| I think this was too funny not to post. What Women Think Vs. What Men Think w/ Dannie Riel - YouTube | |||
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When you have had enough let it out. A forum style blog about relationship issues and concerns,join in and have your say.
What Women Think Vs. What Men Think
Young married father of 2 in need for advice?
| Hello and thank you for taking your time to read this. Like the title suggest I am a young father of 2 fantastic boys (2 and 5). I am 22 years old and am "Happily" married. Or at least I am. My wife and I has been together for 4 years going on 5. Married for a year and a half. (the first son is from a different relationship but I was here since he was a baby so he knows me as his father only) I work from home (dont make to much but def enough to help with bills) and my wife is the main supporter being a manager at a local grocery store. Ok now you know a bit about my life, let me start with the problem... Like I said, i am happily married. but for the past week ive been noticing my wife has been closed off, always tired, seeming to be drained, un interested, seeming like shes disconnected. Of course I ask her to talk to me and if there is anything on her mind thats bothering her. Of course she says no its just the same old "im just tired". I accept it and try to be supportive for her. Let her know if her job is draining her ill look into getting a "real job" so she doesnt have to work as much. She works 40 hours a week, gets enough sleep but like I said im being supportive. I eventually get it out of her when were on our way to a mall that she has mixed feelings about our marriage. Im definitely hurt because prior to this week we've been very happy, very open with our marriage, and we are at its core very happy. She bursts out in tears telling me shes not sure if we are meant for each other. I ask her is there anything specific that makes her feel this way. She says she doesn't want to always give me love and have to worry if she's being a good wife or not, she tells me she never got to experience life as a single person. I jump to conclusions and ask her if maybe she is not happy with me or this marriage, and if she feels like maybe there is someone else out there for her, she tells me "I dont know" She says she knows she loves me, she loves our family, she is happy with me, so im like WTF! lol, i dont get it. Im very hurt by this cuz just 2 weeks ago we were taking trips to beaches, going shopping, staying home watching movies, just our everyday lives... and now this? So I tell her I cant just feel like crap and mope around all day, im keeping my self strong for my sons, but I cant do this if she is 50/50 about our marriage. Keep in mind since she told me all this, she acts closed off sometimes, then the next minute she's acting like nothings wrong, like we are normal. When I tell her this, I tell her I will be home every day when she goes to work so I can watch the boys. I tell her I will no longer be sleeping in the same bed as her because it confuses me, and i will look into sleeping somewhere else and tell her that I will figure something out (We have no family here) and not to worry about me just worry about her and getting her emotions in line and process everythi ng. I tell her im giving her what she wants by letting her go, She tells me no that she feels I should be here for the boys and its just back and forth that I will be but I get it out of her that she just wants me home for her. We have sex and seems like everything is good. I still feel there is something seriously wrong. This happened today and she is calling me "hon" or "babe" telling me she loves me, saying she feels better, but I still feel something very wrong. I need help.... I realize this is a ton of writing and thank you for anyone willing to put their own advice or opinion on this issue. Thanks for reading. Any opinions or extra questions would greatly be appreciated. | |||
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Jobs where you can still act like a man?
| I have a problem. I tried the corporate life but you can't show any displays of testosterone there. You can't just be yourself and act like a man if you are one. I'm not a meathead but I am a dude. I'm comfortable around other dudes and I don't like acting like someone I'm not for 10 hours a day because I'm afraid of getting fired from somebody lodging a complaint in this PC society. Right now I'm fine but I'm working with all guys, but I'm not making good money. To be able to provide for a family in the future I want to find a career where I can still be allowed to be a man. That means a leader, having some rawness about me, speaking my mind, and being honest. The thing that irked me about my jobs in the past was, nobody was ever honest. I mean NOBODY. People were polite, they were PC, but they were extremely manipulative and passive aggressive, and they hated the fact that I speak my mind. It's as if speaking your mind is a big no-no these days. I'm not going to become a 'modern man' and be someone I'm not just to make a better salary. So here's my predicament. I'm looking for ideas here. I think being a cop is a job where you can be yourself. Construction worker is another idea. Mechanic. That kind of thing. Does anyone have any other ideas? | |||
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Why doesn't he like me??
| Bacically theres this guy who goes to my school I've liked him for two years and he knows that...during the years he has made some moves like always staring at me or doing funny/weird things infront of me but then at the same time hes also called me names and told someone im to young for him when im only a year younger... All my friends tell me im too good for him and say he's unattractive because he has acne and hes really short but I still like him. I wouldn't consider myself as ugly I think i'm average looking...can someone explain why he doesnt like me?? | |||
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Am i 2 picky?
| This is kinda long so I do apologize, just having some issues with my boyfriend of a year and a half. We have recently gotten back together for about the 4th time, we are in our thirties and he has broken up with me for things like he needed me time etc...once he broke up with me after I had moved in and was unemployed without anywhere to go. Anyhow after all that I still do care for him but I wonder if I'm fooling myself. He is very short with me, he never jokes or goofs off with me unless someone is around., but yet I see him wit his buds and he's overly friendly unlike how he is with me. He falls asleep all the while his 2 yr old is left unattended!! I swear I just don't know about him. He doesn't really seem interested in me as a person. Recently he has asked me 2 move in again and I'm thinking heck no!! He says he needs help with his bills! Anyhow I just don't know wat to do. Thanks. Posted via Mobile Device | |||
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Is there even such a thing as a marriage without conflict?
| I'm just curious. I believe that conflict is just what happens when people interact with each other - that it's inevitable. I believe people can handle conflicts well, or poorly, but that there's no such thing as a relationship (of any kind - familial, romantic, employment, or friendship) that doesn't encounter conflict. I think successful relationships have the skills to manage conflicts well (and I think that's what most therapists and self-help authors try to sell - their particular brand of conflict management) and that those of us who suck at marriage are particularly poor at doing so, but I just can't grasp the idea of a marriage without any conflict at all. I'm wondering whether anybody believes differently, and can offer up anecdotes or evidence, or if there are any first person paragons of virtue to tell me about their marriage that exists to the contrary. I put this question in long term success, because it seems like this is the best forum to encounter people who might have this hypothetical conflict-free relationship. Even though I suspect that people who claim to live without conflict are either in denial, or bottling their feelings, I'm open to being proved wrong..... | |||
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Affair vs. fling vs. casual sex vs. FB, etc.
| Could I please get opinions on this question.... H had " relationship " with co- worker. Flirting over 4 month period. Went over to her house during lunch hour 4 times. 15-20 minutes each time. Because of work...one or the other were always out of town. 1st year.... 1st time....He MB in front of her. 2nd time....MB each other. March and August.. 2nd year.... 3rd time....MB each other. 4Th time....intercourse. March and July. Then she moved away. There was little talk when over there, no kissing, no hugging, no emotional connection. Was only role playing each others fantasies outside. Didn't have cell phones or home computers at that time. (Years ago). It's established it was cheating obviously. But.... Would you consider this a: 1)....Long term affair 2).. Casual sex 3)....fling 4)....f*^k buddies 5)....friends with benefits 6) anything else? | |||
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Pulling myself out of denial
| 18 years in a completely miserable marriage. I don't know how I'm still there. It's so dysfunctional and my children pay the price. I've made excuses for him for years, but it always comes to the same conclusion. He's just a self-centered, immature, boy who throws fits of rage when things aren't going his way. My daughter has learned these same behaviors. That is the most unforgivable thing in all of it, but there is a very long list. Nobody has ever treated me so poorly in all my life. What the hell have I been doing all these years? I feel foolish and weak. I recently went no contact with my 4 1/2 year EA (20 days now), but HE was NOT the toxic one in my life. I need to be NC with my angry, selifsh, ungrateful, hateful husband. He's hateful to his family (the kids and myself) behind closed doors, but such a fake to the outside world. I'd have been so much better off a single mom. Someone on another forum set me straight. I think this site is sometimes too geared to keeping a marriage together. A marriage is only a marriage if there is love. Otherwise, what's the point? Some people should not be married because they have no intention of thinking of anyone but themselves. | |||
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How can I help my BS with his triggers surrounding our intimacy?
| Hello, I've been reading here for nearly a year, off and on. This is my first post though. I've got a question for all of you, preferably those that feel they are making progress in recovery. Our story isn't so much what matters right here right now, but just so you know I am the WW. We have two small children and nearly 7 years behind us. I was selfish, immature, illogical and downright a horrible partner when I deceived my spouse. My affair was emotional, physical and frequent, and lasted less than a month. We are nearly one year into recovery. In the beginning we went through what we all call hysterical bonding. We couldn't get enough of each other, we had sex multiple times a day at least once a day. We were desperate for each other. As if we could finally see each other again. Our wall was knocked down and we tried new things, gave to each other, played etc. We still do, frequently. Since D Day my BS has been challenged with the images that come during sex. Sometimes they are worse than other times, occasionally its a clear mind experience. When this happens its very emotional, we both feel it and try to hold tight to it. We've tried "new things" to try to create a memories that can out bid the negative ones. My specific question is, do you have any tips that have worked for you? How have you battled triggers during sex? Wayward spouses, please share what you have tried. Betrayed spouses, what has helped you come back to the now? How have you found the way to being able to look each other in the eyes and feel the love that you are together for? Ditch the criticism. I'm an ex-wayward spouse, and we've been through a lot in the last year. I am honoured and lucky and blessed and thankful to still have the love of my man. He has shown me his strength. And I will show him mine. Please share. Thanks! | |||
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The Magnitude of Infidelity
| Infidelity is a life changing event for everyone involved with scars that last a lifetime. A question for both the WS and the BS - how has infidelity changed your life? Your kids lives? Your friendships and other relationships? Your job? I am curious just how far reaching the impact of infidelity has on someones life. | |||
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My wife cheated and it hurts
| We've been together for around 11 years. In that time, I've found a secret phone 3 times. Never any physical cheating that I could ascertain; but she wanted to talk to old male friends that she knew I didn't trust. Instead of breaking them off, she hit the communications. Fast forward to now. I found another phone. Texts in it show a planned meeting, and a thank you, it was wonderful. And texts the same day to yet a second single guy that was hitting on her. She came fully clean, as far as I can tell, and owned up to everything. She met the sexual tryst at the gym where she had been going to try and feel better about herself, and he said and did all the right things to make her feel good. She went over to his house 4 or 5 times, with the last time for the express purpose of sex. Here's the deal. I love her, and have always loved her. I am angry, hurt, confused, violated, etc, you name it. I am 53 and would rather get past this and maybe get better, than divorce and be alone. Is it possible? Will I ever get the images out of my mind, and the thoughts that come to me with little provocation? I know she wasn't getting the emotional support from me, as I just got tired of being the only one giving in the relationship. She admits to this also, and understands they why. She makes no excuses, and claims it has never happened before with us. We are starting counseling to see where it will lead. Right now, I don't even want to touch her or her touch me. She feels dirty. I just know what we had at one time, and wonder if that basis will be enough to move forward. Or if I should cut my losses and run. She has even agreed to a post nup that will state if she is ever unfaithful, even in hiding a phone, that she will leave the marriage with nothing. She swears it was a huge mistake, is extremely sorry, and swears it will never happen again. Maybe talking here in this forum will help me? Am I being stupid? Oh, I am her third husband. She left #1 for #2, and #2 for me. I fell for her, hook line and sinker. I realize I should not have, as she was not yet divorced, but that was a long time ago, and the main reason we didn't marry for 7 years. She has serious self worth issues, and I believe it led to the current situation. Not a reason or excuse, just a fact. She made the conscious choice to do what she did. I may or may not agree with what I read and hear here, but am hoping it will help me deal with it all. It's been a week since this all went down... | |||
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Will it ruin the family?
| I have a situation....... my mums sid of the family is damaged already after a incident wih one of our family members dying but I have been sexually molested by one of my family members and I dont know if I should say anything :/ Should I? Posted from TSR Mobile | |||
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Why can't I see my post?
| Hi new members! (and old members who are sticky beaks :p) Welcome to the Relationship Forums. You may notice that it takes a bit of time for your post to appear. This is because we have problems with spammers, so we moderate new members posts to make sure you're human.This could mean your posts take a few minutes, but sometimes a few hours (depending on staff availability) to appear. Please be patient, unless you're a spammer, it will appear. While you wait, I'd like to remind you of a very important rule: *WE WILL NOT EDIT/DELETE YOUR POSTS/ACCOUNT* - Think carefully about what you are posting and how you word it. - Do not use real names (however fake names are prefered over "Person A, Person B" etc) This way, you won't be disappointed when we tell you that we won't edit or delete your thread/account. The members of this forum take the time to reply to your situation, and their advice may help someone who has a similar problem but doesn't want to sign up and ask for themselves. It's not fair on them if we delete their advice just because you decide that you don't like the answers given or you are afraid for your relationship. Be vague. We will ask questions if we need more information, think carefully of your replies. This is all within the rules you agreed to when you signed up to the site Quote:
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Sexual fustration
| I really want to get laid theres a girl whos interested, many of my friend says shes fit and all, but I dont Should I compromise and get with her anyway? | |||
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I can't see my posts/threads
| I posted this in the Looks sections for advice on how to improve my looks: "I diet and workout as much as possibly. I hardly eat any junk food as much as I used to. I don't have any acne. I have lines under my eyes because I have insomnia but I'm sure there are some products I can buy to hide that, right? I have pale skin, icey piercing baby blue eyes and a muscular nose and face despite my weight. I have dirty/mousey blonde hair. I have lots of scars on my arms from where I used to self-harm. My body weight is similar to the actor's Jonah Hill (He was in the movies, Funny People, Knocked Up & Superbad). My facial features are similar between Joel Edgerton (He was in that fighting movie called "Warrior"), Ben McKenzie (He played "Ryan Atwood" in the American Soap Opera show, "the OC") and Brad Pitt's (Everyone knows that guy. - I'm not exaggerating, we have similar eyes and nose shapes. As for my dress sense, I dress pretty geek chic/preppy-ish, I wear a lot of v-neck sweaters, polo shirts, tight jeans, baggy khaki or cargo pants with Chuck Taylor's All Star Hi-Top sneakers and I swear messenger bags instead back packs. What look do you suggest for me?" But I can't see my post at all, what gives? :s: | |||
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Advice on making myself attractive when slightly overweight
| I diet and workout as much as possibly. I hardly eat any junk food as much as I used to. I don't have any acne. I have lines under my eyes because I have insomnia but I'm sure there are some products I can buy to hide that, right? I have pale skin, icey piercing baby blue eyes and a muscular nose and face despite my weight. I have dirty/mousey blonde hair. I have lots of scars on my arms from where I used to self-harm. My body weight is similar to the actor's Jonah Hill (He was in the movies, Funny People, Knocked Up & Superbad). My facial features are similar between Joel Edgerton (He was in that fighting movie called "Warrior"), Ben McKenzie (He played "Ryan Atwood" in the American Soap Opera show, "the OC") and Brad Pitt's (Everyone knows that guy. - I'm not exaggerating, we have similar eyes and nose shapes. As for my dress sense, I dress pretty geek chic/preppy-ish, I wear a lot of v-neck sweaters, polo shirts, tight jeans, baggy khaki or cargo pants with Chuck Taylor's All Star Hi-Top sneakers and I swear messenger bags instead back packs. What look do you suggest for me? | |||
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Falling asleep when he is not there...
| My husband left me. I struggle so much to fall asleep at night..wondering where he is, why he left, if he will return. There is a lot of anxiety involved but also, I had spent every night with my husband and then suddenly, he is gone. It is lonely and has not gotten any easier. I am wondering if any women out there had a way to finally get to sleep and to help the evenings to pass by? | |||
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Seperated - Alcohol - Hope
| At the beginning of the year one night my wife came home drunk. She told me that for the past five years she had been binge drinking on the weekends and that she was sorry, she didn't want to be that kind of wife or mother any longer. So, we started going to marriage counseling. Then four months later we went to a session that turned out to be the best session ever. I brought her home and then I went to work. Two hours later my kids called me saying mom wasn't home...for some reason it didn't feel right so I immediately went home. I found a note saying she was done with our marriage. She left the family while I was at work and our three kids were at school. A week later when she finally called she was on the other side of the country staying with a childhood friend. She was determined that divorce is what she wanted. She gave me her address and said file the paperwork. She said she didn't love me, that she never really loved me these past 13 years we've been married. She said the kids had become a ball-and-chain, and that she was living the life getting drunk daily by 2pm. This continued for probably a month and a half. During this time I sent her a letter, plus the kids and I even sent her a Mother's day package. Then about a month and a half ago her tune began to change she was beginning to see she had an alcohol problem and so she started attending AA four times a week and has remained sober. Since her tune has changed I've sent her flowers, and a birthday package. When this all began she told me I needed to move on, and I needed to file for custody of the kids. I filed for custody and was awarded sole legal and physical custody...this deeply saddened her. I got to a place where I accepted the reality that things look like they're finished. I shared these things with her and she said it was for the best. This week she called me and we had a three hour plus conversation in which she told me since getting sober she has done lots of thinking and has come to realize that she does love me, and always will love me. That she loves the kids, and always will. That she wants to be my wife. She realizes it was the addiction her her justification of her addiction that made her think she didn't love me and the kids after all she justified it by saying if she did she wouldn't have been doing it. However, she knows she's not at a place in her sobriety to come home yet and be wife and mom. She said she needs to get healthy and find herself before she can invest emotionally into us...otherwise she's scared she will run off again. She's scared I will not love her once she discovers herself, she's scared I will not truly trust her again. I keep telling her we're walking this together and trust can and will be rebuilt and the things that drew me to her continue to draw me to her so she doesn't h ave to worry about whether I will love her or not. I told her she has nothing to fear in me moving on. Knowing that she still loves me and the kids and that she wants to make this work is all that I need to hear to give me the strength to endure. But my god is it hard...it's hard not seeing her when I wake up, it's hard not being able to hug her after work, it's hard not to be able to just look over at her. We talk pretty regularly either via text, facebook, or actual phone conversations. The uncertainty of when she will return is one of the biggest things that makes this hard. I will hold on, but man why can't it be easier. I'm prepared to not see her until after the New Year if that's what it takes for her to be confident in her sobriety...I just hope and pray it doesn't take that long. It has already been 103 days. Her alcoholism goes back to her early teenager years and it was never dealt with just suppressed for the first seven years of our marriage. Apparently it came back once our youngest started school and she wasn't able to get a job so she was at home...alone. I'm just glad that she now realizes it needs to be addressed, and she has even said that once she gets some sobriety under her belt and the income to pay she knows she needs to get professional help to wade through some emotional things from her childhood that play into her alcoholism. She also acknowledges just what her addiction has robbed her of, or potentially robbed her of, her husband, her kids, her friends, her life. I'm truly glad for the positive things that have emerged but I realize that the road to reconciliation is going to be long and fragile and that honestly anything could still happen. I know it's still a roller coaster as well. But I'm hoping that as long as the love between us remains true and we put the time and effort into this that we can come out better and stronger than before...as a couple, and as a family. | |||
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Homemade deodorant.... It's the bomb!
| Store deodorant does not at all work for me. I have lovely extra bacteria growing under my arms which is genetic, my kids have it too. I've tried the salt rock by crystal, which works okay, but I still perspire. I found this recipe online, but I don't follow the exact directions. The recipe calls for 1/4 cup baking soda 1/4 cup cornstarch 6 Tbsp unrefined coconut oil 6-8 drops essential oils(optional) I tried this and it worked like magic! No more smell whatsoever, which has never happened since I hit puberty. I don't need to rewash under my arms several times a day any longer, plus all the ingredients are natural. Im really into homesteading. :) My version is equal parts baking soda/corn starch and just enough coconut oil to make a crumbly mixture for it to stick together. I have 3 types of oils and I've used peppermint so far. I preferred not using the essential oil. I only need to apply once in the morning and I'm good to go all day no matter how hot and sweaty I may get. I thought I'd share in case anyone was interested! | |||
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Best orgasm-Oral or PIV?
| I am sure this has been discussed before, but thought I would start a new one! This goes to both sexes. My 'issue' regarding my anniversary night away got me thinking (thread entitled Anniversary & Aunt Flo) How do you prefer to orgasm, and why? I love both oral and full sex, but think overall I enjoy the actual orgasm more from a BJ. The build-up is also so intense and ends like an explosion, whereas when I orgasm during PIV sex, I like the action I am performing, but the actual orgasm tends to come and go very quickly (no pun intended). | |||
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Can relationships that start with cheating last?
| Hello i recently went threw a terrible break up.. We were dating for almost 6 years and in the middle of june my ex started talking to some guy and going for walks..I didn't catch on till the end of the month. And found out she had been seeing him and when confronted she said I'm sorry i didn't think it would be this hard and left me. I still love her dearly and forgive her for what she did. Now they are together saying they love each other and stuff. Am i stupid for thinking it won't last? I'm doing everything i can to move on..but its hard just things remind me of her ect..I just wanna know your opinion. Do you think they will last? We had good communication. I honestly had no idea she was unhappy. SHe didn't tell me nor her family. Her family is still in shock that we broke up and that she's already seeing someone else. So i wonder if all this is gonna last or its just a thing she is going threw and in a few months she might open her eyes. | |||
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Should I do this?
| Ok, I'll keep this as short as possible. I dated a guy two years older than me from school who was lovely to me, very complimentary and always said how lucky he was to be with me. He was my first boyfriend and vice versa. After two and a half months he suddenly ended it because he said "I don't think it's working out". That was that. Anyway, that was may, and now it's nearly august and I'm still not clear about how I feel. My sister is in his year and so is friends with his friends and him, and I know and like his friends too. The other day they were at the pub and my ex's best friend invited me and my sister. She left soon after because she was meeting another friend, so I was left with my ex and his friends. He didn't say one word to me and I felt it was awkward. I was speaking to his 2 close friends (who I later discovered both fancy me -_-) and I could see my ex looking at me. His best friend who likes me said my ex is being really stupid because of how he acted, but I somehow think I should facebook/text him to ask him if we can meet up to talk. I'd just say although we didn't argue when we broke up, (and he said, 'i still want to be friends), the way we are is stupid and awkward and I think we should sort it out. You'll probably say 'leave him to contact you' but call me too mature for 16 or just plain stupid, I just don't think it's right how you can go from texting all day every day, to ignoring each other, even though he didn't give me a reason for breaking up (although some people think his mum has something to do with it). Anyway, sorry it's so long- thank-you! Posted from TSR Mobile | |||
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