| So basically me and my girlfriend are going on a break for these exams. It'll be from my first one to her last one. "Around a month" we haven't decided on any of the details apart from we wont see each other. Is this a good idea? I'm worried we'll go off each other or one of us will think its pointless continuing as uni is fast approaching. Has anyone does this? If so what happened? And any advice would be appreciated :) Posted from TSR Mobile | |||
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When you have had enough let it out. A forum style blog about relationship issues and concerns,join in and have your say.
Going on a "Break" with my girlfriend for exams
Am I an idiot to stay with him after this??
| I've been seriously contemplating where my relationship with my boyfriend is realistically headed. My significant other and I have been together for 3 years. Recently, we've been going through a LOT of stress, which has been affecting our relationship. He has a beautiful daughter, with an ex-girlfriend. They have a very contentious relationship, and I really just stay clear of it, because I don't want to interfere with his relationship with his daughter. She, nor anybody else in his life have met or know of me. To be honest, I've spent a lot of time wondering if he's been playing me (and his ex-girlfriend) for a fool. Recently, there has been a lot of drama regarding her. But, to tell the truth, I feel like she has a more dominant role in his life than I do. To get to the point, about a month ago, he had invited his ex-girlfriend (who is also the mother of his child) over to his house to help him with a business situation. From what he has told me, they got in an argument, it became escalated, she started screaming, and the neighbors called the police. He was arrested and charged with DV. He claims he did nothing to her, and she's lying that he hit her. Keep in mind that this all happened between 11pm-1am. She reportedly "flipped out" because he finally admitted to her that he has a girlfriend that he's thinking about marrying. From his report, she became so upset because she finally realized that they are not going to get back together. So, obviously there is a LOT that is wrong with this picture. But, I want to hear your objective thoughts about this situation . | |||
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Can we just be happy?
| - We have been dating a year. - Instant attraction right off the bat. I loved everything about her. Super beautiful, funny, we enjoyed doing anything together and we got a long so easy. - When we first started dating I had my own place and a good job and I made sure to spend time with friends and stuff. - I literally have had not more fun and happiness then in the first I'd say 7 months I dated this girl. Everything was perfect. Just so much happiness in my life. - Then in December I moved into her place. I also lost my job. We had been having sex less and less. She had gained weight from stress. - We also started planning this trip where we would go away for next year and live in a whole new place. - I swear the first part of relationship was great. She was always begging me to come over cause I was at my place or busy and now living together she never texts and says she misses me or any of that old stuff. - She gets mad so easy and blames for little things even though she does them too. She also is totally controlling and even with "our" trip she has been planning it all herself etc...even for my birthday she didn't ask what I wanted she just told me I needed a jacket and said she was buying me one? I swear it is like she is Jekyll and Hyde. I miss our days when we just worked, spent time with each other and had sex all the time. It's like a light switch was flipped and she is a total different person and it is a new relationship...I mean not totally I still do love her and she loves me and we have a lot of fun together but honestly I just miss how good it was. I want to be with her but I don't know if things are going to get better you know? | |||
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on a scale of 1-10, how weird is this?
| I really want my husband to wear a kilt for me. :o i think when a hot guy wears a kilt it makes him look even more gorgeous...i'm drooling (figuratively!) just thinking about it. it's like how a guy would react to seeing his lady wearing fishnets or high-heels or a certain type of dress he really likes. just like, wow. and not just in bed- first i want to go out somewhere with him wearing it, because that would be such a tease for me- it would drive me crazy to see him looking so irresistible, the whole time i would just want to jump on him but couldn't because we'd be in public. then we would go home and i would have hours of built-up "omfg he looks so hot i can't stand it" raging inside, and i would give him the best sex of his life. :) how strange a fantasy is this? am i weird? guys, would you do this for your partner? i feel a bit shy to ask him! | |||
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I am about to break a 5 year relationship.. and it hurts
| Hello people, It has been a long time since the last time I visited this forum. I've been struggling mightily recently and to clear my head and receive some sound advice, I am here yet again. I think I should start off with some background information and what I am having trouble with. I've been in a relationship with my girlfriend for 5 years. I am now in my early mid 20's and she is 2 years older than I am. We've been together a long time (definitely the entirety of my university life) and we have always been loving, caring couple. We never really had a serious trouble other than when I mentally struggled in the past with 'not being able to enjoy the wild university life'. After graduation, both of us got our career going and we are both doing well. She wanted some more commitment from me, which I totally understand. I've always all along thought that she was the one and on several occasions, we have discussed things related to marriage, such as where is an ideal place to live, perhaps near work place, save up money to buy a house or get a car first? etc etc. Then recently, it suddenly hit me. I just wasn't ready for marriage. I feel I am still too immature to commit myself to such a serious, and probably the most important decision in my life. So this is a case of being financially ready, but not mentally ready! I couldn't believe it because I've been with her for so long... and let me remind you that I had none of these 'I want to meet more women' thoughts, those were gone long time ago. I feel that (perhaps I am wrong) marriage is something I should commit to when I have NO second thoughts. Maybe I will have some thoughts of 'she won't be great at this so I will have to not get frustrated by that' and such, but as for the big picture, I thought you should be all for marriage to make a decision. I feel uncomfortable for some reason and I am scared. I some what feel that I might regret it if I make the decision now. There are couple of other factors that supports this feeling. Our relationship has been great but also very stale for a long time. Due to circumstances (basically to save money), we still live with our parents, and her parents are super strict, hence I cannot go on a vacation with her without a serious commitment (such as an engagement). I don't even go over to her place or her to my place because it is so uncomfortable! Dating pattern has been somewhat the same for past years... and I have grown tired. I want to do new things, try new things, spend time with her privately, but the situation doesn't allow us. I am also not fond of her parents... I think family is VERY important in marriage and I am just not confident that I can commit to seeing her parents for the rest of my life.. My heart tells me that I love her and want to be with her, but the clear thought in my head tells me that it is time to let her go. If I could, I'd just keep dating her. But she doesn't want this, and if I date her another year, then marriage talk comes up again, and I have this doubt again, it will be more of a pain for her! It just feels that the more I drag this on, the more of a hassle and pain it will be later on. I have told my close friends and my parents that I have sort of made a decision inside. Due to my request, my girlfriend and I are not talking for a month to have some time to ourselves and think clearly about this decision. It has been 2 weeks. I still know what to do, but I don't know if I will be able to do it when I see her. It is difficult because we have committed so much to each other. Perhaps not to an extent of living together (and hence more consequences) but we have committed our mind and body (for both of us, it was the first time) and it just feels I have more to be responsible for. It is also difficult because it is not like she is aggressively pushing for marriage, just a tal k of it comes up occasionally but I know she wants it. She is also OLDER than me, and she wants to get married early, while I advocate marriage in late 20s, meaning timing doesn't work out, since when I am late 20's, she will be 30. Generally speaking, guys get married later than ladies do, but I am younger than her, and none of my friends or colleagues are even thinking of marriage, which makes it more difficult (No peer pressure though). And most of all, I still love her very much! But I know letting her go is the right decision because I simply do not feel ready, and I don't know when I ever will. You never know what will happen in life, and I am scared to keep her waiting, only to end up badly in the future. Sorry for the extremely long rant. I want to hear what you guys think. Do you guys think I am making a wise and right decision? Or should I just follow my heart? I have recently talked with a friend who had a similar struggle. I asked him, "If we break up and later on in life, we might still have feelings for each other (because we didn't end up on bad terms), and I feel ready for marriage then, do you think we can meet again?". He said, "A guy might think that way, but trust me friend, don't believe that ladies will be like that too". I wanted to find some solace in this forum from the people who have experienced marriage and similar difficulties in the past. Thanks. | |||
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Wife having an affair with another woman
| New here so hello to all. Been married 30 years and have no minor kids. My wife and I have had a very tenuous relationship for the last few years. three years ago she filed for divorce while our youngest was still in high school. Said that she need space and did not want the responsibility of being a mother and wife and wants to be on her own. We went to counseling for a while and she reveled abuse from her childhood home and decided to put the divorce on hold. Three years we worked on our marriage but never recovered the sex life. We grew farther apart with different interests. She started hanging around with people that I could not stand. Dope smokers, drinkers just all around losers. This last year her dress and style has changed and she has become hard around the edges. Very clean and proper but still... I knew something was up when she started hiding things that she did not need to hide. She stopped caring where or when I came home. This last week she started a fight with myself and daughter and went really overboard. I knew she had a guilt trip she was fighting through. I made a comment to a friend that my wife has something she is hiding and a couple of days later I get this email at work from someone that says they have something I would be interested in. bull crap I deleted it.. Then I get a printout of a string of texts form my wife to another woman that looked innocent at the time but started to increase in sexual nature with a comment of the other woman coming into town for a hook up with her. The messages got very explicit. I sat on this information for several days, contacted my lawyer and saw a counselor to try to get a grip. Funny thing is that I really don't care. I am pissed off that she is going to put her life and mine through hell and most likely loose all her friends and the respect of her kids. I confronted her yesterday and after a few min stopped denying the affair. I told her I filing for D and she could stay in the house but not in my bed. I am not in good place in time for the D as I put a lot of my resources into my business. None of her friends know of her affair and I know that the other woman has a partner that she is stealthy trying to keep this from. I promised my wife that if she played nice in the divorce that I would not out her. I don't know if I should tell the other woman's partner about the affair. I have never been alone and have no concept of what it will be like when this is over. I am going the 180 route but don't think it will have an impact on her as she wants the freedom anyway. I know I am not to blame in this relationship but cant understand why she chose the very long distant relationship. I am looking forward to not being with her as she is someone that I would not ever be friends with if we meet the first time. Not a nice person, very self centered, sneaky, and a cold heart. Even so I hate that this woman is praying on my wifes desire for something more fulfilling that I can give here now. She is going to be played and spit out and find herself alone and friendless. BTW the informant says he has more stuff but I have to pay. What a scumbag! But what a racket. I am worried now that I know that all someone has to have is a cell number and they can intercept anything. Even mine... I don't want any more information on her anyway as she has already fessed up. I'm so confused that I don't know what I'm confused about. I hope I can get clarity her.. | |||
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Should I let it go?!
| I am seriously considering letting it all go!!! I should still be in the "honeymoon" stage seeing as though we have only been married 7 months!!! But here we are, I have been lied to about what time he is getting off of work. Received a "pocket dial" one night that told me that he was not at work when I thought that he was. He then lied about it of course until I approached him with the proof...ugh, now I find a number and some texts in his phone!!! What to do!! | |||
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My husband is choosing his dog over me?
| I have been with my husband for 4 years. We have always lived separate. My lease is up and I want to move in with him, but he has a dog I am allergic to. He is a big dog, an Australian Cattle Dog...he barks and bites and sheds everywhere. He said he would keep the dog in a room with a door that goes outside, but honestly, I don't believe this is a good compromise as I am an asthmatic and am very allergic to him. I don't want to not go into that room. I also have insomnia and a disabled back, so I am already operating at a disadvantage. I told him to get a shed with an A/C and a chair and the dog can live here and the back yard. He won't do that. So, he is in essence, choosing his dog over me or my needs. It is very hurtful and I would leave, but I could lose my job soon and would have no options, so I am operating from fear. I love him and we get along, but this is such a tough issue. Every time I talk to someone out this, they say it is a no-brai ner and I come over a dog. I believe this in my heart, but would hate to lose my husband. Ideas please? | |||
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Sending care package to girlfriend -- help!
| I am sending a care package to my long distance girlfriend because I want her to know how much I love and care for her. We have been together for over a year now and I'm sure that I will marry her once the distance closes. We used to live together, but she has temporarily gone back to her home country and we have been apart for a few months and won't be together for another 6 months or more. The thing is, I am horrible at romantic gestures and I want this to be something special. I also haven't got a lot of money. I have already thought of some ideas (cologne, chocolate, etc.) but she deserves something more creative. I know people are going to say that I know my girlfriend best, and I do. I know her inside out. She loves dance and Cabaret, works with kids, she writes, listens to loads of genres of music (Aerosmith, Fun, Billy Joel, Barenaked Ladies… loads more), is into stand-up comedy, and is a jeans and t-shirt kind of girl. She is sweet, intelligent, funny, beautiful, sexy as hell, and so caring. She has graduated Uni as well. I know her favourite books and films, but I want to get her more than just a DVD. I am so crap at this and I just want it to be perfect. Please please please help me! | |||
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How/When to share with family were are Reconciling?
| My story is posted on We want to R, but he has a live in OW & Guess we aren't R (I think). Well, H & I spent the day together talking, sharing, planning our recommitment to our marriage. Which is a great step in the direction we both want. Here's the thing.... I need to make amends with his son and let my parents know as well. His son is a challenge. We butt heads a lot and he was very angry when I left over 6 months ago. I need to amend our relationship, I have a plan to take him to dinner and talk with an open heart about what has changed and what his father and I have decided. My parents, well that's another story altogether. Due to our history (H & I) they were none too happy we got married for one and when I left, they were thrilled and informed me that if I go back to him they would not be supportive. I really am not concerned about their acceptance of our decision. God has a way of answering prayers and we both have changed a great deal. We are not the same couple we have been for the past 8 years. I am definitely not the same woman/wife. So, how do I relay the news to my parents without any drama? My parents have been a huge crutch for me and I realize this was a huge issue in our marriage. I need to remove the crutch, relay the news and deal with the backlash. But how? Any suggestions? Thanks for reading. | |||
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Any other jealous wives out there?
| I'm just wondering if others would feel like me or am I overreacting? A childhood friend is in town this weekend and my husband and I went out to dinner with this friend and her husband. We were having ****tails all night and as the night went on this friend was paying so much attention to my husband and getting loud and entertaining us all with her stories. I just felt like her and my husband's eyes were connected most of the night and my husband had a smile plastered on his face while watching her and her theatrics. I expected my friend and I to chat and catchup all night but that was not at all how the night went. I was feeling jealous/mad/disrespected. How would you feel? What would you do? eta: husband has never cheated and don't think he would but still... | |||
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Gradual disinterest
| What do you do if you realize you married the wrong guy. You married the rather nerdy guy who is a great provider, a great father, kind hearted, would do anything for you and his family, yet you are not attracted anymore at all to him, his manner of speech, the way he walks, the way he talks, the way he looks, and this just hit you like a ton of bricks. What do you do? How in the heck do you handle this? I honestly wish I could have a lobotomy so that my brain doesn't even think this anymore, it's awful!!! | |||
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Post your art or other creations
| Is anyone here an artist, crafter, or other type of creator that transfer to visual medium? Post here! | |||
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I'm about confused as a meowing dog
| Hello all, I would like some sound advise from others on this forum. I skimmed through the forum and I have some read some excellent replies. This community is definitely god sent. So to give a brief intro. My fiancee and I have been together for five years. Lived with each other for 4, engaged for 3.5. To say this relationship is peaches and cream is a far cry. We had our peaks and valleys. To top it off, my mom hates him (which is has her own demons she needs to deal with, She hates my sister's husband and they been together for 20 years) As the wedding date is nearing closer, I am having serious doubts. I often wonder what-if. We have been through so much and still have a lot to work on. For example, I know for a fact I am not a priority. When it comes to me, everything is wait and see. I can ask him to do something simple (like screw the door back own) and it takes him months (he's a building maintenance technician). But if anyone else ask him to do anything, he's johnny on the spot. Let me give you a few examples. I was due for surgery the day after New Years. I explained to him i wanted to stay close to home so I can prepare for the surgery. He made such a stink about how he promised his mother he was going to paint her bathroom and actually left me home so he can "paint his mother's bathroom" (we're in DC and his mom is in NY. She has 3 grown children living with her). My mom had to come help me out and take me to go get my surgery (she's in NY as well). Another time, just yesterday actually, I told him I needed to goto the repair shop to check on my truck. He asked me to wait. I went anyway and good thing I did because they didn't even start the repairs and my truck been there for 3 days. Afterwards he wanted to go to the gun show. I told him I didn't feel comfortable going right that minute as I (DISCLAIMER) only took a ho bath and didn't feel comfortable walking around all day and not properly bathed. His response "it's ok" and drove straight to the show. There is also the situation with his divorce. He was fully separated from his wife when we started dated. When he proposed, I told him he had to legally divorce his wife. Here it is years later, he just now started the proceedings. I am not even sure if we would be able to get a marriage license because there is a 8 day waiting period from when the application is received before a license is issued. We're suppose to wed on June 3 on St. Thomas, which is already paid for. The divorce is suppose to take 3 weeks and both him and the wife are dragging feet. We had a huge fight over the wedding rings. Apparently my engagement ring would need a customize band which takes 6 weeks. I wanted a new set because I feel the ring I have doesn't mean anything. He didn't picked it out himself. His uncle works at a jewelry store. He picked one out, brought it home and gave my fiancee a discount. So I basically just got something that someone else picked out. The ring is not me at all. All my jewelry is yellow gold and my ring is white. I explained to him white gold requires treatment every 6 months. He didn't believe me until someone else told him. And that's another thing. He doesn't value nothing I say. I can give him sound advise when he ask me. He would arguing me down about how wrong I am. When someone else gives him the same answer, their opinion is worth gold. I feel I always have to fight. When it comes to my dreams and aspirations, I have to fight him and do it on my own. But when it is his dreams, I try to be as supportable as I can be. Bad enough I have to fight the outside world, I don't want to fight inside my home too. Why I'm with him you may ask. I do love him and he loves me. When he is actually on board, he is all in. He's a great protector and my best friend. We do have great times together. It's just there is no middle ground. Either it's really great or pits of hell. I know everyone loves differently and just because someone doesn't love you the exact same way you would like them to doesn't which means they don't love you. I have voiced my concerns before and he told me it wasn't true and I am a priority. I even left him for months behind this. He vowed to work on it. It lasted all of 6 months. I am not sure if I want to go through with the marriage. I know in my head I answered my own question. But I would like someone who is looking from the outside in. I often second guess myself because I do suffer from a depression, traumatic brain injury and PTSD (I'm a Vet). Everyone's input would be greatly appreciated. | |||
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Now or in 5 years time?
| If you're a guy in the early 20s, and you have the chance to meet that special person, I have 2 scenarios: Be person A: Meet her now. you're still at uni but you could spend a few of your best years together! Encourage each other along the way - perhaps hope to settle down together. Even if it doesn't workout, at least you've been in a meaningful relationship. The downside is that you're not as worldly, nor well cultured just yet, but you can travel with her to change that; while you're ambitious, you're still at uni and not financially stable, she can be there to walk you through the tough times - still you might have a faint sense of embarrassment on your pride, that although you're the guy, when she met you, you haven't made it just yet. Not to mention there is always a chance it could break your heart; or slow you down from getting that job you always wanted. Or Be guy B: meet her in 5 years time. You've kept your head down, worked hard all those years, while your friends was drifting in relationships. The pro: you made it - in your heart of hearts you know that wouldn't be possible if you were person A due to relationship commitment. You've got the big house, the job you always wanted, are now more worldly and dreamy - you got to the point you'd like to start a family soon down the road - and have the means to sweep that dream girl off her feet. The con: you might be more impressive, and have seen more women over time to know how to be a partner - but the trade off: you wouldn't have spent those fantastic years with the special girl - although she'd like the fact you provide well, she wouldn't have seen how hard you worked, how far you've come - when you were constantly trying to make it on your own. Which would you choose? :$ | |||
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very hard to keep my cool
| My husband left me 2 weeks ago and took the bed out of the spare room, a chest of drawers, all my bags for life, teabags, coffee, cheese knife, large sieve and long mirror. Although these are only trivial things, each time I noticed something was missing I would get upset again. I suffer from depression, so I am up and down all the time. My husband has suffered from depression for years and brought me down with him. I was just about to go to bed when I noticed that a large towel had gone missing. I texted my husband to ask him to bring any household stuff back with him tomorrow and we'll sort it out between us. He texted back to say that he hadn't got anymore household stuff and to stop accusing him of things he's not taken. I am trying very hard not to have a go at him and to remain happy every time I see him like I'm advised to do, but sometimes I'm finding it very hard to do. I saw my counsellor yesterday who made me feel positive. I am having a bad day today, so I'm taking it out on my nearest and dearest, ie. the estranged hubby. I said to him I didn't want my son to come from a broken home. He said it is hardly a broken home as he's nearly 20 this year. I told him not to be so heartless, he's not replied to that! My son may be 20 this year, but he's got high functioning autism and so he acts more like a 14 year old. it is mainly his social skills and his need for routine that affects his autism. My husband leaving has thrown his routine right out of the window and he's been misbehaving because of this. I just want things to get back to how they were before and be a happy family once again. My husband has some new found friends that I'm sure have had a big influence in his life, he's changed so much this year. I know we've had problems in the past, but he refuses to talk about them (he dumped me via text!), he won't go to counselling with me and has given up his faith. I was just about to go to bed, but now I'm so annoyed with him that I'm wide awake!! | |||
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Does the dumper ever reaaly feel bad?
| I think many have read my story. Married 14 years two girls wife walks out and leaves the girls. I file for divorce. 5 months later she says she wants to work it out.. I end the court case. 4 months later she said she still doesn't love me and really wants a divorce. She says she is sorry for hurting me. This is to all the men/woman that have dumped their spouse that were in non abusive relationships.. Seriously? Do you really feel bad that you ripped someone's heart out? do you really care how terrible you made that person feel? Maybe causes I got dumped... but I can't for the life of me see how the person doing the dumping can not feel anything but joy and relief. That they can start a new life with no guilt while the other is left to pick up the pieces of a shattered life from the person they loved and planned to spend the rest of their life together. PLEASE can someone that dumped their spouse explain to me.. cause when my STBEW told me she was sorry I felt she was full of crap, evil and cold. Please enlighten me! | |||
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Can any guys help me with this?
| Basically there's this guy I like. We started talking about 2 months ago but he's backed off a few times. About a month ago it got to the point where he was making a real effort to talk to me and to see me 9nothing has every happened though). Then one night when we were out some of my friends apparently started talking to him about me and he told them he liked me. On the same night he told he would come out with me and my friends the next weekend and we made rough plans for it. But basically since that night he had backed off again and didn't contact me. I canceled the weekend later because I was ill but he said he can't come anyway cause of work. But basically he has been distant since that night and when we saw eachother last weekend he didn't even talk to me and left early. He is pretty shy and normally wouldn't talk to me anyway unless I speak to him first but still, he's had chances online etc. I don't really understand why someone would back off literally right after admitting they like me. But the point is I'm fed up about wondering about it so do you think I should make some sort of move an confront him so I know for sure? Like messaging him and asking if he wants to hang out? Or something else? Or would this just put him off even more? I also really want to apologise for my friend's behaviour cause I'm sure they were bothering him. Thoughts please. | |||
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Esther Perel: The secret to desire in a long-term relationship
| Esther Perel give a Ted Talk on how to keep it hot in any LTR/Marriage. Entertaining and enlightening. "Sex isn't something you do, it's a place you go" Good stuff Quote:
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After the Lies - the Dawning
| And so you get up you walk the dog and you live with it. You get the breakfast for the kids and you live with it. You watch your partner reading the morning paper and you live with it. You haven't even fully opened the door on this stunning Sydney autumn day and you live with it. You will get out there amongst it with your family and live with it. What a bucket of sh!t - but you'll live with it. I'm angry this morning - angry that my so called partner has put me through this. 3 weeks of up and down misery - trying to get back on the rails, drifting from despair to cold steel eff YOU! It is incredible how prolonged this pain can be - let alone contributors talking about trust possibly returning after 3-5 years if ever. Early in the evening last night I sent 2 e-mails to my partner. She has her work laptop at home. Maybe I should have said come here pls and read this now but anyway I didn't. I e-mailed 2 very good pieces. One was about infidelity with advice to the cheater and the cheated and the other was about "The 10 myths of relationships" (both by Dr Phil). These messages are IMO important reminders of what we need to consider in this thing we all call a marriage or a partnership. It enabled me to re-think what my expectations are, what is realistic and what is fantasy. A tune-up if you like. You might think it's all a bit odd given the betrayal but I got a lot out of it and I though my partner would as well. The same goes for the other message on infidelity. It helped re-align my thinking and I thought this would be of particular use, given the circumstances, for my partner. To help her take ownership and hopefully open her more to the full impact of this betrayal and the fact that she needs to do more than sit back and be nice and occasionally f**k me and hope it all blows over. A short time later I was in the kitchen and I casually asked her if she had read the two messages - she hadn't. Nor did she then proceed to read them - she was playing a game on her LT at the time. Still hasn't read them though she has just got up this morning. 11 hour sleeps are standard on weekends for her. The other thing is - at one point last night when she was sitting there on her LT she said to me "oh not tonight". I think this was in reply to my mentioning the e-mails but it may have been something else i said - I am given to occasionally making puns re her EA/PA (coping mechanism) - but in any case she put up the "stop" sign because she thought we were about to have another fight. I was glad with the way I handled it. I turned around and said "Don't do that, don't ever do that. If I need to open this up at any time you are just going to have to wear it. Don't ever dictate when is or is not appropriate about dealing with what happened. That's just the way it is". She backed right off and agreed. She's being very neutral, very friendly, very "normal" but that's about it. Yes, I'm wondering how this R is going to unfold over the next weeks and months. This ahole OM is following me around like a bad smell and she put him there. This is the bit they don't get. My partner thinks she is empathising in her neutral approach but she hasn't got a clue. The last two years I went through depression, I worked casually (30 hrs per week) for 5 years up to June 2012 even though I had been Mr Mom since 2005. I quit that job when her new gig started simply because there was no one to get our kids to school (she was 6 months out of work/trying to find a job due to redundancy). My early starts were out and so was the job. She started her PA the same month - it coincided with a r-union party for the staff of the previous job. I have to accept that nothing existed with this co-worker when they were actually working together because he, the OM, told me the June 2012 re-union party was the beginning. Though I have never questioned her or him about an EA at that time. I will ask that question today - we have to know, so demoralising and painful but we have to know. "Why do you need to know so much, why are you blowing this up?" she asked recently. Walk a mile in these shoes I say. They just don't get it. That's enough - is this not the just the nastiest, degrading slap in the face? I didn't deserve this and now, in my bloody 50's I have to go through it. I was hoping to land "that" job (something, anything!) and work it till retirement or whenever I finally drop off and meanwhile help my kids grow - get over the depression, start enjoying life and this happens. The absolutely worst possible thing emotionally and physically for an effectively healthy person. Effing lying mongrel bastards the lot of them. :mad: | |||
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