Unhappy

Hi everyone, I need a rant about my marriage & don't really have anyone to talk too! I've been with my husband for almost 18 years, got together when I was 16. Had a child together quite early on & got married. We've had our ups & downs over the years, about 7 years of being together he didnt want to be with me anymore, I found texts & he had been seeing this girl, he says nothing happened! But we worked it out & moved on, few years later some more strange going ons, meeting up with old friends, who happened to be female, was meant to be a group meeting but turnt out just the two of them. I did try to go along but he'd always guilt me into not going. Year or so after that I had a guy paying me attention, nothing happened. Just nice for some attention lol. Around that time I heard thru the grapevine my hubby had been kissing girls & got numbers on a boys night out. So I split up with him. Wasn't for very long, month or so. He always manages to talk me round. So we're back together & I got friendly with someone online, just chatting obviously telling me things I want to hear. Spoke for about 18 months then I agreed to meet him, while I was away for a weekend. I did sleep with this man but felt so guilty when I got home & back to reality I stopped all contact. Thought really gotta try to get my marriage to work, by now we have two children. So things get better but I have some health issues & have been in n out of hospital for the past three years. Obviously it puts a strain on the marriage, but I started noticing things. Like my hubby doesn't come to bed, at first the excuse was he didn't want to Hurt me after any operations I've had, fair enough but now I can't remember the last time he slept in our bed, he stays on the sofa. He only comes up to bed if he wants sex, but then I'm annoyed that's the only reason he comes to bed. Sometimes I'll just have sex with him cos I can't be arsed with the argument or him having a strop. We don't kiss, cuddle or show any affection. Some of this is my fault because one of my operations was to have a colostomy bag fitted, and felt very unattractive with it. He has been there looking after me after every operation. But lately I feel like a house keeper, he moans at me if his clothes haven't been washed straight away, he's a fussy eater & I have to decide what we're eating everyday for him to say I don't want that, we can have arguments in the supermarket about what we're gonna eat, I hate food shopping with him! I've been at work today & he's been off, asked him to Put dinner on & he says no you cook it. I'm so tired can't be bothered to argue so just do it. I can't talk to him about any of this because he just gets stroppy & I can't deal with him shouting. In front of my friends he can do no wrong, he'll go out of his way to help them & is just a nice guy. Sometimes he works away & I enjoy him not being here feels so much less stressful, my mood can change the moment he's back. I can't imagine he's happy with how things are, I know I'm not but can't bring myself to tell him. So my story continues the guy I met online is back, I haven't spoken to him in 7 years & the connection is still exactly the same. He has told me he wants to be with me, but I'm not totally stupid I know the reality could be very different to the fantasy. I am attracted to this man but he's not the greatest looking person, sounds so shallow lol. But I've told him nothing will happen again while I'm with my hubby. I just don't know what to do, I'm so unhappy & I think my hubby would be hurt to know its him making me unhappy. I just don't know what to do. I've probably missed bits out of my story, and when I had my colostomy I did push my hubby away so I know he's not totally at fault! Posted via Mobile Device

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