| To be blunt.... do you let your man pop in your face? Forgive me, I'm bored and working late, but this is an actual question that is based on personal experience. It seems younger girls are more likely to enjoy this, while women I've dated over 30 seem repulsed by the idea. I don't know if it's because porn has become mainstream in recent years and easily accessible on the internet, but I can literally say that every girl I've dated under 30 is much more open to things like swallowing, anal sex and other kinky things. Many also seem to be bi-curious or at least up for experimentation if the mood strikes. Obviously, there are exceptions on both sides, and it's not my intent to label, discredit or insult anyone. Your thoughts? P.S. If you respond, please state your age (or at least say if you're over or under 30) | |||
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When you have had enough let it out. A forum style blog about relationship issues and concerns,join in and have your say.
Q for the Ladies over 30
Interesting situation: Need some major advice..pls ppl!
| Ok heres my story and I REALLY would like to get some opinions out of this one!! PLEASE! Im Chinese and this Korean guy msged me about 3month ago on this social app, then we eventually met. We went out a couple of times, he kissed me after out 3rd or 4th date..then it because a routine for us to fool around in his car every time we go out. Initially in this 3-4month period, he seems very enthusiastic i.e.calling me, making date plans and stuff. Now that we've been having pretty good sex ever since we started spending night together rather than in his car..it seems I'm making all the effort. If I dont txt or call him, he wont do much..He didnt talk to me at all over Xmas time!! So i didnt talk to him either. Then he txt me saying happy new yr..then ask if i changed my # or something..so I told him i thought he was no longer interested..then he said "if u want to be friends i understand, but pls wait for me and I ll prove it to you"..but he basically still ignores me after that.... right now is like this: whatever i say, he'll do. But his not making any effort to improve whatever it is that we have. IS IT OBVIOUS THAT HIS JUST NOT INTERESTED?? DID I HAVE SEX WITH HIM TOO EARLY? OR DID I SHOW HIM MY LIKING TOO MUCH? please help because i don't want to give up yet..I'm an attractive person, yet have never been able to maintain anything longterm yet...thats y i dont want to just drop this! | |||
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Double edged sword (seeking opinions from the ladies)
| I don't know how to say this without coming across cocky, but in a nutshell... I've always had this, lets call it, "ability" to make a good first impression with the ladies. Whether it's a bar, club or social function, meeting women is never a challenge and those I pursue always seem to become infatuated with me instantly. Again. I realize this sounds cocky, but I swear that I'm not some player or rabid digit collector. In fact. I'm reaching out to the ladies on this forum for enlightenment because it's those same traits that attract women to me that ultimately turn them away. Over time, they seem to get turned off by the same things that turned them on. No. I'm not a terrible lover or a secret assbag, it's more along the lines of my no-nonsense, carefree attitude about life that seems exciting at first. then threatening later on. I've always prided myself for being authentic and not changing, but is this the problem? Am I a project that women eve ntually realize is "unfix-able"? Any thoughts? | |||
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She wont answer.my calls and shes 6months pregnant when she left me
| Ive been with her oneyear she walked out when she was 6months pregnant. She says its because of our argements and livin at my mums she dont like. I never spent a day away from her but shes at her mums. Her mum says she dont like me. And im not invited in her mums house. And my girlfriend dont want to come back every time I call she says shes not comming back. Now we argued over phone she wont pick up my calls nor text me. Its been 1and a half weeks. Ive stop calling her 4days ago. My friend said to me shes been talking to so bloke over facebook I dont belive him hes always full of lies. Her cloths are still at my mums. I knocked for her and her mum slammed door in my face. The babys mine I know so. But all ive done is love her and its driving me mad because I want to be a dad but I think shes run off and im deppressd. What do u think shes up 2? Hormins aint that bad I just want her back I* | |||
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Lazy Wife (Depressed ?)
| Hi - I'm a 37 year old male. We have been together for 12 years. Over the years my life has been full of drama due to her, and I've always been steady state. I've put myself through school, and have held the same job for 15 years. The problem is my wife (36)is unwilling to do ANYTHING .... She will not clean, wash her own clothes, pick up after herself, remember to pay her own bills. Her bedroom (We have started sleeping apart because she has to have the TV on and dog in the room to fall asleep and won't compromise) looks like an episode of Hoarders. 20 cokes that are half drunk, clothes everywhere. She might wash clothes once a month but never puts them up, they just end up in another room to be picked through. The house gets nasty quickly and it is always up to me to initiate and get things cleaned up. On the weekend it's like pulling teeth to get her to help clean up at all. And we always end up in a fight because her attempts to clean up always end up in a half ass job that I have to do anyways. She does not cook much either, and when she does she never washes a dish or runs the dishwasher. I literally have to take care of everything to keep from being buried in this house. She currently has a job now and has had it for over a year. This is a new record. She has had more jobs and been fired so many times. She was addicted to pain killers for awhile back then and has always had back problems. I fell in love with her because she does have a big caring heart, but I just feel like I'm not getting any help. I could type all night but the bottom line is the whole house is on me. Our Sex life has waned and is mostly uninspired now. I try to talk to her and encourage her to go back to the doctor and tell him exactly whats going on. No one should lay on the couch all day and do nothing. She has been to doctors and psychologists. She take anti-depressants and anti-anxiety meds. She accepts everything the doctors say as the bible and rarely uses common sense. I feel the meds have ruined her. She is pretty much now a chain smoker and has gained about 40 pounds. She says she is going to go to the doctor but never goes. When we talk or argue about any of this, I'm accused of putting her down and nagging. I may be guilty of a bad comment in the heat of an argument, but the only reason we are fighting is because I can't get her to do anything. I understand that she may be depressed, but she has no drive to fix herself in any way. I feel like I need to start over, I've just put so much time into this it is hard and sad to think about leaving it behind. The bottom line is I'm not happy and all we do is argue. The love seems gone, even though she will tell me she loves me it seems pretty hollow. I feel like I deserve better treatment. Anyways just venting, wondering how many others are dealing with things like this and if there is any advice. I'm open to criticism if I'm not seeing something here. | |||
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Dealing with abuse
| Without getting into too many details, I do believe I am in an abusive relationship where my concerns are belittling (him telling me I don't do enough around the house, him saying I'm a horrible mother, blaming me when things go wrong, etc.), name calling (particularly referring to me as fat when I was pregnant), and finally, there are some concerns over the intimidation that has happened a few times now. It involves squeezing my face at the temples or sides of my chin and preventing me from either calling police, leaving the house, and him saying, "don't use those scare tactics". Afterwards, he says it's not abuse as there are no marks and also says that "it's the only way I can get through to you" or "it's the only way you will listen." He has chased me to the car before to try and take it so that "you will lose your job" if I don't make it in that day (thankfully, I was always able to wrestle the keys away). When I say I want to go to counseling, he says he'll never change. When I say I want out, he says he'll just take the car and that I will have to pay him for the house (which I tell him the court figures out, and I don't have to give him the money upfront). He says there's no way I'd ever get a restraining order, as they don't just "hand those things out" and that without marks on me, I won't be able to get one. Also, he says, "oh yeah, I just beat you and bruise you up" as if to imply that because he doesn't take it to that level, it's not abuse. I had seen a counselor in the past who told me that when he put his hands on my chin that time and lifted me up, it was basically him putting his hands on my neck. There are children we have together which makes it all more complicated. I honestly think he would see what he stands to lose only if I were gone. But yet he loves his kids so much and I feel like a terrible person if his whole world gets turned upside down. I care about his well being. He is in denial about himself being a manipulator and I wish he would read just ONE thing I give him on domestic abuse so he could see he has an issue or I wish he would agree to counseling. He says I am crazy and that the kids are the reason for his stress. What would you do if it were you? This sucks. :( | |||
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Your thoughts would be appreciated .. Is is me? ;-(
| I found out that my husband was having an affair in Oct 2012 that had been going on for 18 months previously. To cut a long story short we have had some counselling and are trying to get on track. Things have been great. He deleted his FB account and has given me the password to his email address (well one of the 3 that he has!). He re opened his FB account yesterday for 'work purposes''. I looked at his email account that he has given me the password for and it says from someone called Allison ""Well hello! I thought you had deleted me :-(( How's things? Happy New Year. Hope to catch up with you after jetting to WA?'xx I confronted my husband upset with this. He laughed and said there was nothing in it and that she is a friend from work. Prior to me exposing his affair I have never ever been the jealous type and have always trusted him 100% I just don't trust him as far as I could throw him. He thinks that I am over reacting etc. I would appreciate any comments? Thanks in advance. x | |||
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Feeling like a doormat... please help
| I am at the 5 months mark from D-day and feel ashamed to have desperately held on to my WH and our M in spite of his 18 month affair with a younger woman he said he loved as well as multiple ONS. I feel that I'm being a doormat for taking him back even though he has not done what is expected from a truly remorseful WH. He has been honest and open with me, answered all my questions, but has not agreed to NC with OW. He even told me that he wants to remain friends with her. I was so scared of losing him that I let him contact her as long as our M and family always comes first and that their friendship never turns back into an A. My husband contacted her 6 weeks after dday. They exchanged emails that still had inappropriate elements like saying how they will always love each other even though they are no longer together. A few weeks later she called to say that she is moving on and wants NC from him since he chose me over her. I am hurt that she is the one who wants nothing else to do with him and he is still mourning her. He often talks about OW saying how wonderful she is, how deep their connection was, how she was his best friend and a fantastic lover. I feel so inadequate on every level knowing how he feels about her & the fact that he's asked me to allow him to stay in contact with her and that I've accepted makes me feel even worse although there is now NC between them. Since OW has been out of our lives for good, my WH has been trying hard to reconcile with me but I know that he still thinks about her and I feel like second best. He told me that our children are the main reason he stayed with me and ended his A with OW. He told me on D-day that he cared about me and that I was important to him, but that he was in love with OW and had never felt so alive and happy as he felt with her. This was devastating to hear and I still struggle trying to figure out what to do, whether to stay with a man who does not love me as much as I love him, who compares me to OW. How can I ever feel special again to him after this? I know that he doesn't want to hurt my feelings but his betrayal and the love and lust he had for OW is killing me! I am attractive and have had a good sex life with my husband throughout our M but the way he describes the sex he had with her, I know that I will always feel inadequate in comparison due to my "normal" lovemaking skills while she has done things with him that he describes as "off the charts". What can I do from here?? How can I reclaim my place in his heart and give him what she provided sexually?? | |||
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I remind him of a girl he cheated on his ex with?
| so basically, started dating this guy, he told me today that I have similar facial expressions to a girl he cheated on his ex girlfriend with.. so he doesn't want to see me anymore :( what do i doooooooo man | |||
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Please help!
| I came from a crappy past but when i met my husband suddenly everything made sense. I have had my problems with mental health but he was always my sanity, my saving grace. Just being with him made me happy, i love him so much. however last week it all feel apart... i found out that for several weeks he had being talk to another woman about kissing her and how good looking she is. He set up a different face book acout to talk her as well as a different email and saved her number under one of our mates names. It was all very calculated! It turns out that he did in fact kiss her and would have done more if i hadnt caught him... we both work in mental health and the worst bit it the lady is one of our paitents !! I have no idea what to do im loseing the plot. I just want to dissapear shes a vunerable anorixa paitent. Hes destroyed everything his job, our house and possible my job if i dont do anything!!! advice?? | |||
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Favourite poems
| Like the topic title said, put your fave here. Here's one of mine. Rupert Brooke's Waikiki Quote:
It's tragic he died so young. | |||
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Wrapping My Mind Around It
| Posted this initially in the divorce forum, but I'm realizing now, it would probably be better off here: Hello everyone. As I start to write what I'm going through, I'm realizing it could fill a book, but I'll try to keep it brief... I am currently separated from my wife and we're moving for certain towards divorce. We have had plenty of issues in the three years we have been married, including a prolonged first affair of hers just five months ago during the summer with a married man online, as well as a situation where I got a little too comfortable with a woman at work and we shared a kiss. I don't blame anyone but myself for my failure in that regard, but I realized immediately it wasn't something I could do and wasn't who I wanted to be and cut it off and confessed it to my wife (upon learning of her affair). We had a bunch of false starts trying to get her out of her relationship with the guy she was involved with. They had only been hanging out in this game she was addicted to for a couple weeks, but had already had cyber sex multiple times and exchanged, "I love yous." Even being contacted by the man's wife, who was also a friend of hers in the game, where she asked her far too kindly to stop talking to her husband, they continued to sneak and contact each other. Anyway, I thought we finally managed to get through it. I was warned repeatedly (under another name) by users of this forum that I was caving too quick and that she would do it again, but I was so desperate to get out of the pain and try to save my marriage that I relented. She agreed to no contact once again, agreed to let me monitor her online accounts, and assured me she was done playing the game where she had met him and the group she had become part of on there that were toxic to the marriage. Eventually, I started to work through my pain, really doubled down on trying to improve the marriage, get us spending time together far more often than we were, going to counseling, etc. I started to get to where I wasn't even checking her online activities...which in hinsight was foolish. By October, I have since learned recently, she had already signed back up to the game she was playing and began immediately engaging with the same group of people, including men she has admitted had expressed interest in a relationship with her. From what I can tell she didn't resume the relationship with the first guy. She was diagnosed with thyroid cancer when the first affair started to come into the light, and I was just very focused on trying to be there for her and get her through it in the following months. When her thyroid was removed, I stood alone in the hospital room, holding her hand, wiping the sweat from her brow, and nursed her back to health after the recovery. Then months later, I took her to have her radiation done, drove her back all while probably getting an unhealthy dose myself, and had to be out of the house for a few days. That as it turns out, is where things went even further south. When I was able to come back home, I was vaguely aware that she was cooler than usual. I chalked it up to still recovering after having to be off her thyroid replacement horomone medication for three weeks prior to the radiation. We got through Christmas, which mainly seemed to be just the kids and me as she rarely wanted to leave the house. We had to get and decorate the tree ourselves, and I had to do the vast majority of the Christmas shopping. The day after Christmas she took the kids to go visit her family, which had been the plan for a while. I thought it was a little weird she didn't ask me to go, but things were still a bit strained after the big blowup during the first affair, that I didn't push it too much. One night while I was on my own, I was browsing around on Facebook, when I noticed pictures of my wife with a woman she had met from the game. I though that was really weird she wouldn't bother mentioning that she was going to be meeting someone down there. Then I also noticed that the woman had added, what was obviously a secret Facebook account of my wife's filled with only the same group from the game she was so fixated on. I called her to see what the deal was, and on one of the rare occasions she was honest with me and didn't try to deny it. She started dropping hints about neither of us being happy with the marriage, which caught me way off guard as I had been working my ass off to improve things and get us through these challenging times. Then it hit me...there's another guy. I asked her if that was the case, and she of course denied it. I tried to impress upon her that we had just been through an extremely challenging year, but that we would just keep working and could almost definitely be looking at a brighter future together. The next morning...I still had that nagging feeling that there was someone else. She had that disconnected, foggy feeling that I became so familiar with from the first affair. So I managed to guess the email account she used for Facebook, as well as her password. I was shocked to see that not only had she been video chatting with the group of friends I mentioned earlier, but the majority of the video chats were one on one with some guy. Most of them went up to 3:00 in the morning, going back to the night I had to be out of the house during her radiation. I also found a poem, clearly written for him where she was arguing with herself that she wasn't going to love him, though she would imagine them as lovers and everything else... I called her to confront her on it. She tried claiming at first that the poem was just a general poem and wasn't aimed towards anyone, until I poked holes in that story by referring to details. Then she said he was never going to see it, and that they were nothing but friends. She ended up blaming me for things that had happened in the marriage to make her unhappy, and uncertain of the future, and suggested maybe we needed a trial separation. She said I didn't have to leave the house or anything, but I asked her how I could stay there knowing she was getting involved with another man. She repeatedly, with irritation told me he was just a friend and there was nothing there, and not to make it about that. I roamed the house like a ghost that day. I was utterly broken, thinking I wouldn't be tucking my kids in again at night, that I was losing my wife. Big mistake I know, but I texted her, begging her to think about what she was doing to our family here, that this all just felt wrong. She didn't give. A day two later, they got back into town, and I had to pick her up from the airport where she had dropped off a rental car. That drive was one of the hardest I've ever made in my life. I could barely stand to look at her through the pain. We sat on the drive for a long time, not saying anything, but eventually began speaking. She told me she wasn't sure what to do, and I tried to convince her once again that I wanted to work on the marriage and that we couldn't just give up on it. I impressed upon her that she needed to help me this time though, as I had felt like the last year I was just working hard on myself, on the marriage, and she was doing little to nothing on her own to help us. She again promised me the guy was just a dumb kid. I told her even if that's the case, if she keeps talking to him like she is, it WILL lead to something. She promised me she would stop talking to him and that we wouldn't make any hasty decisions as far as the marriage. Fool that I am, I wante d to believe her, and I did. We went on that way for a couple days, agreeing that we wanted to work on things. I sat chain smoking on the porch at my parent's house during the nights, knowing in the back of my mind she was probably taking comfort in him while I sat alone, away from my kids and my wife. Finally we reached a point where we both seemed to be intent on recommiting to things. I asked her before we went ahead any further if she had been talking to him. She tried denying at first, but finally confessed she had talked to him very briefly during the day, just about silly things regarding landmarks. When we went inside, I decided to ask her to log into the account she had previously been talking to him through, and I could tell the way her composure changed immediately that she had just been lying once again. After dragging her feet, trying to hide the screen from me saying she didn't want to see her password, she eventually logged in. I saw immediately where she had been talking to him until the 3 AM just that morning...the night, before, and on and on. She tried lying and saying those were just the previous times I had already seen, but I pointed out the date stamp. Hurt, angry, I called the guy an ******* through the chat program, told her it was over, and left. All through that scene my daughter was crying, knowing something was wrong and it broke my heart. When I got back to the my parents, she texted me saying she wasn't healthy and that she was sorry for the hurt she had caused and messing up so badly. I told her she was sorry. The next day when I went back to visit the kids, I was determined not to speak to her. She eventually talked me into going outside, which I did and proceeded to tell her how awful what she doing to our family for some stupid fantasy relationship was. She forced a hug on me, which I tried to push off at first, but eventually allowed while she sobbed on my shoulder. I decided to bluff and told her I knew everything, that I had installed a keylogger on her computer and knew what she was doing with him. Again, she tried to lie, but finally I pinned her on it and she confessed that just the night before, when I left, she had performed sexually on camera for him. I felt something inside of me break when she told me that, and literally had to steady myself against the garage door as I started to feel like I was going to pass out. She cried saying she was so embarassed and ashamed of herself for having done it, and that she never was going to again. That she wanted to work on the marriage and was done with him. If you haven't noticed already, I'm a fool, and clinging to the last desparate hope of saving my dreams with this woman, saving the relationship I enjoyed with my children, I started trying to bury it immediately in my subconscious. She hugged me again, kissed me, and somehow we ended up in the bedroom... She asked me to come hang out with her and the children the next day, which I told her I didn't think was a good idea, but I ended up doing it anyway. The whole day, I felt this...pyschological and emotional agony just radiating through my core, but I wanted to pretend on some level that everything could still be ok. When we got back, she did something sneaky with her laptop that completely triggered me, and we started arguing. She started blaming me again for all the issues in the marriage, and in the face of what I was swallowing, I blew up and told her to go put on another f'ing show for some guy online if that's all she was worth. Go be a ***** if that's what you are. I left, but came back a little later after I had cooled off. She was pissed and didn't want to have much to do with me. She told me that that was the kind of thing that made her hate me in the first place. The next day I went to go pick up the kids to come stay with me at my parents. On my way there, I decided to stop and get a VAR as I had read about them on here. I thought at the time...I could use it and pray I heard nothing, and then maybe I could still hang on to some small scrap, or...if I did hear something, maybe it would be the kick in the ass I needed to let go already. On our way I out, I know I looked filled with pain and told her I didn't want our marriage to be ending this way. She acted sympathetic and assured me it wasn't. I had a great time with the kids, but obviously my mind was in turmoil. When I brought them back, she wanted to go outside and talk. I noticed she had obviously slept in in makeup, which was odd since she didn't have any on when we left. She tried denying it saying she did have eyeliner on when I had been there the day before. She told me she had been crying all day and all night, and that she wanted me to come back home. She said he's not my family. She also confessed that she had gone off her antidepressents when she had gone off her thyroid horomone a month ago, because she wanted to see if she didn't need them. I asked her how she could be making these kinds of rash moves and crazy decisions under all the conditions of the last month, including her grandmother suddenly dying. She assured me the guy hadn't been around online lately and she hadn't even spoken to him. We talked for a bit more, and she told me that I can't fix her.I told her I knew that, but I didn't feel like I could just abandon her. Still, I thought maybe she was coming out of the fog a bit and trying to be more open with me...Hah... When I drove home, I listened to the recording. I heard her going into the bedroom where I had left it, obviously intoxicated, video chatting with a few people. Eventually there was a pause and I heard...him, apparently singing to her. She laughed and joked about her presex hair. They laughed about how they had almost given themselves away earlier to their group of friends. From there...it was one of the most brutal experiences I've ever had. I felt literally like my soul had been stabbed with a spear. He asked her to take off her clothes...to which she replied, "Hahaha, (guy's name) what would you do with me with my clothes off?" "Explore." "Ok, I guess I should take off my pants, who wears pants to bed?" It basically ended up with a full demonstration of our vibrator, in my bed with her climaxing for him, saying, "God I want you to F me." I'll never forget those words as long as I live. I confronted her immediately after, asking her how she could do this, and she was cold as hell, even had half a smile. Blamed me again for the failings in the marriage. I told her to give me her laptop if she had any interest in saving the marrage. She said she doesn't work on ultimatums and couldn't make that decision so quickly. I tried reasoning with her, tried to wake her up, but she just kept plugging away at it acting like I was just an annoyance, so I left. It's been downhill from there. I decided to expose her affair to her group of friends, her mother, and discussed it with my pastor and his wife. She was infuriated, especially about me having told her mother. She told me the marriage was over, that she was still talking to the guy, and was going to keep talking to him. Things have cooled somewhat, but there we are. I told her a few days ago that I was going to be filing for divorce, and get things moving. She said, "I hope this isn't a mistake." I told her it was her choice, so I hope not too, but that it was probably for the best. I was still trying to convince myself of that at the time, but with each day I see it more and more clearly. I just still...can't believe how she just threw it all away, and in such a brutal, and cold fashion like we did. Like our marriage, our family, just meant nothing. I feel so lost...so empty. I have good days, but on some twisted level, I miss her so bad. I miss us being a whole family. I realize now I only miss what I had imagined her to be, and as my Pastor has advised me to look at it, the woman I married died. That actually helps, but there's still the grief in that lost. Sorry for being so long-winded and aimless with this post, if you read it, thanks. I see so many others on this forum going through similar things, that I just wanted to put what I'm going through for someone else out there who might be lurking and in the middle of their own marital turmoil. | |||
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Not where I thought I would be...
| I have been married for 9 years, no kids. Marriage has very little passion which is my fault as well my husbands. No kissing, very little touching. I feel depressed and my confidence is getting worse and worse. I tell him to just let me know if he wants to leave and he tells me 'no I don't want to and I took vows for life' sort of thing. Very confused. Any help? Thanks! | |||
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Just found out wife left me for OM... could use support
| I could really use some help right now... Been with my wife for 9 years, married 3. Just found out my wife took off to live 12 hours away (Pa to NH) to live with OM (That i just found out about him last week). She took the family van (our only car), quit her job, left all the kids (3 boys ages 18, 15, 8), and said she would be back next month sometime. The 2 older boys are my step sons, only the 8yo is ours together. She left me with no way to even get to work on monday or get food for everyone (we live in a rural area). The house and car are both in my name, purchased before married. I know a lot of what i need to do financially to get secured and i need to go see lawyer ASAP for definate answers. This is my 2nd divorce. But does anyone know about the child custody ramifications about this (especially with my 8yo autistic son, and he really misses his mom). Is this abandonment? and can this help me in any way? I was thinking of telling her to get my stepsons out and take them with her, but then i thought it may help my custody case in the future (i live in Pa, USA). They all want to stay here anyhow... the oldest is joining Army asap. Please help... Thanks...:confused::confused::confused: | |||
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Waking up to life's update
| Just thought I'd update you all on a conversation I had recently with my husband. He got angry about a comment I made on Facebook...very long conversation ensued about his unhappiness with my attitude lately, being more "aggressive" and outgoing and doing things apart from him; he said he misses the coy, shy, quiet person he married. We talked a long time about both of us having issues we need to address. I told him how hurt I was that he got angry about me wanting to go to counseling. He admitted he didn't handle that right. I asked him if he could support me in getting the help I need, just like I've always done for him over the years. And I asked him if he'd consider seeing a psych again to address his bipolar 2 (and I believe possibly BPD or Asperger's). He's hesitant to do that because he's had bad experinences in the past with them and is afraid it will be a big waste of time and money again. I asked if he would at least then start by seeing a counselor with me. He said "sure, but I don't know what you'd want to talk about." I said, "how about everything we've just spent the last hour talking about?" :slap: He is hesitant to go because he said he knows he'll just be told about everything that's his fault and he'll try to be better but then if he messes up again I'll leave him. I told him if he goes into it with that attitude, he's right. I asked him to do it, not to humor me, but to show willingness for us to improve our marriage. So in the end, he agreed to go. But at the end of our conversation, his voice changed to sounding like a very fragile 5 year old and he was twisting his blanket in his hand nervously. Just awkward. That conversation happened on Monday. As usual, the rest of the week he acts like the conversation never happened. I truly think he was hoping I'd just forget about it. But Friday I told him I saw the counselor by myself and scheduled an appointment next week for both of us to go. Again the fragile 5 year old came out...he acted exactly like if you were to tell a 5 year old they had to go to the doctor for a scary test or something. But he also seemed suprised or disappointed in a way, like he didn't think I'd actually follow through with it. All of this might seem pretty tame to some of you, but for me it's a huge milestone. To finally jump that hurdle and start having those uncomfortable conversations with him and tell him I want him to support me in going to counseling. The conversation was difficult, because he is good about talking in circles until we forget what we were originally taking about. But I didn't let him get away with it this time. I'm looking forward to our first counseling session, but at the same time I'm dreading it. I know it means we will have to start really digging into very uncomfortable issues such as his health and weight gain and our poor sex life and differences in lifestyle because of it. But...it must be done. I'm hoping, no matter what, I'll at least start seeing things more clearly and can stop living in limbo about our marriage. | |||
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Silly but quick question :)
| I always carry gum with me. If you take one for yourself, is it given that you offer to someone else? Thing is, I always see that as an indication that the other person has bad breath. And you don't want to make someone uncomfortable for no reason, so often I just take one for myself, as discreetly as possible. I was out in a bar with a guy I know, he had a gum and offered me one, and I immediately thought "oh no, my breath smells :( ". I am really self-conscious about stuff like that! So what's the verdict here? | |||
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Advice wanted please.
| Please keep anon cause he uses this website. I think this may end up being quite a long post. I'm not sure what I'm looking for, I know no one has the magic wand or whatever; I think I just need to get this off my chest. Bit of background... has been a long distance relationship ever since I started uni in September, he's looking to get a mortgage and under a lot of pressure from his mom in particular to do so. I'm 20, he's 21. Right so basically I've been in a relationship with this amazing guy for a year and a half. Things were going great, yeah we fought a little but no more than normal people in a relationship and it was always resolved by talking. So we have a bit of a tiff last weekend, nothing major even by our standards. We make up, drive back to my uni and he leaves for work on Monday morning like normal, kisses me goodbye etc. Tuesday he sends me a text saying he's been thinking about this for a while and it's over. Naturally I ask him why/what did I do etc and the only response I get is "I need space". I try to give him the space he wants although it is a little hard at first. We speak on FaceTime that night and both have a cry, he tells me to book a train to come see him during next week, which I have done. He tells me he's not ready to explain the reasons yet but he will do. He also says he still loves me and hopes we can be together again one day. He texts me good morning on Wednesday morning, nothing special just a one word text so I reply and we chat a bit. Thursday night we FaceTime and I push him for the reasons and he says he's been having thoughts about having sex with other people. He says there's nothing wrong with me he's just greedy and doesn't trust himself to be committed, even though he wants to be with me. He says he's been having these thoughts for around a month. Obviously I get quite upset at this but I have at no point got angry and have insisted that I will be here waiting for him when he gets his head in order. Friday we have very little contact, we text a little but nothing much. Today (Saturday) I texted him at around 6pm asking if he wanted to chat for a bit and he said maybe later as he was at the pub. I carry on with my day as normal and it gets to around 11pm when I text him asking if we can talk now (I'm feeling pretty lonely he's my best friend as well as my boyfriend). He says that he doesn't feel like talking. I persist which maybe I shouldn't have done and we talk for around 5 minutes during which he doesn't say all that much and claims to be quite upset. After he hangs up I send a few angry texts. I know that I am probably in the wrong for doing so I just feel so lost and angry and confused, I have no idea what I'm supposed to have done. We were pretty serious we had talked about marriage, kids, we knew each others views on the matter anyway even though realistically we knew it was years away. My questions to TSR are... What do I do now? What, realistically, are my chances of getting him back? Is this just something he needs to get out of his system? I don't know I just need some advice I don't even know the right questions to ask. Thank you for reading. | |||
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Boundaries and kids
| I feel like I'm always trying to do what's best for the kids. Unfortunately since I'm the only one doing this I often get taken advantage of at walked on by my ex. For example 3 weeks ago I was invited to dinner and it would have made me late so I texted ex to see if he minded. He said he ha plans so I didn't go. Last Friday I had a horrible migraine (1st one in 2 years) and he was off for 5 days between jobs. I texted and asked if he could keep the kids. No response and he dropped them off so he could go hiking. Then Sunday he texts me and says he has a date can I pick the kids up at 5 instead of 6. I did. No problem. Tuesday I had a court hearing at 3 and our youngest woke up vomiting. I texted him to ask if he could help out as I can't leave a sick kid with a sitter. No response. Then Wednesday night at 9:30 pm he texts me saying how he has to go into work now at 7:45 and doesn't know how he's going to her the kids to school. I texted back an d said "I'm sorry, hope you figure it out". He comes back texting all sorts of horrible things about how I'm being mean because he has a girlfriend blah blah blah. I explained that because his help is never reciprocated I will no longer be bending over backwards for him. Especially when he knew all week that this would be the case. Long story short I caved because I felt guilty. I know doing more than he deserves and I need to art some boundaries. What is appropriate to help with and what isn't? Where do you draw the line? | |||
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