| I am frugal, been saving and investing 401k's IRA's since the early 80's and have accumulated a nice retirement in 10 or 15 years The problem is now. My wife's spending is accelerating. I always pay our investment accounts first, and until a few years ago we had plenty of money left over. My wife developed a lifestyle, Sushi with the girlfriends, spa treatments, botox, plastic surgery, a certain taste in clothing etc Then, the recession hit. Income begins to regress, year after year until it is now half what it was before the recession This has not stopped my wife, not only has she apparently not noticed the reduction of income, she has stepped it up The marriage has deteriorated for many reasons, not the least of which is her wild eyed spending We are now separated, She emptied the cash out of the bank ($61k) and I had to take control of the $. I am paying the bills making sure things get done, she is whining about not having enough money!!!! I hate the idea of divorce, but financially I would be better off | |||
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When you have had enough let it out. A forum style blog about relationship issues and concerns,join in and have your say.
I am frugal, she is the spender.
20 years older?
| Okay so there's not really much to it. I'm 18 and I'm falling for a 38 year old guy. Really not sure what to do... | |||
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Wife wants a baby no matter what
| We have been married for a year. She's in her mid 20s. She let me know that she wants a baby. We have nowhere to put a crib, and she has a hoarding problem. She also gets into trouble with money, letting her bills sit unpaid even if we have the cash to pay them. She told me to mind my own business and threatened me with criminal charges if I opened them. When she asked why we're not trying to conceive, I told her I don't think we're ready and she became angry with me. She could not see what was wrong with bringing a baby into our lives at this point. Our marriage is not the most functional but I love her she loves me. As an adult I made the decision to marry her and I stand by that. However, I cannot imagine deliberately conceiving a child in this situation. Kids don't ask to be born. I do wonder if I need to set her free to find someone who will agree to kids under any circumstances or somehow do a better job of making a life with her. I'm at a loss. Am I to believe that as soon as we ditch birth control she will work with me to build a better life? Will she wait until a positive pregnancy test? Even if that was the case, wouldn't it be better to start now? | |||
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Friends with benefits... good idea?
| This guy has liked me since high school, so a good 4-5 years now. We never went out, he did ask me but I refused because I really don't want a relationship with anyone. I still don't. The other day he asked me how I would feel about being a friend with benefits. To be honest I'm not sure it's a good idea because of his feelings for me. I'd feel guilty doing it, even though he was the one who suggested it. Anyone else been through this? Did it work out? Btw I'm female. | |||
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Online dating sites; worth singing up to em?
| I'm currently on POF and as i'm having no luck on there was just wondering whether it's worth signing up to others, what are people's opinons? 20 and at uni - and i'm a guy (as i'm kaing this post anonymously not sure if gender appears) | |||
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tamil sex chat and nde gallery free only
| I am studying English & Creative Writing at Portsmouth. I love the idia of romantic dates. Dont hide my daughter so if u dont like it dont talk to me cuz shes my world a. I'M an intelligent, professional, creative lass. So i made this one. Once peeps get to know me I am very down to earth, I laugh a lot and I'M always smiling :) Daydreami. I am yet to find the one f. I actually love this site because it helped me to find someone truely amazing. Any light, i like boys, all boys. | |||
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Terms of endearment; what's your favourite and least favourite?
| There are a wide variety of pet names/terms of endearment people use to refer to their partners these days, but which (if any) do you like and which most get on your nerves/make you cringe. Here are some examples.. Terms of endearment women use: Baby/Babe Big Boy Honey/Hun Big Daddy Yum Yum Ickle Pickle Muffin Munchkin Pumpkin Sex Pest Sugar Sweetie Shmoopsie Poo Snookie Wookems etc... Terms of endearment men use: Angel Baby/Babe Beautiful Blossom Buttercup Cutie Pie Darling Dear Doll Gorgeous Honey/Hun Love Princess Shnoodle Bum Sweet Heart Sugar Tits Sweet Cheeks etc.. Feel free to add your own suggestions :) | |||
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Back to her old ways........?
| Quick update about our sex life. About one month ago, I had "the talk" with my wife about her LD and how she always pushes me away, doesn't want sex, we don't do anything fun like most women here all do, etc. She tells me, she's been seeing a counselor and making an appointment for a hormonal vagina shot for the end of February. That week, we had sex 3x and it was great. She didn't push me away or reject me. Lots of cuddling, talking, doing things together and it all naturally flowed. I'm thinking, this is a compromise I can live with. Update to present day. She is back to wanting sex 1x every 1 to 1.5 weeks again. But I'm supposed to read his guide to sex book while she is reading the her guide to sex. I initiate sex and she says its that time of the month. Can't she think outside the box? Feet, breasts, hands, oral, even anal if she's feeling adventurous, but nothing. She got a new haircut and dyed it a sandy blonde, looks hot but still no sex. She wears sexier clothing for her large size, looks good, but still no sex. She can talk on the phone for hours to her parents and sister, read books and be on her laptop, but still no sex. She thinks everything is fine, clueless again, like usual. I will more than likely relieve myself, not that I want to, because she isn't in the mood again. I really hope this hormonal vaginal shot does the trick because as it stands, I would not marry her a second time. Now she is a kind, caring, loving, faithful wife but she is very large, does nothing about it, reads and talks, has a LD and does nothing most women do for their men and I mean nothing. Being more alpha male and learning from this forum has helped but not by much. I am really hoping things change by the end of the month.......13+ years of her LD and large size is really getting to me and she is clueless about everything, even after our talk. In one ear and out the other. She has never in 13+ years wore any sexy outfits, never been in the shower with me intimately, never talks dirty, never watches adult movies more for women with me, never uses toys or oils, never really initiates, never just surprises me out of the blue with crazy sex, no sex in the car or outside, no trying anal, feet, etc., and she is fine with this. I want a woman that does all these things, has a healthy sex drive and takes care of herself, like all women on this forum seem to do. I on occasion crack a sexual comment to see how she reacts and I get "gross". I have randomly given her flowers, card,, chocolates when she doesn't expect it. I have had dinner ready before she gets home as a total surprise, I do most of the chores, a bit every day, so there isn't much to do by the end of the week, I work full time, I take care of myself, I have a healthy high sex drive, I will cuddle with her a lot after work on the couch and she loves this (never expecting or getting sex.......), I don't ask or beg for sex and then it doesn't happen because she thinks everything is great, etc. It's very frustrating. :( | |||
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Feel like punishing people
| I feel on edge, and frankly want to punch everybody. I am 21, and frankly I'm tired of people harassing me and wishing me harm because they say I'm "smart". I know somebody will say "get over it!" but those same people will go "aw!" when somebody posts about their boyfriend leaving them. Why is there pain of more consequence than mine, and who the hell are you to decide? What makes your determination so supreme? So what if I am smart? And if people pick on those who are short, have ginger hair, or any other trait that makes somebody "stand out" everybody says "aw!!" But nobody says anything to me. Even my parents don't say anything. Somebody will say "why should they?" lol.. and then these same people will defend their children to the hilt if somebody says anything about them... Why pick and choose? And before somebody cites "life is tough, and?" is our society based on arbitrariness and fickle behaviour? Again, people are too hypocritical. These same persons who say that will complain to the hilt if they get a cold coffee in Starbucks or something. That sounds silly, but the principle is the same. Why tell others that life is arbitrary when you yourself don't accept it? I think some people deserve to be thrown out of the country, they clearly don't get modern value systems. And yes, life is tough, but this doesn't mean hardships cannot be reversed or eliminated. If you got sick and had cancer, would you accept it or seek a cure/treatment? I feel tired since I feel cheated out of life, and some persons maliciously sought to cheat me. I won't accept that, and will do what it takes to rectify it. I have no friends, and frankly people deny me them based on stupid childlike value systems. I can't go anywhere without somebody trying to impose their "supremacy" and tell others not to hang out with me. Somebody will say "well get with it", lol... I'm sorry but I don't see that as an inherent human imperative. It's actually documented medically that humans don't need to do this. Somebody will say this is being PC, but it's not. Think about it. Who generally gets satisfaction from acting that way and is there any true need to? Do your parents do it? I think most humans by design seek to mind their own business and not ruffle others up, this is how human society is based at its root. Some may deem this too tl;dr, but to cut to the chase, the following will be a summary: - I won't be denied normal life any longer. Everybody used to laugh and bully me as a child for being "too smart" and frankly people need to be punished for it. The fact is society always condemns harassing children, and nobody said anything, so they deserve to be punished. People should be punished for seeking to choose arbitrarily who warrants good treatment or not. You would essentially be saying "somebody harassed a child...eek! the monster!!" and then turn your nose at such an instance. That's not on, and frankly you warrant a fractured skull for that. I doubt the police nor the judge/jury in court will care. What will you say if prompted why did you arbitrarily choose who warrants good treatment? Essentially, people are saying I'm not subject to the same rights as everybody else. I thought this was a free and equal country. Again, reference my earlier point in that regard. I could accept if this was 1312 CE or something, but it's not. - I won't be denied friends any longer. Some of you will say "I treat everybody nicely!" Really? Prove it. I think most younger people only treat those nicely who them deem "cool" or rated. People are lying if they say otherwise. If people are always so nice, why not say hello to everybody you meet on a bus? Or in a shop? If you're so "nice" you shouldn't hesitate to do this? | |||
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OW will not stop contacting H
| My husband did send a no contact email to OW She is still calling him several times a week from a "private number" all hours of the day and night. He has not answered them. I knew it was her and told him to answer it next time and tell her he can no longer talk to her. She called again today and she is upset because she found the posting I put on cheaterville.com of her. He said told her there is nothing he can do about that and to never contact him again and hung up on her. How do we get this women out of our lives? Should I send her a email stating for her to never contact us again? For those of you who are interested: Serial Cheater on the Prowl for your Man in Michigan! - April Daugherty | |||
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My husband keeps racking up debt
| We've been married for 12 years. I married for love. He owns nothing. I own the contents of my apartment. Well, if we divorced I suppose he could take that too. Every year or two he presents with a $20,000 debt. It's happened 5 times! He keeps having people bail him out: me (I went bankrupt supporting him) , friends, my father. This time it's $65,000 in combined debt and we have no one to bail us out. I am on disability income. I suffer from anxiety and this is sending me over the top. I'm considering divorce. I just can't face this again. He'll never change, has always thought of money differently than I. Always wants to borrow more money to bail him out. I can't stand being in debt especially with our low income and after my bankruptcy I vowed never to carry debt again. He works in construction self employed:, never makes any money. In fact he ends up losing money alot of the time. He's just no good with money. I can barely stand to look at him. My guilt sending him away a homeless man in debt is killing me but I just can't take this anymore. What should I do? | |||
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Battle of the sexes: men are from earth, women are from earth
| A recent meta-analysis indicates that the psychological differences between the sexes isn't as great as we sometimes judge. This apparently includes sexuality, and how we choose our sex partners and mates. A review of the study canned found here: Genders Not So Different? : Discovery News Thought some of you might find it interesting. I know I did. Especially since I've wondering a lot about the various socio-biological claims I've seen here on TAM. It always struck me that what was being attributed to evolution was more a product of social construction ... | |||
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Planet of the Apes marathon....yesss!
| Here where I'm at the AMC channel is doing a Planet of the Apes all day marathon, which is one of my all time favorite movie series behind Godfather I and II!! | |||
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Im so lost
| I dont even know where to begin. My husband and I have been married for 6 years. We have one son together and we have been separated and got back together 3 times. This is our 4th separation and we have been separated for 6 months. During every separation he dated, and I never did. This time he got a girlfriend again and I hooked up with my friend. Huge mistake whatever. The problem is I have never been this sad in my life. I have tried everything to move on and just 3 weeks ago he comes here and is like Im going to break up with my girlfriend blah blah blah. So I wait and wait. He never does, and he keep likes saying stuff about sex. I havent slept with him since he moved out, because well I was worried about the people he was with and if he was being safe. He uses this as an excuse for his dating or whatever. I never wanted a divorce but I dont see reconciling possible now and Im somehow shocked by the revelation of this painful truth. How do I overcome this sadness? When does the pain end? | |||
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Making friends without being clingy?
| I am careful to not be clingy, because I personally don't like clingy people and would hate to be one myself. The problem though is that I always end up being lonely. The people I know in this city all sound excited and happy when I call them and invite them to do things. When we meet we have a laugh and a good time. But it feels like I am almost always the one making contact and when I wait for them to contact me nothing happens and we loose contact. If I call someone and ask to do something 2-3 times in a row I feel really clingy if I am the one contacting them again the next time. So I wait for them to give me a call, but they don't and I am left alone. How do other people solve this? Or am I just having really ****ty friends? | |||
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"Mad Men" and Manhood
| I have spent a lot of time watching "Mad Men" from AMC. It highlights what life was like in the early 60's, right before the huge Counter Culture movement. The writers seem to want to highlight every negative of that time period, naturally being the product of the replacement culture. However, I am...awed at a great deal of what I see there. There is a vast lexicon of body language, assumptions, bits of character, a sense of sophistication and a 'lust for life' which seems missing from how we carry ourselves and what we teach our young men. I am hoping this is not just nostalgia on my part, and it's hard to get the wheat from the chaff of the blatant and (possibly) exaggerated misogyny, alcoholism, emotional distance and consistant and blatant infidelity which occurs...pretty much with every male figure in the show. But there are moments such as when the Lead Don Drapper does something which hurts his company and puts at risk the future and finances of a younger partner. And he mans up and pays for that young man's share of finances. And the entire exchange was carried out with a glance, a look and a raised glass. What are your thoughts on the series, manhood from that time, your experiences from fathers and grandfather (or dare I say) yourself? | |||
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Met this guy, confused??!!
| So I met this guy at the start of Jan 2013, he said that after a first date a lot of girls just want a relationship so he wants something casual. By something casual I thought he meant casual sex. We have been on a few dates (he has acknowledged them as dates), a lot of really cute dates if i may say so. When we are together he is so cuddly and kissy type of person. First date, a kiss, second date was oral and on the third date we were getting down to business and his penis was like going in but apparently his penis bent a weird way or something and it hurt, so we kept doing oral stuff as everytime his penis came near my vagina he stopped being hard but oral seemed to be fine. Is this a normal reaction to him hurting himself? he also mentioned being nervous? I'm now worrying about this happening everytime we hook up?? :S I don't usually like guys but I really like him. He hasn't mentioned seeing other people and I wasn't aware dating counted as casual! He is an amazing guy, but I am also leaving the country to work abroad for four months.. I'm not sure if I should ask him where I stand as this could scare him into thinking I want something serious when he doesn't? | |||
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No relationship until in 20s?
| Heya, wanted to hear from those of you who never got a proper relationship until in your twenties... I'm 22, I had severe shyness as a teen, and every time I develop feelings for someone, they either have a girlfriend already, circumstances are all wrong (ie, half way across the country & never get to see each other any more), or it's just obvious they plain aren't interested. Currently, I've got the awful situation where I have feelings for someone but it's becoming obvious to me that he's attracted to/might get with someone else. I'm not the most confident but I try to flirt, but I've learned from a bad experience not to flirt and do the chasing, because they just aren't that into you. (nearest I ever got to a "relationship" was that scenario, it ended up obvious he wasn't that into me, and went off with another girl). I know it sounds pitiful but I want to hear from other lonely hearts/people who had to wait a long time, to give me faith. Haha. It's easy to be all "it'll never happen!" because it's obviously something that everyone wants. I'm so fed up of always having someone else be the first point. Someone keep my chin up and tell me others have had as rubbish luck as me for so long! :) | |||
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did i do the right thing?
| Ok so two weeks ago i was at my boyfriend's (now ex) house,we set and played a game in the computer, and i asked him something i didn't understand about the game,and he explained it to me in a very unpatient rude way. and then he said "what don't you understand? how stupid can you be??" and he said it in an angry tone,he was not laughing,he was completley serious when he said that,and it suonded like he was very annoyed. so i said "calm down and don't call me stupid' and then he said "you calm down and stop talking bullsh*t and let me play" and then i said "you know what i'm leaving tomorrow. " and then he said "you're impulsive" and i said "who are you to call me stupid and put me down like that? my next boyfriend won't make me feel stupid and dumb. i don't need someone who's disrespecting me" and he did not answer. and then we just went to sleep.. he slept on the couch and i slept on the bed. and then in the morning i woke up before him and got into the shower.and while i was in the shower he woke up and went out to his parents home. and then i was alone at home,i was waiting for my dad to come and take me home.. and i had a lot of bags to carry,so i had to ask my ex boyfriend to drive me with my stuff to the gates of the kibbutz (he lives in a kibbutz) an d the gates are far from where he lives so i had to ask him to drive me.so he came and we put all my stuff in the car and then we drove to the gates,and he asked "but why are you going? its not like i asked you to leave" so i said "i know its me who wants to go" and then we got to the gates and my dad just got there too with his car, and he went out of the car and helped me to put my bags in my dad's car. and then he was like "can we at least say goodbye?" and i said "yes" and then we hugged and we said bye. and then i got into my dad's car and we drove and suddenly my ex called me so i answered and he said i forgot my laptop in his car so we went back to the kibbutz's gates and met him there and he gave me the laptop and before i got into the car he asked "karin are you sure that's what you wanna do? and i said "yes" and he was like "but why..?" and i did not answer. and then he said "so that's it?" and i just said yes. and i smiled at him and said bye. and that's it since then we did not talk at all. he will be 28 years old in may,and i'm 18 years old. we know each other for 4 years,and we were in a relationship for about a year but we were always very on and off. but we really love each other,he's my first love and i'm his first real love too. and i know for sure he loves me and he's probably suffering as much as i do. i just want to get more opinions on my situation,i mean do you think i overreacted? or did i do the right thing? opinions will be very appreciated. thanks in advance! | |||
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train tickets?
| This is so random but i cant seem to find an answer anywhere-if i book train tickets in advance online,but then decide that on the day of travel i dont need the tickets anymore would i still be charged for them? Normally i would collect my tickets from the station via the self service machine which i need a credit card for.Are you actually paying for the tickets when you collect them or at time of booking? | |||
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Does this guy like me or not?
| Does he have social anxiety or something? What is actually going on? I want to approach him but I'm getting the feeling he'll completely ignore me if I say anything to him... even a just a simple 'hi'. This is a re-post btw "There's a male stranger who goes to my college and I always see him every morning at the bus stop (or at least I did until he started going to a different bus stop/at a different time) - we catch the same bus anyway I don't know if he's interested in me or not because he stares at me and when I catch him (I must have given him a cold glare - it's my neutral look unfortunately) he completely stops staring for weeks or months. And then I get curious 'why isn't he looking anymore' (I hate it, but I always get like this) so when I'm the one doing all the staring, he ignores me. But I've noticed when I ignore him, it's him doing all the staring. See, once I tried smiling at him and he started fidgeting with his hair, looking away, then back at me and then away and scratching the back of his ear and not looking in my direction. Why does he stare when I ignore him and ignore me when I stare? And when I smile he looks uncomfortable, which begs the question: why does he stare? If he doesn't like me, I wish he would stop staring but if he does, then I hope he would at least smile. Okay, I guess I can't put all this on him because I am often accused of looking moody all the ti me. I don't want to sound conceited but I also get told by a lot of people that I'm beautiful and strangers compliment me too, so maybe he thinks I'm unapproachable or something?. I'm shy though which is why I rarely smile. A few weeks ago I was somewhere [alone] and I saw him. I came, finished whatever I came to do and left. As I was leaving I casually looked over at him and caught him looking at me slyly lol. I'd like to think my mind wasn't playing tricks on me, but I could swear he was looking at me. He was leaning on his hands and pretending he was looking at the table but when I looked over at him, he was totally looking at me! It looked proper awkward though because the way he was leaning and where he was looking didn't fit. He was looking at me from one eye, the other eye was hidden from view (it looked weird but I found it cute). I smiled at him (it was a small smile, but still a smile) and he quickly looked away. What does this mean? I'm really confused because ever since that awkward stare (which he looked away from first after I sorta smiled at him) he has started to 'avoid' me. I don't know how best to put it because we don't officially know each other but (not that I'm a stalker or anything) he sits right in the front where old people usually sit on the bus whenever he sees me on the same bus. Today, I saw him on the bus and I know his favourite seat is the back (right at the back or the row behind my favourite seat) because I always used to see him sit there before that stare happened. Anyway, he got on the bus and looked like he was going to go to his favourite seat at the back then saw me and moved back to sit down right at the front, near the driver. I know this is going to sound proper creepy, but he never used to sit there before that stare happened - he would always sit at the back. And now he goes to a different stop (not the stop we're both usually at). Did I scare him a way? Is he doing this because he doesn't want me to get the wrong impression? Or is he shy/have social anxiety or something? What is actually going on? All I know is that I like him but I don't know about him. He said I was pretty to my friend last year, but I don't know if he still thinks it. So, I don't want to approach him thinking he still thinks that and making an utter fool of myself. It's really doing my head in and I've only got less than 4 months to make a move before I never see him again. We're leaving college in 4 months. Is there something going on? Am I imagining it/over analyzing? Does he even like me?" | |||
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Have I fallen in love?
| Basically me and the guy I am seeing have just come back from a short break away (4 days) and since spending all that time together I think my feelings for him have developed. What I am REALLY confused about is that every time we had sex I would have an overwhelming want to say to him "I love you" right after but I stopped myself from saying it as I don't know if that automatic thought is legitimate feeling and I don't want to scare him by letting myself say it. Sounds daft, but I am really in a pickle about whether I have actually fallen in love with him or whether it is a momentary thing. I would really appreciate some unbiased advice as to how to suss this out. Its playing on my mind. | |||
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Why do I keep fantasizing about my parent's death?
| I picture then dying and the aftermath, then I get really upset and cry buckets. It's been happening a lot recently, the last time it happened was on the bus and people were giving me strange looks and moving away. I'm contemplating wearing sunglasses all the time just in case it happens again. It seems I can't control when I have these thoughts - they just pop into my head, then I feel really guilty and cry some more. Wth... I'm not even an emotional person. I very rarely cry in public. It feels so real (their death) and like I'm actually grieving. What's all this about? | |||
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