| Can someone shed some light on my situation, please bare the choppiness. There's this really beautiful married (older woman) that I've been harboring feelings for. She's a customer of mine and I'm her sales rep. She's 39 and I'm 28. I'm lesbian and she's happily married with 2 young kids. From the day I met her and introduced our product to her we've really hit it off in terms of friendship. We share a lot of common things, even went to the same elementary school and had the same 4th grade teacher. Even though she was 11 years older than me I didn't think I was talking to someone near 40 lol. Our very first lunch meeting (work related) we ended up talking for hours and having a few cocktails. I was surprised how comfortable she opened up to me and vice versa. I found out so much about her in the 4 hours that we had lunch. Considering im a lesbian and akward with not too many female friends, it was rather odd for me to have such a bond with a married woman. She's definitely a rich housewife but is very humble. We shared a lot of similarities. She u sed to tell me how much of a party animal she was. We have a lot of daily text message conversations even sometimes late at night and early in the morning. She's never been secretive or shy to talk about her husband and kids. I've met her youngest daughter one time she brought her to lunch. I was very attracted to her and at the same time I respected her marriage. However I felt so comfortable with her as a friend that I straight up told her how I felt and was expecting that she would freak out and avoid me. but to my dispay she was very supportive and says stuff like "I'll find love one day" and "im still young just enjoy life" she still text messages me on a daily basis, we met up for lunch a couple times. I think our demeanor is casual and mild flirty. Mostly from me of course. I always paid for lunch as if a date. It was never akward and just felt so comfortable and right. We went out on a double date one time her her and husband, me and my boss. We both got drunk and enjoy ourselves. I have NEVER made a pass at her nor have we've ever talked about sex and anything. Our conversations were your typical friendship daily stuff. Yes we share personal things with each other. I don't have any female friends so I don't know if this is normal friends behavior. Someo ne told me she might just be a bored housewife and just a friendly person. I have never said anything inappropriate during our text messaging conversations. Yea sometimes I would say cute stuff like "I hope your husband reminds you how beautiful you are" . Anyway yesterday my boss called me and said I was busted from "the husband" I was confused for a second and then he proceeded to tell me that the husband called him and wanted to meet up. So my boss met up with him and it was bad. The husband threatened my boss..said something along the line of "I saw some text messages from your EMPLOYEE to my wife and I don' like it. You need to tell her to back off or else" "She doesn't know i'm here or the situation and I would like to keep it that way" Needless to say my boss was shocked as was I. That same day I heard the news from my boss, I had still be in contact with her via text. Although that week's conversation was very limited and short. She kept expressing she's been busy getting ready for her store to open etc etc etc. I Went back and look through the weeks conversation and I saw nothing that was inappropriate to set someone off and threaten my boss like the way he did. I mean there was little comments about him coming from her but they were nothing more than lol jokes. "he's so picky" "he likes to stay in the bubble" There was nothing sexual, just conversation. A lot of it was even work related. Our last convo from two days prior I even ask if her and hubby would be interested in going to see a local show. I'm sooo confused as to what he read or even what she might've told him. this guy is definitely particular and anal. He likes to look good, enjoy the finer things in life, look like a millionare etc. He is def initely a routine guy and I think she hangs out with me cause im open for anything. I'm just a little heartbroken at what happened. My boss told me to lay low and just don't be in contact with her anymore. Is it possible she had feelings for me? or that maybe I got too comfortable with her considering she was married? Was her husband being possessive? jealous? insecure? Did I cross any lines? Was she oblivious to everything not knowing her husband wouldn't like her having a friend like me? Was she vicariously living her youthful days through me? Please help! | |||
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When you have had enough let it out. A forum style blog about relationship issues and concerns,join in and have your say.
Is she into me? lol (for real, is this married woman into me, a single lesbian friend
Will he be back?
| The father of my child and I were together off and on for 6 years and were engaged for the last year. The first 2 years were perfect until he left while I was on maternity leave for another girl. I ended up in a shelter. Since then the relationship hasn't been the same.. He's come back, Ive left, he's dated other women and me other men but we ALWAYS come back to one another, sorry and willing to change.. NEVER ANY CHEATING. Earlier this year we changed professions and weren't able to spend as much time with one another as we always have. He had no idea the reasons why I wasn't available (working, struggling trying to keep my household afloat, I had pneumonia, serious case of the flu and changes from a hereditary health issue, I have his child full time and I am a full time student) and never thought to ask why I couldn't be around. Why don't we live together? I have always been the head of household. He has never been any help financially so I sent him home a few years ago. He assumed that I moved on.. So that is what he did. He found another young lady to be with. I found out on mother's day when my daughter mentioned her other mommy. I WAS COMPLETELY BLIND SIGHTED!I thought that we were still together. I asked, he confirmed he is in a "serious relationship." Now he treats me more worse than he ever has when these women are in the picture and reduced our communication down to only about our child. He says that he had to be over us because I dated other men while we weren't together. I cant help but to think that is a piss poor reason for why because he was with other women. He compares her and I to one another usually making me look like the lesser.. He has slept with me and said he was coming home, then told me he wants to be with her.. He has told me that I am important to him and will always have a place in his heart, but she's important too... all stuff i've heard before. Should I assume its really over? or are we going the same changes again? I'd be willing to wait but this time seems a little different. Someone please help me ..I want to save my family.. | |||
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So confused :'(
| It's only been 4 months between me and my bf and everything already made a turn for the worst. I don't know why I allowed my ex to come back into my life my bf found out and was really pissed at me. I told him I only messaged him just on that one day but really I'd been messaging my ex for a while now. I talked with him nicely only because I wanted to let him down easily and let him know of my current relationship. I mean don't get me wrong I dumped my ex ages ago but still he came back into my life. My bf is really mad because I lied to him that I'd only spoken to my ex for a day when in fact it has been for a while. I've stopped I stopped last Thursday but my bf calls it cheating. I don't want anything to do with my ex all I want is my bf back and he's saying it's better if he leaves me but I don't want that. My past has been totally **** every guy only after one thing then the love of my life came and it all changed. I didn't tell my bf about m y ex because I was scared he would leave me there and there. I didn't want him to find out by looking through my messages but instead by me telling him. I don't know what to do my bf doesn't want to know me doesn't want to see me. Please tell me what to do? :( | |||
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I'm 18...interested in a much older customer at work?
| I'm 18, and he looks as if he's in his mid to late 40's. Anyways, I work at a cafe and a few days ago served this man at the table. We spoke for a bit, constantly exchanging smiles. It was early morning, and he made a couple jokes about how I'm too 'happy' for an 8am shift and I laughed it off and jokingly apologized which is when he said "no, don't apologize, that's just how I like them". Minutes later, we began to speak about football. He was telling me how he's been meaning to see a game, but no one he knows actually enjoys the sport which would take the 'fun' out of the whole experience. He said he's been looking for someone who enjoys the sport to go with him. Anyways, he asked if I was working tomorrow (yesterday) and said that he would pass by for lunch again. He did, only this time It was a lot busier so I didn't have a chance to speak too much to him. I'd look over at him and catch him staring and we would constantly exchange smiles. He ordered a couple sandwiches for himself and a salad (he has a day job and a night job so he needed 'all the energy' is what he said lol'. I asked him if he wanted another glass since he ordered two Coca Colas and he started laughed and replied with "nope, I'm single, remember" and winked. It's not too much to go off of, but right away we shared a lot in common and I PERSONALLY thought he was a tad interested but don't want to get ahead of myself. First off, he doesn't know I'm only 18. He clearly thinks I'm older as he asked me if I owned the place and I said no. My question is, would it be weird if I asked him for his name tomorrow since we've been speaking quite a bit lately and he's become a bit of a 'regular' (I know many customers by their names). Also, I was thinking of ME making the first move and asking him if he would like to go to a game sometime, but I want other's opinions on whether or not this is weird. I'd obviously wait till I see him a bit more but still would appreciate all the opinions possible! Thanks! | |||
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Male Pubic Hair
| Should a guy shave/trim pubic hair, mine's almost completely shaven, but I dunno, guys, what do you do? Girls, what do you think? | |||
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is everyone really gossipy /knoW Everything about everyones sex lives at uni?
| at my school everyone knows whos done what with who, even down to details like what they actualy did in bed and really personal stuff too, wether its stuff people have done with BF/GF or just random encounters. you even see tons of naked photos just being passed around the school of other students , its like everyone knows whats going on in everyones sex lives! i havent had sex at school and im glad about that now cos aside from all the boys at my school being awful dating material i wouldnt want the whole school laughing and gossiping about my sex life! im wondering is uni like this , common sense tells me it would be but is it at least a little more discrete? cos i want to have sex and stuff but i dont want everyone knowing everything i did especially on my first time obviously id pick someone who i think wouldnt tell everyone everything but half the people at my school diddnt think that info would get out and it did? i am i better off dating off college campus???? | |||
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Depression with my girlfriend tearing my apart
| Hello, I will keep this as simple as I can and I apologize beforehand for the long ramblings...but please bare with me and read it, I need some advice. Me and my girlfriend have been together for 10 months or so, to be honest we were always opposites (to some degree I expected the relationship to be a challenge!), but what bothers me more is the decline of my relationship due to my depression/social anxiety but also in part due to her misunderstanding of my problems. We have arguments which stem from me taking something too seriously (jumping to conclusion), or her being a little bit apathetic towards me. I will give an example of a typical argument we may have...she might say something to me like: "hey do you follow politics?", I reply with yes, and she will ask me whom I support. I might say: "..well I support person X, but I'm not sure of whom which party they support locally". She would respond in a very brash manner something like, "So you support 'so and so' and you don't even know which Councillor supports X?" At this point in my head, I am ruminating about what she is getting at and she is irritating and infuriating me because I may get a bit uptight and defensive at her scornful criticism something which i've never been able to kind of bare. Not just with her, but generally I'm very sensitive and rocky with things such as this situation. Over time, stuff like this would annoy me about her, I would bottle it up and would kind of explode in my depressive episodes, and cry and get upset and have waves of mixed emotion. Blame myself for things and generally being insecure. Secondly, there is the whole issue of her not really understanding my depression and its relevance in such situations and about how it literally affects my thinking. Her attitude to my depression is that I should just: "She the glass as half full", "be happy", "life is too short", these are the kinds of things she says to me, which further makes me feel like crap and reinforces my inadequacy. Her main lecture to me about mental health and such is that she says things like "nothing in life is that bad....what doesn't kill you makes you stronger". I have suffered from depression since 2011, it pretty much wrecked my education, I had to re-start university again. This was just before I met her, so I guess I wasn't really all that stable beforehand. But essentially what I am trying to say is that she is does not really understand my lows and is misinformed about mental health. Tells me that I can control it, and help it. Yes to some extent, re-assigning the way I think. But there isn't a quick fix remedy to depression. I think over time, I have resented her attitude towards me. Because whenever I have an issue, or I have something that bothers me I bottle it up for weeks and then it just comes out twice as bad, and I really upset her. And it isn't always something about her. I think I just bring her down. I just have problems expressing myself when its right to do so, in some respects I am scared of losing her and so I am not always blunt and direct when I feel pressed by her or if I have problems in other areas of my life. I am just scared of upsetting her that 'last time', I have done it too often, I have had to beg her back. Last time she told me that she is "sick of my moods, and can't cope with my sadness", and that if I don't change she will leave me. Furthermore whenever I do tell her the problems, it somehow turns out that I've hurt her and upset her, and 'broke her heart'. I am concerned that she doesn't love me anymore. I get that gut feeling that she doesn't feel love for me, like we both resent each other. But I believe that she is wanting to leave me but can't. My mind is all over the place, I am insecure, paranoid, angry, sad and resentful about her, all at the same time. But most importantly I love her to bits, and it feels like my relationship is over before we've even ended it. The spirit of it is dead certainly. I have a colorful history with depression/mental health, and I have seen countless GPs since my depression began in 2011. I have also been on SSRI's (medication), but stopped taking it like 3/4 months ago because I wanted to be off meds. I don't know what to do, I haven't been to the doctors in months and the more I leave it the worse the anxiety gets. I can't cope with this daunting depressive cloud over my head. I feel like my girlfriend hates me, and it is tiring me out. I am emotionally withering away (no exaggeration). It hurts like hell, the thought of her dumping me, but I feel like the end is nigh. I don't want to go to the doctors because I think he will judge me, bizarrely, because I was supposed to go back for regular appts but I felt fine so I didn't. Sorry for my incoherence in the post, I am not thinking properly and have missed out an awful lot of what I wanted to say. I always spend all my energies in writing these threads, and never feel satisfied in explaining my problem, which ironically causes me more stress, depression and anxiety. It is a vicious cycle. I don't know what to do, I want to stay with my girlfriend, but I am having so many thoughts in my head that it isn't clear anymore. I think I need help again, but feel like I'll be stigmatized. I fear the repercussions of a relapse of depression, because I don't feel my girlfriend will stick around to help me through it. Apologies for my grammar and spelling. Any advice? Cheers :) | |||
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Bit of a crush on this boy at school?
| Lately I've developed a bit of a crush on a boy at school and I'd like to get closer to him and see where things develop from there. We're both 15. The thing is I've never had a boyfriend before and I'm sure you've heard this story a hundred times... I'm kind of shy... We're not in the same friendship group... How do I get close to him? Thanks :) | |||
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Feeling a bit depressed
| Long story short, currently recovering from surgery (will not go into details), and for the last couple of months, I just haven't had much of a life. I have been housebound for most of it. Logging onto facebook is amplifying my depression, seeing my friends going to Wimbledon, awesome parties, or chilling out with their other half. Whilst I am stuck indoors doing nothing. It is now getting to a point, where I am getting depressed by the whole experience. I am in my mid twenties, and can't seem to enjoy my life. In addition, due to this op, I have lost a lot of weight, and will need to spend a good period of time bulking up again. I also want to apply to new jobs. but until I recover I cannot. It's been a total inconvenience, as I don't feel like I am fulfilling my potential this way. Anybody got any tips? Cheers. | |||
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Is this inappropriate?
| H and I married for 15 years, 3 kids. Had some issues throughout the years regarding H lying about going out for lunches and/or dinners, and texting on off work hours with female coworkers. Issues not totally resolved but I don't know, we just never bring them up. I, of course feel like I can't trust him. Another issue has recently come up which, I again, think is inappropriate. Our next door neighbour couple like to drink on weekends and always invite my H over to drink with them. He likes to drink on weekends too. They invited me a couple of times, but first of all I don't drink and second of all they always start drinking at night, around 10pm and sometimes are out there chatting until 3 in the morning. I am usually in bed around then and am tired. I work and take care of the house and 3 kids. Plus we are 40 so not teenagers. Anyway a couple of times the neighbour wife texted my husband and invited him out to drink with her while her hubby was away on business. My husband doesn't see anything wrong with this. He went outside with her, and they were having some wine and chatting and I was sitting inside stewing not being able to sleep. By 12:30 i went out there and asked him to come in, he did but yelled at me for embarrasing him by coming outside and telling him to come in like a child. He said he was doing nothing wrong. I don't think he should be outside with another woman while I'm inside sleeping. They have become quite friendly, and text jokes and friendly banter all the time now. Even while she is out with her husband she will text my H and say something stupid about her husband etc. I don't know I just think it is inappropriate. Having conversations on text while he is with me, don't like it. makes me feel uneasy. I have told them many times to have drinks at a regular time like normal people do, even 8 or 9 o'clock and I would love to join them. But no, they always go outside so late and stay out late. Most times her husband is there with them and I guess I don't mind that so much, but for whatever reason I don't like it when it's just the two of them. I think that we are a couple, we should do things as a couple, go places as a couple, and when one is ready to leave you both leave. Not one goes home and the other stays out to party. Ridiculous.. My H says that I am being crazy, everyone has friends of the opposite sex, nothing happens. I guess I don't believe that anything is going on, but because of past situations and my own insecurities, I don't like it. He doesn't understand where I am coming from and doesn't want to change his behaviour. I find he is being disrespectful of my feelings. I don't go around texting my neighbours husband and chatting with him without including his wife or my husband. Am I wrong? Is it me? Do I have high expectations for a marriage? Or how a husband to behave? I guess I am feeling jealous. Sorry for rambling... | |||
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What Is A Hard-Working Husband Worth?
| Good morning everyone. This issue has come up before but seems to be a rather hot issue lately. This will probably generate strong feelings, so rather than derail someone else's thread, I'll start a new one. Sex and money issues are among the most harmful, so seeing how they interact seems like a good idea. And, since there have been disparate opinions voiced, hearing the rationales behind them might help foster some understanding. The question: what level of intimacy is earned by a diligent spouse who works hard and provides well? Has this spouse earned a good sex life, a basic one, or none? Why? What emotional or pragmatic factors go into this thought process? The typical scenario where issues exist seems to be a guy works hard and provides a better-than-average life; he also works hard at home. His wife is a SAHM (although sometimes there are no children, or they are school-aged). He is troubled as his wife expects to live well, does so, yet is uninterested in trying to meet his need beyond a basic level (if at all). -------------------------- My thoughts / experience on the issue: I was a hard-working husband who mostly maintained the home and did very well financially. My ex (unlike most of the other women) did work, although her earnings went overwhelmingly to her own benefit. My ex's felt the man should facilitate the woman's happiness on top of meeting the family needs and his own wants. So, having a nice home (expenses and upkeep) is my duty because of her emotional needs (comfort and security). If she had to pitch in substantially towards the bills, I was basically a bum and unworthy to have her around. We've seen this before. Sex was a completely separate issue. Providing a nice life was a "hygenie" factor - enough for her to not resent me. It took more if I wanted sex more than what she felt was the minimum(a monthly quickie) or unless she was horny (which happened only a few times in the 13 years after our first child). I feel you can only get out what you put in. So, you must put much into your marriage to get much out. If you want to be a equal partner, you need to put in equal effort to family and spousal needs. Claiming superiority based on gender or the type of need is inappropriate (and pointless besides). I did not assert that she simply owed me because I had done stuff for her. Rather, I felt I had earned a fair level of accomodation because I had, at her request and for her direct benefit, exerted myself for several hours daily over a period of over a decade. Yet, I could not get her to devote a few hours a week to my needs. I don't think I'm remotely alone on this. ------------------- Any other thoughts? | |||
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He declares unconditional HATE after 37 years
| A little background, we have been married 37 years. In a counseling session a few years ago, I began reliving all the abusiveness of my father throughout my childhood. I had never shared this with him before, I had it blocked out. I have always been insecure and needy of affirmation. My husband has never been one to share feelings or speak positive affirmations to me. When conflicts arise, he has always been one to run away from a problem instead of talking it out he would prefer to "ignore it and it will go away" Lately he has told me he hates me and always has. He seems confused about his feelings, but when I ask what the underlying committed feeling is toward me he shakes his head ans says " I know I should love you and keep my vows,but all I want to feel is hatred toward you." When I ask why what have I done, He responds" Just because your you, your ugly and disgusting, worthless and unacceptable." I want to keep my vows, I want to stay married, I want to live in this house, I don't want to be alone, and I don't want to be married to anyone else. Help! | |||
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Do I look hot?
| Im just wondering how the opposite sex would perceive me as an individual. If there are any 17-18 year olds who're willing to tell me how they'd rank me, comment below :$ It'd be interesting to see how people perceive me walking down the street. Thanks! | |||
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How easy is it to get a girlfriend/get laid at University
| At University, how easy is it to get a girlfriend and/or get laid? | |||
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Do I look hot?
| Im just wondering how the opposite sex would perceive me as an individual. If there are any 17-18 ye | |||
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Should I qoute Shakespeare to a girl I like?
| I was thinking, even though a girl I like is just a friend, and not a girlfriend, should I quote extracts from Shakespeare when I see her next? I've seen it in the films, and it's romantic, right? Because I need to say sorry to her over something, and this seems a good way to do it? | |||
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Couple of dates with a guy but gone a bit quiet
| Hi, I'll try and keep this short. Met a guy a couple of weeks back and we've been on a couple of dates that went well. After these dates we were still texting fine and he wanted to meet up again but picked a couple of nights I couldn't do but I explained why and everything seemed fine. Then later in that week he did see me with another guy who I told him was defo just a mate as I could see how it would look from his POV. However, since this things have gone quiet, I have heard from him but I text him in the week and got no reply and basically i'm just wondering should I bother texting again or will it seem to clingy? Just something jokey like, are you ignoring me then :P Thanks. | |||
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How to tell your mum you're moving in with your boyfriend?
| So my boyfriend and I want to move in together at some point in the next 2 years as we are currently long distance. Moving in together is the light at the end of the tunnel for us and is something we've decided we'd definitely love to do. However, my mum is a highly opinionated person who thinks she is always right and seems to think I know absolutely nothing about anything on this planet. Therefore, she will disapprove entirely of me moving in with my boyfriend. Fair enough, I am only 18 at this point, and will only be 19/20/21 when moving in together time comes, but that doesn't make me stupid. And fair enough, moving in together is a huge step and can be really hard, but my boyfriend and I are strong- we have already survived a year of long-distance! I feel that if we can survive long-distance, surely we could live together. But I know for a fact that my mum won't want it to happen, because we are y oung and have never done this before (but there is a first time for everything, right?). How can I break it to her gently, when the time comes? My boyfriend and I have decided its definitely happening at some point | |||
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Gender roles and sexual attraction
| Read spoiler for background info. Spoiler: Show Having seen the thread on male abortion, I was surprised to see many people supporting sexism against men. Even feminists who claim to support equality and fight against gender roles were supporting sexism against men (men not being allowed male abortion). Many feminists believe gender roles is the cause of sexism in society and want to demolish them. But as they proved on that thread, sexism isn't necessarily caused by gender roles. Sometimes people are just sexist because they hate a gender or are extreme biased towards/against a gender. Feminists arguing against male abortion proves my point. But...let's say feminists got their wish in destroying gender roles. This would mean that there would be no opposition to women becoming dominant leaders and doing "man stuff". At the same time, there would be no opposition to men being submissive, making mountain out of molehills and acting "girly". Seeing as we are animals, a large number of us want a lifelong partner and to potentially have a family with said partner. Concerning heterosexuals, each sex generally seems to find some traits attractive in the opposite sex. A lot of women will find men attractive who have: social status, financial status, tall, broad shoulders, strong arms, a dominant personality, a lot of hobbies/interests, toughness of character/thick skin etc. A lot of men will find women attractive who: have good looks, are quite submissive but not a doormat and have empathy. If feminists managed to destroy gender roles, we may well see a lot of men who are "beta" (submissive, whine endlessly about trivial things, little status) becoming more acceptable in society. We may see women who behave like "alpha" men becoming more acceptable in society. The problem with this however, is that what each sex generally finds attractive in the other sex may not change. And because human beings generally want to attract a mate, they may feel the need to adhere to what the opposite sex finds attractive. Hence the social norms won't actually change and our current gender roles may never be destroyed completely. Here's my question. For guys, if gender roles were destroyed, do you think women would find you attractive if you became "beta phags"? If you moaned a lot about trivial things, cried a lot in front of your friends about your problems, had little social and financial status and you were generally submissive, do you think women (especially good looking ones) would still find you attractive? If they don't, would you feel pressure to adhere to what women generally find attractive so that you can get a girlfriend or get sex? What about you women? Would these submissive beta guys be your ideal man in the society I described above? Would you fantasize about having sex with men who are short, whine about trivial things, have no social or financial status and are submissive? And guys, would you be attracted to women who were pretty much men with vaginas? Would be attracted to women who wanted to wear the trousers in a relationship? Would you be attracted to women who are rarely submissive in any form? Would you be attracted to women who always dressed like men? Would you be attracted to women who were rarely empathetic? Would you be attracted to women who don't take too much care of their appearance? Are the things that society find to be generally attractive in each sex slightly innate? Or are we told by 'the patriarchy' to find those things attractive and adhere to them? I would like the main focus to be on sexual attraction rather than feminism throughout this thread. And please state your reasonings behind your answers. | |||
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I find "softer" guys irresistible. Help me TSR!
| I'm a girl, and while I'm stereotypically feminine in a lot of ways (am always wearing dresses or skirts, into fashion and beauty, have a really girly voice), I also have a strong personality and am "masculine" in other ways. I love sports, lift, am straight-talking and have had to deal with a lot of family problems over the last few years that have left me pretty tough. My friends often turn to me for advice and I'm that person who will always stand up to someone who tries to bully a mate. I've noticed that, though I often tend to attract the "masculine," "alpha male," sporty types (possibly because most of my guy friends are like that), I don't find them as attractive as the softer sensitive shy types even though we have more stuff in common. I don't actually fancy geeky guys so much, because they tend to have hobbies like playing video games and reading which I'm not so into, but the guys I like tend to be in reasonable shape but also pretty introverted, softly spoken and more emotional than most guys (than me even, though that isn't hard). I don't know many chaps like that though, and the few I do are all about 5 years older. I used to love the "alpha male" types, but having to deal with family problems changed me completely and now I totally don't want one. Is this just a case of opposites attract? And, with softer guys, do you have to chase them rather than have it be the other way around? I don't sleep around but I can dress and act in a quite "sexy" manner sometimes, I'm not sure if this turns off the sensitive types though. Thanks :) | |||
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I don't know how to stand up to my bf...
| Hi, I'm a new member here. I hope there are people here that can give me some advice on this. My boyfriend and I have been together for a year. We've been living together for 2 months now. Things are generally amazing. He's loving and attentive...99.999% of the time. That other small percentage represents times where he neglects to at least inform me that he won't come home or what he's really doing. I only want to know so that I don't worry that he's gotten into trouble or hurt himself or got mugged or anything like that. I don't suspect him of cheating at all. We're together ALL THE TIME. That being said, twice now in the past 6 months, he has "disappeared" on me for at least the night. He would tell me about his plans of going to a friends birthday or a get together. He sees his friends often, I don't keep him from them. Almost all of the time, except for two instances, he gets me to pick him up when the night is over or at least comes home. These two times where he hadn't called just to let me know what's up (like if he needs a ride or if he's staying at his buddy's), I've found out it was because he did cocaine that night with his friends. He has admit to me that when he got high those times, he didn't know how to deal with it and didn't want to upset me...so I sit here thinking: You'd rather me be paranoid for 12 hours STRAIGHT than to at least tell me that you're alive?!. I even suspected it at the time...I am suspecting this is what is going on right now. ugh... This weekend there is a festival in town that he was excited to go to since he missed it last year. It goes on from today (Saturday) to Monday, and he bought my ticket for the Monday. Since I'm not all into that type of music, I'm 100% ok with him going today and tomorrow with his friends (I'm not jealous or anything). But last night, I drove him to work. He was supposed to finish work between 9-11pm. He didn't know because he was called in last minute. He called me a few times during the night but told me that he couldn't leave yet (he told me the reasons, which were work related). He called me again around 2am saying that he was still stuck at work and that he would call me to come get him (I had agreed to picking him up after work). He said that the latest he would have to work until would be 7am (which is his usual shift). Well, I fell asleep shortly after his 2am call and woke up around 9:30am. I jolted out of bed but then realized that he hadn't even called me to go pic k him up at 7!? My suspicion is that he finished work at 11pm last night but went straight to his friends house, who were having a party/get together. He is going to this festival with these friends, so it makes sense for me to think that he's there. It's 11:30am right now and I still haven't heard from him. I am SICK TO MY STOMACH!! I have no idea if he's even alive or not. I'm not really close to anyone in his social circle so I can't even text one of his friends (I don't even think I would have the guts to do that!). I don't know what to do. I don't know how to be stronger and stand up to him and tell him that I'm NOT ok with this. I can tell him all this but I can't seem to stay mad enough for it to mean something to him. He gives me the sap story and the "I love you's". I'm afraid that if I stay mad at him, he'll just walk away and break up with me. OR that he will just continue to disappear like this when these occasions arise. I try to be as understanding and as empathetic as I can with him. So when he admit his wrong doings in the past, I've forgiven him and told him to just be honest with me. I won't be upset or angry if he's honest. We have such great relationship but this is the one ripple and it creeps back every 2 or 3 months. What can I say to him that will make him realize how much this really hurts me? How can I make him understand that this behavior has to change because it's ripping me apart inside? All I want is for him to just let me know...to just tell me if he's not coming home. At least I would have SOME idea of what was going on! Anyways, there's no way he's going to this festival without coming home first...his $200 ticket is in my wallet!!! Sucker!!!! :lol3: | |||
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