What is my problem?

Quick background: STBXW had an affair in late 2011, worked to reconcile until March 2013, I asked for a divorce, moved out in June 2013, regretted decision (and went into a very deep funk) and got back together in August 2013, stuff was ok for a bit - less than a month probably - but went back to sucking and we agreed this was bad and ended things Oct of this year with full intent to divorce.

She was actually the one that said she wasn't able to do this anymore, but I was honestly RELIVED as I had been feeling the same way. In fact, truth be told, I was absolutely miserable. Of course, neither of us fully cut the cord and constantly texted each other and maintained a connection. Thanksgiving week comes around and she starts melting down about the holidays and starts getting very cold with me, cuts off texts, etc.

Now that my security blanket is gone, I'm starting to freak out. I don't want to be married to her anymore, but I also don't want to lose the connection. I know that's what's needed and it's the only way I'll be able to move on after 3 years of limbo hell, but it sucks.

Anyway, don't know if anyone else is going through this / has gone through this and has any advice to offer, but if you do, I'd love to hear it.

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She likes me or my attention?

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She likes me or my attention?

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• 21 hours ago 21h ago

So I like this girl, though I've never told her ( but apparently she told someone she knows I like her?) Anyway, I do flirt etc with her also I'm just friendly with her, and start conversations with her. Anyway the last couple of days I decided to consciously reduce the interaction between her. For example I stopped flirt I still talk to her but reduced the amount of conversations or 'attention' i give her.
So, this is how she reacted. She made an effort to try and talk to me, she tried teasing me, she made weird remarks which I know was to just try and get my attention. She also makes an effort to walk past me and place stuff near me when there's absolutly no need too. When she chats to me, she will happily keep the conversation going.
so do you think she likes me or the attention I give her? I do to know what to make of her behaviour when I give her less, she tries to increase the interaction with me.

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What was his agenda?

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What was his agenda?

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• 22 hours ago 22h ago

I'm a normal sociable girl and I met this guy earlier this year and we have a lot in common and things to talk about. He excessively compliments me about my personality and such, out of the blue he'll tell me how funny, charismatic, intelligent and interesting I am in front of lots of people and be really forthcoming.

However, whenever we are talking alone he acts very awkward and just stares at me very intensely. It is unusual as we will be talking about something very normal but he begins to become uncomfortable and then distances himself out of a sudden.

Once we were walking down the street talking about uni and he asks me what I think of him and tells me how he finds me so interestng and funny and as soon as I start talking about other things he suddenly says he needs to go a different direction really abruptly. Also, when he has seen me stressed he tells me how much 'faith' he has in me. wtf?

After a few of these instances, I get the impression he may be interested in me. We started talking over messaging but then suddenly out of the blue he becomes very cold and distant. He never initates to meet up at all and is very terse.

So I assume, ok he isn't very interested so I stop messaging. But everytime we have run into each other he literally comes right up to me and starts talking to me. Once I was sitting in the library and I waved hello and did my own thing. He starts swearing really loudly on his laptop and my friends were saying how he was trying to get my attention. Also, he keeps staring at me intensely.

I have helped him out at events and he is extremely attentive and constantly checks if im ok and worries if im confused about anything. but as soon as I start responding to him he backs off immediately?

He is very very sociable with other people and is at such ease. I have felt very confused by him and it kind of hurts how I just don't understand his agenda. His lack of initation in pursuing a kind of friendship hurts but he keeps doing these odd things.

It has really hurt me as I started to really develop feelings for him and I constantly feel rejected. He cut contact with me recently after I overtly told him how I felt, and it hurts as friends were so sure he liked me and such.

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What would you do if a cute gay guy stalks you from the seat behind?

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What would you do if a cute gay guy stalks you from the seat behind?

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• 23 hours ago 23h ago

He keeps looking at you
writing love poems and notes
wanting to get touchy
blah de blah...

What is your personal reaction?

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Calling Girls "Trashy" is Disgustingly Sexist

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Calling Girls "Trashy" is Disgustingly Sexist

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• 22 hours ago 22h ago

I'm not a feminist, feminism seems disgustingly mainstream nowadays, but these old fashioned ideas of what a woman should be and look like are so outdated. Nowadays, and its always been like this, guys can look what what they want to look like and girls will still go for it because men are allowed to be whom they want with no punishment.

Whereas girls aren't allowed to have short hair, they aren't allowed to look "edgy" or "punk" or be hipsters or alternative and still considered hot. They aren't allowed to have multiple sexual partners or be any other than long haired softly spoken into hair and beauty types who dress in boring dresses and skirts and never swear and are choosy about whom they sleep with. I'm a bi girl and I don't get why guys go for supposedly "ladylike" girls like that at all. They are unsexy, boring prim and proper and probably awful in bed tbh.

Many of my hottest guy friends (I don't get on with girls because they are mostly conformist clones) have told me in private that they would go for totally different girls if they could, but are oppressed into liking and dating what "Hollywood" says is hot by the media and friends. AKA Stepford wife women. This needs to end.

A guy can get tattoos and wear cool fashion and be "sexy" but if a girl does it she is "trashy". This is sexist. :rolleyes:

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What is his problem?!

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What is his problem?!

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• 22 hours ago 22h ago

I'm a normal sociable girl and I met this guy earlier this year and we have a lot in common and things to talk about. He excessively compliments me about my personality and such, out of the blue he'll tell me how funny, charismatic, intelligent and interesting I am in front of lots of people and be really forthcoming.

However, whenever we are talking alone he acts very awkward and just stares at me very intensely. It is unusual as we will be talking about something very normal but he begins to become uncomfortable and then distances himself out of a sudden.

Once we were walking down the street talking about uni and he asks me what I think of him and tells me how he finds me so interestng and funny and as soon as I start talking about other things he suddenly says he needs to go a different direction really abruptly. Also, when he has seen me stressed he tells me how much 'faith' he has in me. wtf?

After a few of these instances, I get the impression he may be interested in me. We started talking over messaging but then suddenly out of the blue he becomes very cold and distant. He never initates to meet up at all and is very terse.

So I assume, ok he isn't very interested so I stop messaging. But everytime we have run into each other he literally comes right up to me and starts talking to me. Once I was sitting in the library and I waved hello and did my own thing. He starts swearing really loudly on his laptop and my friends were saying how he was trying to get my attention. Also, he keeps staring at me intensely.

I have helped him out at events and he is extremely attentive and constantly checks if im ok and worries if im confused about anything. but as soon as I start responding to him he backs off immediately?

He is very very sociable with other people and is at such ease. I have felt very confused by him and it kind of hurts how I just don't understand his agenda. His lack of initation in pursuing a kind of friendship hurts but he keeps doing these odd things.

It has really hurt me as I started to really develop feelings for him and I constantly feel rejected. He cut contact with me recently after I overtly told him how I felt, and it hurts as friends were so sure he liked me and such.

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Do men love more deeply than women?

Or is it vice versa?

I have begun to think about this after seeing stats that show women initiate divorce 90% of the time. I have also seen quotes like ""Marry a man who loves you more than you love him." said by women. Its seems to me the general consensus among women is that it's better if the man loves her more deeply than vice versa.

And if one thinks about relationships in general and how they are started it's usually the man who initiates contact, does the "pursuing", establishes a relationship, proposes etc etc. Its usually the man who does romantic gestures for the woman.

And also, this might be a silly example but in songs, books, poetry and so on. It's usually the woman who is the centre of attention and the one who recieves love. Male singers often sing about a particular woman and how they love her and stuff like that. Female singers usually sing about themselves, they rarely focus on the guy and if they do it's in a negative way.

It's just seems to me like men do the loving and women love to get loved.

On the other hands it's usually said that women are more nurturing and caring. And that they are usually the ones who get too attached and so on. But I don't know... to me it looks like the other way around when I look at relationship dynamics.

What do you think?

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Exploring various interpretations of the BETA MALE - GOOD or all P whipped pathetic?

When I 1st landed on TAM.. many threads on becoming more ALPHA.... but I noticed in a short time there were 2 different interpretations on what is...or it's ROLE, if any in a man's life...some feel it is ALL BAD, needs killed.. other feel it has it's GOOD ...and is NEEDED for a "well balanced" man...

The ALL PATHETIC / burn Beta at the stake view here >> Who Is the Beta Male? ...she goes on to say..

Quote:

BETA's display : unstable energy, passive tendencies, childish reasoning,they ignore their responsibilities to grow, fail to master their emotions/ destiny...they are closed to learning, their reasoning skills are stuck in grade school, they see themselves as Victims, they lack lack patience, integrity and self-control ...they seek to escape, ignore or evade reality, to win approval at any cost, seeks dishonest advantages..

Please notice the Pu**y whipped chart on Suzie's page for further characteristics contrasting the Winning ALPHA vs BETA also with "love women & sex" and "Life views"

WOW.. I am thinking... DAAMMNNNNN ... seems to me her write up is more for those severely caught in "Nice Guy syndrome" covered in Glover's No More Mr Nice Guy ... but really.. can anyone be THAT BAD!!!

Now here is the funny part (or embarrassing! Husband needs to do this to me - )...I have went on about HIM, referring to him as "tipped BETA" for as long as I have been posting here..... But I surely wasn't going by that woman's interpretation I'll tell you !!

I was going more by what Athol Kay has written....the author of The Married Man Sex Life Primer ...he was member when I arrived ....reading his posts...he has explained how the term has been hi-jacked by "Pick up artist" Blog writers running it into the ground as everything weak, insecure & worthless... he explained how men need a healthy balance of BOTH Alpha and Beta for a woman to be attracted, then feel safe with him...

His explaining the differences like this:

Quote:

The Alpha Traits are those associated with classic "manly man" strengths. Power, dominance, physical ability, bravery, wealth, cool and confidence. Oh and good genes. These are the things that attract women and turn them on sexually. The Alpha Traits are linked to the dopamine response in women. Alpha = attraction building = Dopamine = In Love = Excitement

Quote:

The Beta Traits are those associated with the strengths of being a nice guy / "family man". Kindness, being a good listener, the ability to help with the children, dependability, thoughtfulness, compassion and patience. These all create a sense of comfort and safety for the woman, and relax her because she feels that if she became pregnant, the Beta Trait male isn't going to abandon her and the baby. Beta = comfort building = Oxytocin / Vasopressin = Pair Bond = Calm Enjoyment"

So Alpha Traits create attraction and that "in love" feeling, and Beta Traits create the pair bond and makes her feel relaxed enough to have sex. You need a balance of both Alpha and Beta in a marriage to maximize her desire to have sex with you.....

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Can't see some pages because of ad.

Can someone do something about that?
It doesn't seem to matter if I'm logged in or not; some pages give the "Zales" ad and no matter what I try, I can't pull up the contents of the page the "Zales" ad blocks.
Help please!

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Family invites

My whatever, we are seperated, received a family invite to a mutual friends party for tonight. Rather than bringing up with me he took it upon himself to say that he will be going but not the kids. HHMMM what part of family invite was answered by me?
Don't I have a say? He said if he had the kids that night he would have taken them. Would he have asked me if it was ok?

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Falling in love during a seperation

Here it is. April of 2013 we got separated, june of 2013 I found a friend, we fell in love. Aug 2013 wife wants to reconcile, I cut off my lover for the sake of repairing my family. Jan 2014 find out my wife is cheating again with a different man and we separate again in feb of 2014. March 2014 I find my love again,june 2014 my love and I break up and I make the mistake of running to my wife and we have sex. june 2014 my love and I get back together. Aug 2014 my wife decides to contact my love and tell her we were together in june. My love leaves me. Sept 2014 my wife and I are trying to work on things.......If I can fix it I will....I don't know if I can......I still miss my love......nov 2014

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Need advice ladies

Mrs.CuddleBug has gone through major changes in the last 7 - 8 months or so. She has lost 50+ lbs, goes to the gym 4 days each week, eats right, new cloths, hairstyles, braces have straightened her teeth and her sex drive has gone up somewhat from 1x month to 2x - 3x week, when I bring up "us time".

Last evening, Mrs.CuddleBug and I were having sex and she told me, she prefers doggie style because I'm not on top of her and I am too heavy of a guy. Check my profile. So we are starting to do doggie style and I got too close to her anal area and she freaked out and yelled NO!!!! I didn't mean to do that on purpose, it was dark and I just got too close. Then later she tells me, if I ever did anal with her, no more sex for you!!!

That is the first time Mrs.CuddleBug has got mad and told me NO and threatened no sex if that ever happened.

She also still fights me licking and nibbling her breasts, which she loves and when I go down on her, she loves this but again, fights me on it. I have to push her hands to her sides to please her.


Do you think she was abused as a child?


She had a previous boyfriend, but they never went all the way and I was her first, so I doubt he did anything to her.


Will she ever got over her insecurities or never?

Is it something I will have to live with for our entire marriage?


Mrs.CuddleBug is 35 years old turning 36 on Dec 13.

We've been married over 15 years now.

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Is my frustration valid?

My wife complains all the time about not getting enough sleep and mind going in different directions. I personally have had these problems. But going on walks and doing 5 minutes of meditation in the morning has held me a lot.

My frustration is this. I keep telling her to atleast try to fix it. But all she comes up is with excuses. How can you whine about your problems and not even put in an effort to fix it?

Can i do something to get this point across? Encourage her a different way?

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Cling girlfriend - break off or not?

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Cling girlfriend - break off or not?

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• 48 minutes ago 48m ago

Been going out now for 9 months. At the start it was great, she was the most amazing girl I had ever met, I couldn't wait to get out of bed or finish my lectures so that I could go and see her. I got a feeling through my body that no girl had ever gave me before; things were great.

Until recently things we're going perfectly and we loved spending time with each other, both me and her it wasn't forced by either of us. Recently, we have started having more and more arguments. It has got to the point where these aren't little arguments but absolute raging arguments, where I must add she has hit me (not in my face) and threatened but has apologized in the morning to get me knocked out. I never see my friends anymore and have not been out with them for almost a month.

She has got so clingy, if she goes out with out me I will get several phone calls in the night and she will demand that she comes and stops at mine even when I have uni at 9 in the morning. When I go out if I haven't sent her a text by about 2 I will get raging voice mails and text's accusing me of doing something suspicious.

I have spoke to her about it recently and said if things don't change I will have to move on, as much as I don't want to. She agrees and things change for about a week, whilst I still get bombarded with phone calls and texts at least I get to spend time with my friends. When we have broke up once before she says she won't be alive by the end of the year (basically saying she will kill her self). She had tried long before I got with her but I thought that was in the past.

I just don't know what to do. It makes it much harder as well that she miscarried my baby, which we were going to abort anyway but it made her become more emotionally attached to me. (don't tell me about the importance of contraception) that is a completely different conversation and topic.

I just don't know what to do, break off and ignore her threats or try and make it work, even though it feels like I have been doing that for a life time.

Any help or similar stories would be appreciated.

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Question for girls

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Question for girls

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• 41 minutes ago 41m ago

If you've clearly being friendly and seem to be giving off a good vibe, would you be creeped out if a boy asked you for his number?

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How to hint to him that I like him?

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How to hint to him that I like him?

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• 19 minutes ago 19m ago

This is all going to sound a bit juvenile but I'm really new to all this as I've never been in a relationship. In college, we work in pairs and we were both alone so he asked if he could work with me. Anyway, we got on really well and talked about non-work related things. I noticed him blushing when I spoke to him which then made me blush crazily back, after we finished I just packed my things and left but he found me and came to say bye which I thought was nice.. I'm too nervous/embarrassed to tell him directly that I like him or I'll just start blushing or stuttering or something. Also, he's an international student and said he struggles a bit with English so I don't want to start talking about something he's not familiar with.

Should I just dress up more, or keep trying to talk about things that aren't to do with work or something?

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Thought I could handle being just colleagues/ friends but clearly wrong!

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Thought I could handle being just colleagues/ friends but clearly wrong!

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• 16 minutes ago 16m ago

Hi all!

Right here is a bit of background for those that want it (otherwise feel free to skip this section):
I am a 23 year old single girl, I've never had any sort of substantial realtionship having been lead on and allowing myself to fall for a couple of friends in the past who completely rejected me. Which I feel probably contributed to my low self esteem and inability to flirt with/ approach guys.
Basically I genuinely thought I had a chance with (and moved to be closer to) a good friend only to find out that he want'ed nothing to do with me really, and he's ended up going out with another girl, who in all fairness sounds perfect to hm and I am genuinely happy that he is happy. However since that absolute fail...

I started working for a company and, despite not intending to, have managed to fall for one of my colleague's. Technically I no longer work there (largely because it didn't fit in around my masters degree). But basically I don't thing there has ever been anyone I get on with quite as well. I spent the day with him recently and I just can't bear the idea of not seeing him anymore. We joke and laugh but also talk about more serious matters. I've met his dad (though briefly) and he has met my family, whilst helping with a few family issues (just proving how perfect he is).

Now normally I would at least tell myself I would do something about this either by; making a move, or by saying something. HOWEVER.... he has a girlfriend. She sounds lovely and they have been together a long time, although at the moment it's reasonably long distance. Occasionally he says things that make me think it might not be the perfect relationship but obviously I don't intent to interfere with them.

I just don't know how to get over him when I know that we would be great together. It's got to the point where we have inside jokes and can happily spend whole days together. I can't pretend I know how love works but it just feels so right being with him.
I'm reasonably sure he realises how I feel (another colleague told him but he may have been to dunk to remember)


SoooooAny advice?

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