| RULES FOR MEN FOR DATING . (recommendations below from an internet post) - Do NOT get her pregnant. Never EVER bareback unless you've been snipped - Do NOT fill in the blanks. What you don't know, CAN hurt you, but what can hurt you even more is giving someone the "benefit of the doubt" when it comes to what you don't know about them - As far as you are concerned, SHE is not the prize. YOU are. Act accordingly, know full well what you bring to the table and expect that she bring something of equal value to the table. Vadge and **** cancel each other out in terms of value of things being brought to the table. - When the ****-tests come (and they will), do NOT lower your value by failing them and make it CLEAR to her that she has lowered HER value by GIVING them - SHE does not "PUT OUT" - the TWO of you HAVE SEX: TOGETHER - DO NOT, in any way, shape or form compromise yourself or your values for anyone, but ESPECIALLY not for a woman you want to bed - DO NOT HOPE. See if anything happens, but DO NOT self-delude into thinking about something that is not, or something that MIGHT BE. Keep your feet on the ground and your head out of the clouds. - DO NOT put yourself into a compromising position (e.g. being alone in private for any length of time) before you have a decent idea of the craziness level (and that's not an IF, it's HOW MUCH). This is to avoid possible false allegations. - PAY ATTENTION to past relationship history. Maybe she did get screwed over or maybe her history contains the blueprint for your undoing - If at all possible, stick to women who you already know or have a decent feeling for what they are like. - Daddy issues = RTFA (Run the f**k away!) - Single mommy = RTFA - Exes who are still "good friends" = RTFA - Too many beta orbiters = RTFA - Ever cheated = RTFA - Talking about sex like it's doing a guy a favour = RTFA - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Additional info of benefit for men: *Marriage stats: She >5 ptnrs = <30% marriage lasts 10 yr per Teachman study, data frm CDC *70% current rate of Married females who have had affairs (Kinsey a bit lower at 50% to 70%) (ie: MOST better looking Married women HAVE had an affair, possibly multiple) *40% of all children in US now born out of wedlock & climbing (white 30%, black 70%) *5% to 30% rate of non-paternity by husband for children born during marriage (studies differ) *70% of all divorces filed by women *50+% of first marriages fail (60% for younger couples) 2nd marriage 65%, 3rd marriage 80+% *Fall 3 mo behind on Child Support: Lose drivers license, Lose state licenses required for work such as: barber, electrician, plumber, teacher, accountant, Dr, Lawyer etc., Lose passport Discuss.... First one to say "But NAWALT (Not All Women Are Like That!)" wins a prize.... | |||
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When you have had enough let it out. A forum style blog about relationship issues and concerns,join in and have your say.
Rules For Men For Dating
Ok so the wife doesnt work
| My wife and I have 4 children, 3 are in highschool one is 3yrs old. My question is this....we have struggled financially for 18 years. I asked her today if she had ever considered working to help with the family financial obligations. She instructed me that as long as I had an "easy" job she would never go to work. Before this were other issues as reasons she couldn't work outside the home. any advice would be apreciated Thanks | |||
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Sister in Law Verbally Abusive
| For the last 15 years I have been insulted and watched my husband get in terrible moods because his family used to call and tell him off and make him feel guilty because i am close to my family and my husband is close to my family as well. My husband's family has never been close. His sister moved out at a young age. Her philosophy is that she will give respect when you earn it by giving her respect even with her parents. His mother clung to DH, resented me when we started dating. 14 years of this causing arguments between DH and I when we have plans with my family, we used to always cancel on my family functions in favour of his families last minute get together because I knew my husband was hurting. About 2 years ago my husband and I almost divorced because of the arguments his parents caused, and we finally told his parents NO MORE!. His sister is very manipulative and is used to causing fights between her parents by twisting things her and her mother argued about to put guilt on her father to tell her mother off in her defense, and she is used to her brother always bending over backwards to make her happy too, but he has stopped that as well so she says nasty things when she feels like it and then expects people to get over it. We always do move on without appologies. The last straw was recently when SIL and DH got in an argument because she wanted us to babysit for her to hang out with friends, but we already had plans and a sitter for our own kids, so we said no. She got upset, posted something about him on FB and the next day called him and as soon as he picked up the phone she starts telling him he is useless, no job, no education, no balls, no value for his family (her kid) no backbone to stand up to his wife who keeps him away from his family, and on and on.. ( i changed our kids bday party times to suit her schedule otherwise she wont come, and they walk in an hour late every time, We drove over an h our to meet them somewhere by her house to spend the day, his sister showed up half an hour after us, stayed 20 mins and left without even telling us! and the list goes on and on) I need advice on how to handle this. IF my husband decides he can move on yet again just to make his parents happy, I know that I won't this time. I am fed up with the things that they say about me, and him. The verbal abuse. I am worried about my marriage. We have a decent relationship with his parents now, they know not to say the things they used to. But this last episode with his sister was so far over the top that I have made the decision that I do not want her in my life. She is toxic. I don't want to be around someone like that. She has told me through texting she wants nothing to do with me, or her brother while he is with me. These last daggers she threw did the job and killed the relationship with her, she got her wish, i wont have anything to do with her. I know that she thinks when her baby is born everything will be forgotten and we will go crawling to her and tell her we were wrong not to cancel our rare date night to look after her kid so she could hang out with her friends while her husband went to hockey. Am I justified to break ties or do I need to continually go through this just because it is his family?? I'm tired of being his families punching bag for no reason. | |||
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What are american guys like ?ie dating
| i know there are different cultures in each city and we cannot generalise, but in general how are they like? | |||
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Actions don't match his words... am I being fooled?
| Hello :) Thanks for viewing my post... I'm (like everyone else) REALLY confused and kinda super bummed out :( I've been seeing this guy for like 6+ months (sorta had some bumps in the road along the way), and he's lied to me in the past about his ex and about his intentions with other girls he calls "friends"... so I have a really hard time believing he's genuine. Ever. So... He calls me up and it sounds like he's laying his heart on the line saying stuff like "I'm afraid I'm always going to hurt you because youre so sensitive, and we have different philosophical views on relationships but I want to make this work etc. etc.... this week his car broke down and he said he wanted to rent a car so he could come see ME. well, that was around thursday. Its saturday and I haven't seen him once. I also can't get him on the phone in the evening. last night he picked up and said he was "out to dinner and would call me back". He never mentioned being busy this weekend, but heres the weekend and suddenly he's totally disappeared. Deep down I feel like I know the answer to my own question.. but I just don't understand why he would go through the trouble of lying to me about all of this. Deep down... I kinda think I know the answer to that one too. It breaks my heart to think of letting go.. but I'm feeling like I really should. what I've written here is such a tiny snapshot of what we've been through, so I can't possibly expect anyone to really understand. On the surface it probably looks like I'm just insecure because he's avoided me for a weekend.... and not only that but he doesn't ever talk about what he did or anything. His life is a giant secret. I really would like to be with someone who won't do that. I'm pretty bummed out. I think he's amazing. he just doesn't seem to give a fuck about me. :( Actually thinking about it... he's kind of terrible. I totally want to cry now. | |||
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Thinking of breaking up with my boyfriend.
| It kills me to write this because breaking up is the last thing I want to do but I'm not sure how much longer I can carry on. Basically, I've been with my boyfriend for 10 months and there was a time where I really thought I loved him but now I'm not so sure. He's a lovely guy, we rarely argue and he's never intentionally hurt me, he says he loves me but I'm his first serious girlfriend and I'm not sure he knows what love is exactly (not that anybody really does). Admittedly, we don't have much in common, some of our values are quite different, we never have deep/stimulating conversations or tell each other secrets and shit like that, tbh he doesn't seem very interested in my life. we're not really close either. I just don't think he's that type of person, maybe we're different people? We don't really do much together because we're both young and don't have a lot of money but we spend a lot of time together at his place, except he has house mates who are ALWAYS there, it's okay sometimes but it would be nice if my boyfriend could make an effort to move to another room so we could spend time just together. I can't bring myself to break up with him because I know he means well, I want to love him but I think I'm more attached than anything, I can't see my life without him and I don't want to end it, he is literally the only person I've got. I tried to speak to him about something before but he took it the wrong way and started talking about how much of a shit boyfriend and useless person he is and we both got quite upset, the problem continued and when I tried speaking to him about it again, he'd forgotten completely. How do I speak to him without upsetting him or damaging the relationship? I just want to make things work, do you think it's possible? :confused: | |||
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What age do women start to lose their attractiveness?
| Guys .. what age are women when you think they lose their attractiveness to the point where you are not interested in seeing them in revealing clothes like shorts/strappy tops etc in summer etc? Assuming they keep themselves slim/toned. | |||
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regain someone's trust?
| girl i had a thing with a while back, i still care about because we became really good friends. but, she feels i did something to purposely hurt her. a girl i dated messaged her on twitter - for reasons i have no idea - and the girl i'm trying to repair things with, told this other girl what i 'purposely did'. this other girl has blocked my calls now, and i text my... i'm not going to say ex because we never went out... but her, a text saying what she's implying was disgusting. she now hates me, and has started telling people that the girl who messaged her isn't even real and it's me. i've tried to contact the other girl, but like i said, i'm blocked. and it's eating me up. i feel guilty because this girl feels i purposely hurt her, and anything i say to her doesn't work. apologies, texts. nothing. went round to see her, she threw me out her house. but on the other hand am so angry for the fact she feels i could do something so malicious, and the fact she's turned another girl against me. any ideas what i can do? | |||
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Wanting closure
| I'll try and keep this short. Me n my ex went out for about two years Hes moved abroad, but he's returning in a few months. We were madly in love, families weren't too happy. Broke up, sort of got the go ahead but he was still apparently heartbroken from the break up. He's messaged and said he'd like to be friends, I said no as Im not over him to be able to do that. So, I would like to send him one last message just for closure, as its still left open How does this sound; I loved u, I always have and probably in some ways always will. I could and would have married you, we were so close to so many times, and now we've been granted permission you don't take it. I don't understand why. I thought it was simple as we love one another, but you can't see past the fact I made one mistake. You made them too, more than once but I always took you back with open arms. You couldn't grant me the same. I wanted to be a part of your everything, I wanted you to be part of my everything, I wanted to make you happy, complete, secure, to see your love for me in your eyes forever, show you just how important you are to me. This is how I know that although you're everything I want its a blessing i disguise, I guess we aren't right for one another.I need to leave you alone, give you space, allow you to accomplish all that I know you shall, I know I cannot be a part of it. and yes, last we spoke you said we should be friends and stay in touch, but I'm sorry that cannot be. As I said I can pretend to be, but it hurts so that you must be over me then. Some days I look at you and feel so empowered and fulfilled, and scared at just how much I would do for you and the things you did for me and the places you showed me and other days I would look at you and feel sick that I let you in after how you've treated me. I told you I did not expect a certain response but honestly it hurt that you never took the chance. I hear someone mention your name, or a friend will ask about you, or mum will ask how you are and I feel like I'm dying inside, god it hurts so bad. Or something will happen that I'd like to tell you and remember I can't, you've gone. I wish you were here and I miss you, but I'm okay, mostly I have good days. Maybe when you return in a few months we'll see how things are... Anyways, take care and I truly wish you all the best. Be happy my baby. I'm sorry for everything ... X To some extent I still want him back, but I speak in past tense as Im just really hurt and upset. I've tried to convey that yes, what we had was amazing but, he wasn't perfect (neither was I) and he could have tried more and easily have saved it all. But I'm not sure if I should remove some parts, and play it cool and not let him know just how bad I'm aching? And if I sound regretful and bi***y ? And if I should rid of the part where theres still a chance when he returns? Maybe I should scrap the entire message and take some inspiration from lyrics/quotes/threads lol Posted from TSR Mobile | |||
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my dday
| So, I had dday today. Still reeling from it. I imagine it will take years to fully recover, but hopefully I can find some normalcy in a few weeks. It did not go as planned, but it at least went in the right direction. Had I not found this website, I would have caved and groveled and begged her back. Let's just say it went 75% as planned. A bit too much emotion on my part, but hey -- I F-ing love her. She fully admitted to the A. She was incredibly remorseful. Broke down with deep and hard sobbing. She is out of the house and in a hotel until we can both cool down and process how we got here. I am moving forward with paperwork for the D. I told her I am open-minded. I obviously don't want a D, but I feel that to repair our marriage would be a herculean task and neither of us are in the right headspace for that undertaking at the moment. If we R, I laid down my ground rules, #1 being a NC call to the OM and #2 a call to her family explaining what she did. If we end up D, I don't really care if her family knows or she cuts off things with OM. I am not interested in helping her if we go down the D route. I am just interested in moving on. I also realize that I sound confused. Obviously a lot for me to process. I suspect it will be another late night of thinking / reading etc. Just want to say thanks for everyone here for sharing their stories and providing me the strength to do what I did this AM. I am one of the most non-confrontational people I know. My dday talk this AM scared the sh!t out of WW. I know many of you will tell me it is just an act, but I know her very well. She is reeling. In a random room across town. Looking at the pieces of her life. | |||
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Lost on what to do next.
| Here is my situation. My wife and I started dating our freshmen year of college and have been together ever sense. We have married almost 9 years. I have had depression issues which have lingered through most our marriage. About a month ago my wife said she needed to talk and said she did not know if she could do it anymore. 2 days later she wanted time apart. I spent about a week at my parents. She would not answer any texts or phone calls. I was going nuts. One night I decided I could not take it anymore and drove down back home and told her I had to talk and she said that she was willing to go on a date night, the following day. She would stay at her moms in town while I could come back and live at home. Our date night went great and we had a lot of fun. We decided to meet again on Wed for dinner at the house. The dinner went good also. After this dinner I did not hear from her for two days and was freaking out. I was sending her texts and text s and no response. Out of the blue that Friday she showed up with little emotion at all and said she wanted a divorce, we talked for like 30 minutes and I was not for it I could not understand why she would no longer go to our first marriage counseling session. To speed stuff up I was so miserable I had to go back to my parents. I did the same texting and calling but no answer. I poured my heart out to her. What had and has happened is that by my wife for the first time actually showing me I was not pulling my weight in many departments and talking about divorce, it caused my eyes to really open up and see how my priorities where not in place and how I was letting my depression always keep me down and being in that mood of course led to her thinking that my lack of talk, affection, energy, and so much more was because of her. I have let myself dig far into a hole and all this was like a slap in the face which made things clear. She eventually has agreed to Marriage Counsolin g We do this once a week. She still will not see me any other time or talk on the phone. She will answer some texts but for a long time I was overdoing it, she said she could not answer because she did not know what to say. Our goals in marriage counseling right now are not the same. Mine is to fix myself with new doctors and my new way of thinking with the main goal of saving our marriage. She says she does not know, she does not know if it is too late if she can trust that I wont be back to my old self a year from now. I cannot explain to her how my eyes are open like never before. I don't think she understands how hard, the worst pain of my life I feel right now not being able to see or talk to her. The thoughts that go through my mind. I just need advice | |||
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H insensitive to trigger, WHY?
| Last night my H was talking to me about how he was giving advice to a mutual friend who has a 5wk old baby that has wind problems... His advice was good, but it brought back memories from when our twins were born and at that age (he had been having an EA since Jan 2011- Aug 2011, I found this out by going through his phone in July 2011) So last night I was feeling a little sad cause he wasn't being the best dad at the time, cause he was SO caught up with her and really didn't show much interest in our new babies, me or our family in general, you know, just completely withdrawn... He noticed that I was upset (my throat clamped and I was about to break out the tears) he said "What, don't tell me your having ANOTHER episode are you?" I replied " Well, it is bringing back memories... I can't remember you being involved that much when our babies were born" He got really mad, stormed inside, one of our older girls asked whats wrong? Then my H says "Oh, your mother is just having one of her 'flash backs' again, I don't give a **** anymore..." I was so cut by him acting this way and by how he handled my trigger, and, it's not like I have them all the time, it's about maybe once a month or once every couple of months. In fact the last time we talked about what happened was in Jan 25 2013... I don't know what to make of this, I'm thinking he had been putting on a act the whole time to get me back or maybe he is ready to have another affair???? Please give me some advice...? Posted via Mobile Device | |||
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How many people had you slept with at 19?
| I'm worried my 'number' is a little large. I want to compare to see how many other people have/had slept with at the age of 19? Maybe categorise them as: - One night stands - Relationships Posted from TSR Mobile | |||
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Our Friendships gone bad
| Hey, so I'm in an awkward situation with a very old friend and I wondered if anyone out there can help! So the story goes we've been friends since we were 13, we're in our 20s now and stayed friends despite living in different countries, taking different paths through facebook and holidays etc. In the past couple of years we've grown further apart, I think I've changed a great deal, we fell out over a boy and from that point on I found it harder to keep up the friendship. I say 'fell out', more like i just told her straight that I was hurt she was having dinner with a guy i had a thing with and still had feelings for. she didn't really like being confronted about it and still kept on posting on this guys wall etc. I distanced myself from her but she kept on contacting me, asking how I am. I decided I was over it and we met up and stuff but things aren't great, it feels a bit fake, i feel like I'm being someone I'm not when I'm with her. I don't wish her any badness but I want out. Preferably without any ill feeling or bitcyness... If I ignore her and bump into her, how will tha t work? I don't get why she even wants me as her friend, I feel like she doesn't like me, she started giving me significantly less expensive christmas/birthday gifts, little subtle things tell me we're different now, why is she bothering me at all? Help! | |||
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Why are girls so picky and why do so many dislike black men?
| This is about the girls in my area and not a generalisation of girls. I'm so sick and tired of girls my age! I hate them so much! I'm 19 in South East and have been single for years and I honestly don't know what's wrong with me. I consider myself reasonably attractive and above all I have a really good personality; I'm kind, generous, considerate, thoughtful, a good listener, caring, affectionate - just to name a few but I live in a world where my peers are so ****ing judgemental and superficial that it's rage-inducing. I try so hard to befriend people but to no avail and I honestly have no idea what I'm doing wrong. I put myself out there to make friends only to be crushed so I decided to just be myself which is more withdrawn and considered as my peers as "anti-social" and of course I'm crushed. If I don't think going ouy and getting drunk is my idea of fun then does that make me a terrible person!? If I hate Facebook does that make me unsociable? Right now I'm tired of my idiotic peers who are so damn picky and unsurprisingly can't sustain relationships because they don't consider the people who could genuinely make them happy. What makes me so mad is that you have the jerks and the morons who don't know how to think, dress or talk always getting the girl and then they treat those girls like crap! My friend is cheating on his girlfriend with a married woman for crying out loud! Meanwhile here's me - a nice guy who can't get anyone and I don't know why. I try to befriend black women but they don't care for me because I'm literally not "black" enough; meaning that they'd probably like me more if I called them b***h more and dropped my trousers so you can see my bum and then the white girls I know don't even like black men. I can't win and I just don't know what to do. I'm a mature boy for my age - I always have been and I've been told this by adults. I want a meaningful relationship NOW; a relationship I can work on and move into the future with. But of course being so young older women won't look at me, and by the time I'm 30 or so I'll still be around my idiot peers only they will be the same age but they still will have the same feelings. This is partly a rant but mostly it's my cry for help as I simply don't have a place in the world at all. | |||
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HELP. I'm meeting a man from a one night stand. So worried!
| Okay I'll cut to the chase. I met a lovely man(I think) on a night out a few weeks back who's 9 years my senior. Not that that is an issue. One thing led to another and he stayed with me on that night out. We've been chatting ever since and it's come around that we're going to stay in a hotel together next week and go our for dinner etc( he lives 3 hours away) which I'm quite frankly worried about. I've told him I'm nervous but truth be told I'm worried. He seemed genuine but what if something goes wrong? What if all he wants from me is sex. What if he's forgotten how I looked and won't like it and its going to be an awkward 24hours together! Or... I've forgotten how he looks and am not attracted to him and spend the whole time uncomfortable! If I'm in that position what do I do???? | |||
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Problem from the past
| I've had a issue with a girl two years ago. She was initially quite a close friend of mine, but then things started to go down hill. I was seeing a guy at the time, one of the girls best friend also liked him. I figured she would have a problem with me , but she kept it sweet to my face. Later i noticed that another girl and the girls best friend had been talking and said something to my friend. She's quite rowdy and was really pissed about me apparently talking about her. However , i never talked about her in a rude way. In particular she mentioned that i had said she cant fight. I didnt say that at all, i think the words were twisted around and misinterpreted. She wasnt listening to me and made a big deal about it ...she even came to my college ...apparently wanting to talk but i knew that was a trap to fight me. For 2 years i haven't spoken or heard from her at all because i cut off all connection. Recently she found me on instagram and was like ooh you might as well wear nothing ... on a picture were i was wearing shorts. then she added me on kik messenger and was like look who i found.. I feel really anxious and afraid, it is such a minor issue that got out of hand and she still has a problem with it... i thought she would have matured and got over it ..she is 20. The tone of her voice is threatening and bullish. I just feel so depressed and its on my mind all the time. | |||
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Bj or sex?
| So Guys, in general, if you could only have one or the other for the rest of your life, which would you pick BJ or sex? | |||
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I need urgent advice from girls please
| There is a 16 year old honduran girl that I really love . living in honduras I live in the east coast of the u.s but we do talk on the phone and on facebook I am a year and half older than her . i talked to her about the way i feel and she took it very calm . she said you have to understand that we are too far apart and that i cant date someone i cant see on daily basis . i told her if i asked you out in person would you say yes . she said yes i would love to . she did say she doesnt love me , she has a boy friend that she loves and i asked her should i back off ? she said no . dont give up . give it a while until i realize if my boy friend is worth staying with or not . I told her we cant be friends . she got angry and said i really like you and you are a nice guy . but i cant date you because of the distance and I need to meet you in person and get to know you better first On the phone she told me last night , if we dont become a couple then we can at least be best friends . i told her meh... advice ? I cant stop thinking about her and i am worried about myself . its killing me :dead: | |||
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Sleeping around if you're a girl
| At uni there's often the temptation to go back to a guy's house after a night out (I go out clubbing a lot and pull guys quite a bit) as you're only a student once and after you graduate you never quite have the same opportunity to "play around," so to speak. Plus you're not single forever and quite a few settle into committed relationships after uni. Provided you use protection and do stuff safely, and don't go back with guys who seem dodgy/weirdos, what's the actual risk involved in bringing a chap back to yours or vice versa every couple of weeks or even just every now and then? (Obviously there's the social stigma of being a "slut," but I don't approve of that term and I don't mean tons of guys) | |||
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Is it time to say I love her?
| I haven't felt like this about anyone in a long time. In fact I haven't had a relationship for years and there's still a bit of insecurity about my attractiveness from the girl who called me fat back in primary school. The closest I got was 2 years ago when I was talking to a girl frequently, fancied the pants off her but it wasn't the same connection as…this. She is wonderful. Sweet, caring, intelligent, funny, wise, humble, sophisticated and cultured but not pretentious, ambitious, interesting, not afraid to go against the grain...and it hurts me when she says she's ugly because she is beautiful outside and in. Which is amazing because often people are only pretty on the outside. Perfect? No. Perfect is boring. She's so much better than that. The things I took for flaws I now adore. She makes me so happy. Admittedly I was at first a little creeped out because she is very bubbly in an endearing and almost child-like way, but in many ways that's a perfect match for my reserved borderline reclusive dungeon-dweller character :P and I sense she already has the maturity to not take life or adulthood too seriously. We click. We can make the stupidest most god-awful jokes and puns and it'll be hilarious because we're together. We have a really unhealthy obsession with cute animal and baby videos now :D She's 18, 19 this summer and I'm 20. We've been seeing each other for about 6 months now, once or twice a week. We were friends for years before this but only through a book club and she just appeared out of the blue at my uni one day. She confessed a while back to regrets we didn't keep closer touch back then. Over time things have grown more serious. We went out on a 'date' that wasn't really a date at Christmas but kind of was, film and dinner. Well I thought it was :o Now she texts me every day, she calls frequently even though it's hard for her at home, she made a Facebook just to stay in touch with me, the other day she introduced me to her younger brother, mum and friends. I think that somehow, despite trying to harden my heart for years, I'm in love. I can't stop thinking about her. I desire her. And she's been more than suggestive of feeling the same way lately. Here's the problem: -I have a history of anxiety and mental health difficulties in all their shapes and forms, only last year going through a period of fairly severe depression and dealt with an eating disorder of sorts over the past few years too. -I'm Dyspraxic and this along with the MH difficulties makes me feel less physically, mentally, emotionally and sexually mature than I feel is expected for my age. In the playground I was called 'spaz', 'retard' and 'fatty' among other things and even though I know kids are immature it's stuck. -The stigma I get from people can be quite demeaning because earlier on I was a little too open about my illness, so my self-esteem's been shook by that and I feel like a big kid. I also half-believe the worries that one day I'm going to snap and do something terrible I am not a manly man. Lots of guys think I'm gay. I try to keep healthy, work out and that but I am not your stereotypical 'alpha-male'. I'm more the bookish and artsy geek type without sounding too hipster :P Put all of this together and I expected to live my days Foreveralone out of necessity, as if I was incapable of holding down a relationship. So this is so so strange. She loves me? Me?! And to be honest I've told her all this, at least the MH and manhood side. She's been incredibly supportive and not judgmental or condescending at all, something I love her all the more for. But also, which I haven't yet told her -I'm a virgin. She's probably more experienced than me. And for her -She has also had a history of some MH difficulties. I want to support her with it but don't know how far I can because she refused therapy to the best of my knowledge. Although in all honesty she seems to have almost fully recovered, she's so sociable and outgoing when she gets the chance. But I'm not her, she could be faking a smile for me. I wish I could help. -She's Indian, a Hindu and her family are orthodox followers of the caste system. I don't want something as silly and backward as a culture divide to get in the way of this. But if I say 'I love you' and she is serious, I don't know. Could I be getting introduced to her family, even possible expectations of marriage by her parents? I love her but I'm not ready for anything quite that serious and I don't think she is either! But then this could be some stereotypical Bollywood dream scenario I'm imagining, hope I don't sound prejudiced, I need more knowledge on that but would have to meet her parents to know their views . Someone please enlighten me :o -Among other things, one of the religious rules she follows is a waste not want policy to food, food is regarded as sacred. Considering we've both had eating disorders and I still don't really like feeling compelled to eat this is tricky. I really don't want to offend her... -She can barely ever leave her house. She has to come back most nights after uni, I'm talking home before dinner kind of thing. I think they have a lot of concerns for her safety as an attractive young woman. I think they're overbearing and patronising her and she's said as much but I respect her parents and know how much she respects them too, so keep quiet about it Anyway she seems eager. There are 'three words you need to say now :D' according to her, I have to make the first move apparently. I almost did the other day minutes before her friends got to the party, but too late. Would have been so awkward for her. I think I'm in love-I really really really like her for sure, I am almost dreaming of her-and I haven't even kissed her yet. I'm so scared. What if her three words are really 'we're breaking up?' (we aren't really even going out officially…) What if it falls apart in just a few months? Can I handle it? What if she sees me naked and that's it, the magic's gone? What if she sees I'm a mess and not ready and walks out to find a man, not a boy? I don't know what to do and she's waiting for an answer Sorry this is so long, I can't articulate at the best of times, all these feelings and doubts Do I tell her? How do I tell her? | |||
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