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Feelings

  • Thread Starter

I'm not one to wear my heart on my sleeve. It's rare For me to tell a guy I like him straight up. I'm talking to this guy and I feel as though I always have to prove that I like him. He says he knows I'm an honest person and I don't pretend. however he is constantly looks for reassurance.

We have been friends for years, he moved away and came back and we have become closer. I have told him how I feel in so many words, he says he gets it then shortly after it's like he's unsure of me.

Yesterday he tells me about a conversation he had with a friend. He said to his friend that he likes me but thinks I only see him as a friend. His friend joked and said I'm not attracted to him. So he starts asking if I'm attracted to him. It feels like we've taken 5 steps backwards, so I went off into one and explained how much I liked him.

I thought I was being pretty obvious about it all, but I guess not. He questions the things I say and assumes I'm being sarcastic. If I say so something he considers sweet then he questions me.

I've explained it's not easy for me to express myself, but I'm trying etc. There are little things I do to show I care. I'm not sure if it's enough though (as in I'm unsure if he thinks I'm being genuine).

What's a girl to do?

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Wondering what to do

When in doubt...consult the good folks do TAM!

So H and I both have some insecurities/inhibitions when it comes to sex...no biggy. So I thought, how can we find out what the other is or may be interested in, all the while sparing us both some embarrassment or whatever....I thought about the mojo upgrade questionnaire.

Only now I'm not quite sure how to react or respond to the results we got. First, I was happy to see that we are still jiving to some degree, this is a good thing after 14 years of not too much happening. However, I have concerns.

He asked what happened to answers to questions like fisting, and I explained again that if it wasn't something we both said yes to or showed interest in, it wouldn't come up. He said that just left him with more questions like if I wanted to bring people into our bedroom. I tried to address his concerns and honestly told him that I answered no to that question. It's as though he was only trying to find out what piqued my interest and not what the questionnaire was intended for. At the time, I hadn't even seen the results and realized how he'd answered.

I asked H to be brutally honest with his answers and told him I was genuinely interested in what his fantasies are and that they weren't something we necessarily had to try, but we needed to know the boundaries. He didn't answer yes to one question, that I am aware of. All of our compatible answers were "if my partner wants to" from him and "yes" or "if my partner wants to" from me. So given that stockings and heels were off the list....

How am I supposed to interpret this? He's willing to shove his finger up my a$$ if I want him to but, he otherwise isn't interested? Well that makes me feel a whole helluva lot better. Not! Am I supposed to believe that he doesn't have any fantasies or couldn't answer the questions honestly? I know that right now I feel really vulnerable in that I did honestly answer the questions and trusted that he would as well. I feel like an idiot once agin and I just want to crawl under a rock and die. So much for sparing embarrassment.

On a positive note, there are some things that we are compatible on that are new to both of us so...maybe good times ahead. But still pretty vanilla.

FF to our phone call this evening. He didn't bring up the questionnaire after I told him we could talk about it at our nightly phone call.

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I am guilty!
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Here's the Dangerous and Grotesque Anal Sex Trend You’ve Always Wanted

Here's the Dangerous and Grotesque Anal Sex Trend You’ve Always Wanted

Warning: the article deals with a VERY disturbing issue.

My view of porn has changed over time. I seriously wonder if porn will make this new "practice" normal one day. Did it do the same for "traditional" anal sex? For oral sex? Will we one day be seen as prudes?

Again: read at your own risk.

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Why doesn't the feeling go?

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A year ago now, I came out of a real long term relationship. During the relationship, I remember spending almost every day with her, I devoted all of my time to her and tried as hard as I could to meet her requirements. I became distant from my friends, my family and to a certain extent to myself too. I completely lost the person who I once was. So, when the relationship ended, I got rid of absolutely everything that reminded me of her, anything that belonged to her and anything that related to her. I changed my number & my email address and made sure I completed wiped her out of my life. Naturally, the first few months were really hard, but I kept on going. It became easier and easier.

After a few months, two of the guys I used to be really close to me grew close again - and that's not because I went back, but we just randomly started talking again. After speaking with them for a few weeks I realised that I wasn't the guy they once new. I obviously try to bond in and I do so pretty well but I don't feel as comfortable with them as I once did. I can't open up to them, I can't be my absolute self because I don't actually know who to be.. if that makes sense. Every now and then they actually make me realise that they aren't really my friends. Things happen that just give me a reminder to not completely depend on them, not like I once did.

I know I'm fairly attractive, and I know I can get talking with a girl if I wanted to but I just don't. It's not a confidence thing with me, I can hold a conversation, I know how to treat a woman, I know how to make a woman smile & laugh and I know how to keep someone happy. Its just that, when I have spoken to a girl and the conversations extend from friendly chats to conversations that last a lot longer and mean a lot more, I just seem to back out. Not because I'm scared. Well, maybe because I am scared, but more so because I just have an extremely conservative approach towards relationships now. In my previous relationship, I gave her absolutely everything, and as bizarre as it sounds, that became the actual problem. She had this trait that complicated our relationship considerably - she always wanted more. So, this was my first relationship so naturally, I gave it 100%. Now, for a year or two it wasn't a problem but soon she started wanting more. She wanted more th an 100% which was physically impossible for me and that became a problem. Then I got all the "you've changed" bull****. Anyway, I don't really want to be speaking about my relationship here - I just said all of that to address the potential "if you can keep any woman happy then why did you break up". So, going back to my point above, I just seem to back off. I just feel as though I don't want someone to literally walk over me again.

But there is the problem

I miss having someone there, I miss having an other half, I miss being able to be me to someone, and being accepted for it. It doesn't bother me though, it doesn't bother me if no ones here for me - I know I'll survive. I'm really strong emotionally, I can go alone - I can go all the way. I can live without friends, I can live without someone being there for me - I've done it for so long in my life. Yeah, it'll be nice to have someone alongside me, whether that be a friend or someone that I'm seeing. But if not, it doesn't bother me.

The nights are the hardest, my days are pretty hectic, I have quite a few jobs, the world cup is on, I have a lot of things going for me, I go gym regularly etc. But when I lay in my bed, switch off the lights and try to sleep I just can't. I know I won't ever crack, I can't - I won't let it happen. But I find the nights to be so hard! I watch movies, play PS4, read a book - basically I do whatever I can to literally want to fall asleep but when I lay there for a second, no matter how tired I am - I'll begin to feel.. well something. Something negative, something that makes me upset. Something that really ruins my mood. Something that makes my heart feel heavy. Something that doesn't let me get out of bed in the morning. Something that's makes me think "what do I do now?". Something that makes me curl up in bed & feel numb or to an extent.. non-existent.. where you're sort of in a mid dream. Something that makes your chest feel lighter than it should. Something that makes you feel the tears that you've never allowed to roll down your face. Just.. something.

This feeling doesn't seem to leave me alone. It ruins my sleep at times, it can even ruin my mood randomly.

I don't expect this to be read at all.. its way too long, but it'll be nice if it is read. I don't expect any replies here but a reply would be nice. I don't even expect this to be understood by anyone. How can anyone understand this when not even I do? I've probably contradicted myself quite a lot above anyway! I just see it as means to vocalise some of feelings that I feel encapsulated by.

Thank you to anyone who does read this x

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Staying friends with someone you still have feelings for

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At the start of university in September I found a group of awesome guys, and one girl, on my course and we became great friends. Around November, me and the girl started getting friendlier and ended up dating. Fast forward 5 months, we ended up breaking up and despite my best efforts could not make it work out again between us.

Since then, she's met another guy (typical egotistical douche, but that's another story), and I've acted like I'm over her. We're still close friends, still talk to each other and get on well together - if she wasn't with this guy I'd still honestly think there was a chance for something to spark up again. Nevertheless, I'm now trying to fully get over her. Problem is, she is again on 5/6 of my modules next year, and we're still both in the same circle of friends at university; simply saying 'avoid her' isn't going to help - that'll be near impossible. On top of that, she's still a great friend who I love hanging around with.

The problem is that despite all of this, I still have feelings for her and just wish that something could happen between us again. She's beautiful, funny, we share so many common interests (which, being a computing student, isn't a very common occurrence for me!). Every time I see her I just think back a few months to where I messed up, and hearing about things like this weekend where she met her boyfriend's parents make me feel like complete **** honestly. What can I do to forget about the past and stop hurting myself thinking about her?

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Men are after one thing. Boobs. Do a course that gives you boobs.

  • Thread Starter

Discuss.

Yes or no? If not, why?

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Whats your Favourite Pick up line?

  • Thread Starter

Is that something in your eye dude? Wait no. It's just Sparkle.

Used that many times; works amazingly ;)

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Trouble dealing with my insecurities in relationship.

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I will try to be concise as possible....

Basically I've been with my girlfriend only a short time, it is my second relationship.
She is very outgoing, bubbly, flirty and loves meeting new people. She is open about sex, and let's just say, has had a lot of sexual partners.

She has experimented, had threesomes, being with guys and girls (she is bi), and is just a bit promiscuous. Though, she hasn't (to my knowledge since being with me).

As for me, I'm very shy, somewhat insecure, have a sensitive nature, and don't enjoy going out, getting drunk, and recklessly having sex.

The issue is....more recently, I've become very paranoid about her. Almost as though I expect the worst case scenario. I feel as though because she's very 'free spirited', that she may one day act on urges and not be able to control herself. It's more an observation of her personality...she's more likely (be her nature) to stray and be captivated by others if I can't keep her attention.

Me and her have sex regularly, but I cant help but feel inadequate as a man but more so, because she is bisexual I feel I cannot match up to anything a woman can do. I feel threatened by it. Most blokes would love it...but I would never want to share her, and quite frankly the thought of her being pleasured by a woman makes me jealous.

My insecurities surrounding her sexuality, her outgoing nature and general attitude have made me clingy. I often find myself getting irritated when I see comments online by her, whenever she sas se met a new person or loves this place or that thing, because it makes me feel like she will abandon me.

I know that sounds silly, but I've become pretty attached too her. To the point, where, i get really sensitive over the slightest suggestion she could leave.

I dint believe it's the case I'm envious (though sometimes I am), but more a projection of how I feel.

I just feel like 'what if'...what if she meets someone new, and digs him/her more. Or realises she doesn't want me...or something changes?

The other day she suggested hypothetically about s threesome...with another girl...saying "what if I brought another girl back....would you like it?"..,.. I told her how I felt.

Sage understood, but I could sense some angst or awkwardness in her tone.

We've talked about similar stuff but I still feel insecure....

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Broke up six months ago but it still feels like we're together?

  • Thread Starter

I'll try and keep this brief: We were only together for eight months, but if felt like a lifetime because we were together 24/7 and I helped him through a bad illness and issues with his mental health, and vice versa, so it was kind of full-on and that definitely contributed to us breaking up. We broke up in December, my choice, I regretted it the next day and told him so, but he was having none of it. It had just reached the stage where it felt like he never really wanted to see me and only saw me to keep me sweet. But the thing is, six months on, I still see him pretty much every day and, after a rocky patch, we've got a very odd 'friendship'. It's basically all of the elements of a relationship, emotionally, physically and everything else, but he won't commit and say that that's what it is. He won't be my boyfriend because he's worried that it'll go wrong like it did before, but the thing is, I think both of us have changed since then and I honestly think it wo uld work. I love this man. This is the bloke that I want to have children with and marry. He says he loves me too, but it's as though I'm expected to wait for him to outgrow his years of wanting to go out all the time and want to settle down. Yesterday, he told me that if I ever get off with somebody else, whether it's in a nightclub or whatever, he'll never speak to me again. But why should I be 'faithful' if we're not even together?! I can't move on, I can't find someone else because it feels like I'm still with him, it's like he's got me on reserve just in case he wants me in a few years to come. I don't know what to do. Right now, I'm just hoping that one day, he'll wake up and want me, but why would he do that when he gets me with no strings attached and no commitment whenever he wants? What do I do, and do you think we'll ever get back together?


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Can't speak to boys!

  • Thread Starter

Hi,
I am at college , I've been there for a year now with the same boys in my lessons and I can't speak to any of them! Lots of boys look at me and I hate it! How can I get over this extreme nervousness around them, it is making my life hell?


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I sort of have a crush on a tsr member.

  • Thread Starter

I've lurked for a couple of years, and I have a bit of a crush on a tsr member. I don't know what they look like in real life, so I guess I have a crush on their online personality. But I really like this person, but I've never spoken to her. I don't know if I should tell them because the person I have this crush on come across as quite intense in certain posts. so all I want to know, is should I start conversation with said person? or should I just leave it?

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Is this true?

  • Thread Starter

A mate of mine said on facebook that the felt sorry for shy people, as they will miss out on so much. Would you say this is true? Will shy people miss out on so much ? please say that isn't !

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Looking for a little help or guidance

HI,
I am very NEW to this. I am 28 years old. Have two beautiful children. I had a successful job for 5 years, but now am a stay at home mother/homemaker. I NEED advice, guidance, maybe a little help with some issues that are popping up in my marriage.

First off, we have been married 6 months. Together for a total of 2 and 1/2 years. Living together now for two years. I have an 8 years old child previously. Together we have a 1 year old.

First Off:He is BAD with Money and will Lie about it.
Second: He has a terrible attitude/temper and can get very defensive.


Ok. I know, super lengthy. Sorry, lol. And as a disclaimer from the get go, My husband has become a much better person than he was. We are young, 27 and 28. Some of his issues have gotten better and he has made progress. I KNEW the person I was marrying would have difficulties. I KNEW he had issues with lying when he was much younger (A LOT of that stems from Daddy issues). I am NOT perfect and neither is he. HE DOES Love me. I am very certain of that. He is a Great Father, especially compared to my 8 years olds biological father (he never wanted anything to do with her or me, once he found out I was pregnant). There are many pluses to my husbands negatives. He has even recently started to help with housework, which he would NEVER do before.

But, there are problems. Issues have come up that are making me consider divorce, and I hate that I am even thinking it. My parents have been married 34 years. They had their struggles and ups and downs. But, they are happier now than ever. I WANT to get to that place. I know it takes work and I am trying.

First Issue:
He will LIE to me about paying a bill, such as a water bill or cable bill. This BAFFLES ME! He also has BIG issues with thinking of the money he earns as belonging to just HIM, rather than his family. I am NOT a greedy gold digger. I DO NOT shop! I buy groceries, I make sure we have what we need at home, the essentials. I make sure the baby and my daughter have what they need. That is all. I WAS paying the bills. BUT his issues with control over the money made me throw my hands in the air and say...it's yours, not mine, just give me grocery money.

I do not know what to do. He will waste his entire paycheck within a few days. And have NOTHING to show for it. He "says" he paid a bill, but "threw out the receipt." That is a LIE. He NEVER throws out a receipt. Plus, payment is NOT showing up on our account. This was supposedly paid last week. He got so pissed off at me for even asking for a receipt, so that I could call the business and have it straigtened out. That is a tell tell sign, he did not pay it.

Second:
He has a terrible attitude/temper and can get very defensive.

If I question, and I mean one question, him on anything I suspect he may have not done completely right. He will get so defensive and so mad. It is getting tough. He will berrate me, say really mean things to me. Say he hates me. How I do not respect him. He will tell me to pack my stuff up and call my parents and move out. He has told me he hated me once. He said it in front of my daughter (My daughter does not like my husband at all). He has told my daughter over the phone I need to leave. He has such a terrible temper. He has never hit me or come at me. He just verbally abuses. NOW, I am NOT saying I am perfect. Believe me, when he starts in on me, I can open up my big fat mouth and make it worse, I know! BUT, there is a difference. I draw a line at the things I say to him. He does not. He literally tears me a part in side and hurts me. I will be in tears and he will stand over me with his arms crossed across his chest telling me how annoying I am being th at I am crying. I CANNOT take anymore of this.

With that being said, he does apologize profusely afterwards. I have stayed at my parents twice. I love him. I have envisioned us growing old together. BUT he is so petty about things. I know he has a lot more growing up to do and I am holding in strong, but I no longer feel anything when he apologizes. I do not feel better. Because, I know he will do it again.

He has problems with helping me if I am hurt also. It is like he is afraid of being too sensitive. If I am upset, he will not touch me! And that makes me so much more upset! I had a miscarriage almost two years ago, and he was so mean to me! That was the hardest thing I have ever had to go through. I would just cry and cry. FINALLY, he got to where he found out I calmed down once he comforted me. But FORGET him ever trying to comfort me when he upsets me. He keep saying how he is "learning" and this is all new to him... Um, buddy it has been 2 and a half years! Plus, I TELL him what makes me feel better! NOW, I am NOT a cryer, I HATE IT. I normally cried, maybe twice a year if that much. But, he has such a way with his words, that he can have me in tears in no time. Then he tells me how stupid and annoying I am being. INstead of just realizing he is the reason I am even being emotional. And Forget him hugging me to make me stop. He will just tell me to shut up, th at I will wake the baby or that my daughter will hear. Then he will hound me with questions about what is wrong with me and why am I crying and to CALM DOWN.... I HATE that response!

He can also be very lazy. He will go a month or more without cutting our grass, right now it is up to my shin. I Hate it. I tried cranking the mower the other day, unsuccessfully. lol. It's a push mower. He has said he will cut it tomorrow. But, he also said he would do it last weekend. He has a problem with "follow-through." I no longer take him at his word. He doesn't even understand why! I mean, come on! He barely does what he says he will do. I would say MAYBE 10% of the time he ACTUALLY does what he says he will. Any other time, it's excuse after excuse.


Again, I want to say I am NOT perfect. I make so many mistakes also. I can have a sassy attitude. I can give him the cold shoulder when he is actually trying to be nice. BUT, after all our arguments, and all the horrible stuff he has said to me to put me down. I find it harder and harder to be loving towards him. I think we need marriage counseling for sure. But, this is my first step and looking for a little help and guidance.

I will say this, he does pay for anything my daughter wants, when he has money. He pays for her insurance also. There are plenty of pros to go with the cons. That is why I have held in for so long. But, there has to be a breaking point.

HElP.

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Actions contradicting words

  • Thread Starter

I have a very good male friend. He came to visit me where I live, asks me for dinner where he suggests we share food then pays, writes me letters and long messages, suggests we Skype, and spend loads of time with me, always texts me telling me what a nice time he had, is a bit touchy-feely, shows interest in my life, tells me he's looked at my Facebook photos, wants to meet my friends etc.

I told him I had feelings for him, whereupon he told me he still had feelings for his ex-girlf, which I find hard to believe (they only dated for a few months, split up months ago) Nothing has changed since I told him this (if anything he seems even more keen to spend time with me), but I can't understand what is going on.

Any advice appreciated.

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Would you find this weird if it were you?

  • Thread Starter

I broke up with my boyfriend a few weeks ago,but our brief relationships(Only a month or so) was founded on a nearly year long friendship so we still stay in contact(he calls me nearly every morning and we text most days) regularly. I ended the relationship and it was fairly amicable,although he admits he didn't want it to end and was cut up by it pretty badly for a week or so.He now says he's getting better. I went to the gym with him last weekend and we went for drinks with friends at a bar and a club also.Friends say that all of this is weird and this much contact is odd-it shouldn't matter what they think but its getting to me now. He hugs me,touches at my face sometimes,pulls my legs onto his lap like we used to sometimes, but apart from that there is no frequent physical contact like there was before of course. He still calls me pretty/beautiful and return the compliment which also seemed to bother friends.He has mentioned other girls though (hasnt done anyt hing as he said its too soon but he at least notices) which makes it all seem okay.

We had arranged a night in together soon to catch up as we will both be fairly busy over the next few weeks to actually meet in person. He's going to stay over at mine and watch a movie we watched when it was our first date(we both love the movie and will buy a copy soon to watch) and have drinks etc..I said my place as my family will be away for the holidays and his mum doesnt like me much because of the breakup so we cant go there(Neither of us has moved out yet)

We enjoy each others company and it seems fine,he seemed enthusiasstic and open to the idea as it solved the where to go problem.But some friends have made comments and its annoying me.

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