| Been divorced for two years and I've been single for almost 10 months. I'm officially ready to get back into the dating pool. Ladies, I need some advice and some encouragement! I'm just not the type of fella who is a smooth talker and can strike up random conversations with attractive females in public and I usually end up smiling like a dork and freezing up when opportunities arise. I admit, I fear rejection!!! Definitely a weakness I'm going to have to overcome. Did the online dating game for a while but the free sites don't really do it for me and the I'm not paying for Match or any of those other sites. Did it once and it was ok. Actually had several dates but....Just do not want to spend the money right now. What works? What doesn't? I think too much so most of the time I miss my opportunities and I'm always afraid I'm going to sound like a creeper or something!!!! lol! Anyway, fire away! | |||
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When you have had enough let it out. A forum style blog about relationship issues and concerns,join in and have your say.
I can't take it anymore!!!
How do I make my family just let go??
| My parents are really starting to get on my nerves. They are very generous toward my husband and I, and I am very grateful, but its getting to the point where I'm starting to wonder if theres something more going on here. I lived with them for 19 years, in the same house, on the same street.... never had moved out. At 19, I finally left home and moved down to Georgia to be with my husband, as most of you probably already know. Most parents wouldn't be thrilled about their daughter living 400 miles away but I thought that they would eventually learn to accept it and just realize the fact that I was an adult. It never happened. Everytime I talked to my mom on the phone, she was always whining and crying and wanting me to come back home. I told her that we might move back to North Carolina, which is where I'm from, someday but it had to be at the right time. A couple years later, my husband decided that he wanted to move back here and at first I just wanted to be away from my parents because I felt they were just too overbearing... but after having a little break from them, I agreed with my husband that moving back to North Carolina would probably be a good idea. When we first moved up here, we were thinking of either buying a house or temporarily renting an apartment or house. My parents insisted that they wanted to "help" us, so they offered to pay for our rent, just for a year or two so that we could save up some money. If we had decided to BUY a house instead of renting, they still wanted to be involved. They insisted that they wanted to give us a few thousand dollars for a down payment... to "help" us. Well, right around the time that we moved, one of my dad's tenants moved out of his rental house so he offered to just let us stay in it. Thats what we decided to do and we've been living in his rental house, rent free, for about 2 years now. My husband is in the process of getting a new job. With the way things are going, it looks like theres a pretty good chance that he might be starting next week. With this new job, he will be making twice as much money as hes making now. He was making good money when we first moved here but after about a year of living here, he quit and started working for my dad, which is also where I work. He was working for an over the road trucking company and the pay was good but he had to be gone 5 days a week and he just got sick of it. The good thing about this new job that hes probably going to get is that he will make good money AND be home everyday. We've both been so excited about it because we're really looking forward to finally having money again. We've decided that once he gets this job, we're going to start looking at houses immediately and just buy something small and affordable.... like just a little starter home for right now. It started out to be a good thing by living in my parents rental house but its getting to where we just feel like we need space from them. We don't like feeling like we're dependent on them.... but I think my parents LIKE for us to be somewhat dependent on them. I think thats why they were so insistent that we stay in their rental house rent FREE.... I don't think it was just about them trying to do something nice and help us out... I think they like knowing that we are relying on them in some ways. I dont think they want us to be completely free from them. This new job is going to be 45 minutes away, so we're planning on moving somewhere in between his new job and my dad's restaurant. That way he will only have to drive about 20 mins to get to his new job, and I'll only be 20 mins away from mine (my dads restaurant). As of right now, we only live about a mile or two away from my parent's house. I told my mom when we moved back here that just because we're living 5 minutes down the road from them right now doesn't mean its always going to be like that. I told her that chances are, we're going to end up moving, and we may end up living an hour or two away from them. With job opportunities and things like that, you never know whats going to happen. She just always said "oh I dont care. Just as long as you aren't 400 miles away! Just as long as you're back in north carolina I'll be happy" Well, my dad knows we're looking at houses and that my husbands probably going to have a new job soon, so just last night he was showing us a house on his street that was up for sale. Its a $200,000 house.... and in my opinion, its not even that nice looking. We don't have the money to spend on a $200,000 house.... even when my husband gets this job, we wouldn't be able to afford that.... even if we could, we'd have an extremely high house payment and it wouldn't be a smart decision. We would probably just barely be able to afford the payments. I told my mom that a house like that is too expensive and that we just want to get out of their rental house and get something cheap. She then went onto mention "Well you know, your dad and I have all that land behind our house. You could always build something on it... we'd give you the land for free." I told her that I lived in that area all my life and that I don't want to build a house there.... I want something different. And I didnt tell her this part, but I also wouldnt be crazy about the idea of living right behind them.... I feel like I don't have enough space from them even living in their rental house and I'm a mile or two down the road. I told her that my husband's new job is going to be 45 minutes away and that we we're looking at buying something toward that direction so he won't have to drive as far. I said to her "you know, we'll still only be maybe 20-25 mins away... it wouldnt be that long of a drive." She tried to say that it wasn't about that.... and that she was just trying to think of my husband and I... and what our "cheapest option" would be. I don't believe that. If thats the case, then why are they showing us a $200,000 house that just so happens to be on their street?? How is $200,000 a cheap option? Its not. They just want us to live near them. Its the same case with them trying to talk us into building a house behind them on their property... They'll give the land to us for "free" to try to make it sound appealing and like we're getting a good deal... but its really not worth it. I'd rather just pay $5000-$10,000 for an acre or two of land and pick the exact spot that I wanted..... as opposed to having free land and having to be stuck right behind their house. Now matter how "private" they try to make it sound like it would be..... I wouldn't like it and my husband said he wouldn't either. I have 3 brothers, they are 33, 31, and 20 and all of them still live with my parents. They've never once moved out.... My parents dont charge them rent or make them pay any bills either. They try to make it sound like they're "helping" them by not making them pay anything, but really I think its just a way to try to get them to stick around... they dont WANT them to leave.... and by not making them pay rent or any bills, they now are spoiled and dont see any point in leaving. The difference between my brothers and I is that I'd rather have to pay my own bills and my own rent and to have freedom and independence.... they are basically sacrificing their independence by continuing to live with my parents.... but they look at it like "hey! I dont have to pay any bills! so what if Im in my 30s and still live with mom and dad..... I've got it made!". I just don't look at it that way. Its not worth it to me. I am just looking forward to my husband getting this job and getting out of this house so that we can be out from under my parents.... but it seems like they just don't want to let go. They want us to live behind their house or on their street.... and its just not going to work. They need to come to terms with the fact that I am not like my brothers.... I'm not going to spend my entire life living with them, or even living next to them. I need my space. My husband and I have came to the conclusion that when we do buy a house, which will probably be pretty soon, they most likely will still offer to pay for our down payment.... but we've decided that we are going to politely refuse simply for the fact that they've "helped" us out enough and we fear that if they gave us money for the house, even if its just a small amount, theyre going to feel like they have a say in any type of decisions that might come about pertaining to the house. We don't want that. We want our house to be OUR house, and we want to be able to do whatever we please without them adding their two cents. My parents have been like this all my life but honestly I thought that at some point they'd accept the fact that I'm not like my brothers and that I need my independence. I'm 22 years old, I haven't lived with them in 3 and a half years and they still don't seem to be making any changes. They are literally driving me insane. I love them and I am appreciative of them but I just want them to stop trying to keep me so close to them and to just let me do my own thing. Is there anything I can say to them to get the point across without being insensitive?? Or is this something I'm just going to have to deal with forever and learn to ignore it? Any insight would be highly appreciated. | |||
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How to get husband to rely on me-not EA
| My husband is in an EA but doesn't see it that way. He is depressed and feels that she is his only friend. She gives him support. She has counselled him to detach from me, so that he can work on his own happiness. He is quite unable to see how wrong that is. When I talk to him about it he admits that he was always happy with me, and that his only happy moments now are when the two of us do something together, however, she keeps reinforcing to him that he must leave me to be happy. So yesterday he officially left. This is very painful for me. I want him back more than anything. OW is really messing with his head. He needs to see a Dr. and maybe anti-depress. meds but he won't go. It is almost like he is under her 'spell'. She is a social worker, so she tells him he is getting prof. advice. She is also in a bad marriage and is planning on leaving her husband. He says he is leaving because I keep bringing up that he is having an affair. He can't stand my snooping and suspicions. He wants to stop fighting and feels no spark for me because have hurt him with my mistrust. I have done all this. I have snooped and yelled and cried etc for months. But I have also discovered secret emails, thousands of text messages (each month) secret names they use to communicate etc. So I know I am not crazy about this being an affair. My problem is, he can't see it and right now, she is his lifeline. I don't believe there is any physical attraction for him. He really believes she is a good friend and the only one who listens to his troubles. I also believe she is pursuing him for her own. So, any ideas on how to begin 'wooing' him back to me? I know right now, my only hope will be to put my anger and hurt aside and help him heal first. Then after he is healed, I can work on me. No R talks, pleasant interactions etc but anything else. Specifically to heal his pain and look at me as a woman who adores him and not as one who has hurt him? He still wants to do things together each day and we work together, so I will have plenty of opportunities. He just wants to be good friends so he won't get hurt anymore. He says he feels dead inside and in order to survive, he needs to harden his heart from me to prevent anymore pain. | |||
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oral for men
| Hopefully not too porn: Is it unpleasant for men when we touch their testicles while performing oral or having intercourse? For example, licking or GENTLY pass your hands in the area? A few months ago I lightly/moderately hit my H in that area (he was trying to be funny and scared me, and as I jumped I unintentionally hit him there!). Yesterday he told me he would prefer that I didn't touch his balls during sex because it's very sensitive and he's afraid I will hurt him. Might it be because of the old "accident" or most men prefer women not to approach the area? | |||
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I cheated do I tell
| I've been married to my husband for four years and we've had a wonderful marriage. We have a beautiful two year old daughter whom we both love immeasurably. My husband just opened his own business so he works practically every day. I only see him before he goes to work in the morning! He goes to work at 9 and doesn't come home till about 12am 6 days a week! So I've been raising our daughter mostly on my own. For the past few months I've been stressed and always tired but I love my family so I keep going. Last Friday a coworker I used to work with before I got pregnant and left my job called me and told me he was in town because he lives in New York now. I told him to stop by and say hi. I don't know how or why it happened but I had sex with him! I've never even been attracted to him but we ended up having sex for hours until I had to pick up my daughter from day care. I hate myself and I couldn't feel worse about it! It was the worst mistake of my life and if I could I would go back in time and slap myself across the face that morning. I love my husband and our family and I can't believe I've ruined it! I cry every time I think about what happened and can't figure out why it happened! I love my husband and our sex life is fine so I don't understand my own actions. I lost my virginity to my husband in high school and I've never been with another man, it's completely out of my character! I don't know what to do, if I tell him I know he will leave me. He loves me but cheating is the one thing he made clear was unforgivable in his mind. So should I just keep it to myself? It's never going to happen again and if I tell him then that's it for our family | |||
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All of a Sudden She Just hates me with a Passion. Please what could be wrong?
| Please guys explain this situation to me. I met this beautiful girl back at the University. Even though she was one year ahead of me, we became real good friends. I left the University earlier and got a Job as an accountant in my fathers' firm and resumed classes 1 year later pursuing a different degree. We later hooked after she heard I broke up with my girlfriend. she completed her studies and we got along very well. When we met she was very interested in what i was doing and I can say it seemed she was pretty impressed i was doing good. Later on we went out for dates and i was now starting to think we are getting somewhere. She invited me to see her perform at the Orchestra since she is a violin player. What made me believe it was getting serious, is because she introduced me to her parents. So I decided to pop up the question and she accepted to be my girlfriend. Things were pretty ok until I realized her attitude was changing. When I asked wh at has wrong she became too hostile and I had to leave it that way. what surprises me the most is that throughout all this time she was mirroring everything I did or said. She would use my phrases in her conversation or update her twitter or facebook with a status update like mine or even put the same rugged jeans as mine but she was still very mean to me. I tried ignoring her for a while but she would use other guys to make me feel jealous. Well am not the guy to get that jealous since i figured out her game but I got tired of the mind games and told her to quit or we are done. After confronting her she blocked me on facebook. I decided to move on as quickly as possible but what surprises me is that every time she sees me with a new girl, she criticizes her that she is not good enough. what is the problem with her??? Please Help | |||
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Stepford...
| I am in a way, similar to the Stepford Wife ideal. Always well-dressed and wearing heels even while I cook and bake. My Hair and makeup are always done to the best of my abilities. I have many other "Stepford" qualities, and I love my marriage except I don't get sex. Ok counseling is ruled out he won't even consider it. Masturbation sucks. Can't have the real thing and it really doesn't satisfy me completely. Divorce: I just f*#king got married. I love my marriage but I'm HIGHLY sexual. He is in his early 50's and it's not that he can't perform, because he can. I think he may have another outlet like porn or God only knows what else but I can't prove it. I love my husband but I also love sex. I am still young, and good looking but but I can't help but feel a blow to my self-esteem as a result of this lack of physical connection. Posted via Mobile Device | |||
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When should we get married?
| I told my boyfriend that we can't get married until after college so that we can go on a honeymoon & have kids, but he doesn't want to wait that long & I really want to marry him now. (I'm 18 & he's 27). I really love him and I don't want to wait 4 years to marry him, but it would be hard to be married and still go to college. Also, once we get married and have kids, it would make it hard to work in the government, which is what I want to do, and sing. So.... the problem is, should we get married now, sometime during college, or after college? Maybe we could get married after my sophomore year and then wait to have kids until after graduation (or at least try, we can't control God's plans). | |||
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Consistently up all night
| My husband has been up at night almost daily for the last month. He logs in around midnight to 2 am, and will play for an hour or two. He is out of work right now, it's slow, so that is also how he spends most of his days. I am worried, but wonder why he is doing this. Is his up all night based on stress, I know everyone handles different ways stressful situations. This is almost daily, and I am starting to worry but don't want to bring it up to him if it is not something he wants to talk about with me yet. | |||
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Does a girl usually initiate contact with someone she likes
| Or does she always wait for the guy to approach? I've realised as a guy all my life I have always approached, so decided to experiment on the last 2 nights out to see if a girl would approach me. Feck all happened. :D:confused: | |||
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Does this boy like me more than a friend
| I only ever see him at my local starbucks Also he seems quite a confident guy around his other workmates/friends that come in. But sometimes seems a bit shy/different when i'm around. He does stare quite a lot for about 40secs at a time, should I stare back. Also he smiles when he stares We also talk when ever we see each other but only about generally stuff/fav tv shows. Also on two different occasions he gave me a compliment saying I was polite, I wasn't sure how to respond/was a bit shocked so just said thanks. He's also made a point of remembering my coffee order, he's the only one there that has and since I told him that I was at uni he will ask me how its going ever now and then Also I went there last week with my mum, he didn't serve/was really busy so we didn't get to speak. We both had takeaway drinks and sat outside. We had both finished our drinks, when he came out to wipe tables/rearrange the furniture and as he was about to go back in side he came over to my table and asks if I've finished with my paper cup I said yes so he put it in the bin for me, but left my mums. This is the first time he has done this why would he do that. Also I know it's part of customer service to be friendly, but isn't staring at someone for 40secs at a time being a bit over friendly. Also quite a few other people hand empty paper cups on their tables, be never asked them only me. He talks to other girls that he knows who come in but he never stares at/flirts with them. only me. I do like him we both know each other's names I know that he's single and has been for a few years. I'm not the most confident person so really don't want to be the one to ask him out. This started just before christmas I know people say that if he did like me he would have asked me out by know, but if he didn't like me why would he do the whole staring/flirting/acting different around me. IF HE DOES LIKE ME WHY HAS HE NOT ASKED ME OUT | |||
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Getting a girlfriend problem
| Hey guys, So i am 17 years old and male. I have never had a girlfriend or kissed a girl. I have been on a date before to the cinema and coffee but i was kind of awkward and she didn't want to see me again. I don't really have a close group of friends and don't have any friends that are girls. So to sum it up i dont have many friends, am socially awkward but really want a girlfriend. Any help? | |||
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Men--normal to not have your own friends?
| Husband moved to where I grew up after we got married, been here for awhile now. He was never super close with his friends at home but I'm sure if we lived there we'd be hanging out with them over the years. But where we have lived the past 10yrs (still do), he hasn't made any friends...a little bit with some co workers, but they're mostly female and boundaries were set up with that. Sometimes I feel badly when I hear of other guys going out together or doing stuff (like hunting, movies, bars, paintball etc) and he never does. I should add that my husband doesn't drink or fish or anything, he probably would like paintball though. He did go to the gym more but stopped with the kids so he could be home to help and because of $$$. He said he eventually will go back but is fine with it now. Just once we got into an argument about him feeling like he couldn't go out if he wanted to with people from work and I said if there are mostly guys there I have no problem, I wish he would have brought it up at the time. From that discussion we resolved it and I said I want him to be happy and if he wants to go out with them please just tell me and I'll be fine with it. I've asked him since and he said it really hasn't come up again with people there (especially since it's mostly girls). Besides this conversation, I don't think he *minds* not having friends or anything, but I'm sure he'd be happier overall (I think). We do have some couple friends we see now and then and that's about it. Most of our social outings are because of me (my friends, couple friends, kids' friends/parties, my family). I can tell when we do socialize that he *does* have a good time, he likes the interaction etc. When we met we had the same group of friends but overall he is more of a 'loner', like friends with the group but not really close to any. So my question is, is this normal? Do other guys not have their own friends and are still happy with life? He always says he's happy and that honestly there isn't much time between work, kids, house projects etc. For me personally, I'd find groups, go to meetups, etc but I'm not sure if he would or not, he's more shy. But I guess if he really wanted to he could on his own...So what say you? Should I not worry about it? What do you guys do? | |||
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When you just don't like someone
| I have someone I just don't like...so I limit my contact with her. Admittedly, if I don't want to even interact with her, I will walk down another hallway, etc. I don't go out of my way, and I don't really mind if she doesn't acknowledge me either. I prefer it. She has a huge problem with this, and came at me as the manners police. How dare I not acknowledge her, Etc. but as I am also a quiet person and not ever forcing myself on other people, I do this to others as well. I am in and out a lot, and don't like to draw attention to myself in certain situations. I do have many people who get that, and approach me, or at least understand when I am quiet I need the space but she doesn't and demands I treat her in a way that she deems acceptable. How do I deal with someone like this? Why is it so important to her that I like her and interact with her? | |||
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advice?
| I am sorry this post is so lengthy.... I need some advice regarding my husband and I's financial relationship. We have known each other for more than 15 years, date for more than 5, and been married for more than 3. We had a toddler and one on the way. We came into the relationship very independent minded- so having separate finances was not a big deal. My husband makes 3-4x more than me, even though I make a decent salary and have a good job. I currently work part time and care for our child when not working. My husband and I have separate mortgages, car loans, and bank accounts. He doesn't want to have me on his main account because he says he wants his financial independence. His mom has been on his account since he was a teenager and she is still on it. I have never told my husband how to spend his money. I Have asked him about having a joint account- to feel more like a married couple. he was okay with having a joint account but not linking it to his main account and he didn't want to have our bills put into the joint account. I wanted to have our bills in a joint account so it feels more like working together and a marriage. he said he didn't want to because it would separate his funds and he doesn't want the headache. my husband owns multiple properties for rental purposes, so he does have bills he pays for that monthly. My husband pays the majority of our joint bills and I pay my personal bills (including mortgage, car, gas, groceries, student loans, etc). Him and I have very little conversations about money goals or planning. he doesn't feel the need to. He thinks the rentals are our retirement money. We have 2 homes in our name. My husband is much better with making financial decision than me- as far as how to make money and invest. I have excellent credit score and am financially responsible. I feel way to separated from him- in money and in planning together and in working together. My husband will give me money if I ask and has given me a credit card but I don't feel comfortable asking for money and I don't spend his credit card very often. That's the annoying part of our relationship, I feel awkward that I need to ask and I feel like there is an inherent lack of trust. His parents divorced and his mom got the majority of the money after the divorce and my husband has said that he didn't want to have joint bank accounts because he thinks I might clean out the bank account If I got angry and was planning on leaving. I have told him, I have never been like that and I will never be like that. BUt I think the lack of trust is unfair. I have tried talking to my husband and explaining how I don't like the situation but I get the impression he doesn't see the importance or understand. he had told me he was will to put me on his account and then he later admitted that he was just "giving up" and he really doesn't want to do that. I said there needed to be some type of compromise then-so that we are financially working together. he has rejected going to therapy saying he can deal with the issue on his own. I don't know what to do. | |||
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Acting Out
| My STBXH recently admitted his affair with OW was him "acting out". It was brief and ended a few months ago. I don't understand this term. Does anyone know what this means in the context of him saying it? | |||
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Long Hair
| Hey. :) I was just wondering what is the 'optimum' hair length in your opinion? My hair is currently down to where my bra strap is and I'm really torn between growing it longer, maintaining the length and cutting it to just under my shoulders. I quite like having long hair but I don't want it to get out of hand lol. | |||
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Emails and the Police
| Made a thread already, but, friend of mine started seeing this new guy. She then started to get emails all the time supposedly being from her boyfriend. I told them to tell the police. They did do, and emailed back one of the accounts saying they've reported the email addresses - as there was a few - to the police. Next minute my younger brother bursts into the room full of panic. Turns out it's been him sending the emails the little idiot, because he likes my friend, and wanted to make things difficult for her and him. Now am in a sticky predicament, and need advice. First of all, is it likely the police will do anything? He's thinking CSI tracing back to him. I don't want to let them know it was my brother sending the emails, cuz her boyfriend would batter the him, and me if I try and jump in, he's a big guy So what do I do apart from talk to my brother? Will anything come of the reporting of his emails? :/ | |||
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Learning to trust again..
| I split up with a boyfriend just under a year ago. He was a cheat & an emotional abuser to say the least of it & i was manipulated into thinking hes controlling ways were normal for 4 years. An excuse was "Yes i cheated on you but only because she reminded me of you...". Just an example. I have since after months of intensive counselling started to move on. I have found myself a guy who treats me how every girl dreams of being treated. I just dont know how to get used to it & not doubt him constantly? Hes never done a thing to make me question him & i dont want to permanently be effected by my previous relationship. Any advice? Posted from TSR Mobile | |||
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LDR - How to show affection?
| Let's put it like this: Messaging is the only way to communicate, so no sweet video messages on Skype or anything similar. What would you do? How would you prove the importance a person has for you to them? Oh, and I would be the person who needs something to be proved to them, not vice versa. I'm not looking for suggestions like ''I'd stop waiting'', I'm not looking to be disheartened. | |||
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Fantasies...
| This is a question for you married guys out there... I'd like to discuss with my husband a fantasy of mine but am scared he's going to be horrified. I'm the mother of 2 of his kids and am very sexual.. other than him knowing I enjoy sex and ask him for it more than he's willing to give it, he doesn't realize how deep it actually goes. I want to do some roleplay.. I want some hardcore fun.. Would finding out your wife has rape fantasies be a turn off to you? Would you be horrified? When would you want your wife to approach it? Dirty talk? Before sex? After? Jokingly? Or just "Darling.. Pin me down and don't let me escape" in the middle of sex? PS No, I've never read Shades of Gray.. | |||
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