The Propensity to Betray

The most gut-wrenching moment of DD for me was when my mind kept showing me the picture of my husband coming home at nights for those 6+ years and lying beside me in the bed, knowing fully well he had been in contact with the AP prior to coming home. The most fearful feelings engulfed me because I realized I did not know who he was at all and after 14 years. I thought I knew, but I was wrong. It made me realize how vulnerable I had been. The closest person in the world to me, was not my friend and if he wasn't that to me, what was he? I imagined that if there had been no DD and we continued for another 14 years, when I would eventually pass away, she would probably show up at my funeral to console him...a stranger acting like a past co-worker of mine or his or something...A stranger to my children, my siblings, my parents...On and on...The thought blew me away...They would have gotten away with it seamlessly...

This is what I struggled with during the whole (false) reconciliation which has now lead to divorce (again). I am stuck in the sense that I do not know what to think of myself for having been so trusting and "at risk" at the same time. His ability to lie, hide etc...for secrets, a secret life...is flabbergasting, never mind his ability to keep me hooked via making me believe he is a Christian. He talked like a Christian, acted like a Christian but in the background he evidenced a legion, an alternate lifestyle. Betrayal on numerous levels. I had not been able to reconcile with his propensity to betray. All the other reconciliations required within a reconciliation became moot.

How does one reconcile with one's-self for allowing this? Since he was capable of pulling it off for 6 years (that I know of), what else is he capable of?

Put the internet to work for you.

Turn off or edit this Recipe

Should I Stay or Should I Go?

Friends, I am considering divorce but needs some advice please!
To start, I would ask you to get a little bit of back-story on my issue here:

http://ift.tt/1lHTzQe

Just read my initial post if you are pressed for time or just do not feel like reading the great advice that this community has provided me with.

Now, I am about to post some audio of what my wife does to me on a nearly daily basis. The problems arise as I stated in my post that I linked above. She is being OVERLY nice to me now, even though she did call me an a$$hole this morning now that i think about it....oh, and on Tuesday on the way home from our marriage counseling session. But maybe I am nit-picking.

Anyway the story that led up to the audio you are about to hear:

We went down the shore for the week with my my wife's son, her mother, her step-father, her brother and her niece. We only had a few hundred bucks to spend. We were supposed to be penny pinching so we could go out and have a good time a couple of nights while we were down there. My wife's mother told my wife that if we are going to fight, then she doesn't want us coming with them.

We were all standing in line to get pizza when I heard my wife tell her mother that she gave my stepson $20. (There's a long, long, long story behind my 17 year old criminal stepson and how he doesn't do anything with his life except drink all night and sleep all day when he isn't in trouble with the law. He just got from being locked up in June)

Anyway, I walked away. I didn't want to start a fight.

My wife came chasing after me and asked me what my problem was. I told her, "I don't want to cause a scene and fight in front of your mother, so just give me a second to get over what I am frustrated about and I will be right back." She asked me what I was frustrated about....I told her that I was pissed off that she gave her kid $20 when she knows that we do not have any money, AND he doesn't deserve any money anyway! (later I found out her and her mother gave her son $20 per night which put us in a bind financially when we came back)

She then told me to F off and not come to dinner. Shortly afterwards, her mother texted me and asked if I was coming. I told her that her daughter uninvited me. Her mother must have said something, because shortly afterwards, my wife came storming over to me and punched me in my chest.

We went back to the house we were staying at, and this is the "conversation" that ensued.

CLARIFICATION: When she is telling me to "pop more pills" she is referring to the Klonopin, Xanax and other anti-depressants I have been on during our time together. I have been in out of therapy because of this abuse. When she speaks about "Kayla', she is referring to my 17 year old daughter who refuses to come over my house anymore because of the way that my wife treats me.

NOTE & WARNING: There is A LOT of profanity in this video!!!! This video will only be up for about an hour or so. If you miss it and want to hear it again, let me know and I will try to put it back up. I do not want to get in trouble for posting it here, I am not sure if it is against the laws of these forums, even though I did not see it.

http://ift.tt/1pBz3vE

(Please do not pass this link on to anyone. I do not want my wife's reputation to be soiled in any way. Just because she is this way to me, doesn't mean I want her life ruined in any way. Thank you)

Needless to say, I am thinking about divorce. If you read my post that I linked earlier, you will see that I can stay at my father's until I get money to get my own apartment. It wouldn't (shouldn't) be too long. We do not own this house, my wife's mother does. We do not have any children together and we do not own any joint property.

The confusing part makes sense if you read the initial post that I linked in the beginning of this post. She seems to have changed, somewhat, since I was really about to walk out of that door. Does this sort of the behavior, the rot you listened to, does that "go away"??

Or am I falling into a trap and, from what I am told an from I rad, this is just how abusers work until they establish control over you again? What you have heard is not i a once in a lifetime thing. This is her all of the time to me.

If i would have left THIS NIGHT, then I think everything would have been fine. But I am such a loser that I did not and now, she is being so nice, that I feel as the though I am the bad guy if I leave.

Thank you very much for your time and advice! I need help badly as I am confused if I should leave now or if people really do change and I should stay.

Put the internet to work for you.

Turn off or edit this Recipe

The 80/20 rule?

Are you in an 80% marriage.

Did you cross the line and end up with 20%

Or any type of relationship?

Is it a valid (at least sometimes) point to make?

http://ift.tt/1qDta50

Put the internet to work for you.

Turn off or edit this Recipe

Would guys feel disgusted if an 'ugly loser' approached them?

• Thread Starter

Would guys feel disgusted if an 'ugly loser' approached them?

• Follow
• 9 hours ago 9h ago

So gentlemen, since the thread in which girls were asked how they felt if a guy described as an 'ugly loser' approached them, the majority answered 'disgusted' and some answered 'flattered'. That made me lose faith in how nice the women of TSR were. In the interests of fairness and curiosity, I wanted to reverse he situation and ask how guys feel. If we lived in a wonderful world where women approached men as often as vice versa, how would you guys feel if a woman described as an 'ugly loser' approached you to chat you up? I've included the same two options in that thread (despite being very limited) also for a fair comparison. You can post whether you'd feel neither/indifferent.

Discuss!

Put the internet to work for you.

Turn off or edit this Recipe

~| How Do I get Guys? |~

• Thread Starter

~| How Do I get Guys? |~

• Follow
• 9 hours ago 9h ago

Help :(

Put the internet to work for you.

Turn off or edit this Recipe

Guys would you leave your girlfriend

• Thread Starter

Guys would you leave your girlfriend

• Follow
• 8 hours ago 8h ago

in exhange for 250 thousand pounds.

I actually would.
Not my wife though.
From time me and you are married your mine for lifey but girlfriend?
hell yeah i would leave for a quarter of a milli.

Would you?

Put the internet to work for you.

Turn off or edit this Recipe

Girls, would you...

• Thread Starter

Girls, would you...

• Follow
• 10 hours ago 10h ago

Would like to keep anon for privacy.

So girls, would you happily be in a relationship with a guy who is always naked?

Just to clarify I'm not naked, everywhere! But whenever I'm at home, so long as I'm home alone I'll always be naked. Just because I prefer it.

So girls, would you happily date a guy who is always naked around the house or would it make you uncomfortable etc?

Put the internet to work for you.

Turn off or edit this Recipe

Have any of you ''ended'' your relationship with your parent(s)?

• Thread Starter

Have any of you ''ended'' your relationship with your parent(s)?

• Follow
• 20 hours ago 20h ago

You know the saying 'You can choose your friends but you can't choose your family'? Well, just as friendships can end up not working out, has the same happened to you and parent(s)? And I mean a serious termination of your relationship rather than a falling out which lasts a few days.

What made you decide you no longer wanted anything to do with them?
What did you do?
How do you feel?

I'm expecting this to be a rare occurrence, but that doesn't mean it doesn't happen.

Any contributions will be appreciated. Thank you

Put the internet to work for you.

Turn off or edit this Recipe

Asian Girls with Black and White guys? Theory...

• Thread Starter

Asian Girls with Black and White guys? Theory...

• Follow
• 3 hours ago 3h ago

Recently I've been noticing mainly South Asian girls with Black guys relationships. which is perfectly normal.

My theory based on my experience and friends is that most of us have been accustom to being oppressed in this society as a young Asian male.

It is extremely hard for an South Asian male to get into any types of relationships these days especially if the girl is from another race. The media has slated and mocked us to the point we are seen evil and demonic.

From:
Asians men grooming..
Asian men are terrorist...
Asian men are seen as less masculine and beta males...
Channel 4: Pakistan hidden shame-Child Abuse issues... etc

Day by day we are being treated with no respect and have no value as a human being in this 'new' British society.
Furthermore we are being poorly represented everywhere and having very less job prospect of going anywhere after graduating.

So what does this have to do with relationships:?
My theory is simple, Asian men will very soon be the bottom of society like an outcast! In terms of relationship, Black and White males will be seen more with South Asian girls and other communities therefore leaving Asian men with less chance of being in a relationship.
(You rarely see White or Black girls with South or east Asian males) so why the opposite?

Note: There is already notion of young British Asian males who are having extremely hard time finding a girl they can marry that they resort to leaving UK and marrying back from the motherland.

I just wanted to know what you guys thought of my theory?

Put the internet to work for you.

Turn off or edit this Recipe

Checkout girl's emotions WTF!

• Thread Starter

Checkout girl's emotions WTF!

• Follow
• 9 hours ago 9h ago

Out of my entire travels to supermarkets, i've never had such a situation before.

I'm a quiet person so i give her my money 10 pound for items that came to 1 pound 82

She is polite and friendly at that point and smiling, still about 16.

I'm friendly too, she's thinking hard about the change already as she apparently put it through as if i gave her 5 pound.

She says have a nice day, I move a little away from the counter and check the money because of how long she stayed looking into her draw and passing the coins between her hands.

I quietly go back and while the money is still in my hand show her and say i think you've given me too little. (3 pound something) She says "no i know you gave me 10 pound put it in as 5 pound and gave you double back"
I was standing confused looking at 3 pounds and coppers. i was like hmmm but i dont think its the right amount (still quietly and polite)
She says "it is i gave you double back, i'll give you more if it's wrong"

So now she accepts the next customer and i wait, so i saw a free checkout girl who was older watching so i showed her just to double check the the receipt and change that was in my hand.
The original girl tries to force her opinion out as if we were in a headmasters office, "no you gave me 10 and i put it as 5 and gave you double back"
She said "if you go to the front desk they should be able to sort it out."
So a woman gets the front desk guy and checks my receipt and i say, i think she gave me the wrong change. the girl says again "no you gave me 10 i put in 5 and gave you double back"
Her tone was like, no you're wrong, she never said sorry.

I was like quietly, "i can empty my pockets" as i want to show i didnt have more money.
Then I said "i feel like a criminal" but i only said that because of the way she was forcing her tone and saying no.
So i noticed she started to get tears, so i was like "don't worry about" i went to shake her hand, she pulled her arms in and blanked me
She said, just follow him now and he'll sort it out.

I don't understand what the heck just happened, my head is now scrambled so i want your advice.

Put the internet to work for you.

Turn off or edit this Recipe

What should I do about my friend?

• Thread Starter

What should I do about my friend?

• Follow
• 2 hours ago 2h ago

My close friend (girl) said to me she will come to see me during the holidays. I asked her last week, and she said Friday is good.
Then the next day, she said that it's raining so she doesn't want to come. I said ok no problem.

Then 3-4 days later, the weather was good and I asked if she could come now. She said she is lazy and doesn't want to go out yet. I again (disappointed) said ok no worries.
So the week after, I asked her when she is gonna come and see me?

She said "lool why.. do u miss me? haha"

I said "Yeah of course I miss my friend. I thought you might be missing me too?"

Then she says "Yh of course I miss you too. I will come don't worry. Be patient. Lool."

I didn't reply back after that.

To be honest, I am kind of angry and annoyed. She promised me back in July that she would come and see me before we go back to uni in October, and now uni is just a few weeks away and she still hasn't come and it just seems to me like she keeps making up excuses.

Is she intending on actually coming? I won't ask again now because I don't want to insist again.

What should I do?

Put the internet to work for you.

Turn off or edit this Recipe

He says we are growing apart. :/

• Thread Starter

He says we are growing apart. :/

• Follow
• 20 hours ago 20h ago

He has just sprung it on me out of no where that we are 'growing apart', this is all over a few petty arguments recently. I have been with him for about 2 years and he has just said this to me on a text. He's said things like this before then has made up with me fairly quickly.

I'm not quite sure how to reply or to react? ;(

Put the internet to work for you.

Turn off or edit this Recipe

Feels like a relationship but friend zoned?

• Thread Starter

Feels like a relationship but friend zoned?

• Follow
• 3 hours ago 3h ago

Since I met a guy, he has been consistent in complementing me all of the time, initiating the last 30 conversations we've had (contacts me everyday), offering me little gifts, saying how special I am, etc. but never any physical contact (which I thought was just politeness) but then he also mentioned once (without me asking about it), that he feels no want/need for any physical intimacy with anyone and doesn't really believe in one guy-one girl relationships, that he hasn't physically "been with anyone" for many many years and values friendship greatly yet he treats me with such intense kindness and romance in all other ways aside from the physical stuff - why would that be? Does anyone have any idea? & he can't possibly have the time to treat every one of his "friends" in this way...

Put the internet to work for you.

Turn off or edit this Recipe

How do you cope living in dirty accomodation

• Thread Starter

How do you cope living in dirty accomodation

• Follow
• 2 hours ago 2h ago

I don't earn much money so basically stuck in basic accomodation, which is multiple rooms, shared facilities.
what is really annoying is how bad it is compared to living with the parents. It is an old house, dusty, dirty , low quality furniture and no communal areas, meaning your stuck in a tiny bed room. Any way , what is the most annoying is a dirty communal kitchen and little space to sore any food. I'm really put off by the smell of the communal areas, it is vile, and then the cupboard are dirty, sometimes other people leave their pans on the hob . So I think my only option is eating out, which is gonna cost a fortune and also incredibly unhealthy.

I wanted to know how others cope,living in shared accomodation and do,you just eat every meal out

Put the internet to work for you.

Turn off or edit this Recipe

guys, how will you feel if..

• Thread Starter

guys, how will you feel if..

• Follow
• 3 hours ago 3h ago

an average looking girl (stranger) randomly smile and say hi to you more than once in school? And after how many hi will you initiate to greet her first?

Put the internet to work for you.

Turn off or edit this Recipe

are most western people desperate to become a non virgin?

• Thread Starter

are most western people desperate to become a non virgin?

• Follow
• 2 hours ago 2h ago

I am an Asian and 19 to 22 year old virgins are quite common here.

From what I've read in various forums and movies that I watched, I get the feeling that people living in western countries try hard to lose their virginity before high school ends/ college or whatever. It is like a goal for them to lose it rather than to be in meaningful relationships.

I don't get it. Is it THAT shameful to be a virgin?

Just to clear things up, I am not one of those who insist that ppl should save themselves for marriage as I am not on board with the idea too. I don't see the importance of becoming a non virgin as quick as possible, sometimes even doing it with people that you dont even like that much. My ideal first time partner would be a long term boyfriend ( more than 9 months ).

Put the internet to work for you.

Turn off or edit this Recipe