| I was in a relationship with a girl I care about for the last 6 months and I thought I was in love with her until I met another girl on a night out. This girl is the most beautiful thing I have ever seen in my life, her eyes mesmerize me. I met her two months ago and I cant get her off my mind since. When we met I didn't tell her I was in a relationship and the second time we met we ended up having sex and I cant get enough of her. She discovered last week that I was with someone and she became so angry with me and the night she found out, I was working (im a cop) and she and I had a very heated argument in front of others which almost cost me my job! She wouldn't answer my calls or answer the door to me and the other night when I was out with some friends, She was there too. She kept dancing with other men and flirting with them, When I told her to behave herself she just told me to f**k off. I followed her outside and we ended up going somewhere private and had sex, When we came back inside she was off flirting with men again while smirking at me which really pissed me off!! I honestly do love this woman & I ended my relationship when this girl found out I was cheating with her, so I could be with the woman I love but she is acting like she doesn't care about me! When she goes out with her friends some weekends and I am working, I cant stand it because I was always a jealous person BUT with her I'm that bit worse! I know that I could handle her because putting up with any of her **** would be worth it just to be with her. | |||
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When you have had enough let it out. A forum style blog about relationship issues and concerns,join in and have your say.
Cheated on girlfriend with the woman I love
Headed for Divorce...
| I have been with my husband for 9 years. We have 2 young children. We have never had the "perfect" marriage (if there is such a thing), but we have built a good life together over the past 9 years and have been through a lot. About 4 months ago, my husband joined Facebook. I knew his password and even helped him set up the page. It was all fine. He found a lot of old friends from high school (male and female) and an old girlfriend (who is single, childless, and still lives like a carefree 20 year old partying, etc at 40+ years old) found him. He started chatting with her on FB. It was fairly innocent for the most part, but I noticed he was chatting with this girl more and more (a few times a week). He told her he was married and for how long... She was like "great!" and his first comment after that was "if you say so" and then he went on to gripe about me... red flag. There were a few other messages telling her her profile picture was "beautiful" and that she had "aged well"... that made me uncomfortable, and I told him about how I felt. He said I had nothing to worry about. He ended up changing his password after that... red flag. The messages got sent to his email and I checked that one day and she had sent him a message that she was in town (she lives about 4 hours away but has family up here) and he asked if she wanted to meet up. I was crushed. If it was so innocent, why was he hiding it? He did not end up meeting with her. I think he knew I saw the messages and felt guilty. That night, we had a huge fight about her and he said he would not talk to her anymore. He fought it for a long time and then just gave in and said he wouldn't talk to her, so I was kind of suspicious if he was just telling me what I wanted to hear, but I took that moment to really start making our relationship better... working on showing him love more, being intimate more, etc. doing things to make him happy. He did the same. Over the past 2 or so months, things have been pretty good for the most part and our relationship has gotten stronger, but I have still been snooping (bad I know) because I just have that gut feeling that he is still talking to her (and I was right). There are no phone calls to her number, and honestly, I think it is still pretty innocent, but I feel it has the potential to be more and there is definitely something there, whether anything has happened physically or not, it is definitely an emotional affair. About 2 weeks ago, I was checking his email and see an email from him joining an adult fling type of website from a couple of weeks before (there had been no activity on that account, but it is disturbing that he joined it... that was a whole other issue). He denies he did this and lied to my face about it. I did not tell him I saw the email. However, in that email it gave his password, which was that girls name! So I tried that password in his FB account and that is what he had changed the password to! So, as of the past couple of weeks, I see that he and this girl have talked some, but he deletes her messages so it looks like they haven't talked since June. I saw the other day that they messaged back and forth (I just happened to jump on there before he deleted it) and asked him if he had talked to her recently. He said he had not talked to her in over a month. What's more is in that message, he thanked her for stopping by to see him and she told him she was "happy to see" him. I really don't think he has physically cheated. He goes to work and comes home... That is about it, but if he hasn't done it yet, he is definitely open to it if he is joining that website and meeting up/talking to this girl. I asked him about her then without telling him that I saw those messages, and asked if he had talked to her in the past couple of weeks... he said no. I asked if he has ever met up with her... he said no. I just told him we both know he is lying, without telling him I know for a fact, and he denied it until he was blue in the face and then tried to make me look bad for not trusting him and accusing me of trying to control him. Gross. I honestly do not think anything has happened YET, but I feel like it is heading in that direction. If it was so innocent, why would he have to hide it? He says he loves me and wants to work on our marriage, but won't admit to being in contact with her or seeing her, and he won't unlock his Facebook. I feel that marriage should be 100% transparent. Those who have nothing to hide, hide nothing, right? I am an open book and I expect him to be too. The fact that he would lie to my face over and over is crushing me. I can overcome infidelity (at least once I think), but how is it even possible to move forward with him lying about it and still talking to her. I don't want to feel like I have to check up on him. I shouldn't have to feel like that. I want 100% trust. I don't know if that is even possible at this point. Should I even fight for this? I want to because I love him and we have 2 kids who need their dad around daily, but I am wondering if it is even salvageable. If so, how? While I do not want a divorce and would do ANYTHING to save my marriage, I feel like we are a step away from divorce because I refuse to live with someone who lies like that. I love him. I love our family. I want our family together. I want our kids to have their daddy here. I don't want to split up, but I am feeling like it is the only choice if he won't come clean about talking to/seeing that girl. Am I just an idiot for sticking it out this long or wanting to salvage things? Do you think it is even salvageable? If so, HOW? Sorry this is a novel. I have about a million things going through my head right now. | |||
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Infidelity and No Win Situations
| Before I was shipped off to banned camp, I was on a thread which had a woman who had a ONS. That, obviously is totally wrong. She inflicted this information on her friend, who should not have had to bear the responsibility. It was a choice. She needed to vent and she was according to all reports, torn up with guilt. Now, unless you assume that her communication in confidence to a trusted friend is automatically a lie, we are stuck with the fact that these are her true feelings. Here is the rub: Hubby arbitrarily stated to his wife that if she cheated, she was history. Period. End of Sentence. End of Marriage. Now...he can make that choice. But I can't help but feel that she is now stuck in a no win situation. Yes, she should never have cheated. Please don't bother discussing that because it isn't interesting in this discussion. HOWEVER...if you can believe that people can make mistakes, regret mistakes, and perhaps change...what exactly is she supposed to do? If she tells the truth, she doesn't have a marriage according to her beliefs. So if she tells the truth, she is leaving a marriage she (again, according to her) desperate to keep together. So...she lies and has to 'continue to lie'. Some characterize this as not serious remorse and cake eating. If she had a sense that she could tell and perhaps maintain her marriage, I get a sense she would. She doesn't have those assurances. This strikes home to me because my wife and I both shared these sentiments with each other. But having reviewed her situation, I am struck with how this shuts down both Reconcilliation and discussion. If one make a 'mistake' one is forced to lie. Yes, better not to cheat to begin with. Let us not belabor the obvious. What are your thoughts? I am stuck. | |||
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Passive Aggression: What is it and how does it manifest?
| I've read so many threads and posts here where someone is accusing or being accused of passive aggression, I decided to explore what passive aggression really is. This article is from PsychCentral and is written by GILLIAN FOURNIER. Passive Aggression | Encyclopedia of Psychology A defense mechanism, which may or may not be fully conscious, characterized by failing to perform one's duties in personal or work-related settings. This defense mechanism is a less obvious form of abuse. It is not immeadiately evident that you are a victim because the abuse in this case is hidden by typical actions that seem to be normal behavior (sometimes they can even seem to have loving intentions). This issue arises when someone can't seem to find a way to manage their angry in a normal or healthy manner. According to the website listed below the following behaviors could be deemed passive agressive: ambiguity (rarely making an effort to actually explain what they mean), forgetfulness, blaming, lack of anger, a fear of dependency, fear of intimacy, obstructionism, victimization, and procrastination. Here is a definition of each and a more in-depth description of passive agression: Passive Aggressive Behavior: A Form of Domestic Abuse Example: A medical office worker is shown how to score a simple , symptom inventory. She consistently makes careless errors and says she can't help it. This is the article from the link. Passive Aggressive Behavior: A Form of Covert Abuse By Cathy Meyer, About.com Guide Passive Aggressive behavior is a form of covert abuse. When someone hits you or yells at you, you know that you've been abused. It is obvious and easily identified. Covert abuse is subtle and veiled or disguised by actions that appear to be normal, at times loving and caring. The passive aggressive person is a master at covert abuse. Passive aggressive behavior stems from an inability to express anger in a healthy way. A person's feelings may be so repressed that they don't even realize they are angry or feeling resentment. A passive aggressive can drive people around him/her crazy and seem sincerely dismayed when confronted with their behavior. Due to their own lack of insight into their feelings the passive aggressive often feels that others misunderstand them or, are holding them to unreasonable standards if they are confronted about their behavior. Common Passive Aggressive Behaviors: Ambiguity: I think of the proverb, "Actions speak louder than words" when it comes to the passive aggressive and how ambiguous they can be. They rarely mean what they say or say what they mean. The best judge of how a passive aggressive feels about an issue is how they act. Normally they don't act until after they've caused some kind of stress by their ambiguous way of communicating. Forgetfulness: The passive aggressive avoids responsibility by "forgetting." How convenient is that? There is no easier way to punish someone than forgetting that lunch date or your birthday or, better yet, an anniversary. Blaming: They are never responsible for their actions. If you aren't to blame then it is something that happened at work, the traffic on the way home or the slow clerk at the convenience store. The passive aggressive has no faults, it is everyone around him/her who has faults and they must be punished for those faults. Lack of Anger: He/she may never express anger. There are some who are happy with whatever you want. On the outside anyway! The passive aggressive person may have been taught, as a child, that anger is unacceptable. Hence they go through life stuffing their anger, being accommodating and then sticking it to you in an under-handed way. Fear of Dependency: From Scott Wetlzer, author of Living With The Passive Aggressive Man. "Unsure of his autonomy and afraid of being alone, he fights his dependency needs, usually by trying to control you. He wants you to think he doesn't depend on you, but he binds himself closer than he cares to admit. Relationships can become battle grounds, where he can only claim victory if he denies his need for your support." Fear of Intimacy: The passive aggressive often can't trust. Because of this, they guard themselves against becoming intimately attached to someone. A passive aggressive will have sex with you but they rarely make love to you. If they feel themselves becoming attached, they may punish you by withholding sex. Obstructionism: Do you want something from your passive aggressive spouse? If so, get ready to wait for it or maybe even never get it. It is important to him/her that you don,t get your way. He/she will act as if giving you what you want is important to them but, rarely will he/she follow through with giving it. It is very confusing to have someone appear to want to give to you but never follow through. You can begin to feel as if you are asking too much which is exactly what he/she wants to you to feel. Victimization: The passive aggressive feels they are treated unfairly. If you get upset because he or she is constantly late, they take offense because; in their mind, it was someone else's fault that they were late. He/she is always the innocent victim of your unreasonable expectations, an over-bearing boss or that slow clerk at the convenience store. Procrastination: The passive aggressive person believes that deadlines are for everyone but them. They do things on their own time schedule and be damned anyone who expects differently from them. The Passive Aggressive and You: The passive aggressive needs to have a relationship with someone who can be the object of his or her hostility. They need someone whose expectations and demands he/she can resist. A passive aggressive is usually attracted to co-dependents, people with low self-esteem and those who find it easy to make excuses for other's bad behaviors. The biggest frustration in being with a passive aggressive is that they never follow through on agreements and promises. He/she will dodge responsibility for anything in the relationship while at the same time making it look as if he/she is pulling his/her own weight and is a very loving partner. The sad thing is, you can be made to believe that you are loved and adored by a person who is completely unable to form an emotional connection with anyone. The passive aggressive ignores problems in the relationship, sees things through their own skewed sense of reality and if forced to deal with the problems will completely withdraw from the relationship and you. They will deny evidence of wrong doing, distort what you know to be real to fit their own agenda, minimize or lie so that their version of what is real seems more logical.This is why divorcing a passive aggressive can and often does lead to a high conflict situation with long-term negative consequences for all involved. Page 2: The passive aggressive will say one thing, do another, and then deny ever saying the first thing. They don't communicate their needs and wishes in a clear manner, expecting their spouse to read their mind and meet their needs. After all, if their spouse truly loved them he/she would just naturally know what they needed or wanted. The passive aggressive withholds information about how he/she feels, their ego is fragile and can't take the slightest criticism so why let you know what they are thinking or feeling? God forbid they disclose that information and you criticize them. Confronting the Passive Aggressive: Beware, if you confront the passive aggressive he/she will most likely sulk, give you the silent treatment or completely walk away leaving you standing there to deal with the problem alone. There are two reasons for confronting the passive aggressive. One, if done correctly you may be able to help him/her gain insight into the negative consequences of their behaviors. Two, even if that doesn't happen, it will at least give you the opportunity to talk to him/her in a frank way about how his/her behavior affects you. If nothing else you can get a few things "off your chest." Below are some constructive ways to confront someone with passive aggressive behavior: Make your feelings the subject of the conversation and not his/her bad behaviors. Don't attack his/her character. Make sure you have privacy. Confront him/her about one behavior at a time, don't bring up everything at once. If he/she needs to retreat from the conversation allow them to do it with dignity. Have a time limit, confrontation should not stretch on indefinitely. If he/she tries to turn the table on you, do not defend your need to have an adult conversation about your feelings. Be sure he/she understands that you care about what happens to them, that you love them and that you are not trying to control them. You are only trying to get to the bottom of your disagreements and make the relationship better. Inside the Passive Aggressive: The passive aggressive has a real desire to connect with you emotionally but their fear of such a connection causes them to be obstructive and engage in self-destructive habits. He/she will be covert in their actions and it will only move him/her further from his/her desired relationship with you. The passive aggressive never looks internally and examines their role in a relationship problem. They have to externalize it and blame others for having shortcomings. To accept that he/she has flaws would be tantamount to emotional self-destruction. They live in denial of their self-destructive behaviors, the consequences of those behaviors and the choices they make that cause others so much pain. The passive aggressive objectifies the object of their desire. You are to be used as a means to an end. Your only value is to feed his/her own emotional needs. You are not seen as a person with feelings and needs but as an extension of him/her. They care for you the way they care for a favorite chair. You are there for their comfort and pleasure and are of use as long as you fill their needs. The passive aggressive wants the attention and attachment that comes with loving someone but fears losing his/her independence and sense of self to his/her spouse. They want love and attention but avoid it out of fear of it destroying them. You have to be kept at arms length and if there is an emotional attachment it is tenuous at best. The only hope for change in the way they deal with relationship issues is if they are able to acknowledge their shortcomings and contributions to the marital problems. Facing childhood wounds, looking internally instead of externally to find the cause of problems in their life will help them form deeper emotional attachments with a higher sense of emotional safety. Do we all do some of these things? Is it fairly "normal" to expect some passive aggressive behavior in any relationship? Can you give an example of what you have experieced and why you consider it to be passive aggressive abuse? Is it simply the target's perception that defines passive aggressive abuse? Have you experienced passive aggressive abuse in areas of your life other than in a committed relationship, like work, at the coffee shop, etc.? Can those be considered abuse or are they just someone using "loving lies" to help you to understand their point of view? | |||
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Fiance criticised my body
| Hi everyone, This is my first post here, I'm not married but engaged to my partner of the past 4 years but am starting to have my doubts and need some advice. We get along great in terms of shared values, sense of humour, physically are well matched, great sex life, we seem to complement each other in so many ways. We have know each other since college days and were together back then, split up.. and then refound each other some 25 years later and it was romance again the second time around. So what's the problem... well... my fiance has started to criticise me. It started a few weeks back with a comment which came out of the blue. He told me I used to have bigger firmer breast when I was younger. He actually touched my chest as he said it. It was totally out of the blue. We had been out and he had literally just rubbernecked at some young girl on the street. We walked into the house and he made the remark. Am I right to feel insulted? A few days later we had an argument about it and he initially even denied saying it! Then he had the nerve to say that I should be lucky that "someone loves me at my age". Also I called him out on a couple of rubbernecking incidents in the street recently where he almost fell over himself turning to get a better look at a woman's bottom. It was so embarrassing and after him criticising my body, I felt as if I wanted to shove his ring up his ass. It felt really insulting and I am not sure I want to take this relationship forward. Am I overreacting? The crazy thing is the rest of the time can be so good... but I can't let this go, he just keeps saying sorry and he didn't mean to hurt me with the comment but won't explain why he said it out of the blue. The not explaining is driving me crazy. Please advise! | |||
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Intimacy after an affair
| My husband had an affair. Its ended now and we are in counseling and both want to work on the marriage. Intimacy was an issue prior to the affair, it was basically non existent. I would like to start taking steps towards becoming intimate again but I'm very scared if I can handle it emotionally. Does anyone know of any exercises or steps that we can do to progress into this slowly to make sure I can handle this step? Thanks in advance | |||
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Would you be okay if your boyfriend or girlfriend had a lot of guy/girls friends?
| I am dealing with my boyfriend having A LOT of female friends and it is starting to get to me know :( Would you guys care or would it not bother you? Be honest | |||
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Getting paranoid and feeling below the standards women expect
| http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TaF_nvqoRXA http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P1mvjxqMonM After watching these videos from Emily Hart, I'm starting to get a bit worried. My girlfriend has been on holiday for the last 4 weeks which gave me enough time to start thinking maybe I'm not good enough for her. For example '10 Reasons She Dumped You' -You let yourself go: she wants a six-pack I had a yoghurt today along with meals so I've messed up there and it adds up. Also I only got 6 hours sleep which is suboptimal for max testosterone. I've never really been very confident body-wise -No ambition I have a part-time job and studying at a Russell Group Uni with a scholarship but I've been depressed and suffer anxiety which mean I probably haven't performed as well as I was supposed to. Also my colleagues seem to assume I'm stupid and the girls there try to stay away from me I don't actually know what I want to do career-wise so to me that would probably translate to no ambition? -You weren't funny probably not. Again the girls in work seem to cringe when they speak to me, whereas my supervisor (who's younger than me but is far more confident) has some of them really interested in him. He just seems a lot more 'manly'-more confident, cocky, and he's better built as well. I think he's smarter too despite having come straight from college which makes me wonder whether I should be in university I don't really feel women would be interested in me and that my gf likes me mainly because she thinks I'm the boy she met a few years ago, rather than my current self who's I won't say 'but a shadow' as that's cringe-worthy but lesser I feel This is really getting me down because I don't even know if the tips suggested here are high maintenance or I'm just really lacking in some areas :/ Of course it doesn't mean every girl has the same values but as a benchmark it does suggest I fail | |||
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We both seem to be ignoring the fact that we're never going to see each other again
| We've been dating for 3 or 4 months now and got very serious very fast. In other peoples eyes we are in a relationship but we never made anything official (we've said it definitely would be had the timing been different) because from the start we've known it couldn't last due to him leaving to study in Australia for several years. He's leaving in just over a week, thing is we haven't really talked about what happens next. Im in love with him (though I've not said it to him) and I don't see myself dating anyone else because in my mind I would feel like I was cheating on him which sounds stupid I know. I would give LDR a shot but if we're not officially together now I don't see much point in being officially together when hes halfway across the world for years...In the past we've made it sound as though we'll keep in touch but I don't know if we'd be better off just trying to move on and cutting contact. At the moment it's like we're both ignoring the fact he's going, I think that's due in part to the fact we're not going to get the chance to properly say goodbye as we planned, we're not going to see each other again before he leaves. I feel in a way reducing the amount of contact from now on may be easier and let it possibly just fade out. I don't want to just cut contact now because I know that he's relying on me to support him emotionally due to the stress and nerves of such a big move. I just don't know what to do, I guess this is just my way of trying to sort out whats going through my head at the moment | |||
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Boyfriend gone travelling for 2weeks
| So my boyfriend has gone travelling with a couple of his friends for 2 weeks and left me at home in our flat. We live an hour away from my family and I don't really have anyone around here. His friends have girlfriends but they don't treat it important or seriously. They have been out there a week and my boyfriend at least updates me with at least 1text a day just to let me know how he is and where they all are. His friends haven't even bothered texting their girlfriends once throughout the whole trip. My boyfriend has text the one to let her know they are ok. My concern is that I don't trust his friends at all. They act like they are single all the time and when my boyfriend told me they were spending 3 days in Amsterdam I started to worry about the trip. I trust my boyfriend with all my heart but I don't trust his friends and what they will get up to with him. I also hate the fact I have been left on my own throughout all of this. After a week i t's finally getting to me. I'm fed up of eating on my own etc. I feel like he hasn't cared much or thought about me when he was planning this. He has told me he is having enough of it all. But is he just saying that? Living on your own with no family around is difficult. Especially when the person I live with leaves for 2 weeks. Posted from TSR Mobile | |||
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Should the decision to move in together be judged by age?
| Should an adult couple hold back on moving in together simply because of their age? What if they've been together years, are mature for their age and financially stable and feel like living together is right for them, but they're only 18/19/20, for example? Should fears relating to this, such as the reaction of their parents, stop a young couple from making the move? All opinions appreciated :) | |||
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crying all morning
| My boyfriend of one year and I broke up a few days ago and we talked briefly last night. We lived together the last few months of our relationship. And the talk made me an emotional wreck. He said that when I moved in - it felt comfortable, it felt right. He felt like I was his wife. We lived in a small studio apartment and I would always feel claustrophobic. He said his only regret is that he didn't have a place big enough to give me my space so I could be more comfortable. He told me how he still reaches out for me at night and hears me in his head. He said that I was everything he could ask for in a woman and and much more and any man would be lucky to have me in his life. He told me I was family to him and he never really felt that before - that I was a part of him. He said that I had the biggest influence on him than anyone ever had on his life and it made him come to terms with a lot of the shitty things he does to people and some of the horrible decisions he's made in life. He said that my presence forced him to work hard to become a better man. I was and will always be special to him because with me he had something that he never had before and his on ly regret was how horribly he treated me. He and I are so deeply connected that we experience each others emotions and it physically hurts him every time he sees how upset, hurt or disappointed I am. He's been in a few relationships and even though he was in love, he was always unhappy. He loves his family but he feels indifference towards them and everyone else and he doesnt know how to change it. He's seeing a counselor and told me that he can't ask me to wait around for him because he doesnt know if he'll ever change or if he does, how long it'll take. And he doesn't want to hurt me anymore and to be honest, I'm tired of being hurt. I just don't understand why he's like this. And please don't tell me it doesnt matter now - I loved him and in such a short amount became a part of me and I don't understand why it's complicated and if he feels all of this, why he can't be happy. I know I have to move forward but I need to accept what's happened first. | |||
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Best advice you have been given about getting more sex from LD?
| LD's win all the arguments by calling the HD a perv. :rofl: Shall we create a catalogue of effective advice to get more ass from LD's? | |||
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Feeling guilty about wife working
| My wife and I are right around 40 years old, have been married for 4 years now, and live comfortably as a two-income family (we have a 10mo girl and hope to have another child sometime in next year). My income is about double my wife's. My wife works hard as a sports instructor and although she works indoors in a comfortable environment, she is on her feet most of the day. Since she mostly instructs classes for children, her work day is structured around the times children can take classes which means she usually starts late afternoon and works well into the evening, sometimes as late as 8pm. Before work (7am-3pm-ish), she is full-time mom. She is industrious, dedicated, and very good at what she does. My wife gets very defensive when I have repeatedly expressed my sadness that I get very limited time with her, usually not until 7 or later. She is simply exhausted by the time she gets home so our time together is usually spent decompressing. Our weekends are great but just too short! We could probably make it on one income if we needed to. But it would involve tightening our belts and prolonging moving into a house that is more suitable for our future family size. I think my wife would not like this any more than I do. My wife says that she doesn't enjoy working so late but that is the nature of her work and there isn't anything she can do about it. She also confesses that this is demanding work and she doesn't want to be doing it forever. However, she doesn't have any experience doing anything else and I have no idea what kind of alternative employment she could find. I love my wife to death. I hate the fact she is having to work. I feel guilty. But at the same time, I feel that responsible adults should be employed. (exceptions for extreme caretaker responsibilities, i.e. 3+ kids, senior care, etc) Deep within, I feel that my wife should have chosen a better career that is more suitable for family life. On the same exact note, I feel that I should earn more money that she should not have to work at all. Should I feel guilty that I expect my wife to work? Is it wrong that I am disappointed by the idea that I will have to sacrifice luxuries like nicer cars and vacations because my wife chose a line of work that involves sports rather than any other office job? I am willing to sacrifice everything for the benefit of my family, especially my children, and I just secretly wish my wife would change gears and try to pursue another career path rather than just throwing her hands up and saying "well, I'm too old to do this any longer". Personally, I would rather go find a second source of income (2nd job, etc) if she quit working rather than sacrifice things like vacations, etc. | |||
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My bf's ex has moved in with him
| So I posted before about my boyfriend and the fact hisfamily are still dead close to his ex when I did that I thought it was complicated but now its more so! A bit of background I explained there: My boyfriends family are great - he has a 3 brothers,2 ofwho met there gfs at 14 and 16 I think and there still together & a twinsister who's been with her boyfriend for a year now. I really like them but Ido feel a bit like the new girl I guess cause there all close, like reallyclose. My boyfriend (who's 18 btw) broke up with his ex a year ago, quiteamicably until then he'd been with her since he was 15. From what I know herparents died when she was 13 and she lived with her gran and his family really kinda took her under there wing So like I said in that thread her parents died and shelives with her nan, so then the other day her nan passed away suddenly – whichis tragic and I feel really bad for her! And she called my bf like as soon asit happened & he dropped everything and went round – which is fine, I don'thave a problem at all! He knew her gran really well so who would she call buthim, and of course he should go, he's incredibly kind and that's one of thethings I love about him! His dad then told her to move in with them for a whilecause shes got nowhere else – which is again understandable but means that nowshes the 90% of the time rather than occasionally like I was saying in my otherthread. Then there was the funeral, obviously I didn't know hernan but they were all like 'yeah come come', so I went. And she was giving a eulogybut she was really struggling to do it so my bf got up and hugged her and hedid it instead (he did a really good speech considering he was making it up ashe went along). And then we went to the wake and he kind of got caught up standingwith her doing the whole thanking people for coming as they came and went so Iwas just sitting with his brothers & sister and there partners, which Idon't have a problem with because if he was he type of guy that would leave herto do that by herself he wouldn't be the guy that im in love with but you'knowwhen you can feel strangers looking at you like trying to work out where youfit in, I think people probably assumed he was with her, and I think herealised that too cause he brought it up when we were driving back. It wassomething like: Him: sorry I couldn't spend more time with you today. Webroke up on good terms, I still care about her and I knew her gran well and shedosent have anyone else, you get that yeah? Me: (what could i say?) yeah totally I get that, it'sfine. Him: I knew you would We drove for a bit Him: you don't like her though do you? (he was grinning) Me: I dont not like her...we're just very different Him: your not half as different as you think you are!Underneath all the bull***** she's not as tough as she makes out, she justpushes everyone away before they really know her that's why she ends up with noone! But I promise you in like 3yrs time you'll get on great! So then on top of all that Dane works at a boat yardwhich he really likes but mountain biking his passion and she's a photographer,she does work for magazines and she's somehow got his assignment on something mountain-bikeyand she's got him doing the tricks and everything, which again how can I beannoyed about that cause it's his dream to make a living on his bike and itsreally good exposure for him but its, I dunno, it's her and his project, and hetalks to me about it cause he's really excited about it, I guess its justanother thing they've got. And she's all daney this and daney that and yet whenwe're sitting on the sofa and he goes to hold my hand or put his arm round me Ifeel awkward like I shouldn't be doing that in front of her - tbh I feel likeI'm having an affair with MY own boyfriend!! Haha I mean it's ridiculous really, it's silly. I mean I know I sound like im moaning, which I guess I am, but I can't stress enough that he's great! he's so sweet and honest and romantic andeasy going and a little bit shy. I cant quite say why but my gut tells me I don't trust her as far as I could throw her but I trust him completely and utterly! - put simply he's my fairytale guy but just sometimes I I get this nagging feeling like maybeit's their fairytale…I just feel like I haven't got any options I cant tell hisfamily what to do, I cant tell him not to be nice to this girl when shes lostany family shes got, what kind of b*tch would that make me – but sometimes Ijust feel like a bit of a lemon! Any words of wisdom? | |||
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am I being stupid?
| My boyfriends going to university in September, we've been together for 14 months and I'm worried that he's going to cheat or leave me because of university. I'm not going to university, I've decided to take some time out of education after finishing this a levels this year. And start again, when I know what I want to do. So until then, I'm moving out to live on my own (gain independence) and working full time. My last serious (only had two my ex and current boyfriend) boyfriend, left me after a month of being at uni for a girl he met and he cheated on me too - so you can obviously see why I'm worried? I know everyone's different, but it's causing me to worry, get depressed and just making me be horrible to him because I think "well he's only gonna cheat on me". Hes not going that far away, hour by car -30/40 mins in train. I just have no idea how to confront the conversation with him :( Or stop myself being scared. | |||
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Unable to Love again.
| Hey everyone. I am 34 years of age and have only been in love once in my life. I have never been married, nor have I ever had the chance to find a good woman to give me children. The woman that I loved was 43 years of age with 3 children. The relationship did not work out because she angered me, and I ended it because she had caused me so much pain. When I was with her I was supportive and loving. I would console her in rough times and provide for her when she needed help. I was always there for her when it counted. I am not without fault though. I did not call her enough, and promises I made her were broken because of my financial situation. She lived a state away and I had other issues going on in my life at the time. I ended the relationship because she was hanging out with some guy and they appeared to be intimate. I told her if thats the guy you want to be with, then go ahead. She swore to me up and down that it was nothing and that I was over reacting. When I ended things, she told me that i was a 'Mind F**K' and that I screwed with her head. That I was all talk. She would accuse me of cheating on her when I never did. I told her that how can I have something else going on when I sent her finances. I just do not send any random person money. I told her that I loved her which is why I sent her finances to support her in tough times. A month later she hooks up with the guy. When she had her new guy I was enraged and I felt so betrayed :swear: . I said some really mean things to her. Come to find out later on that she did it to hurt me. Turns out that a freind of mine knew an ex of her's and he told me that she is no good. Put him in debt and cheated on him. She tells me that her ex is a liar. Drama right? Anyways when I confronted her about her ex and cussed her out calling her all kinds of bad names, she swears to me that her ex bf is a liar and that she 'Thinks of me every day'. We started to talk again and everything was fine. One day I told her not to shut me out again and she got upset. She said that she has been trying to communicate when she was able too, but I was referring to the past not the present. This was 4 months ago. Why did she say she thinks about me everyday? I cannot love again because I gave so much support to this woman. I loved her kids like my own so it is like I got my heart broken 4 times. I am afraid of getting hurt again. I have tried to let it go but I just cannot. I am always angry and sad and I go back and forth. She does not respond to me no matter how hard I try to figure things out. .. | |||
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how would you interpret this?
| Bob says to lucy that fred wants to be first in her eyes, the favourite etc and lucy says well he's not and if thats what he wants he is going the wrong way about getting it Note that in this scenario, if fred was indeed the favourite/first in his eyes, it would be frowned upon. Note also that everything lucy does suggests that fred is the favourite/first in her eyes. what did lucy mean by her comment? and do u think it was the truth? | |||
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