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"You're beautiful" or "You're interesting"?

So I was dating a guy which ended a few months ago as he was moving abroad for work.

One thing that sticks out in my mind is him telling me "I like spending time with you, you're really interesting", but I don't think in the duration of knowing him he ever complimented my appearance.

Would you rather have someone compliment you on your personality i.e telling you you're interesting or fun etc or be complimented on your appearance? Because I always wondered if he was actually physically attracted to me because he very rarely mentioned my appearance.


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Family at war.Marriage suffering Too what a mess :(

Hi ladies I'm after a bit of advice.
i'm 21 weeks pregnant after ivf everything is really hard at the minute

There is a lot to this so I've tried to narrow it down a bit. Its very long*
So I understand those that want to read and run..*

Lots of family arguments are going on at the moment and I guess I'm asking for advice because I can't think straight recently.

My sister is younger than me and has 4 children and twins due any day.
My sister is under the watch of social services due to various reasons, she married her husband 6 weeks after knowing him and a few months later they
were out drinking and he beat her up really badly* * He has a drink problem and previous domestic violence charges... A month later she is pregnant with twins by him….. Really Clever!*

She has had her problems in the past drinking, drugs (all whilst pregnant) which as you can imagine struggling with conceiving my own child was very difficult for me to see her not appreciating her children. All she wanted to do was go out and party and would leave the children with anyone who'd babysit them. She is lazy, never worked a day on her life none of her children were planned and between the six there are at least three different dads
We are not close anymore as you can imagine! Haven't been for years.

My mum always runs around for her dropping her kids off at school picking them up, feeding them, clothing them and taking them to doctors hospital appointments etc

My mum has turned down invites to holidays etc because she has to be there for my sister. My mum and step dads marriage is so strained because of her, he thought he'd be enjoying time with my mum now we're all grown up and be a grandparent. Now he finds himself pretty much a full time dad again!

With all this going on with the social services my mum has become stressed and worried that the children will be taken in to care but* it seems to be my mum fighting for the children etc. shes terrified they'll be taken into care.

My mum* doesn't sleep hardly eats and she does this all around working her own business too she looks awful.* ** I don't see why she wont back off and let my sister sort it out and stepup and be a mum. She knows she isn't capable I'm guessing, even though she wont admit that she defends her

My sister has thrown accusations around about me and the rest of the family that we are reporting her to social services?!* Also That when we used to have my nephews stay over we would question them?!* We've never questioned them they are just children!
My sister is paranoid!

She sent me a nasty text after reading some texts I had sent to my mum which was nothing insulting about her just the truth about how I feel about it all how Im worried my mum is taking on too much, how she is tired all the time etc.
I've taken the back seat for years whilst my sister has caused havoc.

My sister* in the text has now stopped me seeing my four nephews whom I love very much* I feel she is doing this out of spite to hurt me and not considering what her children need.

Her one son age 6 told me the other day he wanted me to be his mummy? That's not right is it? I know my nephews love me and my husband very much.

My mum defends her a lot and will stick by her whatever. She says that my sister is changing and that she just needed to realise what she could lose i.e. her gorgeous children…
I dont think she will ever chamnge her eldest is 7 what does she need to realise?! her children are lovely!
Me and my mum don't seem to agree on it all and its making it very difficult for me and my mum to have a normal relationship.

My mum says I don't ever contact her,I don't often because she has no time for me. My mum is very needy and she likes running around after my sister and playing mummy to them, I'm the wrong one for growing up being a good person making a life for myslef and not clinging to her a$$! Doesn't seem fair!
I will bring my child up myself because I want to.

I guess my mum sees it that she has more at stake to lose with my sister and her 6 kids :nope: she doesn't want to be lonely later in life I know that. My mum is very insecure.
She is loving and was a fantastic mum but she likes to be needed a bit too much. She says she would do the same for me if I needed her, the difference is I wouldn't expect my mum to mop up the mistakes I make in life. i want to pamper her etc make her proud and show her what a good mum I will be

Would my child be different to her other grandchildren becasue she spends so much time with them?

She says he wants a relationship with us both and does not favour any of us.
She makes me feel guilty for speaking my mind and how I feel

I've just really had enough I really do feel depressed and Im* angry my sister can start the arguments when Im pregnant…*

Shes hiding away whilst my mum is on the frontline defending her and arguing with the family members who dare try and sort this out

I don't feel anything will ever change, my mum is scared to tell my sister to sort it out as my sister will do the same to her- cut her off from the children…
My sister is very manipulative and clever

Me and my meet once a week at a pub to see each other whilst my sister is lounging around at my mums home waiting for her to get back.
Why should my relationship be like this with my mum?

My husband is so angry he doesn't want my mum at our house. I understand hes angry and trying to protect me as I am
So low recently.


My sister hasn't just fallen out with me but my dad and aunty too.
She has caused a massive problem in the family. We are so different I don't see how we can ever sort this. My mum thinks I shoudl sort it so I can see my nephews. I cant I'm so angry with her and my opinions of her won't change.

I am supposed to be enjoying the most happiest time of my life and all I seem to do is cry.

What kind of family will my baby have? What will happen at Christmas? I can't go to the house.
I can't even look at pictures of my nephews it hurts too much I miss them.

My mum is going to be hurt when she can't see our child :(

Please help
My husband and I are feeling the strain and I can't cope
With this too
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My husband won't accept anything my mum buys for our baby




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Real problems

So I have been married 4 years. And every year my wife go through physical altercation....no I don hit her in fact she hits me. I of course just hold her till she calm down but now it has made me fall out of love with her and find myself trying to be with other ppl I tried leaving but I am surrounded by ppl who don't believe in divorce. And make it hard for me to walk away. We have 2 kids and there honestly the only reason why I am still married. I have expressed this to my wife and she's during her best but I still am not in love with her anymore




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should I be worried about marriage counseling?

My 18yr marriage is in trouble. I refuse to give up. I feel I have everything a married woman would want in a husband. She's just not interested in anything I have to offer (besides my fathering skills and my paycheck).

I have been told many many times by various people, friends, church leaders, popular book authors etc. that traditional marriage counseling is very risky... that it often ends up with a divorce because it wants to bring couples back to unhappy & dark times in the marriage.. .that somehow this is needed to make a happy marriage.
My wife already has a personal problem with un-forgiveness and holding grudges. If her mind were brought back to dark times... I don't think she could recover. She'd be infactuated on dwelling in the past.
I want help for her but I'm scared traditional marriage counseling will cause a divorce. I know marriage counselors need to make a living... but not at the expense of my marriage. Is there a different type of marriage counseling?




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Men dancing

I, like the majority of American men, don't like to dance or know how to dance.

Women are usually better dancers. It's considered to be feminine and real men don't dance. My dad (in his 60's) dances and the men of his generation usually aren't afraid to dance.

I notice that in clubs it's usually mostly women on the floor with men on the sides. I wonder if they would appreciate male company.

I was thinking about taking dancing lessons in a group kind of thing but I'm not sure. I think that I would never get good at it.

Men: is dancing (by men) feminine to you?
Women: how do you look at men who can dance?




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Ladies: What do you like about your bodies?

Inspired by this thread:

http://www.thestudentroom.co.uk/show....php?t=2426117

One user suggested a thread about what you like about your bodies as opposed to dislike. Hopefully someone hasn't already made this!

So, what do you like about your physical appearance? :)




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I find British guys unattractive

And I'm British myself and have been so all my life. I don't mean to generalise or insult people, but I've noticed that (as a general rule, probably due to culture) British guys (and girls, too) of around uni age often tend to be a bit less grown up then people from other cultures at university. I personally find lots of their common traits very unattractive, though I'm not saying that they're necessarily a bad thing, I just don't like them in a potential partner.

Of course, there are guys (and girls!) who drink too much, don't know what they want to do for a career, and see ranking up notches on their bedpost as some kind of achievement in any culture, but I've noticed it's especially prevalent over here as a lot of people here don't have to work, save up or really do much "growing up" before they get to university. Even my "geekiest" and "nerdiest", most "un-laddish" friends who get top grades still spend hours on pointless hobbies instead of improving themselves and think getting so drunk you are sick is a brilliant idea.

I have lots of American guy friends at university there as my mum is American, and they've often had to work a lot before going to uni there as they have no general student loan system and funding is often scarce. They generally seem a lot more mature, grounded and family-minded, though you still get the "party animals" ofc. TBH I could see myself marrying an American guy, generally speaking many of them seem to have their priorities straight.

I've also noticed British guys (even the usually outgoing sporty types) are often shyer, less forward and less into asking a girl out compared to guys from other cultures. In fact, I've had far more attention from my foreign friends than I do British guys (around a third of them have expressed interest) and I don't even have that many foreign friends apart from American ones. I like it when a guy is masculine and takes the initiative, so this really puts me off. In cases where a British guy has really chased me all he has obviously wanted was sex. I find those PUA types who profess to be "good with women" disgusting and lacking in life ambition, so obviously I said no to that.

Of course not all British guys (or guys from any culture) are the same, but I've noticed these things are much more common in guys over here. They just don't seem as grown-up and principled as guys around the same age from other cultures, as a general rule. I'm a long-term relationship kind of girl but my lack of "experience" would be a turn off to a lot of British guys. So is this just true of British guys at uni who are still quite young, or is it a cultural thing? Because I know some guys a few years into their first job and a lot of them still behave like the above.

tl;dr - I just want someone around my age who shares my values: who's a proper man, who doesn't see sleeping around or drinking till you're sick as some kind of massive achievement, has decent morals, life ambition and knows what he wants to do for a career, and is hard-working enough to make it happen. Where do I find British guys like that?! Right now all the guys I know like that are American or European.


This is not an attack on British guys btw, you could say almost exactly the same thing about British girls generally.

Neg if you like, personally got my rep destroyed yesterday so makes no difference lol.




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What am I doing wrong?

Hey, so anyway, i'm a 17 year old guy and I've had real bad luck when it comes to girls. Every time I've ever liked a girl, I've made a real effort to get to know them better and be really nice to them. I've come really close to going out with a few in the past and yet the same thing always happens: another guy comes out of nowhere and always beats me to it. I wouldn't mind but I just don't get what I'm doing wrong. I've always been told I'm really confident, and have been told I'm ok looking (plus I regularly go to the gym) and can make everyone laugh every time I open my mouth, so I assume I have an ok personality, but I've still had no luck. Anyone have any advice?




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Housemate wanting me out

I noticed him gone for several days and don't know why, but today I found a note in the kitchen saying "if you can't be arsed to do a simple thing like emptying the sink then why would anyone do anything for you?! I suggest you sort it out or find somewhere else to live cause I don't want to put up with it!"

Another housemate told me the unwashed dozen of glass cups are all his. I mean WTF I haven't been writing him notes saying clean up your **** or you should find somewhere else to live, and he put the blame on me! I've washed his dishes a couple of times already. I don't see why I should have to do it all the time.




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Would This Bother You?

If you was with a guy who had an orchiectomy and no prosthesis or bulge?




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How to give a good first impression?

So in a few weeks back to school will roll around and I will be returning to college for my third year. Everyone I know will be off to university and I'll be in new classes with new faces. I want to make the best first impression I can and kind of reinvent myself to be more 'me' than I have been in the past.

In the first year of college I was really quiet and didn't speak to anyone. Then in the second year I was still quiet but I talked to the people next to me and became comfortable speaking to them. This year I want to actually make friends and whilst I know I can't shake my naturally reserved personality I can work on body language and not looking miserable all the time.

What is the best way to make a good impression on my classmates and to make friends?

Thank you.




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Great time together, then nothing...

So there's this girl who is my long term friend and there has always been something in the back of my mind that we should be together. Recently, we've met up, gone to the theatre, dinner and have a really great time and I was certain I was ready to ask her out...

However, its been a couple of weeks since and as always she rarely responds to my texts or instigates conversation - we have an amazing time when together, but this is only when I force the situation so we can be together. If we were in a relationship, I wouldn't want it to be like this.

How should I proceed with this, is it clear she doesn't like me that way, or could it be just that she's shy (she is quite reserved) and waiting for me to be braver?




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An unexpected trigger

I could not remember which year my wife had her affair. I'd blocked it out.

Today my boss gave me the access code for the building.

I thought: "How can I remember that?"

Then I remembered it was the year my wife had her affair.




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Lost and no where to turn

Hi everyone... Just signed up here. I have never seen myself doing something like this and coming to a forum asking for this kind of advice. But I really am at a stand still in my life and If you can bear with me and read through this.... I'm expecting it to come out pretty long but I have quite a story to tell. At the end of all this I'm looking for serious advice.

Ive been in my current relationship almost five years now. I went through a horrible breakup a year or so beforehand that ended in a courtroom actually. She was a horrible succubus that sucked my very soul out and gave me a lifetimes worth of mental abuse. I spent a good year after that in a bad state of depression. Had to move back with my parents, jobless, and hardly ever left my room. I lost a lot of weight as well during that time. It did give me time to reflect on my life and try to figure things out. I wanted to try dating. I've never actually dated before because that previous g/f I was set up with in highschool (my first), and were together more than five years.

I met my current girlfriend in a bar almost five years ago. I fell for her instantly and we connected on so many levels. My brother and I and his girlfriend were sharing an apartment together and we had a big falling out. This is where I think everything went wrong. I basicly had to move out... homeless i guess you can say. And after only five months of being together she offered to have me stay with her. Of course I accepted. I mean I had a descent paying job at the time but I needed to start saving and needed about a grand just to be able to move into a place of my own.

Like I said right there was the problem. Moving in with someone so soon was a huge mistake. At the time I didn't see that and loved every minute of it. After about three months we both moved in together to a new place.

Now heres where things went bad and I never even realized it because I was so smitten over this girl. I stopped doing everything I loved because she hated that I played video games, worked and spent money on my own car, lost all my friends but one in the process. After three years of our relationship plummeting I was considering the possiblity of a breakup. I just wasn't happy anymore and I could tell she wasn't either.

We stuck it out and started working on our issues. After a little while things were looking up. I don't know what happened but something got in my head about how she started acting all of a sudden. She started going out more... started dressing differently.... and went through many different hair colors and styles. All in which she never did anything like this before.

I got a bad feeling. We shared a computer together. She would use it quite a bit if i was online with my xbox playing battlefield with my friend. I installed a keylogger on it one morning before work. Gave it 24hrs to see what she has been up to. It unraveled an entire world about this girl I loved that I never though was possible. That entire summer beforehand she had cheated on me with a guy. That ended and she was, at this time, with another guy. It devastated me so bad. I had never felt that kind of pain before.

Of course there was a confrontation and you know how all that goes.... lots of apologies and I was naive enough to think she was being sincere that she would stop. The only thing she was sorry for in my eyes that she was caught. This stuff went on for another six months.

First thing you are thinking is I'm an idiot for staying. Your right... but something mentally was keeping me from doing it and I don't know what it is. I continued to let her walk all over me during this time. She ended up getting pregnant. After that everything between those two were finished. I was just at that point preparing myself to walk away from it all until she suckered me into staying again. I went through that whole pregnancy, birth, and now seven months helping raise a child that isnt mine.... all that while from what I know has been faithful ever since.

I'll get straight to the point and I thank everyone who has read this far and I'll try to wrap things up here. After everything that has happened I still feel like a fool. It has mentally broken me so bad I'll be honest... I don't love her anymore. Intimacy is forced and sex is almost non-existent. I still care about here a lot and thats my problem. I feel bad now wanting to leave her and this child that even after everything I adore to death. The father isnt in there lives and that made it easier. But I just don't love her anymore and don't see any future together.

What makes it more difficult is I'm trying to get out of my current career path and am well on my way to a new one. But this new one will most likely take me out of the area I'm living and she refuses to move.

I also find myself fantasizing way to much about a new life with someone new. Someone trustworthy, into gaming and cars, and traveling, and having kids of my own. In the damage path this whole relationship has caused, I only have one friend left and a weird relationships with all my family members. None of which i can turn to for sound advice.

I think I'm mostly afraid of winding up alone




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How to deal with boyfriends possessive mother?

Hey guys, just looking for a bit of advice over my boyfriends possessive mom! Okay so we have been dating a year and I have not yet met his parents.

He is 26 years old, and goes home to visit his family every break from work he gets, weekends, everything and I get very little quality time with him (we currently live 68 miles apart). Now THIS bothers me. I had not seen him in 3 weeks due to work commitments and the other day when I was visiting him for 3 days, he handed me his phone and told me to text his friend saying we would be at his house in 5 mins. However his phone was opened on text messages to his mom. She was asking him to come home to the family house that night and demanding to know why he wasn't coming home. This irritated me, no one in his family is sick, he isn't a carer for anyone, then I would understand her demanding and possessive nature. He does nothing when he goes home apart from sit about watching tv and reading or doing work related stuff. His mom knows I exist but yet she has never asked to see me or even asked me to visit. She doesn't know that I stay over at his house and he is too scared to ev en tell her. They believe in God but they are not overly religious.

What the hell am I dealing with here? we are both adults, I am 21 and yet I have more freedom than he seems to have. I understand if he wants to be close to his family, being a family person is a good thing, but he acts like a child having to go home to his mommy every weekend and refusing to spend Saturday nights with me or any quality time. He is off work for a week soon and she is demanding that he spends that time at home. It is almost like the fact that he has a girlfriend doesn't even come in to the equation. Why must she baby her son and be so possessive! he is almost 20 for God's sake!.

Just looking to see if anyone has ever been in a similar situation? any empathy at all helps, to be honest this is really irritating me to the extent where I am losing my patience with the relationship. Thanks guys




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Stuck and don't know how to proceed. . .

Going to do my best to sum up this somewhat long story. . .

My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost 2 years now. We have lived together for just over a year and have had some rocky patches here and there.

About a month and a half ago, we were in a very difficult place, but managed to pull out of it and seemed to be better because of it. However, now, it seems like he doesn't appreciate me and has seemed to lose his desire to meet in the middle. It didn't seem this way at first, but this past week, it definitely does.

I am usually the one that cooks, does most of the cleaning, does all of the grocery shopping, washes the towels and sheets, among many, many other things. We got into a fight today about cleaning the house. He was gone all week on a business trip - I had joined him for 4 days to help him teach a class (HE was getting paid, I was not because it was his job, I just went to be helpful). While we were there we got into a fight because I felt like he was taking me for granted, nit picking, when I was there for FREE giving up my time to help him.

So, that has still been in the air - at least for me. This morning, he asked me to make something for breakfast - which I was happy to do, I had planned on doing that, had gotten stuff last night to wake up and make something home cooked for us since we'd been traveling. However, in the process of getting up to do that, he tacks on . . . maybe we could clean the house today, too. Which in his language means - there are things I want you to clean - usually meaning laundry or my "side" of the room. I said, maybe we could work on it tomorrow and just spend today relaxing since we JUST got home from a stressful trip.

I then voiced my frustration with feeling like I wake up (earlier than I wanted to as well) and before we can even get out of bed, he's making a list of things he wants me to do - after already helping him all week. . . he got mad that I said that and began to leave (another problem I keep trying to address with him. Almost every time he gets upset, he leaves and will refuse to speak to me until he is ready to talk - almost every single time).

To cut to the chase - when he came back, he had the attitude of: you do whatever chores you want around the house and I will do whatever chores I want around the house and we'll just see how long it takes us to break up. ?!?!?!?!?!

Hence, my frustration. I asked him if we could go to counseling and he refuses. I suggested we try to compromise - he only will do it his way. I think he has a control issue and I really want to seek counseling. Any ideas/tips/suggestions on how to convince him to try it? Any comments on the situation are welcomed too.




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People always say 'Looks don't matter'

..
But they do. People give me nasty looks for the way I look, they don't give me the time of day. I get pushed past in the road without even a sorry, now if this was a good looking person, the case wouldn't be the same. Kids/Teens make fun of me as I walk around town, like i chose to have this ugly face. I know I'm ugly but why can't people just laugh about me when I'm not there. It's so hard finding a job when you look like ****, all the shops want the bubbly pretty girls and boys. I know personality matters, but when your actually ugly its counts for nothing. People ignore me in class, no one wants to sit near me or be seen talking to me.

I guess this was a stupid rant :l:mad:




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Want to break up with my boyfriend... BUT.

I've been going out with my boyfriend for 6months ish and to put it quite bluntly I'm bored. I don't look forward to seeing him anymore, there's not any chemistry left and although we have things in common he's just too much of a 'nice' boy for me.

I am quite opinionated and like discussing current affairs, controversial issues, politics, etc and he doesn't have opinions on things and just seems to accept everything I say... now I know it sounds odd, but I crave an argument, just anything to show a bit of passion.

He was a virgin when I met him, and I was his first girlfriend, so this makes it even harder to break up with him, and I've tried before, but felt guilty so always have got back with him...

Anyway, it's the summer holidays, and I don't know how to break up with him, because he lives a few hours away, but I don't want to be the bitch who breaks up with him on facebook/via text. At the same time, I don't want him to drive down here only to be driving back again...

So I have no idea what to do, and how to do it... I know I need/want to because I need to work on myself and concentrate on uni this year, so help!? :(




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female body shape, what do you hate about yours

i really hate the shape of my body, im not overweight but not really that slim, im 5'7 and 9.7 stone. i could do to lose a few pounds but im not sure this would even give me body confidence, the problem is my shape. i have big shoulders, small boobs, wide hips, a round belly, and my legs are quite short. if i lost weight id still have this horrible shape. i wanted to rant and know if others felt the same.
i look at other people and always think their shape is better even if there abit fat.




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Do you think living in a house without a man affects children?

Do you think the absence of a man in a house affects a child when they're growing up? If so, how?

Share your thoughts and experiences, please.




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I don't get it!

I don't understand why this fella suggests meeting up then all of a sudden he has a bad memory and I have to remind him. most of the other times he's been the one confirming the details before we meet up. He's even said " I never forget anything". Now he supposedly has a bad memory and even forgot his sisters birthday and they live together. Hmm, I even asked if he still liked me and he said yeah, we need to get to know each other which put me at ease but yet he's acting different. We uses to speak everyday and now I kinda feel like he's seeing someone else maybe. If that was the case why won't he tell me this?

Why would he be acting this way?




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Girls - Would you date a virgin who has never kissed?

If it was not out of choice and he was in his 20s. Or is it a turn off?




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