Conforming with cheating

Hi I'm new to the forum, but hoping to get some guidance from the more experienced. I have been married for 3 years, and in my second year, while being in another country to look for a job, I had a short summer fling with a OM. It's more like a 3 NS than a ONS but afterwards, I just had no more feelings towards that OM but of course felt the guilt creeping about my H. I have many thoughts about why I did it, and several came in mind: 1. I am still young and unsure of settling (no kids, <30) 2. I was married in a rush for visa, and it did bother me a little to make that decision when all my life I've been independent.. 3. I had a long term ex-bf who cheated on me for 6 years... that was difficult to break and I did so by flying off to another country 4. My father was and still is a cheater. My family has been dysfunctional since I was 3. 5. Frustrations of my H career and mine, and how we could live pursuing them... My H has a freelance career that takes a lot of effort to become successful (think entertainment) and also easy to fall into the pits. I do worry the life I could have with him if he has to pursue it and end up 6 months away from home... 6. Talking about separations, he already left me in a foreign country by myself for 5 months. I was very bitter about it, since I got robbed and mugged outside my home while I was there, and there was nothing he could do about it except finish his project. Now my H is a sweet man who loves me with devotion. I felt that it is in his interest, if we are to maintain a relationship, not to know about the affair. That I have clear, because I don't have any heart strings attached to OM, it was really a summer fling and not something I regret. Why I don't regret? If I didn't have that fling, I probably would have left H. I just regret that it has come to this. The funny thing is, in the beginning of our relationship, we talked about these hypothetical situations, and we both agreed that we don't want to know about the other's affairs, we only want to know if the other wants to be with the other. I love my H to bits, but I cannot imagine myself ever be worthy of someone who is devoted to me, all my life I have met mainly cheaters including my father and I guess out of defense, I became one. So now I am coping with a situation where my H has met OM before, who's a lovely guy as well, and he often asks me why we don't meet up with him. I felt uncomfortable obviously, and I cover it with an excuse that he's busy, etc. I think H does suspect something, as I have stayed at OM house on my last days of my trip since i ran out of time at our rental room, but he didn't push much. I just told H that OM didn't treat me very well so I wanted to forget about him so hoping that he doesn't press me. It's been almost 1 year later, and watching TV sometimes H would say someone looks like OM... I really don't think it's a good idea to tell H about the affair, but I do wonder how I can deal with it each time the topic of OM arises. It doesn't happen often, but I wonder since we agreed to to tell the other of infidelity, that how true can you really hold this? I guess it would be selfish to tell H anyways, if it means to let the guilt off my chest, only to pass the burden to him... Sorry about the long post and the wishy washy way of posting.. but has anyone been in a similar situation and how did you end up dealing with it?

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