how important are breasts to your sexual need

I am curious. I'm sorry there is just no normal easy way to ask this or maybe it is just my own self being uncomfortable.

I know there are boob men and leg men and such. Just how important is boobs in the bed room? I ask because my H seems to like to use my boobs as his personal playground. I know that they are my breasts and this should provide me with some kind of joy and likable sensation, but it doesn't. (I have a past of rape and CSA which I suspect affects things) If he knows it does nothing for me, then why does he want to partake in that? Do my breasts do something for him? Do boobs do something for guys? In thinking about it all I can think of is that breasts are a part of what is female and seen as a woman part and guys don't have access to these type of things. Being allowed access and exploring that area would soon get old Or would it not, I don't know? I do know it is an area in which I struggle and I was wondering how important is access to breasts is for you guys?

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Is it worth meeting this girl? what can I talk about until we meet in September?

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Is it worth meeting this girl? what can I talk about until we meet in September?

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• 14 hours ago 14h ago

I have off from uni so I been living with my family in my hometown for the summer, not doing much because money and friends working so I've been a bit bored.

I joined a dating app, not thinking much of it but a girl on there has text me who taken a shine to me, she is coming to study in my hometown in September. We exchanged facebook and mobile numbers so we talk regularly

I was originally was going to go back in September but my course doesn't start until mid October so I agreed to stay in the hometown for a bit longer to meet the girl, she said I can join her with her uni freshers which means I'll be missing the 3rd freshers of mine.

also because I haven't been doing anything conversation with her has run a bit dry as I told all about my life etc so its now down to what you been doing today? which is nothing so I don't know how to keep the text convo going, when I meet her in September be easier.

Do you think its worth meeting her for that short amount of time? and what can I talk about so things don't get boring?

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LDR while at uni was the biggest mistake of my life- listen up

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LDR while at uni was the biggest mistake of my life- listen up

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• 15 hours ago 15h ago

I'm not one to say that all long-distance relationships (LDRs) are a mistake. Obviously, in certain circumstances, not only are they necessary but they can also work. However, for my first two years if university I was in a LDR, and it remains the single biggest regret of my life to date.

Don't want to upset anyone here, but I want to warn those of you who may be considering an attempt at long-distance, having just left school to go to uni. I know right now it feels like he/she is the one, that you will never love anyone else, you can't imagine life without them, etc. But you are sooo young. You have not experienced the adult world.

Throughout the course of my 2 year LDR, I changed so much as a person, and my now ex-boyfriend didn't. We grew apart. It was inevitable. We lived in different cities, had completely different lives, educations, interests. The only thing we had in common was each other, by the end. I was a fool to ever contemplate the heartache that is a long-distance scenario, especially at the tender age of 17, when I packed my suitcase, kissed him goodbye and hopped on a train to go to uni, as if expecting it to all be plain-sailing.

When you are in a relationship, if you cannot learn from each other and grow as a couple, you have nothing left to keep you together. If you fail to inspire and interest each other, your love fades and you become miserable.

Long-distance, in my experience, is like torture. You constantly cannot have the one thing you want most- your boyfriend/girlfriend- because they are so far away. With that, you cannot fully concentrate on, enjoy or commit yourself to university life and your studies.

You will meet amazing, like-minded people at uni. People who you click with on an unimaginable level. If you're wrapped up in a delusional LDR, these opportunities will pass you by.

While I have some lovely memories from my LDR, these are very much tainted by the grief I felt every time we departed after a visit and by the regret I feel from having put myself through so much ****. When you're just a kid, just left school, its honestly not worth it. 9/10 LDRs I've known since starting uni have failed- surely that's something to go by.

Many of you may read this and hate me for it, but honest to god- If I could go back in time, i'd never have got into a LDR, especially when so young. Some very exceptional young couples manage it- they scrape through the 4/5 years of pain- but, at the end of all that, can they honestly say that they enjoyed university 100%? And can they honestly say they're with the right guy/girl?

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Stuck - Want Freedom - Intimacy -

So i feel so stuck.

Obviously I am a Nice Guy. I have been working out for the last year - have transformed my body to hell and high water, that is noticeable by everyone. I have majorly been working on me - diet, lost weight, increased muscles where my wife comments every week on how I have changed...

I keep finding myself in this same place ..everything working for me except what I want in my relationship with my wife.. I want it to be a certain way and yet its far from that . I want us to have a passionate sex life and intimacy...

We have sex perhaps one time every two weeks. we got to once per week from 1 time every 3-4 weeks because she went through a stressful time with losing family and I think she is kind of depressed. She seems to sleep a lot and be low on energy.

She does work out 3 times or more per week and seems to have energy to work with no rules around work - but when it comes to play and having fun in the sexual or intimate way - it seems she would rather sleep at times or just sit there ...

Today I went to initiate with wife and I got comment after comment of judgements about how I was kissing her, touching her, then she throws in I am acting weird and this is why she doesnt want to have sex any more with me.

Its weird because months ago she was telling me she had no libido, tonight shes says - I feel like we have been through this a million times. Your weirdness is causing me not to want to have sex...then she goes to state that I started this conversation with her and argument....

Whats funny is I gave her a massage, and I have always initiated sex over the last year or two... I asked her how often we have this problem when she initates wanting to have sex ? ( i kind of knew the answer was unlikely to come ) I explained that during tonight - i told her what I liked and did a bunch of loving things with no judgements however everything I do she has judgements about - probably not best comments however they needed to be said.

I always seem to be giving the massages and doing the work in the initiating side, or warming her up side. I am wondering if perhaps I should let her be and just see if she ever initiates with me since its seem to have been forever since she has ..

I told her I want to spend time with her and that I have never said I am tired in fact I enjoy being with her rather than sleeping and I think about her - perhaps I am too excited and this is my issue. That when we get to have an opportunity to have sex- because there is a two or three week gap perhaps I get a bit fidgity or nervous or I am looking at her reactions too much , that perhaps I should ignore her and just do what I want ....

I got up after she made a comment that she works hard all day long and that she is tired ...and she shut her eyes ..and went to sleep.. I thought if I lay there I am going to feel sick ..

Keep in mind before all this she preamps it with I dont want to make you feel down - or make you feel down --- but ... I am just saying you act weird kissing me and massaging me and why do you do things like this ..

I feel as if much of this is an exaggeration because the last time we had this chat is 7 months ago, but she makes it aware to me tonight that its 100% of the time ( which I know isnt true) - whats even funnier is why I am kissing her and massaging her - she just lays there watching me - like a one man show with me trying to advance and her doing minimal responding - how do I deal with this ?

Its never her fault , its me that is weird... GOSH. I wish I knew how to fix this issue, I tried to talk and ask what do you think would solve this ? She didnt want to get into this - obviously putting me down and not taking any part responsibility seems like a good idea....

I am so lost on how to shift - who I am, its VERY PAINFUL .
So I sit in a room by myself thinking what the hell... how do I deal with this.

Maybe she is just stressed and really just didnt want to have sex , so shes just picking at everything I am doing - last 10 times - there havent seemed to be issues.. Yet tonight she wants to make me feel like I am a loser or what ?

Whats funny is for the last 2 years there hasnt been one time she has initiated any sex with me, its always me. She has been very tired. when we do have sex
I give her oral - and make her feel great then we always have sex ..

she doesnt initiate any more on her own, doesnt give me oral and most of the time she seems to want to rather give me a HJob vs sex...

I feel really ****ty - when I can do everything for everyone - work my ass off, but when it comes to the intimacy - i feel like I am missing something - and I juts dont get it - its really painful ...really ...

I know many of you guys have your opinions, I feel like running away somewhere when she digs into me about how I am weird around sex and then make me feel like an alien and proceeds to go to sleep and not want to even talk ...

Its really tough . I am soooo stuck it hurts , I feel very puzzled on
how to even deal with all of this. I do want to have sex with my wife .

And as many of you have said before - I may just be in a sexless marriage, perhaps I need to just shake it off and not be so attached to any kind of intimacy .. perhaps that is the issue. Maybe I should not attempt any sex for the next 6 months or so ...

Its puzzling , do I initiate with much of her excuses? The last 4 times, have been I am tired, why are you a different person in bed, not now, I need rest
I wish I knew the answer and its been ages and I still havent figured it out
and why is she pointing all of the fingers at me - when she isnt even in that space ?

I would love to hear some advice from a womens point of view. Perhaps I should stop focusing on this so much - but I truly miss that passion in our relationship. I have explained how when we are together - I do feel energized and turned on to do more in life. I like to feel wanted by her...

I dont know what to do any more. It seems to be a broken record. There must be some way to shift all of this - I must be missing it. I have gone to coaches and had advice from professionals however she seems stuck in her place where she is and I seem to not be able to break through with her .

I want to get that romance and desire back in our relationship. I also seem to be last in priority after her, child, family, work and then if she has anything left at 10 pm at night - that 10 minutes is for me before she goes to bed. I have suggested dates away from work during the day and other ideas however she seems to have lost much of her libido - she also doesnt seem to want to
exert any effort in that area...

We usually just have sex. I seem to be more into it all the time than she does ...When I do start with her - many times she seems to just be laying there and judging me - or not really responding with desire rather watching me - and processing with her mind what is going on ...

ANY IDEAS - Ladies ? I am all ears

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so confused and lonley right now

Im 34 Ive been with my husband off and on now for almost 11 years, we just got married for the second time in June. He suffers from biopolar. So about every three months we split up normally for about a month or so. Then he always comes crying and begging me back cause he cant live with out me. Now mind you everytime we break up he sees other girls and so a few times Ive honstley tried to start a new life and have gone out on dates. And at one point we were broke up for about 2 months and stuff was getting pretty serious with this other guy until my husband now called and needed to see me he said he had just got out of the hospital and needed to talk so against my better judgement I meet him he told me he had cancer . He was all upset crying the whole nine yards at first i was sceptial but he convinced me. So since at that time we had spent 7 years of or lives together I told the man i was seeing i coulnt let him go threw this alone so I went back. Come t o find out a couple months down the road he had been lying. Cause he knew that was the only way I was going to go back with him. So as upset as I was about him lying we stayed together. Still doing the off and on thing I never know from day to day if were going to be together or if he changes his mind threw out the day.For 5 years now Ive suffered from anxiety and depression do to all the instability, witch he dose not understand witch is why we got married this time. We separated in April for a couple of weeks. And I was fine but as soon as he came back I started having really bad panic attacks. So he suggested we get married again so that away i know he wont leave again. And since i was looking for anything to make me feel better i did it. Two days after we got married everything went back to the way it was before i was no longer important to him again he was always gone running around with his friend who needed him cause he was having marriage problems. And exactlay a mon th from the day we got married i told him to leave he was always accussing me or being decetiful and unfaithful, going threw my phone facebook journals whatever he could get his hands on. Mind you now at this point do to my panic attacks and now agorophobia. My boss has made me take some time off work so as hes accussing me of all this I cant even leave the house with out having a panic attack. He was gone about a week then called and was so sorry so stuiped me believed him so we got back together. I do believe in marriage so I figured I should try. Now with all my emotional issues going on i have no sex drive at all so of course I must be messing with someone else. I heard about this for a week i am his wife that is my job ect ect. So two nights ago he went and stayed at his house cause he was mad cause i dont want to have sex with him cause im a wreck right now. He called yesterday and said he cant do this anymore while i was on my way to councling when i got home he was h ere. He said he didnt mean to say that its the bipolar. Whatever so I just told him i cant do this roller coaster no more so he called me some choice words then went back to his house. He called me later and I just told him I need time to see if this is what I want cause this is pure hell. The last 11 years ive devoted my life to him and my children so i have noone to talk to cause if i were to talk to a friend while were together he would get mad. So now I have noone at all. Please any advice will help.

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Transparency as part of rebuilding trust

I would like to hear how transparency is used in relationships for rebuilding trust after an affair. I am particularly interested in whether or not people, looking back, wish they had had it since the beginning of the relationship. Or if you did have it at the beginning, why it broke down.

If you have moved on from a relationship affected by an affair, did you make transparency a key component of the next relationship? How did you do that?

I am a big advocate of transparency, and believe it is key for building trust. That is my bias in this discussion.

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Deleting account.

I've about had enough, can you someone please tell me how to delete my account.
thanks.

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what kind of hints do you give when you like a person?

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what kind of hints do you give when you like a person?

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• 46 minutes ago 46m ago

like all their pics on FB?

send them constant messages?

ignore them completely?

only talk to them at night?

what approach do you take?

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Do you see your crush everywhere?

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Do you see your crush everywhere?

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• 35 minutes ago 35m ago

Do you see your crush everywhere? As in you think you see him/ her everywhere but actually it could just be people who look similar. For example if your out shopping, you see them across the road, or your at traffic lights, and the car next to you looks like them, then your wondering who there with?
I know this sounds really weird, but it's what happens to me.

Creepy, I know:D

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What's on his mind?

I've been married to my husband for about 1.5 years. I consider myself attractive. I'm athletic 5'3 125 lb. I know men desire a variety of women. I'm curious how often during intimacy my husband thinks of other women. I don't consider myself prude. I enjoy sexy time and never turn him down. My question is how often do you guys imagine another woman in bed?

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Jealousy

I've been married for about 1.5 years to a good man. My previous relationship was lasted about 7 years. We were super serious from day one. I was only 16 when I moved out with him. He was very controlling, physically and mentally abusive. He cheated on me constantly so as expected I started to grow insecure about myself. Luckily I broke loose from this toxic relationship and after being single for awhile I met my husband. I've always considered myself to be a strong confident person. Lately my jealousy has been getting the best of me and I feel like I'm making my husband pay for what my ex has done to me mentally. I'm starting to see certain characteristics my ex used to do in myself such as making your partner scared of what they can't control whether it be a new secretary at work or people who message or text you. He says he knows who he married and he doesn't mind however I see it as a huge issue that will wear on your marriage. I've been in his situat ion and i know how over a period of time that will break us. I've gotten it somewhat under control. I give him his space but I also strive for his attention. He doesn't give it to me enough so I get jealous when other things in his life takes his time me attention. How normal is jealousy?

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Made it to the Forum I Wanted to be in

So I posted in the going through a divorce or separation forum and kinda let the thread go. There were a lot of people that gave me advice and it was appreciated. My orginal thread is located here.

Well after I stopped posting on the boards my WS decided to invite me out to see her for a few days while her parents were out of town. I just returned today and it was probably one of the best weeks of my life and at least the best one since this all started.

With the help of my counselor I figured out a plan of action for while I was visiting. I decided to act as if we weren't separated and to show her how much she means to me. Well long story short it worked amazingly well. After a great night out and an amazing dinner my wife and I were discussing her getting a new car and me possibly helping her out with the down payment and she asked me why it would matter if we were still together and she moved back here with me. I was pretty shocked but extremely excited!

So I will be going back out there to pick her up in about a month and we will begin the arduous task of reconciling. She said she will give it six months at first and than re-evaluate from there so there is still hope and I think we can actually make this thing work. A lot of my friends think I'm an idiot and that she is playing me but that's a lot to do just to play me. I mean to move across the country, quit her job and her gym to give our marriage a chance says something in my book.

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this is a nightmare, please help

I have been married for 6 years and have a 3 yo son. My marriage has huge issues and I am full of hurt, anger and dissapointment. I really don't know how to begin. My dh gambles. A lot I would say, but in his opinion he is "working" to provide for us, his family. We both work full time, I earn a little more than him. He has all kinds of debts that I don't know about, I must take out all my sallary from the card and bring it home. In 2-3 days almost all money is gone. With the rest he pays the rent so I am left with what he is willing to bring home from his sallary. If I want to buy clothes, I need to ask him, if I need to go to the dentist, I need to ask him and so on. I am sick and tired of fighting with him for money.
Gambling is only a little issue compared to his temper. He is angry most of the time, he is moody, one minute is calm and the next he explodes. There are days when everything sets him off. He comes home from work and starts with the criticism: nothing is good, I don't cook enough, I don't clean enough, I don't take care of our son. It is true that there are days when I am tired, when the dishes are not washed or the laundry remains in the washing machine...but I am the one doing it all. He does nothing, absolutely nothing around the house..well, when he is not gambling he is playing video games. In his "bad" days he orders me around, I have to serve him dinner and after he eats he simply gets up and leaves all the mess behind him (dirty dishes, leftovers...). I need to clean after him as if he was a baby.
He talks badly about me in front of my mother and his parents. He underlines any of my shortcomings.
He is extremely jealous of me even though he has no reason to be. He calls me a "****" even though he was the first man that I slept with.
I tried to talk to him, to ask him to stop gambling, to be nicer, to help me around the house. I tried with nice talking, I yelled at him, I said i would leave, nothing worked. On the contrary, his angry outburts, yelling, name calling, spitting, shoving, breaking objects intensified. He hit me a couple of times, a few slaps, left some bruises on my arms. He has this unique way of knowing exactly what buttons to push to provoke me, to have a reaction from me, to make me feel guilty. I will give you an example: he comes home angry, he gives me the silent treatment, I ignore him, he gets angrier and stars to yell at me: go get me that or that, go make me dinner, go get me beer, take out the gargbage now. I continue to ignore him even though I am angry and afraid. He acts like this in front of our son. If he gets no reaction from me he tells our son: mom is bad, lazy, she does not love you and you don't love her. As incredible as it may sound, he even tells him to hit me which he does. I am a wreck, there are many nights that I cry myself to sleep. I had depression and anxiety 2 years ago. I took an antidepressants for 6 months and i defeated depression. I am struggling now, but I seem fine as long as I avoid thinking about my marriage problems. Our last fight was because of money, he took it all and when i confronted him he grabbed my neck and pushed me. I reacted really bad. I should have remained calm, but I started screaming and hitting him back. I honnestly don't understand my reaction, I swear that deep down I was so afraid, but I got violent too. I don't know why. Maybe is all the anger that I gathered in my heart, maybe is the depression coming back, I don't know...of course I was the one left with bruises, he was fine, but once again he can prove to everyone that i am to blame, that I am a bad wife and a bad mother. I am sad and lonely and I would really appreciate to hear your opinions. I am 30 btw and he is the same age

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To girls 20+. Are virgin/inexperienced guys a turn off?

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To girls 20+. Are virgin/inexperienced guys a turn off?

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• 36 minutes ago 36m ago

Assuming the guys are also 20 years old or older.

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Please, help me to get over this!

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Please, help me to get over this!

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• 44 minutes ago 44m ago

Apparently:

Quote:

---

1. Overanalysis. INTJs seem to obsess over the person in question, reading into everything the person in question does and says to decipher hidden cues as to returned affection.


2. Insecurity. An arena that isn't logic-based is not a place where an INTJ has confidence. This can make little, barely perceptible indications of interest seem like a huge, obvious thing to the INTJ....who feels dejected and helpless if they go unnoticed. It can also make the INTJ act far more cocky and self-assured to conceal the insecurity or perhaps to overcompensate. It's also a shield so that if there is rejection, the overplayed cockiness can be played off as a joke.


3. Seeking advice. Look through all of the INTJ posts....you'll notice most of the topics are debates. Almost the only time an INTJ really asks for help is in regard to someone they like. Looking for some magic word or hidden insight that eludes them...


4. Repetition. An INTJ who likes someone usually says as much indirectly... Compliments are a pretty good indication of interest.

---

I can relate to this 100 %.


I can usually move on, without too much effort, if I get rejected by a girl that I know well and like - a close friend is the only real exception. The thing is, I don't know this girl.


I think a lot of INTJF members already know of the girl that I am talking about (because I have made several threads about her). It's about the girl that I only knew for 8 days. If not, have a look at this thread: http://ift.tt/1vqHlzs


The questions that I keep asking myself are:
WHY did I react the way I did when I saw her face for the first?
WHY did I want to talk to her, after only seeing her face once, when there have been so many girls - that I find very attractive - that I still haven't said a single word to?
WHY did it turn out that she's an INTJ?
WHY do we phrase things so similarly?
WHY did we click so quickly and so substantially?


WORST of all, I didn't get to know her well enough to be able to distinguish my gut instincts from reality; in other words, I didn't get the opportunity to distinguish who she is from who she could be.


Someone mentioned to me the concept of transference, which I can also relate to. What else can I do to further come to terms with everything that has happened and move on?

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I lied to this guy about everything, and now I like him!

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I lied to this guy about everything, and now I like him!

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• 20 minutes ago 20m ago

Right – let's start from the beginning. I will keep this short and straightforward. So I met this guy on the Whisper app, and I was there to kill time (insomniac) and this guy commented on my Whisper, I gave him my Kik and we have talked non-stop for the past five days. I didn't tell him everything, I lied basically. I lied about: living in London (I am two hours away via train), my course & university, my background (I said I am half English/half Persian, but I am British Afghan. I did this to avoid a stalker/freak, not for another reason, but now, I am starting to like him and I feel horrible/guilty for lying. I was stalked once before, hence not giving accurate details but I feel so crap. So horrible.  He has trust issues as it is, and I have f*cked it up. He's like a dream guy, one who I would kill to have! I never do this in real life, at all but I feel so disappointed in myself.  Please, don't make me feel worse; could I have some useful advice? Thank you.

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Much confusion, wow!

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Much confusion, wow!

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• 1 Hour Ago 1 hour ago

I'd already written a post but my iPads being glitchy and managed to delete it. So, to my a long story short kisses were added to a conversation which has massively confused me. Essentially she began with an xX which further developed. Towards the end it was an 'xxx' but in pretty certain she was just copying back.2 (kind of girl who doesn't want to make someone upset) however if tryed to develop the xX earlier on, which was ignored. This leads time to believe the copying of the xxx does indeed have some significant..I hope? Problem that I'm now having, is do I contuine the 'xxx's into the next conversation? (Likely to be tonight) is that the wrong or right thing to do? I'm very confused? Am I reading too much into it? Should I try to discuss it with her? Ask her out? (She's not the kind of girl who would just happily add kisses to any conversation with anyone) Should I just drop the 'xxx's all together in the next conversation and begin afresh? Is she trying to h int at something?

Urg women can be confusing!
Note:sorry for the two spelling mistakes, my ipad, as said is being massively glitchy and isn't letting me correct them! I know they are there!
Any help would be appreciated, let me know if you need any other info!

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