| I have a close friend at uni, who recently cheated on her boyfriend when away on a placement abroad. She got 3 STI's and became pregnant. Obviously she had to tell her bf about the STI's because she had sex with him after this guy and only found out later on that she had them. But she made up a story about having had them from her last one night stand before him and only just thought to get tested after a year of them being a couple. The boyfriend was suspicious and probed me, but I covered for my friend. She then panicked because he was snooping in her emails and facebook- where we had talked about the cheating, so made me delete my fb history and all my emails, she deleted all of hers. I hid the abortion pills she got from the clinic in my room, as he was less likely to snoop in there. After a while she convinced him all was fine and he spend half his time sending her love letters and telling her how wonderful she is, that he wants to marry her etc etc I don't know if I just have issues or something, but the whole ting makes me feel very unsettled and sort of angry.... :S what are your views on this situation? | |||
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When you have had enough let it out. A forum style blog about relationship issues and concerns,join in and have your say.
feeling uncomfortable - sti's and preg
Should he contact OW to disclose the real truth?
| Is it beneficial for my husband and us if he contacts the OW by email to repeat the details to her that he has to me about the regret he has about the 1 time contact with her while he was out of town and the brief email contact he had with her for a couple months after. You can read the threads I posted earlier this year about this, or here is a bit of the story: The reality of the fact that although he very much enjoyed her undivided attention and company during the evening that he met her, and he was receiving attention that had been missing which eventually led to him inviting her to his hotel room. They made out briefly, didn't have sex ( I talked to her on one occasion and it was quite clear that it was never an option for her) as he said none of the physical interaction was anticipated and that sex was definitely not an option ......He was never looking to leave our marriage nor was he ever interested in the OW in a romantic or sexual way, but admitted he certainly got his ego stroked, and did cheat. The 2 and a half months of email contact after he returned home were platonic and he naively felt that communicating with her this was would prove to himself that it was only what he ever wanted it to be which was a friendship....but realized that this was unrealistic as they crossed the line initially. He was quite relieved to d iscover that he was no longer interested in a friendship with her and that it all felt wrong. So to make a long story short, and after months of he and I talking about his frame of mind he always maintained that all he ever wanted was me and us to the best that we could be as there had been some distance at times... and the conflicting lonliness he was feeling for some time at the time that he met her....he concluded after much regret, tears and angst that wanted to do whatever I think would be best for my closure. We have ultimately discovered some of the things that were in the way for us and have been on the best terms with our marriage and communication. I told him after reading some info online about one of the steps that the spouse that cheated should do is to have an open disclosure to the OW. Now he did email her right away when he finally disclosed all the details to me 3 months later. He showed me the final email as well as the other emails, and his final one was a brief statement saying he was no longer contacting her and that he should be sharing such details with his wife whom he loved very much. Part of me would have liked for him to have been more explicit with her about how he was in effect playing a role with her that was not who is he is in order to achieve an attentive result. He was not actively interested in a real relationship with her, but in essence using her to meet a need. He has disclosed all this to me. It comes down to justice in my mind....it doesn't seem fair to me that she gets to carry on merrily with her active social life where she lives....without realizing the impact(on me, him and us) of her role in the brief time she met and then corresponded with my husband....friend or not. I'd like her to know that she got about as much as she was entitled to...nothing. Sounds vindictive I know, but it's more about knowing that there are consequences for your actions...and hers were that the person who portrayed interest in her was not..... and is ashamed and regretful and wishes he could take it back and should have talked to me about the issues he was having with himself and us. 6 months have passed now since he ended his communication with her so I feel the window was missed for him to be more frank with her and that I will have to deal with my feelings of her getting off without some responsibility. He feels he would do this if it would help with closure for me. What do you all think? Thanks so much for taking the time to read this, I can't believe how insightful and helpful people have been at this forum for my previous posts on this situation. Its very valuable to me!:) | |||
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So Friggin Angry
| I'm guessing this is normal, but I want to read your experience. To make a long story short (since it's been about a year since I last posted here), we lived together for 3 very happy years, concieved two beautiful children, got married, and everything went downhill after signing the papers. He went medieval on me, became macho and controlling, and got into a really weird and ridiculous religious group and pretty much destroyed our sexlife, marriage, and my self esteem. When he asked for a separation, I was devastated, but a part of me gave out a sigh of relief, the hell was finally gonna be over, and I wasn't the quitter. He's been delaying divorce, so it's taken over a year, but it will finally be over next week. I am ready to celebrate my new freedom. But last week the pieces of a puzzle finally came together, from many comments by my son and someone else who saw him a few weeks ago, I'm pretty sure he is dating again, and it's serious, I think they are moving in together. I am fine with that, I had been pleading to the heavens he would find someone so he could get off my back, I wished for that even when we were together. But now that he's found someone new, I am angry beyond belief. It's not that I want him back, no, definetly no, the idea irks me. But according to his religious beliefs, he's not supposed to be with anyone for 3 years, and it angers me so much that he can be so relaxed and flexible about his religious beliefs when it's in his interests, and yet he was so strict and controlling and he put me through so much hell with his religious crap, even when I never accepted to be a part of it. Why does he get to live a happy life and I don't? What is he to learn from all of this, that he can be the ubber jerk and be rewarded from it? I am also angry that he is making my 5 year old keep the secret about his new woman. I just don't think it's right, my son is stressed out and I'm not sure how to approach this since he hasn't admitted to dating again, and he's the type of person that will deny everything and attack in retaliation. | |||
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Lost and alone
| Have been married for 9 years, together for 11 and husband left 5 nights ago. We have been having some issues since our son was born 2 1/2 years ago. It was a difficult and emotional pregnancy followed by myself becoming depressed and having severe anxiety and letting it go untreated for over a year. We grew apart and there was no intimacy in our marriage for 8 months due to my depression and his new work hours. We had a falling out 6 months ago in January due to my anxiety and fear of losing him, where he said he was not happy and was not in love with me. We attended marriage counseling twice and I have been attending individual therapy regularly with medication. We did well for about 6 weeks when he again said he was unhappy and wanted to leave. I turned into the husband stalker and was hacking into his emails and phone. And was texting him and telling him I loved 1,000 times a day. We had become intimate again, but I wanted way too mu ch and he said I was smothering him. We just returned from a vacation to visit his family and while looking through pictures of our vacation on his phone I came across a secret app with messages to a woman. They were work related but ended with "I love you". When I confronted him, he said she was just a friend. Now he is staying at said "friend's" house on the "couch". He says he loves me but he is "not happy". He has come home almost daily to see our son, we eat dinner together, and have even gone out to dinner and for family activities. I have an appointment with a family counselor and he said if I wanted him to he would go also, after my first appointment. I am devastated and continue to push him away with my tears and pleading and angry accusations. Please give me some advice, I truly do love him! Our wedding bands say "mo Anam cara" which translates to "my soul mate" in Gaelic. | |||
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Lost and confused
| Have been married for 9 years, together for 11 and husband left 5 nights ago. We have been having some issues since our son was born 2 1/2 years ago. It was a difficult and emotional pregnancy followed by myself becoming depressed and having severe anxiety and letting it go untreated for over a year. We grew apart and there was no intimacy in our marriage for 8 months due to my depression and his new work hours. We had a falling out 6 months ago in January due to my anxiety and fear of losing him, where he said he was not happy and was not in love with me. We attended marriage counseling twice and I have been attending individual therapy regularly with medication. We did well for about 6 weeks when he again said he was unhappy and wanted to leave. I turned into the husband stalker and was hacking into his emails and phone. And was texting him and telling him I loved 1,000 times a day. We had become intimate again, but I wanted way too mu ch and he said I was smothering him. We just returned from a vacation to visit his family and while looking through pictures of our vacation on his phone I came across a secret app with messages to a woman. They were work related but ended with "I love you". When I confronted him, he said she was just a friend. Now he is staying at said "friend's" house on the "couch". He says he loves me but he is "not happy". He has come home almost daily to see our son, we eat dinner together, and have even gone out to dinner and for family activities. I have an appointment with a family counselor and he said if I wanted him to he would go also, after my first appointment. I am devastated and continue to push him away with my tears and pleading and angry accusations. Please give me some advice, I truly do love him! Our wedding bands say "mo Anam cara" which translates to "my soul mate" in Gaelic. | |||
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Confused about him
| My best friend and I were interested in each other. Ended it after a year because of going long distance. In consistently being there for him, my feelings have deepened but he has taken my presence for granted. I tried moving on emotionally but regular contact has made it difficult. Since then, he has gone through multiple girlfriends. After each breakup, I was his fall back relationship. He would act like he's with me and be vocal about us being together. But he would move on at the next opportunity and I would act like I was never falling for him during the time he didn't have a girlfriend. This cycle has gone on for 7 years. Have known him for 15 years. Right when I thought things might work out, he just got another girlfriend. I was young when we started liking each other. I didn't realize the value of space and letting a person miss you. Have I ruined the possibility of being in each other's lives? What should I do? Is walking away the only option left? | |||
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Lyrics ('thought it'd be good fit here)
| Band is Lifehouse Song = "Aftermath" Quote:
Hope this is a healing & song of hope, I found it to be of comfort recently while struggling... | |||
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guy confuses me (advanced warning - LONG)
| i have been seeing a guy since the beginning of October. Up until New Year we texted nearly every day and I would invite him over every few weeks - we didn't see each other much because he's a busy guy. NYE he texted me some really lovely stuff, and when I went back to uni in January I really thought our relationship would blossom. Instead he stopped texting me meaning I was the one texting him - I didn't do it often because I didn't want to annoy him - literally weeks/months between texts. He told me early in January he wouldn't be able to see me a while because he was really busy with uni - fine. I'm not sure when, but for the sake of argument I'll say April I started texting him a bit more and it was really nice. At the beginning of June, we'd gone a few weeks without speaking him and I just texted him like look i'm going home soon, it would be nice to see you before I go home, to which he agreed and we decided we would meet up after he came back from holiday (right before I went home) Later in June I was going to this uni thing and asked if he was going, he said no, then when I was at the event a few days later, he texted me (for the first time since before NYE) asking if he could still get tickets etc, and we said we would both be out later so would maybe meet up. We did and we went back to my flat, we were speaking and he told me he was going on holiday to Ibiza but he kept on saying 'not for the usual reasons', by this I'm assuming he meant to get laid. We ended up not meeting again when he came back and I was kind of a bit pissed and told him 'it would've been nice to see him one last time' as he was planning on going abroad in summer for a year. He was then acting all wounded animal asking why I said that, and telling me that he would only be going abroad of X Y Z fell into place etc , and that if not he would still be here when I got back to uni. I literally do not understand what this guy wants. I spoke to my friend about it and she said she thought he liked me but that he was really shy. I am kind of over it now to be honest, I am not going to text him again but obviously will reply if he texts me. There is another guy in my life and not knowing where I stand with this guy is making me feel morally conflicted. From the info given do you think he actually likes me or just wants someone to bang? (I honestly don't know what to think - I feel like he acts like he likes me but all we do is sleep together - I have no clue if he sees other girls etc) | |||
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Need some help and feeling trapped - relationship issues
| My girlfriend is from the town where I go to uni and I have not seen her for some months due to living in France. Since I've been back, I've miraculously got a job working at Subway in my home town. It is a tough job but for the first time in my life I'm not saving for anything and can spend what I earn. For me, the job represents a real shot at becoming a "normal person" which I haven't been for years. I have been depressed since my brother was diagnosed with an incurable neurological disease which has cruelly robbed him of his mobility. My depression has manifested in me being petrified of never being able to get into a decent career, and in apocalyptic thinking stemming from the stuff I read in the news. For this reason I have been saving to re-train after university at the cost of a lot of my sanity. Now I have saved and that's why the job is so important to me this summer (my depression was compounded by not being able to get a job the past two summers). Now, my girlfriend also works very hard all week as a "case handler" (like a call centre) at a law firm in which sector she hopes to build a career. Her life is very difficult too as she has her own limitations and her mum had a catastrophic stroke last year. She feels trapped and isolated from me. When I was in France she came all the way to see me three times at great expense and I didn't go back to see her. I became quite insane from depression and isolation in France. The issue now is that we figured out weekends when I'd tell my boss I was on pre-booked holiday so he'd have to give me it when he hired me, only two-ish weeks ago. However I got one of these dates wrong, so I booked off August 9-12 when my gf wanted to go to Paris, but she booked off August 2-5. I don't want to go all the way to Paris to see her (which we've actually already done this year); I'd much rather she came to my house for the weekend. But she insists that if she doesn't get away (having, mind you, been on some 4 weekend breaks already in the 6 months since starting her job) she will fall into depression. So I resolved to grit my teeth and go along with her whim so as to make her happy, because I love her. I will not enjoy Paris, the difficulty of getting there, the worry that work is going to be calling asking where I am and I will have to lie and pretend to be sick for 4 days. The price of taking sick days will very likely be me losing my job and falling back into the hell that I've been in for the past two or two years, with no income to heal myself with, and nothing to think about but refreshing the newspaper websites and worrying about the future. Even worse, I'll only have actually been in the job 4 weeks, earn barely any money and lose the reference to boot. So I am having to sacrifice my sanity and healing process so that my girlfriend can have hers. I feel trapped and I don't know if it's unreasonable that she wants me to go all the way to Paris and maybe lose my job for her. I should have said something earlier but I didn't want to set her off into a phase of depression. Now it's reached crisis point and to tell her now would be even worse. What do I do, please I really need help here and can't sleep for the worry. | |||
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Confused about this girl at College!!!!
| Once a friend of her told me that, she likes me, because it was during the exams, I didn't really do anything about it at the time, but when it came to the last day of college I askd her for her number, she didn't give her number. The next day she texted me ( she must have got my number from one of my mates) saying that I don't give my number to boys and all that. We were talking and ,then she stopd replaying. Do u think I should text her ???? Posted from TSR Mobile | |||
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What would you do in this situation?
| So your significant other has been friends with another woman for about 10 years. She is single. You and he haven't been together for that long. She constantly texts him and shows up at his place of work to hang out. He works at public places. She knows about the two of you. He was single for many years during those 10 years when she was also single and they didn't get together. He has always claimed that he doesn't find her attractive and has no interest in her other than a friendship. Your significant other then invites you to spend the day at this beautiful park, where some of his male friends will be. You go with him and everything is fine. He talks to his friends and then suddenly walks over to you and says that he had ordered you some "company". The "company" is his single female friend. She is nothing more than an acquaintance to you. You get upset. You were excited to spend the day with him only (and maybe his other friends) and now she is in the picture. You express your feelings to him and he says that you are jealous and don't trust him. Then things go back to "normal" and a few days later he tells you that she had showed up at his place of work again, but he claims they did not hang out. You had texted him that night, filling him in on what had happened around your neighbourhood (some neighbour's incident with the police). You got no response back from him, but he did show up at home at the same time that he usually does. He spoke with you about your text messages in person. Two more days go by and you look at his phone. You find out that she had texted him on the same night he didn't reply to your text messages and around the same time. She had invited him to go hang out at a bar. He replied to her. Not to you. His reply was "I would, but I have to get up early tomorrow." The reason he had to get up early was because you and he had plans. Bottom line is that he didn't go hang out with her, but his reply to her indicates that he might have gone, if he didn't have plans with you. Also, he replied to her texts and not yours. Maybe because he was just about to see you? And he never told you about those interactions. Questions: 1) What would you do? 2) How do you approach him about the situation without causing him to accuse you of jealousy immediately? 3) Do you think it's disrespectful for a single woman who has been friend with your significant other for 10 years to want to hang out with him? Shouldn't she have asked "what do you and your significant other think about hanging out at this bar tonight?" Or shouldn't he have responded instead "Let me check with my significant other and see if she feels like hanging out tonight"? Thank you! | |||
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guys and teddy bears..
| So I went on a holiday and got this guy i like a lil teddy bear as a present. As far as I know its usually guys that give girls stuff toy so I just wanna have an idea how does a guy feel if a girl got him a teddy bear? | |||
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Feeling down in my relationship
| I'm 17, and I've been with my 18 year old boyfriend for 14 months. We're both virgins. Whenever were alone, which isn't very often, I always feel like he's trying to avoid sex. He always pulls away first when we kiss, and although he doesn't stops me when I initiate something, he will never take it further or do anything else. This is really getting me down. All I hear from other people is that boys are desperate to lose their virginity and are always up for sex, but it's not like that in our relationship. It makes me feel like I'm not good enough for him, and not attractive enough. I can't bring it up with him as I feel so embarrassed that I feel this way, and it's me who want it, when he doesn't. Is it normal for a girl if my age to want sex? I don't know what to do, and what the problem is here. Any help is appreciated. Posted from TSR Mobile | |||
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Marriage proprosal - how would you do it?
| Or want it to be done for that matter? Would you go public - or would you want to be on the receiving end of a public proposal? Would you prefer something more private, like a proposal on an empty beach as the sun sets? Or perhaps you are happy for your better half to merely suggest marriage as the two of you pick at dinner in front of the TV one evening? Please discuss. And for your entertainment - here are some public proposals which go horribly wrong. I enjoyed all of them. Particularly the one which starts at 3.09. I think that guy deserved what he got to be honest... I mean he basically embarrassed the woman for over a minute before asking the question! | |||
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If an ugly guy called you beautiful, would you react different if it was a hot guy?
| If an ugly guy came up to you and said you were beautiful, would your reactions be different if it were a hot guy? Quote: Originally Posted by Mr Smurf | |||
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Why do people not see me as being his wife even after 20 years?
| Maybe I'm making a big deal over nothing. I've been married for 20 years. We have a 16 year old son together. DH was married before for 2 years back in the early 80s. The girl he married was 19. She already had 3 children of her own (4, 3 and 2). DH and his ex dated 3 months before they married. DH adopted her kids and the ex promptly left and filed for divorce. He raised the 3 kids on his own. She divorced him and went on with her life. He did everything on his own with no help from her. She didn't even come around until the youngest turned 18. The kids have forgiven her for not seeing them all those years. Still to this day, people think of DH's family as his ex wife and her 3 kids (which legally are his). I'm looked upon as being like some random girlfriend, mistress, friend or something. I've never done anything wrong. DH's kids and myself have always had a great relationship. DH's family still call me by his ex's name, when clearly I'm not her. DH's sister still randomly talks about how pretty or nice his ex was (nice enough to marry someone, use them and leave her children). DH's family does not include our son in any family activities, but will include DH's adopted children. They even include DH's adopted son's girlfriend's kids, but not me nor our son. It's always been this way. It's like they see me as DH's mistress, and our son as just mine and he means nothing to them. It's not like I broke up their marriage. She left in the early 80s. I met DH in 1990. One niece is getting married. It's a casual affair, but they only asked DH and his 3 adopted kids to attend. Not me. Her mother is now friends with the ex on facebook and invited the ex to the wedding, but didn't invite me. and worse yet, didn't invite our son. Maybe his family is just weird, but it's beyond annoying. I've inquired and was totally ignored. It's not only his family though who do this. I can't tell you how many times DH has run into a former coworker or neighbor or something at the store. When he says I'm his wife, they think I'm his ex. Everyone clearly knows what she did to DH. Maybe they think he remarried her or something. DH doesn't think it's a big deal, but he's not the one who has to live with it. He's never thought it was a problem that his wife of 20 years and our 16 year old son are considered outsiders and never included in anything by anyone on his side of the family. DH will even go alone to his family events without asking myself or our son to go. My son and I end up doing things together instead. My family and friends adore DH and his 3 kids and treat them like family. I can't be the only one this is happening to. It sucks. I feel like moving away. It's easy for someone to say to just get over it, but it really, truly sucks. Had I known that I'd be shunned after 20 years of marriage, I honestly don't know if I would have married DH. Is anyone else in this situation? Any advice? | |||
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i need a christian perspective... please
| I dated my husband 3 years before we finally tied the knot. Now being married for 7 years i recently found out he has same sex attractions. I discovered that he enjoys straight and homosexual porno, frequently visits strip clubs and sex shops and he has surfed online looking for male escorts. He said he has never acted out on these things but because he was molested by a female and male at a young age he has gender attraction confusion. We have two beautiful kids and i would be lying if i said i dont love my husband but how does someone continue a relationship knowing this information? I am a christian and try to lean on my faith in every aspect of my life but i know this is not productive in allowing my marriage to be ministry. My kids constantly ask me where is daddy, being only 2yrs, and 4yrs old Ive made up things. It breaks my heart that im in this situation. It pains me because i cant deny my love for him but i also cannot pretend i now do not know the truth. My first mind told me to see what he wanted to do because i myself did not have any answers so i printed out divorce documents to see if he was telling me to rebuild our marriage or just telling me so we could dissolve THE marriage. He stated he cannot make a promise that he wont ever have these feelings and he doesnt want to hurt me anymore but him giving up hurts. I have since filed for divorce and am in the 60 day waiting period. But inside im still torn. We dont talk he barely speaks to the kids, should i just walk away or ask him if he wants to try counseling? I just dont know what to do... | |||
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The Long Distance Relationship Society Advice Centre Mark II
| Hello and welcome to the LDR society advice centre, mark II! 500 pages and 10,000 posts have been reached in the original thread - that's a lot of people who have been given advice about their LDR (or a potential one). It's time to start afresh! If you are in an LDR or will be in the future and want to talk about it, feel free to post here and we'll do our best to give you advice on any problems or issues that you want to discuss. If you just feel like an un-LDR related chat, you can come to the LDR Society chat thread which is located here Welcome once again and enjoy the thread - this is open to all :) TNP | |||
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Girls, would you consider me to be unattractive
| I know I've asked this previously but recently, I've been thinking the girls I'm interested in, am I attractive enough to approach them? I just think they will find me unattractive, and I wonder if I'll ever find a girlfriend. I'm almost 19 by the way, please give me your honest opinions! The one when I'm in the red t-shirt is very recent http://www.flickr.com/photos/93996692@N07/ | |||
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What is she thinking?
| OK, so there was this girl I liked and we were talking/texting every day and then I asked her if she was seeing someone. She said, Yeah, I am. Are you? I said No, you probably know why I asked now. I hope this doesn't make things awkward and still want to be friends. We texted a day or two after like nothing happened. Then about a week after she stopped all contact and was not replying to any of my messages and blocked me on Facebook. A month later.... I seen her in town (not planned) and surprisingly she smiled at me and started to slowly walk towards me.... I just pretended she wasn't there and just walked on. Why did she do this? Did I do the right thing and not even acknowledge her? | |||
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Random girl- you're beautiful
| To all females if a guy who was not creepy approached you in a public place i.e the bus , road and a shop and told you he must tell you that he thinks your beautiful, spoke for a couple minutes and asked for your number. What would be your reaction? Would you be creeped out that he approached you? Would you give your number? Anonymous because I have friends on here. Thanks.. | |||
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