tool). I also enjoy making art with clay, paintings, etc. and also computer game design but these hobbies are too intense to indulge while in school (I do my best to keep my hands off them because I know they will suck me in.. I indulge them during the summers and Christmas time). The music I used to listen to (mostly industrial, metal, experimental, gothic, other weird things) is growing stale. I think I may have grown out of it but I haven't found other stuff yet that I like – music as a whole is beginning to bore me. I feel very, very friendless, lame, uncool, old, boring, bored, lifeless, crusty , gray, apathetic, isolated, unraveled, tired, abstinent and bleak.
I have a vague dream that once I'm done uni I will move to a far away place probably with my girlfriend, maybe England, Norway or Germany, and basically start a new life and reinvent myself. But a large part of me and my common sense says this is a very escapist fantasy and there is no guarantee my inner self will be significantly different in those circumstances.
No real question here just looking for any comments, input or advice. Or stories from people who can relate. It means something to just get all this out. Thanks.
I have a girlfriend of 2 years, we get on well but I've begun to find the relationship tiring (still holding on though, it was better in the past when we didn't live with our respective parents). She is a beautiful tall natural blonde and very caring, honest and loyal and I love her. I am disinterested in most of the people around me at uni, everyone from the studying robots to the party nuts and the silly activists and everyone in between. I've seen it all before and it's getting old, like me, which I think is part of the problem. I deleted facebook because it is a waste of time and basically don't use the internet for socializing at all (I created my account on TSR just so I could post this).
Studying takes up most of my time and I struggle to study efficiently so most of my time gets eaten up. I do find keeping on top of things quite stressful and feel like I could enjoy life and start being more alive if I could get that under control. I also volunteer on a research project and a race car design project for the engineering department as a time-filler and something to keep me holding on, which serves its purpose half-heartedly enough.
I live at home to save money (part of the reason I transferred schools) and my parents are ancient, religious and made of stone. My house is a crypt. On weekends I usually go to my girlfriend's house for one night, her parents are more relaxed. We always stay in and bore ourselves with walking around the house then refrain from sex because her parents can hear it and it would be uncomfortable and unsatisfying. We fall asleep together in her bed like an old married couple. This is often preceded by mild bickering and mutual commiserating about our dead sex life and the fact that we both live at home. My girlfriend is only in 2nd year so she has even longer till she's done.
I have recently gained some weight however I also have been going back to the gym (I used to be very into weightlifting). My efforts to keep to the gym on a regular schedule have not gone so well. I've skipped most of my workouts because of lack of time due to studying and also poor sleeping habits.
In school I am doing okay, I have near perfect lecture attendance and okay tutorial attendance. I am excelling in 2 courses and doing moderately/poorly in the other 3 (bordering on failing however there is time and marks left in the finals so I am not super worried yet). My school performance has always been fairly unstable and unpredictable in university, excelling here and failing there.
The only things I enjoy are studying engineering (certain topics, not everything) and looking up random interesting things mostly from history politics and science (which I use as a huge procrastination tool). I also enjoy making art with clay, paintings, etc. and also computer game design but these hobbies are too intense to indulge while in school (I do my best to keep my hands off them because I know they will suck me in.. I indulge them during the summers and Christmas time). The music I used to listen to (mostly industrial, metal, experimental, gothic, other weird things) is growing stale. I think I may have grown out of it but I haven't found other stuff yet that I like – music as a whole is beginning to bore me. I feel very, very friendless, lame, uncool, old, boring, bored, lifeless, crusty , gray, apathetic, isolated, unraveled, tired, abstinent and bleak.
I have a vague dream that once I'm done uni I will move to a far away place probably with my girlfriend, maybe England, Norway or Germany, and basically start a new life and reinvent myself. But a large part of me and my common sense says this is a very escapist fantasy and there is no guarantee my inner self will be significantly different in those circumstances.
No real question here just looking for any comments, input or advice. Or stories from people who can relate. It means something to just get all this out. Thanks.
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Dating - or should I saying TRYING to date is horrible!
Okay, so I am official - single for the first time after a 15 and a half year relationship. I'm now 33 and I'm kind of embarrassed to admit I have never dated anyone but my ex. But then, I was 17 and I just kind of stumbled upon her online (who remembers AOL chatrooms?).
Honestly, I was doing pretty good on my own, you know - simply coping with the collapse of my marriage. I have been really happy, all things considered. It's been nice developing some new interests and connecting with my 7-year old son in a much more meaningful way.
However, I want to start trying again - although it feels like the first time. I have to say, I'm terrified. I'm coming out of a marriage in which my ex made me feel like crap about myself. To maintain a decent level of confidence I've been hitting the gym ever since my split, maybe 5 months now. I'm still pretty slender though and I know there are better looking guys out there so I don't even know where to start. I have trouble meeting people at 'normal' places, and even a couple of Meetup Groups I'm part of. I have a couple of dating apps which are terrible, btw. Not only does no one want to chat in any meaningful way, but the types of people you meet there, not the kind I want to be seeing. I even stooped so far as to post on Craigslist (for platonic friends though), I actually had a couple of responses there and I met a couple of women, one of which I kind of started dating. She is horrible for me, in every way imaginable, and I know that, but because she is paying me at least a little bit of attention, I am still around. She is the exact opposite of my ex, maybe that's why there is some attraction? Either way, she describes us as being 'in limbo' and she talks frequently about her ex and a couple of other guys that are pursuing her... I loathe myslf for not running from this woman.
Ugh, I actually was much better off without anyone and not having to worry about this crap. Maybe I was MEANT to be alone? Any suggestions for a clueless guy like myself if I want to find a decent woman (outside of stop posting on CL and using apps)? I feel like I have to settle... even though I am a really good guy - loyal, trustworthy, compassionate and treats women extremely well. I just feel like I can't get past the physical attraction stage (meaning, I'm just worried there is no one attracted enough to me to want to give me a shot - I'm scared of rejection, like anyone else).
Honestly, I was doing pretty good on my own, you know - simply coping with the collapse of my marriage. I have been really happy, all things considered. It's been nice developing some new interests and connecting with my 7-year old son in a much more meaningful way.
However, I want to start trying again - although it feels like the first time. I have to say, I'm terrified. I'm coming out of a marriage in which my ex made me feel like crap about myself. To maintain a decent level of confidence I've been hitting the gym ever since my split, maybe 5 months now. I'm still pretty slender though and I know there are better looking guys out there so I don't even know where to start. I have trouble meeting people at 'normal' places, and even a couple of Meetup Groups I'm part of. I have a couple of dating apps which are terrible, btw. Not only does no one want to chat in any meaningful way, but the types of people you meet there, not the kind I want to be seeing. I even stooped so far as to post on Craigslist (for platonic friends though), I actually had a couple of responses there and I met a couple of women, one of which I kind of started dating. She is horrible for me, in every way imaginable, and I know that, but because she is paying me at least a little bit of attention, I am still around. She is the exact opposite of my ex, maybe that's why there is some attraction? Either way, she describes us as being 'in limbo' and she talks frequently about her ex and a couple of other guys that are pursuing her... I loathe myslf for not running from this woman.
Ugh, I actually was much better off without anyone and not having to worry about this crap. Maybe I was MEANT to be alone? Any suggestions for a clueless guy like myself if I want to find a decent woman (outside of stop posting on CL and using apps)? I feel like I have to settle... even though I am a really good guy - loyal, trustworthy, compassionate and treats women extremely well. I just feel like I can't get past the physical attraction stage (meaning, I'm just worried there is no one attracted enough to me to want to give me a shot - I'm scared of rejection, like anyone else).
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Sad for me, but especially her.
My wife and I have been emailing back and forth all day and it was getting a little flirty. She happened to make mention of taking a bath with me with a glass of wine. To which I said I love. So she responded about how I'd like it warm and slippery in the bath.......so she got my senses up and I felt she was a little bit into some flirting and asking some sexual questions.
So I asked her if she had any fantasies. To which her response was, "Honestly I don't. I am boring in that way."
So I asked one more question, "How about triggers? Like something during the day that makes you think about me and wanting to be with me? Both physically and mentally?" To which her response was, "I guess I don't have that kind of makeup. There is nothing that really triggers thoughts about you. I just always have you in the back of my mind. What I am going to cook for you for dinner, fun things we can do together. $exually I am different in that way I guess."
I don't know how I should feel about this, I'm sad for her and obvious for jealous reasons, somewhat sad for myself.
Our sex life isn't horrible, actually it's been pretty decent for some time. It used to be horrible. I know we are all wired differently, but I just wish I could make her think of my physically through different triggers during the day.
So I asked her if she had any fantasies. To which her response was, "Honestly I don't. I am boring in that way."
So I asked one more question, "How about triggers? Like something during the day that makes you think about me and wanting to be with me? Both physically and mentally?" To which her response was, "I guess I don't have that kind of makeup. There is nothing that really triggers thoughts about you. I just always have you in the back of my mind. What I am going to cook for you for dinner, fun things we can do together. $exually I am different in that way I guess."
I don't know how I should feel about this, I'm sad for her and obvious for jealous reasons, somewhat sad for myself.
Our sex life isn't horrible, actually it's been pretty decent for some time. It used to be horrible. I know we are all wired differently, but I just wish I could make her think of my physically through different triggers during the day.
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Why is Marriage so Hard? How do We Simplify?
Friends
A question for both the men and women - why if we are in a committed, honest, trusting relationship, is it still so hard? What can i do as a husband to help address some of the challenges to make this a better experience with my wife? and what can she for me?
* We have been together for 5 years and are at middle age, and we both have insecurity issues that neither one is the hot young tight body spring chicken.
* We evolve in our work and personal lives, and are still getting used to each other - and kids - and yet it is still a struggle (should it be?)
* As a man and woman, we each have different sexual peaks and sexual drives. How do we reconcile this?
* Neither one of us is perfect - we have both made mistakes - significant, but not major on the relationship - a text here, a withholding of sex there - a mistrust here and there.
For those of you who have perfected marriage - what are we missing? how can we (i) get past this?
Sorry for the lack of focused topic, but would really appreciate any advice or experience you are willing to share.
Thanks,
HeretoCollaboratewithOthers
A question for both the men and women - why if we are in a committed, honest, trusting relationship, is it still so hard? What can i do as a husband to help address some of the challenges to make this a better experience with my wife? and what can she for me?
* We have been together for 5 years and are at middle age, and we both have insecurity issues that neither one is the hot young tight body spring chicken.
* We evolve in our work and personal lives, and are still getting used to each other - and kids - and yet it is still a struggle (should it be?)
* As a man and woman, we each have different sexual peaks and sexual drives. How do we reconcile this?
* Neither one of us is perfect - we have both made mistakes - significant, but not major on the relationship - a text here, a withholding of sex there - a mistrust here and there.
For those of you who have perfected marriage - what are we missing? how can we (i) get past this?
Sorry for the lack of focused topic, but would really appreciate any advice or experience you are willing to share.
Thanks,
HeretoCollaboratewithOthers
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Bad Kisser a deal breaker?
Ok so I went on a date with this tall cute woman and everything seemed well, we seemed to get along ok. Coming off a bad date experience just a week ago I had some reservations.
Anyway, we ended up sitting in her car talking and after what felt like an hour we made out. Ummm...she literally mauled (yes MAULED) my face.....aking to a miley cyrus tongue all over my mouth etc. I couldn't reconcile the cals cute girl with this bad kisser.
Now I'm a warm slow lips kinds guy, not literally mauling and tongue lashing my date. I'm a bit turned off and I'm starting to place her in the friends zone.
I do have another date lined up next monday so I decided I won't put myself in a position to entertain her "kissing ways" again.
Does a bad kisser become a deal breaker? I honestly don't think I can get past that....just me.
Anyway, we ended up sitting in her car talking and after what felt like an hour we made out. Ummm...she literally mauled (yes MAULED) my face.....aking to a miley cyrus tongue all over my mouth etc. I couldn't reconcile the cals cute girl with this bad kisser.
Now I'm a warm slow lips kinds guy, not literally mauling and tongue lashing my date. I'm a bit turned off and I'm starting to place her in the friends zone.
I do have another date lined up next monday so I decided I won't put myself in a position to entertain her "kissing ways" again.
Does a bad kisser become a deal breaker? I honestly don't think I can get past that....just me.
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convince my wife that I love her
I have been married for almost three years. Nowadays my wife and I have discussions almost daily. She always cries while we have discussions. She argues on trivial things. Nowadays she tells me that I become happy and it is my hobby to make her cry. In fact I love her so much but I don't know how to convince her. She has started sleeping on couch. How can I convince her to to come back to me and show my love to her. I am not expressive guy and she complains that I don't share everything. How to solve these issues with my wife ? She is very depressed and tells that she doesn't want to live. I dont want to lose her. Any suggestions ?
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Need advice--- please
My wife and I have been together 15 years. I love her dearly. She just accepted a job out of state and we were all planning to move. I have been a stay at home dad raising our kids for 6 years. The job is a high paying position and she is very career oriented. I caught her cheating a few days ago. The warning signs were there, I just ignored them. She had told me months ago that I could find someone else to be with from time to time but not to ever let her know- she wanted us to be together forever. We are both attractive people and I actually thought she was being really cool- she's out of town a lot on business. I didn't want to be with anyone else - even though the thought of it was pretty hot, when the opportunity came, I couldn't do it. I have been a good husband to her in all areas except one. That one was sex. I pressured her to have sex with me all the time. When I didn't get it, I pressured more- guilt trips and all. I realize that now after I di scovered her cheating. She has decided she doesn't know what she wants in our marriage anymore and needs a couple of months to think about it. She says she can't live with me right now and doesn't know if she can ever let me touch her again- she said that cheating (2nd time-1st time we worked through it about 7 years ago) made her realize how unhappy she was with me and that she needed time to think. She wants me to stay behind at the old house with the kids while she goes away to work 9 hours away. We are not fighting at all. We are talking calm and rationally- I want to work things out - she says I'll never look at her the same way again and I can't ever trust her again. The guy was a fling not an ongoing relationship. She has told me the entire situation and says that for a while kissing me has been like kissing her brother. She says I'm her best friend in the world and I always will be. One minute she acts like she wants to work on things, the next its divorce. I'm distr aught.
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How do I make her leave my house?
My soon to be ex sometimes throws temper tantrums and if it's over the phone I just calmly tell her that I don't have to deal with this and hang up on her. Or if it is her place or out in public I just leave.
She sometimes stops over at my place though and then starts into a fit I will calmly tell her she has to leave and that I don't want her here. She won't leave! She will just keep going, I'll go in the other room to separate myself and she will follow. Or sometimes I am scared of what she will do so I won't separate myself.
I am just so sick and tired of this and don't want to deal with it anymore! Honestly sometimes I am really really scared. Not of her tiny 5' 110llbs but of her doing things to my stuff or her staging something so she can call the cops on me.
Anyway how do I get her to leave! I don't want to deal with this anymore.
She sometimes stops over at my place though and then starts into a fit I will calmly tell her she has to leave and that I don't want her here. She won't leave! She will just keep going, I'll go in the other room to separate myself and she will follow. Or sometimes I am scared of what she will do so I won't separate myself.
I am just so sick and tired of this and don't want to deal with it anymore! Honestly sometimes I am really really scared. Not of her tiny 5' 110llbs but of her doing things to my stuff or her staging something so she can call the cops on me.
Anyway how do I get her to leave! I don't want to deal with this anymore.
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My backwards story
I've been lurking for months on these boards and posted a few comments but never laid it all out there.
After reading so much I feel like I should have found a similar story but nothing seems close. I'm not here to be validated for my decisions or be torn down but would like to know if anyone has experienced similar situations and how do you just move forward.
I could write a book if I wanted to but I will just bring you to the present but ask any details you want and I'll be happy to elaborate on my situation.
Long story short... in the past two and half years I asked H for D. He said no. So then I cheated(yes I realize I'm a POS for this and feel like it everyday). He found out about PA after I had ended it and I got to spend a weekend in hell. Which I took as deserved punishment from H. He still didn't want a D and threatened to use all of his legal pull (he's a lawyer) to destroy me and take my kids if I pursued a D. I was in a place where I couldn't believe that I had been capable of cheating and felt like I should do anything I could to "Fix" what I destroyed. We agreed to work on the marriage. He cheated a couple weeks into us "trying" and he said he only did it because I forced him to. I kind of felt like I did, so I excused it. We moved forward. I did everything i knew to do to make right my wrong. There was not any contact with the OM even before he found out, I was completely transparent, logins, passwords, phone bills, I let him know where I was every moment of the day. He would IM or text me 300-400 times a day.Some days were ok and others were not so great. He never got over the PA (and I can't hold that against him) but you can only punish someone for so long before they have enough. And that's where I'm at. I've lived in a bubble for over 2 years, I've relocated my family due to my H getting fired. I really thought the move would be a great "start over" for us. I had high hopes for our family. Unfortunately that was not the case. Things just got worse. The more I did to prove my love and take pressure off of him the bigger POS he became. In June I filed for D but we still live together. He still doesn't want the D and is making it as difficult as possible for the D to move forward. He will not allow me move out with the kids and I would never leave them. I will have to go to court to prove its an unhealthy environment for the children to live in for us to get out. I don't want to destroy his career(what's left of it) or put on record th at he's been abusive to get out but I'm going crazy with the ups and downs he has. He's an alcoholic and I believe some type of personality disorder, maybe BPD. He got furious and called me horrible names in front of our daughter yesterday because I was feeding the kids canned chicken noodle soup for dinner. WTH??
I am hesitant to file for temporary custody because he has promised me that if I will "try" to make things work until January he will give me an amiable divorce but he expects me to sleep in the same bed as him who knows what else. If I don't then he says he will "burn me down" and take the kids and make the D drag out for years. Am I fooling myself to think that he might actually just give me a divorce in January? Should I just keep saying I'm "trying"? or is there a war coming either way? It's so close to January now that I think I might as well stick it out and see.
I really wish he would just do the 180 everyone talks about on here. He's spent the last 4 months wasted and barely going to work. I don't understand why he doesn't realize I'm not changing my mind.. and no, there is no OM. That is a mistake that learned from and will never repeat.
I just don't know what move to make next...
After reading so much I feel like I should have found a similar story but nothing seems close. I'm not here to be validated for my decisions or be torn down but would like to know if anyone has experienced similar situations and how do you just move forward.
I could write a book if I wanted to but I will just bring you to the present but ask any details you want and I'll be happy to elaborate on my situation.
Long story short... in the past two and half years I asked H for D. He said no. So then I cheated(yes I realize I'm a POS for this and feel like it everyday). He found out about PA after I had ended it and I got to spend a weekend in hell. Which I took as deserved punishment from H. He still didn't want a D and threatened to use all of his legal pull (he's a lawyer) to destroy me and take my kids if I pursued a D. I was in a place where I couldn't believe that I had been capable of cheating and felt like I should do anything I could to "Fix" what I destroyed. We agreed to work on the marriage. He cheated a couple weeks into us "trying" and he said he only did it because I forced him to. I kind of felt like I did, so I excused it. We moved forward. I did everything i knew to do to make right my wrong. There was not any contact with the OM even before he found out, I was completely transparent, logins, passwords, phone bills, I let him know where I was every moment of the day. He would IM or text me 300-400 times a day.Some days were ok and others were not so great. He never got over the PA (and I can't hold that against him) but you can only punish someone for so long before they have enough. And that's where I'm at. I've lived in a bubble for over 2 years, I've relocated my family due to my H getting fired. I really thought the move would be a great "start over" for us. I had high hopes for our family. Unfortunately that was not the case. Things just got worse. The more I did to prove my love and take pressure off of him the bigger POS he became. In June I filed for D but we still live together. He still doesn't want the D and is making it as difficult as possible for the D to move forward. He will not allow me move out with the kids and I would never leave them. I will have to go to court to prove its an unhealthy environment for the children to live in for us to get out. I don't want to destroy his career(what's left of it) or put on record th at he's been abusive to get out but I'm going crazy with the ups and downs he has. He's an alcoholic and I believe some type of personality disorder, maybe BPD. He got furious and called me horrible names in front of our daughter yesterday because I was feeding the kids canned chicken noodle soup for dinner. WTH??
I am hesitant to file for temporary custody because he has promised me that if I will "try" to make things work until January he will give me an amiable divorce but he expects me to sleep in the same bed as him who knows what else. If I don't then he says he will "burn me down" and take the kids and make the D drag out for years. Am I fooling myself to think that he might actually just give me a divorce in January? Should I just keep saying I'm "trying"? or is there a war coming either way? It's so close to January now that I think I might as well stick it out and see.
I really wish he would just do the 180 everyone talks about on here. He's spent the last 4 months wasted and barely going to work. I don't understand why he doesn't realize I'm not changing my mind.. and no, there is no OM. That is a mistake that learned from and will never repeat.
I just don't know what move to make next...
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Eating leftovers
Hi, a guy here :)
My wife says that I am insulting her as a woman, and it's the worst insult, when I don't eat the leftovers. "Ask every woman" she said.
Well, first I eat them very nicely the first time around. She is a good cook. The only issue is that after being served leftover from the same meal three days in a row (every time another dish, but still), I simply can't look at them.
I don't even ask her to make anything for me. Just not eating it.
Your thoughts?
My wife says that I am insulting her as a woman, and it's the worst insult, when I don't eat the leftovers. "Ask every woman" she said.
Well, first I eat them very nicely the first time around. She is a good cook. The only issue is that after being served leftover from the same meal three days in a row (every time another dish, but still), I simply can't look at them.
I don't even ask her to make anything for me. Just not eating it.
Your thoughts?
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No toys for me...?
So I have been trying to get my Hubby to agree to me getting some toys (rabbit!!!!) and he wants none of it. He said if I do get something he doesn't want to know, see it or hear it. I asked him what the issue is and he said it makes him feel like he is not pleasing me so I need it. WELL YEAH! Can't remember the last time H and I had sex, though I have been sick for over 2 weeks, so that's not his fault, I am guessing around a month. Now I would LOVE to have sex more often, even once a week would be good with me, but he really doesn't have the same thoughts.
I guess my question is, should I get a toy or not? I have said to him it could be fun we could have together, but he doesn't think so.
I guess my question is, should I get a toy or not? I have said to him it could be fun we could have together, but he doesn't think so.
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I am PA
I have come to the conclusion that I am a passive aggressive person. What can I do about it?
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caught my wife kissing a guy
ive been with partner for 9 years and only married for 6 months.
this is what happened. friday night we both went out to a bar and got talking to 2 guys who were very nice and we ended up spending the evening getting drunk and having a good time then me and the wife went home.
the next day my wife had to work and was expected home around 11:30 pm but i woke up and it was 3:30 and not home so I rang with no answer and decided to go and look for her around the bars close to her work then I seen her with one of the guys from the night before kissing so I grabbed him and beat him up.
if Im honest I feel like I deserve this becasue ive never treated her the way she deseved and she has always stook by me.
in the past I always went out with freinds and left her ,and one time I also kissed someone and ive always said mean things to her and threatend to leave her.
she said that this man was so nice to her and they got on very well and he was funny and she could be happy with him but she promised never to go out with him again.
I feel this is a reality check for me bacause I thought no matter how I treated her she would not leave me.
My wife is brazilian and so beautiful, men always look and have open mouths, I really am lucky to have her.
I don't want to loose her so do I forgive and try and make our marrige work ? .... also she said that if I didnt catch them they would of only kissed and gone home and if it would of got seroius she would of told me.
im confused beacause im jelous of the kissing but I love her and dont want her to.
I think if I treat her write and stop being an ******* she will give me a chance
this is what happened. friday night we both went out to a bar and got talking to 2 guys who were very nice and we ended up spending the evening getting drunk and having a good time then me and the wife went home.
the next day my wife had to work and was expected home around 11:30 pm but i woke up and it was 3:30 and not home so I rang with no answer and decided to go and look for her around the bars close to her work then I seen her with one of the guys from the night before kissing so I grabbed him and beat him up.
if Im honest I feel like I deserve this becasue ive never treated her the way she deseved and she has always stook by me.
in the past I always went out with freinds and left her ,and one time I also kissed someone and ive always said mean things to her and threatend to leave her.
she said that this man was so nice to her and they got on very well and he was funny and she could be happy with him but she promised never to go out with him again.
I feel this is a reality check for me bacause I thought no matter how I treated her she would not leave me.
My wife is brazilian and so beautiful, men always look and have open mouths, I really am lucky to have her.
I don't want to loose her so do I forgive and try and make our marrige work ? .... also she said that if I didnt catch them they would of only kissed and gone home and if it would of got seroius she would of told me.
im confused beacause im jelous of the kissing but I love her and dont want her to.
I think if I treat her write and stop being an ******* she will give me a chance
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Feel like I live in Crazytown Tonight
I need help with a recurring issue in my marriage.
The long and short of it is that my husband's irresponsibility is costing us a lot of money, and I'm tired of the cycle.
In any given month, my husband spends an average of $1,000 stopping at gas stations to buy one soda at a time, grabbing lunch out even after we have spent money at the grocery on lunch food, buying a candy bar here, and pop there -- essentially the "latte factor" spending. Every month this turns into an argument because often we are spending twice -- spending lots at the store to buy soda and food for his lunch, then he doesn't take it and spends like crazy using his debit card. We are trying to pay off debt and getting nowhere because he spends too much.
We also have other instances like his health insurance in preparation for Obamacare. He was supposed to go to the doctor and get a physical, and then fill out some online survey about his exercise and eating habits. Because he didn't do this -- and he had no less than 12 reminders from his company to get it done over the course of the last year -- our health insurance is going up substantially next year. Our increase is literally eight times higher than the rate for the people who did complete the "wellness check," so it's not a small amount.
He's always "forgetting" something and it's costing us a lot of money $5, $10, $20 at a time, all the time. Seriously, it's every day that it's something -- every single day. I show him bank statements so he can see how his spending is out of control and he swears the bank got it wrong. Really?
My real issue is how he acts when these situations come up. I approach -- and I'm nice, I swear I am as nice as I can be given that I'm frustrated that we're doing this again. He will spend the rest of the night doing this: If you ask him something, he'll say, "I'm too stupid to figure it out." "I'm too irresponsible to take the dogs out to the bathroom." "I'm worthless and don't even know why you stay married to me." I will have never said a single one of those things. In this instance, I said he was acting irresponsibly with money. It turned into all of the above as he moped about the house.
These pity parties or whatever they are just put me OVER THE EDGE and I want to slap him, because he refuses to take responsibility for his actions and then compounds it by acting so immature and always tries to make me the bad guy or feel guilty when I'm not the one who did something wrong. This happens every time he's caught in a lie, when I ask him about his spending, when I ask him why the thing he told me he was going to get done isn't done -- every.single.time I bring something up, he launches into one of these pouty episodes.
He also continuously puts me in what I call "can't win" scenarios. If left to his own devices, he will do NOTHING around the house. Seriously, we added it up tonight and he spends, on average, 33 hours a week on the couch in front of the TV. But then if I ask him to do something or tell him something needs done around the house because I'm working late, then he says I'm acting like a drill sergeant and treating him like an employee. I can't count on him to do anything on his own, but I can't ask him either because then I'm the bad guy. He told me tonight verbatim that he "resents all these responsibilities." Last time I checked that was par for the course in being an adult -- work, house, kids, dogs. That's life.
I am going crazy here because I just can't win, ever. We have tried therapy. As soon as the therapist tells him to knock it off and grow up, he quits. I have tried every approach there is, and nothing is working. I simply want him to act like an adult. I want him to be mindful of the fact that he's killing us financially. I want him to do normal adult things -- mow the yard, take out the trash, fix the things that are broken -- without having to be prodded or yelled at to get them done. I am just tired of babysitting him and still nothing is getting accomplished. He tells me what I want to hear, then goes and does the exact opposite.
I know that I'm part of the problem because there have been no consequences. But I haven't been able to get to the point where I treat him like a two-year-old simply because he's acting like one. Is there an answer here short of separating the money, hiring someone to do his work around here, all while he sits on his rear end in front of the TV? I'm working my tail off in overtime and am tired of shouldering all the burdens because he's "too tired" to do anything or he "forgot" yet again.
I am going out of my mind. There is no reasoning with him because he simply refuses to take responsibility for any of his actions and our conversations go round and round in circles, usually with him saying, "But you," where he tries to make me "guilty" of the same thing I'm trying to talk to him about, except he can't ever articulate when I said or did the things he swears I did when called on it. We literally just spent four hours going in circles and got nowhere.
Is there a way to reason with crazy? I'm on the brink of a breakdown because trying to follow his "logic" for hours on end has my brain reeling. I don't think he made sense once -- he just said a whole bunch of words over and over again trying to make me the bad guy.
Sorry so long. My brain is on overload trying to process WTH just happened, again.
The long and short of it is that my husband's irresponsibility is costing us a lot of money, and I'm tired of the cycle.
In any given month, my husband spends an average of $1,000 stopping at gas stations to buy one soda at a time, grabbing lunch out even after we have spent money at the grocery on lunch food, buying a candy bar here, and pop there -- essentially the "latte factor" spending. Every month this turns into an argument because often we are spending twice -- spending lots at the store to buy soda and food for his lunch, then he doesn't take it and spends like crazy using his debit card. We are trying to pay off debt and getting nowhere because he spends too much.
We also have other instances like his health insurance in preparation for Obamacare. He was supposed to go to the doctor and get a physical, and then fill out some online survey about his exercise and eating habits. Because he didn't do this -- and he had no less than 12 reminders from his company to get it done over the course of the last year -- our health insurance is going up substantially next year. Our increase is literally eight times higher than the rate for the people who did complete the "wellness check," so it's not a small amount.
He's always "forgetting" something and it's costing us a lot of money $5, $10, $20 at a time, all the time. Seriously, it's every day that it's something -- every single day. I show him bank statements so he can see how his spending is out of control and he swears the bank got it wrong. Really?
My real issue is how he acts when these situations come up. I approach -- and I'm nice, I swear I am as nice as I can be given that I'm frustrated that we're doing this again. He will spend the rest of the night doing this: If you ask him something, he'll say, "I'm too stupid to figure it out." "I'm too irresponsible to take the dogs out to the bathroom." "I'm worthless and don't even know why you stay married to me." I will have never said a single one of those things. In this instance, I said he was acting irresponsibly with money. It turned into all of the above as he moped about the house.
These pity parties or whatever they are just put me OVER THE EDGE and I want to slap him, because he refuses to take responsibility for his actions and then compounds it by acting so immature and always tries to make me the bad guy or feel guilty when I'm not the one who did something wrong. This happens every time he's caught in a lie, when I ask him about his spending, when I ask him why the thing he told me he was going to get done isn't done -- every.single.time I bring something up, he launches into one of these pouty episodes.
He also continuously puts me in what I call "can't win" scenarios. If left to his own devices, he will do NOTHING around the house. Seriously, we added it up tonight and he spends, on average, 33 hours a week on the couch in front of the TV. But then if I ask him to do something or tell him something needs done around the house because I'm working late, then he says I'm acting like a drill sergeant and treating him like an employee. I can't count on him to do anything on his own, but I can't ask him either because then I'm the bad guy. He told me tonight verbatim that he "resents all these responsibilities." Last time I checked that was par for the course in being an adult -- work, house, kids, dogs. That's life.
I am going crazy here because I just can't win, ever. We have tried therapy. As soon as the therapist tells him to knock it off and grow up, he quits. I have tried every approach there is, and nothing is working. I simply want him to act like an adult. I want him to be mindful of the fact that he's killing us financially. I want him to do normal adult things -- mow the yard, take out the trash, fix the things that are broken -- without having to be prodded or yelled at to get them done. I am just tired of babysitting him and still nothing is getting accomplished. He tells me what I want to hear, then goes and does the exact opposite.
I know that I'm part of the problem because there have been no consequences. But I haven't been able to get to the point where I treat him like a two-year-old simply because he's acting like one. Is there an answer here short of separating the money, hiring someone to do his work around here, all while he sits on his rear end in front of the TV? I'm working my tail off in overtime and am tired of shouldering all the burdens because he's "too tired" to do anything or he "forgot" yet again.
I am going out of my mind. There is no reasoning with him because he simply refuses to take responsibility for any of his actions and our conversations go round and round in circles, usually with him saying, "But you," where he tries to make me "guilty" of the same thing I'm trying to talk to him about, except he can't ever articulate when I said or did the things he swears I did when called on it. We literally just spent four hours going in circles and got nowhere.
Is there a way to reason with crazy? I'm on the brink of a breakdown because trying to follow his "logic" for hours on end has my brain reeling. I don't think he made sense once -- he just said a whole bunch of words over and over again trying to make me the bad guy.
Sorry so long. My brain is on overload trying to process WTH just happened, again.
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