Sex is not complete ...

Hi ,

I have been married for about 5 months , and we didn't make love untill we got married .

The problem is , my wife , she won't let me touch her belly going down to her vagina , she even doesn't like me performing oral to her , she said the reason that she feel so ticklish at those areas.

I know this seems simple thing and i'm embarrassed to mention it , but it really annoys me .

any advise to get rid of that tickle feeling ?

She is 23 and i'm on my 25 .

thanks

Put the internet to work for you.

via Personal Recipe 2629979

Girls, how open minded are you?

I'm just asking a question about something that I like that I think may be considered taboo by most people. I sometimes find womens' feet sexy, especially when they are well looked after, and fantasize about licking them. I just want a general idea of how open minded people are about this and whether I should feel bad about it or not. I'm making my post anonymously for obvious reasons. I'd appreciate any honest responses that people may have.

Put the internet to work for you.

via Personal Recipe 2629979

Dating in Primark

Does anyone know what is the policy for relationships between staff and managers in Primark?
Thanks in advance.

Put the internet to work for you.

via Personal Recipe 2629979

Why does she hate me ?

Hi
So ive known this girl since school and we got on well we both liked each other and used to text/flirt and talk a lot. It came to the point we would want to go out on dates however if I asked her she would be busy and sometimes I would too. But we were really close for a while and we drifted apart towards the summer. I did text her but she didnt reply back and she also deleted me off facebook. Right so I left school to go uni and she was still at school repeating the year. I came back to school a few months into the uni semester and I seen her in the common room I came in and I was talking to my friends and she was giving me really dirty looks. She didnt say anything tho. Now 3 years have gone by and she walked in to a restaruant with her friend and my mate is a waiter there and he starting speaking to her about school and asked if she still talks to me and she said she dosent know who I am. Which is a lie because she really does. But she has also been taking the piss out of me if someone ask about me. Which I dont understad ??

I dont get it look we stopped talking towards the end of school and I made the effort to speak to her but she didnt bother to text bk or anything and I messaged her on fb and she didnt reply so I left it.

I also heard people were teasing her a bit about me in school nothing major tho. I mean if someone said anything in school I would tell them off. But obviuously I wasnt there to stop it.

Time has gone by but why the fucj is she still holding this grudge against me ?? I havent said anything ??

The only thing I can think about is that I turned her down when she asked me out but it was exam season so what could I do. I still asked her after exam and she gave me a sob story saying we cant make time which is translated to stay away from me. Coz if she really liked me she would make time

But what is her problem why is she still pissed at me after all these years ??

Put the internet to work for you.

via Personal Recipe 2629979

Experiences on dating a cheat?

This guy recently told me he liked me. But he cheated on all of his exs and also cheated on his ex with me:/. Do I give him the benefit of the doubt or do I get out before my feelings get too deep?

Put the internet to work for you.

via Personal Recipe 2629979

Proofread Thread

So I'm a pretty neurotic guy and suffer from constantly over thinking, however I'm sure there are some things many of us question about. For example how other people might interpret our actions or words.
So I figured, myself knowing I'm overly deluded with ideas of romance would like clarity on whether what I want to do would come across as romantic, or too much etc.
You might just be wondering how to word something and whether it comes across well, and as intended. There's a fairly good mix of people on here so I'm sure you could get a good set of different takes allowing you to make a better decision if you were indecisive.

So I shall start off, if you've been following my latest posts, here's bullet points.
-met girl through online dating
-great date lots of kissing fun had
-communication sparse and I freak
-she says she'd be up for meeting again in the new year, this was on Xmas eve
-now I'm just constantly waiting for attention (I'm a douche but it's what I'm like sorry)

So now you're up to speed, what I want to know is whether, not demanding but kind of insisting I really want to meet her after midnight on New Years, as it will technically fulfil what she said. So is that cute and romantic, or crazy and intimidating?

Text would read something like "happy new year! Where are you let's have that second date!" Or something along those lines.


Posted from TSR Mobile

Put the internet to work for you.

via Personal Recipe 2629979

I feel racist for thinking / feeling this:

Basically me and this girl have been talking for the past week through email who i met through a forum (i'm 21 she's 20), things got dirty very quickly (sexting) and during this we contemplating meeting up

Now other than my usual cautious nature, i'm more cautious about this girl as we've both said we kinda have confused feelings for each other at the moment, however my problem seems to be more err, stupid

DISCLAIMER: I AM NOT A RACIST PERSON

I'm just being really cautious because this person happens to be black, i have nothing against the black community i'm just not sure if i want to date a black person, as the early signals are that it could end up in a relationship (i know this makes me sound racist, i'm not a racist person, i don't like this feeling in me, makes me feel racist)

Just not sure what to do here ...

Put the internet to work for you.

via Personal Recipe 2629979

Break up

I'm unsure whether to break up with my boyfriend. We've been together a while and recently he just isn't interested in me at all. He spends like 3 hours a day with me cos he's too busy doing his bike and he's always needing to go somewhere for a part. We barely speak and when we do it's me leading the conversation. We don't seem to go out anymore because he doesn't want to. It's becoming boring but i don't want us to split up. Whenever I talk to him about it he thinks I'm talking rubbish, I just feel like he doesn't care much for me anymore. I also say nice things to him all the time and he says 'jokes' back but I don't think they're jokes. What do I do?


Posted from TSR Mobile

Put the internet to work for you.

via Personal Recipe 2629979

step kids and double standards

Hoping for some good advice. I'm considering leaving my H, don't want to but see no alternatives. Our entire marriage is a set of double standards that benefit him and his daughter. Whenever I bring them up its instant deflection of the subject on his part that turns into an argument about the things I've done wrong in the past. I don't know how to achieve resolution to this and its making me resentful towards them both. He lectures, nags and gives speeches endlessly about my son not doing his chores, and what my role and responsibilities are as a mom, literally while he's preaching I point out his daughter did none of her chores and he just starts yelling that I don't like her. It has nothing to do with her and everything to do with the pot calling the kettle black. Most recently he told me he is going to pay her car insurance till she's 18, he threw fits and speeches if my boys even asked for a loan to help with insurance. They had their own policies at the age of 16, when I brought that up he told me I was crazy, they were on our insurance. I called the company just to prove a point and again his response is I don't like his daughter. I'm at the end of my rope, this is total BS and my kids look at me like WTH. Any advice on opening up a line of communication with Captain denial would be appreciated.

Put the internet to work for you.

via Personal Recipe 2629979

Renewing or ending a rental lease

I am not sure where to post my question, but I am hoping that there will be someone who can give me an idea of what to expect in regard to an apartment rental lease. I have never rented so I am not sure how all of this works.

My husband has been living in an apartment for almost a year. The lease is up on February 11, 2014. He received a letter from the management company on December 1, 2013. They stated that he either needs to renew the lease or be prepared to move out by the 11th. I am not sure if this means January 11 or February 11th. I am thinking it has to be before February as they need time to clean the apartment and locate a new tenant, etc if he decided to leave the apartment, correct? I also don't know by when he has to give them an answer as to what his plans are. I asked him about the paperwork last night and he didn't say too much about it. He's playing his cards extremely close to his chest. He hasn't told me very much thus far. All he has said to me is that he has the paperwork and he hasn't done anything with it one way or another, but he has to do something soon. He has been struggling with whether or not to move back home so I have been trying not to ask too many questi ons and give him the space and time he needs to make the final decision. He has given me the impression that moving back home is not out of the question. I also don't have a definite yes yet either.

Limbo land really sucks.

Put the internet to work for you.

via Personal Recipe 2629979

Honestly don't think I could ever cheat….

I've been reading a lot of the posts, especially the ones about cheating. I feel for anyone who has been cheated on, I was there years ago long before I ever met my husband. I dated a guy for 3 1/2 years and my Mum was the one who told me he was marrying someone else. Broke my heart and took me forever to get over. Also, my Mum cheated on my Dad with his best friend. Dad was in hospital with severe MS and could no longer be home. I clearly remember Mum's "friend" picking me up from college and using HIS key to let me into my own house. He'd make coffee for himself and his clothes and undies were in Mum's bedroom. Her and I had a huge blowout over this and she didn't speak to me for six months. Thankfully Dad didn't know (I don't think), Mum's best friend told me after Mum passed away that on the night Dad died, she was so "busy in bed" with her boyfriend that she couldn't even bother to call me to tell me Dad was near death so I could be there to hold his hand as he passed away. My Dad died alone, and when I think of cheating I think of particularly this situation. Just venting…………sorry…..

Put the internet to work for you.

via Personal Recipe 2629979

Xmas holidays- how is it going so far?

Hope you all had an ok Xmas. Mine went well, a lot better than last year anyway. It was around this time last year it became apparent that my marriage was in trouble (H was upto no good) so you can only imagine how much I was treading Xmas 2013. 2 weeks ago I told H that I would rather have a crap Xmas this year if it meant a preparation for good 2014 as I really don't want to bring all the ****e from 2012 into 2014 with me. Fair enough he did step up on Xmas day and days building up to the day. I was even surprised that he bought me a gift and help our kids to buy me nice pressies as well. Oh, he gave me some extra money from his bonus from work (I was very touched by this so much so I haven't spent the money)!! Silly it might sound but I felt like I was being looked after and it felt good!! Although I did give our eldest some money to get something for their dad, I didn't personally get him anything myself, I must admit I'm still feeling bad. Should I get him something now or just let it go? Things have been a bit better between us; nicer to each other, a bit more civil. There is no doubt we still have a very long way to go. Still so many issues to iron up and address. I'm intending to stay positive but at the same time looking after me and my boys. What a journey so far though.

Put the internet to work for you.

via Personal Recipe 2629979

My Living Hell

Well, as suggested by my IC, I'm posting my story here to try and cope and heal...

I've lurked here for many weeks, trying to get the courage to write about this...

This is so very difficult for me. The steamy details I've learned, and the horrid images in my mind, won't let me rest or even have hope...

Here goes...

My wife and I met in college, began dating and of course had regular sex, and fell very deeply in love. We married about a year after we graduated. We've now been married for 19 years. We have no children (a mutual choice), we both have good careers, and until a year ago I thought she and I were just so lucky to have married our soul mate on our first try...

But about a year ago I came home early from work due to sickness, and saw a strange car parked on the road in front of our house. I thought nothing of it and went inside, and heard strange sounds coming from our bedroom. I entered our bedroom and saw a horrible sight; a strange man on top of my wife, with her legs WRAPPED AROUND HIM, and him going to town like a Singer sewing machine...and her moaning in pleasure.

I'm a somewhat big/strong man, and I pulled him off her and beat the living **** out of him. I carried him outside (he was still naked) and dumped him in the street. He got in his car and drove away. Later I found out that he went to the hospital that night with a broken nose and jaw. Which proves that some tragedies have a small silver lining.

Anyway, my wife swore to me that it was a "first". Her lover was a co-worker than had pursued her relentlessly for years, and she finally gave in after a night of bar-hopping together while I was away tending to my sick mother. The affair continued for about a year until my above-described D Day.

After I beat the **** out of him, I told her to leave. Of course she pleaded and begged, swore that it "meant nothing", and pledged her love and committment to me. I didn't buy it.

Anyway, she left and we didn't talk for 2 weeks, mainly because I didn't answer her phone calls or emails.

More later. This is as much as I can bear to write now. I'm about to lose it again just recounting these details.

Put the internet to work for you.

via Personal Recipe 2629979

He's Never Wrong

Hoping for some good advice. I'm considering leaving my H, don't want to but see no alternatives. Our entire marriage is a set of double standards that benefit him and his daughter. Whenever I bring them up its instant deflection of the subject on his part that turns into an argument about the things I've done wrong in the past. I don't know how to achieve resolution to this and its making me resentful towards them both. He lectures, nags and gives speeches endlessly about my son not doing his chores, and what my role and responsibilities are as a mom, literally while he's preaching I point out his daughter did none of her chores and he just starts yelling that I don't like her. It has nothing to do with her and everything to do with the pot calling the kettle black. Most recently he told me he is going to pay her car insurance till she's 18, he threw fits and speeches if my boys even asked for a loan to help with insurance. They had their own po licies at the age of 16, when I brought that up he told me I was crazy, they were on our insurance. I called the company just to prove a point and again his response is I don't like his daughter. I'm at the end of my rope, this is total BS and my kids look at me like WTH. Any advice on opening up a line of communication with Captain denial would be appreciated.

Put the internet to work for you.

via Personal Recipe 2629979

he accidentally hit me

I've been with my husband for almost ten years. But married for just over 2. We, if you have read my other post know, are not exactly the calm and never-fighting type of couple. Many years back, he used physical violence sometimes during arguments. Like probably on 4 or 5 occasions tops. Never hit me, but pushed me back while holding my arms, or grabbed my shoulders. Now, I am not innocent during our fights, and I know I can be provocative and I tend to not be able to drop things when we are fighting. So if he is walking away, I will follow him (though I am getting better). OK. it sounds awful, but I am trying to paint a realistic picture. BUT, one time, about 6 years ago, he pushed me when I had my back to him and I fell so fast that I wasn't able to stop my fall, and I landed directly on my chin. It was terribly swollen and bruised for weeks. I know some of you might think right away, why the heck did I stay with him after that, but I guess the only eas y answer I have is that it's complicated and I certainly know he didn't mean to have that happen. And when I say it's complicated, not only are him and I complicated, but I guess I have my own issues.
Anyway, the reason why I am writing now is because after that I told him that if he ever used physical violence again, it'd end. I couldn't stay with him. well, a lot happened since then, including us getting married, and there has been no physical stuff like that. but yesterday, we were driving on the highway (back home after the holidays), and I accused him of being too flirtatious with a girl. He told me to stop, and I didn't (as I mentioned, that is my problem). so he yelled at me to "shut up" (VERY loudly). I felt disrespected, and upset that he talks to me like that sometimes. So, after about 5 minutes, I said, you can't talk to me like that. After that, he pulled over on the side of the highway, and said that I had better be careful because "you know that you make me blow my top and get extremely angry and have broken things and hurt you." Being that I am training to be a counsellor I hate the "you 'make' me" stuff. So I said "I don't make you do anything!" Well, that was it, he started freaking out, yelling "shut the **** up" then got out of the car sat in the back and told me that I had to drive the rest of the way or apologize. Now, this was a big threat because I have been in a car accident and haven't been able to get over it, and basically lost a lot of my confidence in driving. I told him that I couldn't and he had better. And on this went. I started telling him that he was putting our lives at risk leaving us on the side of the highway. Now it's a little blurry at this point, but I know he started punching the back of my seat over and over. Basically, I was very non-confrontational at this point- but was crying. He kept telling me that I had to apologize if I wanted him to drive. Which at this point in the argument was so hard because it felt like emotional abuse to apologize after he is swearing, calling me names, yelling, and punching the seat. At one point he grabbed my arm and went to punch the seat again, but accidentally hi t my in the chin. it all happened so fast, but I know it was not on purpose, and yet, those kinds of accidents don't happen when no one is punching things, right?! And after that, he told me that I need to admit that I put our lives at risk and that was the only way he would drive. well, being that my chin hurt, and I was crying and we were sitting on the highway, I finally said, ok yes, it was me who was putting our lives at risk. I know that I play my part and certainly didn't let something small go yesterday.... but now he hit me. my chin hurts (especially because my chin still remembers that fall 6 years ago). and I haven't been able to talk to him much since, except to get things done or whatever. he apologized last night... but we didn't talk about anything else. I asked him to sleep in the guest room and that was it. I'm being quiet, because I don't know what to do. Like I said, we've been together for a long time, I love him, and despite our fights, we have a lot of other things going for us when we are getting along. We have the best conversations that I have ever had with anyone ever for one thing... and I have a fairly innate sense of commitment and loyalty. BUT, I said that I wouldn't be physically touched like that again. So I feel stuck between a rock and a hard place. It's hard to just walk away from everything. But after what I said, how can I stay? But then again, after everything and our vows, etc, how can I just go?

I've thought about telling him to go to anger management classes or counselling or something ASAP and in the mean time to sleep in separate rooms and just to be a bit on hold. because I feel pretty sad about this, but I just... well, I don't know.

Put the internet to work for you.

via Personal Recipe 2629979

No Communication during Separation

New here and would like to get input. Thank you in advance.

30 year/female, married to my college best friend for 3 years now. Just this past summer we realized our "big blow out fighting" we've been having for years was actually my husband verbally abusing me. He took full responsibility, apologized, and got help. Despite therapists encouraging us to separate temporarily while he addresses his issue (and I can heal from the abuse, we decided to stay living together. It back-fired. The stress from the newly found abusive behavior created more abusive behavior tendencies in him. Few months later, an incident was so severe I called the police for the 1st time in my life. He's on probation & I am living with my folks a couple hours away. He knows what he is doing is wrong and is seeking even more treatment and help for his problem.

The weird thing about all of this is I WANT to save the marriage. I know he wants to stop his behavior & I will do whatever it takes to have a healthy marriage. We both agreed separation was much needed. The catch is, he doesn't want ANY communication whatsoever. He says he learned from therapy that his abusive behavior is coming from his severe unhappiness with himself and within the marriage. He feels he has zero boundaries around me and therefore, ends up becoming a person he doesn't want to become. I would still like to communicate and get a jump on repairing things, but he doesn't want to communicate until he has had more therapy and figures himself out. The separation is open-ended and when he contacts me again to discuss our marriage is up to him. He does NOT know if he wants to stay married to me. He thinks his unhappiness in our marriage could mean we are incompatible. I have done the usual WRONG things: begging him back, telling him I didn't mean to ever make him un happy, begging him to tell me what he needs from me so he CAN be happy, etc. It only pushed him further away.

It's been 1 month exactly since the incident with police and the separation, but it's only been ONE week since we cut off all contact.

How can an abusive man who wants to change NOT know if he wants to fix things for his marriage? Do men like to cut things off completely, is this how some men operate? Can no communication and distance really help a marriage? He says he will call me as soon as he is ready to start discussing our marriage. I will respect his wishes, but the no contact kills me. Who knows if it does for him.

Any experience with this? Thank you!

Put the internet to work for you.

via Personal Recipe 2629979

She Did It To Me Again

The condensed version:

I'm 44, the wife is 49. We've been together 11 years; married for 4. This is my first marriage, her third. She has 2 kids from her 2nd marriage, teenage boys (she has joint custody). I moved into her home

We started fighting badly back in March. I left for a week but came back after we talked about our issues and both promised to try better. It lasted until May then we both said we didn't love each other anymore. I told her how I wanted to break-up (really wanted to hear her say no but she didn't) and waited for her to come home from work. She did...with the police claiming she was scared. There was NEVER any physical violence or threat of it.

I moved out, took all my stuff, etc.. We didn't talk for a week. Then I sent her an email asking her to call me about getting a divorce. When we finally talked she said she didn't want one. We met-up and made up, but the next day she went numb when communicating via email about her going for individual counseling as well as marriage counseling.

We had plans to exchange stuff when I learned one of her boys had a mental health issue. We talked for about a week before she exploded at me again and said we are through.

We exchanged dear john emails, etc. I had the lawyer send the letter asking what her intent was. She replied to the lawyer, but not me. Then she left a voicemail. On advice of a friend, I initiated communications again. In retrospect, I should have left then!

At this point, I knew my mistakes (which I'll get to soon) but I also knew she had issues and needed to put in work.


We tried a reconciliation. First we started with church. We tried hers but I didn't like it, so we went to a new one and we both liked it. Then we started seeing a Counselor. We started seeing each other and a pattern and routine developed, but I never felt she tried to change her behaviors. I know I've changed mine and I have improved.

Our arguments at first were about our blended family and our roles, boundaries, and poor communications. I had the wrong expectations about how her children would accept me and since have learned that it doesn't matter as long as our marriage is strong. Which its not.

I apologized for my share of the hurt and pain, and so did she. We both learned how to talk to each other better, and at church she got saved and I reaffirmed my salvation. we went to bible study class. Every once in a while she'd ask me to move back. Pretty good, right?

Well around Thanksgiving she walked into therapy with a laundry list of complaints about me; totally out of the blue and mostly old issues. Even the counselor was dumbfounded. The wife said she felt unequal and was upset that I could buy myself things while she struggled on her own. BTW, she makes more money than me. I told her throwing me out had consequences.

We talked more after that session in parking lot. She said she sometimes thinks she would be better off without me. I asked her if she really loved me or was she just trying to spare my feelings. She said she did love me.

BTW-one of her gripes in therapy was that she felt whenever she vented to me about her issues that I tried to solve her problems. I agreed to try to talk with her better, but a pattern developed where I became her doormat, and if I tried to give my opinion on something (without saying what she said or did was wrong) she would get either angry, withdrawn, or threaten to end the relationship.

On a Thursday we went to her company Christmas party. After dinner, she asked me if I wanted to play one of the games with her. I said no thanks and she said she was going to play a few with her female coworkers. No problem. But 45 minutes later she was still playing and would have kept playing all night had she not seen me putting my jacket on to leave.

In the car as she was driving out she asked what was wrong. I said I felt abandoned, sitting alone at a table and I know nobody. She slammed on breaks, swore, and screamed I told her to play. No conversation on the way home. No apology. She feels she did nothing wrong. She feels this is the right way to talk to people.

When we got to her place we argued more and old issues came up. I told her leaving me to play games with your coworkers is not the issues, but yelling at me when I tell you how I feel is wrong. We sort of resolved things, but I knew we didn't.

Friday morning at 7 am we talked on phones. she was remote and acting like nothing happened. We had plans for that night. She told me she loved me. I wasn't feeling the love. I texted her asking her to call me during her lunch break so we could talk about the night before. She texted back she couldn't, she was too busy. I texted ok, call me when you get home. She texted back saying I thought we had plans. I said I don't want to see you until we talk. She said forget about going out. I said ok think about how what you did hurt me.

At 5 PM she called and said my behavior last night shows her that I can't change. She said she is better off without me and that she didn't want to exchange Christmas gifts. She said that talking to me makes her angry. I noticed an hour later she deleted all references to me, our marriage, and blocked me on Facebook. I've been erased.

On Saturday morning she texted me saying she changed her mind and that she wanted to give me her Christmas gift. I met her and before she could start talking gave her back her key. She gave me the gift. then I said lets go across the street to the bank to close the joint checking account. We did. As we left she said she was sorry. I said this is what you wanted.

I know she has told one person that WE, not HER, have decided to break-up.

This has been going on forever. Too many details to list.

Another of her episodes, or is she done? Should I even care and want her back? Any thoughts?

Put the internet to work for you.

via Personal Recipe 2629979

My Story with Betrayel

I will break this up into four parts:
Overview of her affair
Description of people involved
Things I have learned and would change
Some questions


Overview:

About three months ago my wife confessed to me that she was seeing someone (an affair but she would not admit to it). When she told me she apologised to me for the pain it will cause, that was the only time she has said sorry. At that point it was an emotional, and a little physical and nearing sexual. With some reluctance she opened up her facebook conversations and emails. I found out that this was a collage friend that she never dated and barely knew during collage that she wanted to get with after she got back from her mission(mormons) but he was married by the time she got back. *Important to note- in his first facebook message back to her he pointed out he wanted an affair with her.* I asked her to cut all contact but she was unwilling because she needed him to help with a friends collage project, which as it turned out was against the class rules. I allowed it because "I loved her." If helping a friend with his project was a benign gesture it turned into a safety net to continue the affair. Which it did. It got much worse due to the continued contact. It was at this point I finally showed her that what she was doing was having an affair.

I wanted her to stop but she was entirely unwilling. I told her I was going to tell her parents if she didn't. She did and had a discussion with her. Her parents related to me that she was lost in emotions and barely reconsigned their daughter in her. I tried to contact the OM's wife through facebook but she never responded (the OM said to my wife it was because his wife didn't want to hear from me.) Nothing changed no matter what I did. I was able to convince her to give me two months of just me and no contact with him. I used that time to try to win her back but it was for nothing. I was too hurt to be charming or the man she thought the OM was. I kicked her out at that point. I gave up after she told me she was planning on having sex with him after my time was up.
I told her I would keep her actions a secret until she gave me no hope of us working things out. I then told my family which spread to her family due to my siblings are friends with her siblings. I then talked with the OM Bishop(mormons). He was sad to hear of this and wanted the facebook conversations and emails as proof I was telling the truth, which is something my wife did not want me to do because she wanted to protect the OM.

After the exposing of her betrayal she told me she choose me over him. I wanted her to write the OM telling him that but she would not. I was too badly damaged to feel anything for her and told her we needed to go to marriage counselling if she wanted to work this out. She was very against it. (She has had bad experiences in the past with them.) She finally agreed to counselling and that same week meet with the OM for the last time were they told each other they love each other and always will, will cherish the moments they spent together and committed to marrying each other "if anything bad were to happen to me."

At this point we would spend the week ends with each other to date and talk. We have gone on two vacations and plan on a third. We have been to some counselling sessions but are making slow progress. During the aftermath I had discovered I had an EA at the beginning of our marriage. It consisted of a woman I meet at work before getting married. We would small talk and flirt over texts before I was married. I continued the same behaviour after being married. She and I texted for 2-3 months after I was married. The text sessions where on the week ends or after a fight with my wife. She invited me out on three occasions to bars and once to an apartment complex. I never meet her in person outside of work or told her of anything personal. I don't remember my thought procees but I decided to stop responding to her texts one day.
I never realised I had an EA until I was reflecting on my past. I was wrong and completely selfish to have had an EA and have apologized repeatedly for it. My actions have hurt her. At the time though she used it to manipulate me.

During the past two months I have had a hard time not being angry at my wife and this has made things hard for the reconciliation.
The affair consisted of 15 or so meetings, 8 of them were dates which near the end involved heavy kissing, petting and grinding. I know this because the OM made mention of it in their conversations the following days. The meetings where usually in the evening after he got off of work, a few where on his lunch break others were driving him to work.



Description of people involved

Me and my wife: Been married for a little over 5 years and are around 30 years old. No kids. We were mormons.

Me: Work as truck driver. Home on weekends. My father had and affair when I was a child that lasted for two years complete with the neglect and insults and ended with my dad leaving. Her affair bought back all that pain I thought I was over.

Wife: Doesn't work, was trying to pursue and acting career. The affair started after my wife sent an inappropriate message to OM expressing regret about not being able to have a chance dating him after getting back from her mission. (While at collage they never dated and only only "hang out" with him on rare occasions while at collage.) It was a EA then on the second meeting turned to a PA.

OM: Same age. Has been married for 7 years has four kids ranging from 0-5 years old. Is a "faithful" temple going mormon. Has been trying to keep contact with my wife ever since he was married. Confessed to wanting to have and affair with my wife ever since he got married 7 years ago but didn't have a chance until she contacted him.
He made a list of what kind of qualities he wanted in a wife when he was in high school and my wife apparently had all of them. He said she was the perfect woman for him. *Important to note- he never made any effort before he got married to get with my wife. He said in his conversations that he loved the fact that my wife would accept "his dark side" which my wife told me was that he has always wanted to have an affair. She was the lucky one.*


Things I have learned and would change

What I wish I did when I first found out:
That I immediately outed my wife and the OM.
That I kicked my wife out that day.
Sought marriage counselling ASAP.
And when talking to my wife did so only with the understanding I am dealing with an addict.


Things I regret not doing in the past:

We have always had problems in our marriage and I wanted counselling in our first year but she was against it. I wish I went by myself.

I wish we knew what EA were and set up rules to affair proof our marriage.

I wish I never looked at porn in my teen years. I stopped for religious reasons(mormon). After getting married and being able to express those emotions again caused some strife.
This is what I mean: When I masturbated in the past I could do it whenever the sexual urge come up. My body was used to that type of rhythm. When I could express those feelings again in marriage I believe my body, mind or something wanted to return to that same rhythm. SinceI had a higher sex drive and couldn't, I got frustrated and became a jackass to my wife. You might think "why not just return to masterbating and porn again?" I promised myself I wouldn't. I consider it a form of an EA.

I wish I never sought an emotional escape from my marriage problems. My escapes were computer games, blogging websites, projects, spending time with friends and even books instead of talking to my wife about why I emotionally distance myself.

I wish I took more interest in my wife's hobbies. Mine and hers overlap but I have never taken the time to combined them.


Some Questions:

How to I move past the anger?
How to I get past the pain?

Put the internet to work for you.

via Personal Recipe 2629979

I'm a guy and a I was made to feel uncomfortable tonight ...

Tonight I went out for a friends birthday thing and an ex of mine was there.

We went on a few dates, kissed but nothing more.

This girl while in the club kept touching my bum and groin area ... I told her "you have to stop, you know I have a girlfriend"... If she grabbed my hand I pulled away and whenever she was around me I just felt awkward...

For some reason I feel guilty... should I of just told her to **** off!!

Should I tell my girlfriend what happened as I like to be completely open with her...

Put the internet to work for you.

via Personal Recipe 2629979

Boyfriend seems reluctant to be "rough" with me?

I go down on my boyfriend of 2 years very often and enjoy it just as much as he does. Sometimes in the heat of the moment I'll ask him to grab my hair and he'll do it for my sake. We tend to direct one another during sex. However, whenever I ask him to spank me, or put his hands around my neck etc he'll be rough in other ways *explicit lol* but won't do as I request. I asked him about it afterwards, and he told me he was afraid he'd hurt me and that he didn't want to "risk it" and end up hurting me physically somehow. He's become a bit more relaxed lately.

Don't get me wrong, I can have sex "normally" but I just get turned on more when he's more aggressive. My friends have told me he might be hinting that he wants to "take it slow" more often or might just want to be a bit more romantic? I'm perfectly fine with that but he's shaken my confidence a bit by denying me what I asked for at that moment. Do any of you have any advice on how to approach this? Could any guys give some perspective?

Put the internet to work for you.

via Personal Recipe 2629979

Is this normal

Recently I became involved in my first real relationship but I have a bit of a fear that one day my girlfriend will wake up and decide to end it. It seems quite irrational to me but I've never been a real relationship before so I have nothing to judge on. She doesn't give any signs of wanting to get out, quite the opposite in fact but I can't help occasionally worrying


Posted from TSR Mobile

Put the internet to work for you.

via Personal Recipe 2629979

What do this girls actions mean? (Advice please!)

Hi all. I'm having a little trouble trying to work this girls actions. Hoping some of you can help give me some insight, as I'm quite inexperienced with this stuff. :o

To make it simple I'll do a positives/negatives list and possible meanings:

Positives
- We've had 4 dates; all of which went perfect
- She made time for me (for these) dates when she was REALLY busy
- She has asked me to come to dinner one evening to meet her friends
- She was on holiday for a week with her friends but still made time to leave me a message in the mornings/evenings
- She gets excited when I tell her I'm going to call her later
- She wants to see me when she's back

Negatives
- She is currently out the country (in her home country) for two more weeks and she is EXTREMELY unresponsive with whatsapp/fb; sometimes doesn't bother to reply at all for 3 days, after which I will msg her again..
- If I ask a question, she rarely gives an answer but instead gives me a short statement
- She never asks me questions or asks how I am
- She has gained power of the situation; I am doing all the chasing & making all the effort (I dont want to keep msging her first and coming across needy/clingy!)

Possible Meanings
- She's very busy with uni work
- She's not a fan of texting/social media (this is quite evident by the fact she looks forward to me calling her?)
- She's dating another guy(s) aswell (I have a feeling this isnt the case..but you never know..)
- She's simply leading me on
- She's playing good old-fashioned female games

I guess what this shows is that - she is really great with me in-person but extremely unresponsive/secretive with communication. What could this mean?

Is the evidence thus far, good or bad?

Put the internet to work for you.

via Personal Recipe 2629979

irritable

I have noticed that my moods haven't been that good lately. I am normally really kind and understanding and patient with others. But lately I just haven't been myself. I find myself rather irritable with (inconsiderate) strangers, as I rudely point out their rudeness or incompetence. I roll my eyes a lot more at people, as my patience is at an all time low. When I come home I am dead tired and just want to lie in bed. I am tired often and have been indulging in extra rich food lately to numb myself out.... and my weight is at an all time high, and my clothes are getting tight. :mad: It's like my impulse control (both in terms of food habits, as well in terms of politeness to others) is completely shot right now. I'm just a big meanie. :( But this is not normally me, as I used to be a sweet person.

I wasn't sure what the heck was wrong with me, but from searching online, I was reading that irritability can be a part of the grieving process.

Just wanted to know if others have experienced this sort of emotional upheaval as part of their grieving process. I am not psychotic or anything, so please don't suggest that there is anything mentally wrong with me. As I know that my emotions are very likely related to the dissolution of my marriage, as my annulment will be complete in a week or two, and the emotions just started in these final stages of the process. Before then I was doing better as I still had hope for my marriage to be saved... but as the hope died, some sort of generalized crankiness settled in.

Any strategies for coping? I do have a therapist who I haven't seen in awhile, though she isn't around for another few weeks as she's on vacation... which is too bad, as talking things over with someone would probably help. I've been holding my emotions in for the last few months and just trying to be strong about this. I realize I do need to find more constructive ways of dealing with this rather than lashing out at others and eating myself into a food coma.

I just wanted to know if any of you have experienced anything remotely like this during or after your divorce, and if you found anything positive that helped you get through it. Thanks!!

Put the internet to work for you.

via Personal Recipe 2629979