| My wife (25) and I (27) got married on June 22. I have known her since 2006 and "known of her" since 2004 or 2005. We were friends for a long time. We began dating in March 2012 and I proposed December 2012. We are just over two months into marriage. She is 9 weeks pregnant. We moved 64 miles (1 hr, 18 min) away from her parents, which is the first time she's lived out of her parent's house. She started teaching 1st grade here, which is her first year of teaching after college, and I'm a manager at a local general merchandise/discount department store with a company that I've worked for since I was in high school and through college. She says she doesn't like the town or the school. She refuses to try new churches here, or even drive to churches of her own denomination (United Pentecostal Church) in surrounding towns. She sits on the couch, refreshes her Facebook News Feed and waits for text messages to come in. All weekends that I work and even most weekends that I haven't worked, she has gone back to her parents to spend the night and go to church with them. I ended up going alone to the local Christian Church (Disciples of Christ) church, which is closely related to my own United Church of Christ background that isn't available in this area. In the past week or so she has started saying that she's taking the baby and moving back home, she's going to buy out her school contact here, and I had better be ready to pay child support. Can we save this? I don't want to be the type of dad who isn't around. I thought the distance from family was a fair, good distance. I think it would be good for her to become settled and feel confidently independent. | |||
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When you have had enough let it out. A forum style blog about relationship issues and concerns,join in and have your say.
2 months in, wife pregnant, talk of divorce
Is anal sex over rated?
| I've never had anal sex before and I've read posts were some women like anal sex. Is anal sex like PIV? What's it feel like? Is it all hype because of what we see in adult movies? What's everyone experience with anal sex? | |||
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Kenji's journey
| This is a complementary to my blog in the LTSiM forum "Mr & Mrs Drerio Journey". This focuses primarily on our struggles, disappointments and successes in raising our son with Autism. I know there are a number of members who share this same struggle, I invite you to tag along and tell us about your ASD child/young adult. My hope is not just to raise awareness but maybe to help anyone who may gain information to help them as well (whether they openly share or just lurk). Kenji (my oldest son) Actual Age - 14 Diagnosed 3.5 years of age He is verbal with higher expressive than receptive skills (this is due to his processing time) His emotional and behavioral age is 2 His intellectual age is about 7 He is currently a Freshman in HS and we have him on a diploma track. All previous years of schooling were spent either exclusively or partially in a self-contained classroom. This is our Journey, this is his journey as well. | |||
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talking about intimacy
| My wife and seem to be doing ok with comuncation for everyday life for the most part. But one subject seems to be off limits (sex) there. When I mention anything about the kids she can talk for hours but when it comes to sex its like it's bad territory. At this point im not even sure how to start the aubject without her responding negatively. I ask anything about what she likes sexually or what her fantasies are she cant tell me or she changes the subject. Im wondering how to get her to open up to me sexually. Posted via Mobile Device | |||
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Wife in love with someone she hasn't met.
| Hello, I am looking for advice on what to do. Me and my wife have been married for 4 years and been together for 6, I am 28 she is 27, the other man is 20, we have 3 beautiful children together 6, 5 and 1 the eldest is my stepson from her previous relationship. Me and my wife met online. This first happened 2 and a half years ago where i caught my wife having dirty chats with him. The other man knew about her being married to me and us having kids because i used to talk to him too before all this started. She had left her Skype on her phone logged in so i found everything out and we had a bit of a problem where she agreed that it was her fault and we decided to try again.. Recently she started talking to him again about 3/4 months ago and i didn't think much of it but i went away for a week to visit my parents and when i came back i found that she was talking to him everyday/every night while i had been away. I confronted her and said this has to stop and if you don't i am going to leave (thinking she would choose me over him). She kept saying she cant stop talking to him and i kept telling her if she wants us to work she needs to stop talking to him. Eventually she must have told the other man on the internet and he decided to delete her because he could see stuff was getting real. So we was fine for the past 3 days he had been off contact with her. Today i woke up to find that she was talking to him again. I got angry and told her to choose who she wants and she said "this is never gonna work, way to much damage has been done to fix us." I asked her what she meant but kept saying we are not gonna work. We spoke about 10 mins and she said she wants to split up and took her ring off. I refused to accept it and told her i am not leaving the house or splitting up with her, i asked her if she wants to try again, she keeps saying don't know and wont give me a definite answer. I told her till she meets the other guy and its real i am not doing anything because i am not giving up on us so easy. Every time we argue is because of him and she can't stop talking to him. I know the right thing for me to do would be to leave her, but i love her too much and i don't want the kids to not grow up without a dad (or call him dad if he does come over from Italy) and to top it off my contract with work just ended last week and not really financially good. We own our house, where do i stand if we have a divorce. What should i do? What happens to the kids? | |||
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Rancho Viagra
| I believe I have discovered a solution for an annoying and all-too common problem. When I retire, I'll buy a ranch in Honduras or Costa Rica and sell parcels to American men who've finally gotten fed up with being turned away. "Tired of being turned down for sex? It's time to recycle that old ice box! Come on down to Rancho Viagra and we'll issue you a pair of eager 20 year olds!" See Unbelievable for details. | |||
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Is life empty unless you're in a relationship?
| Just thinking about the recent thread "Would it bother you if you never ever found love?" And personally I wouldn't be bothered, there are lots of other thing in life that make me happy and at the moment I'm not overly fussed about not being in a relationship, I'm not in love with anyone, it seems a bit daft. I can't make myself be attracted to someone.I'm not getting at relationships in any way, shape or form, if I fell in love then I would definitely get married, the whole lot, but there's this sense of pity towards single people or this idea that nobody really wants to live without being in a relationship with someone, and they're just bitter somehow. I don't think that's true, I think either you're in love or you just love other stuff. But anyway, I wondered what the people of TSR thought. Is life empty unless you're in a relationship? Or is it enough having family, friends, pets, a job you enjoy *insert thing that makes you happy here, person ally it would be chocolate cheesecake, or daffodils* | |||
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Mixed Messages - Really Stressed
| This is killing me - and making me feel stupid. About 2 weeks ago, I broke up with my girlfriend of 2 1/2 years. Well, truthfully, she broke up with me. A few days later she called me and said that she wanted to see me, but not in public. We ended up having sex a few times that week. I knew that it was a bad idea but, quite frankly, the sex was some of the best that we have ever had in our 2 1/2 year relationship (she said so as well). She told me that she has not changed her mind about getting back together, but she has not written off the possibility. She is okay with "hanging out" but does not want us to appear in public as a "couple." She wants me to see a therapist and talk about my "problems." Basically, her reason for breaking up with me was that I drink too much and when I am drunk, my temper flares and I have said (and done) things that have embarrassed her in front of her friends and family. I made an appointment with a therapist for this coming Monday. I get 8 sessions paid for by my employer. The gf said that if the therapist wanted to talk to her, she would be willing to come to sessions with me or go separately. So, the signs indicate that she is sincere about trying to repair the relationship. However....last night I got together with female friends from work. My entire department, except for me, is female. We went out for drinks and appetizers. I thought that the ex-gf was working last night, but apparently she was not. She tried to contact me but I did not have cell service inside of the pub. Anyway, I come home and turn on my phone to find that our server at the pub is friends with the ex-gf and apparently texted her that I was "out with other women." The ex-gf was extremely jealous and angry and told me that "you have really f***** up this time." "Good bye." "Have a nice life." Etc. I talked to her today and explained to her that last night was just co-workers going out for drinks. She said nothing. I asked her if she was sincere about repairing our relationship and getting back together. Her reply was only that she was proud of me for making the appointment with the therapist, and she was looking forward to hearing and seeing what conclusions I came to. As far as the relationship, she said that she could not tell me anything until she saw what happened after therapy. I said okay, fair enough, but I just want to know that you have your heart in this, because I do not want to try to fix a relationship with someone who is really not interested. Her response was basically that she had nothing else to say at the moment and don't bring it up again. It just kills me that she has put me in a situation where she has the freedom to do whatever she wants and I am sitting here "in limbo" like some little lap dog waiting to be let out. If she sleeps with someone else or meets a guy and starts dating him, she can always fall back on "we were not together" or "I never promised you anything." Meanwhile I am doing all of this work to repair a relationship with a person who only calls or texts when she feels like it, ignores me in public, and pretty much holds all of the cards. I am thinking about giving her an ultimatum. Basically, hey, I am a good guy who has some faults. But I am honest, loyal and hard working. And I have shown you that I am taking steps to work on my "problems." So you either want me in your life or you don't, but I am not going to sit here and wait for you to make a decision. What do you guys think? | |||
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If someone falls asleep whilst texting you, are they uninterested in you?
| If someone falls asleep whilst texting you in the late evenings (like 10pm and later), are they uninterested in you (especially if it's someone you are dating?)? Thanks | |||
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normal not to have any contact for 3 days in LDR?
| Is it normal not to have any contact for 3 days in a long distance relationship? Thanks | |||
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Fight for her or fight for my life?
| Hello, The wife and I have been together for three years now. We are very young, right now I am 24 and she is 20. We met each other online and immediately clicked. Both of us are unique people with very little connections to any families. I guess that's one of the reasons why we connected so well in the early days. Over the past 15 months of our marriage, I've been working more and more than ever before. I've seen success at my job which has allowed us more economic freedom. The problem is, I've been limited by my environment - Job, wife, and location. In my eyes, it's time for a big change. I want to move to the west coast, work part time, and downsize myself to allow for the economic turn. She wants to not move anywhere, stay put, save money for whatever reasons, and so on... Oh... I'm getting a head of myself. Over the time we've spent in our marriage we continue to fall apart. Our main difference is religion. I've posted here before on these topics consulting the forum and this time it's coming to a climax. For past topics look here: http://talkaboutmarriage.com/conside...-my-story.html http://talkaboutmarriage.com/conside...irst-blow.html The main advice giving in these topics was to 'get out.' The reason I haven't done this was because I do care for her and it was very early in our marriage. I also was having massive success at my job, which has resulted in me spending more time there then at home, easing the pain. We are different in so many ways. Religion being the obvious killer, but also how we think, what we want, politically, and so forth. Her future goals are pretty standard - travel, kids, place to call home. Mine our rather unique - travel but only by bike/walking everywhere on limited money, continue learning and such. I guess, the main problem I have and the reason I am here is... I still care for her and I am afraid of life after separation. Right now, I have a perfect plan in place for move towards Portland come April 2014. She is aware of this plan and we have had very serious talks regarding it/separation. a) She is very young and while not unable to work, she is not exactly the healthiest person alive. So I am afraid for her, I don't want to see her miserably fail. She is very emotional, and she is already liking and hanging out with another guy. I think this is primarily because of our fallout. She needs another guy to talk to communicate with, and I hope she doesnt let her self go because of it. b) I am wondering whether I should re-think things and fight for her, which would ultimately be sacrificing my personal goals for the companionship. If I do go through with my plan to Portland, I am afraid I will be lonely. I don't exactly plan on dating much and I'm known to have very little - to no friends. I am ultimately wondering if you guys have been through similar situations and how it turned out for you. Where you left regretting your decision to leave someone you cared about, or did you stick around only to find out that you were limiting yourself and not realizing your own dreams because of it? Thanks all.... | |||
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Just saw this email...Please help me before I lose it...seriously. I feel SICK
| My original post is below...very quickly, I didn't like closeness of husband and his female friend at work (even if it was an overreaction of mine). He said he would stop being friends etc. Fast forward a year later, we get an invitation in the mail for her son's birthday party at home. He said he knew NOTHING about it, wasn't going to respond, etc. (Side note, I'm 1 month post partum right now so I'm feeling VERY emotional) Today for SOME reason I checked his email, and I see this email he wrote her yesterday (party was today): _______, Please do not reply to this email or mention it to anyone. We got the invitation to ___'s birthday in the mail and it was a problem. Needless to say we are not going to be attending the party tomorrow, however we do have a party at the same location at noon and it is possible we may run into you there. if that happens, please do not talk to me or ___(me--his wife) or even acknowledge us in any way. Again, i am asking that you keep this email confidential and not share it with anyone. if work people ask if we are going, please say you don't know or you never heard back. thank you. This has NOTHING to do with the content but the fact that he LIED. He lied. He said he didn't communicate with her. He said he doesn't at all unless necessary. He said he wasn't going to respond about the party in any way. I want to call her and say why do you keep insisting on being friends with my husband? But I know it's HE who answers to me, NOT her. I want to yell at him right now...instead I'm sitting here steaming and I am going into shut down mode. What do I do? This was my post from before... ORIGINAL POST: I've posted about my situation in the past. Short story--I didnt like DH's female friend at work, nothing inappropriate ever but I didnt like how it was only real friend because he's not social anyways and I'd rather him have more friends...plus he spent more time looking at her FB page which I didnt like (this happened right after we had our first kid). Then he said he wasnt friwnsly at all anymore with her. Then we went to a kids party and I saw her being social with him and realized he never told me that he was social again with her at work, like not super friendly but I wanted it to be only work related only. After workjng through a counselor, communication stuff/books everything has been a lot better. Fast forward to today, we recently had our 2nd baby and in the mail is an invitation to her kids' birthday party. WHY would we get an invite??? I've seen her at other parties and we dont talk anymore (we used to be friendly with each other when husband was friends). Husband wasnt at the kids parties so i dont know he would react-- i guess/hope not talk to her but now i dont know. We just got the invite and immediately im upset--why invite us? My husband says he's surprised and has no idea why she would. He said he only talks to her at work if necessary. I said she would get the message ur not friends if you made that clear--obviously u didnt. Its like bringing up old wounds again, making me upset. This ruined the first time at home with our first baby and I feel that pain again. What do I do? I dont want to talk to him, i feel like this is going to put me over the edge with baby blues. I am not going to tell him this but I want him to call her in front of me, say we cant go and ask why she invited us. Or make it clear to her they are not friends. Im upset | |||
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Desperate for some honest advice
| Ok, hello everyone, there is so much i need to say i don't know where to start. I have been in a relationship for 13 years now with a beautiful woman, we have a 10 month old baby who i love to bits, were engaged with no immediate plans to get married. i feel she doesn't feel the same as me anymore, i make sure i compliment her almost every day, i am still as attracted to her as i was the day we met all those years ago, the big problem is the sex life, she is rarely "in the mood" for it, i try everything to get her "in the mood" from hot candle lit baths, to foot rubs, to telling her how beautiful i think she looks and how much i love her etc... When we do have sex i am expected to just go like a rabbit and for her its over in minutes and that's it, all i want to do is please her, she wont let me go down on her (which i am craving to do!) its just missionary for roughly 5 or so minutes then end of! how can i get her to be a bit more experimental? Im lucky if i get sex once a week, and i know its not much but till take that because when we do have sex i feel closer to her, i feel like a love sick teenager. Because of the lack of sex i use porn regularly to almost fill the void, and at least watch people having experimental sex (by experimental i mean more than one position) And before people start thinking, i would much rather have sex with my woman than watch porn anyway, no question and she would rather me watch porn than ask her for sex. anyway there's so much more to say but i don't want to bore you. I would be so grateful for some good advice on my situation, all i want is a healthy and satisfying sex life with the woman i love but i cant seem to get through to her, i've tried and tried to speak to her about it but she wont even entertain it. Thanks people, big love x | |||
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I know how to be awkward
| I have a problem, I can't seem to talk to girls, I don't know why but I find it really hard, maybe It's because I don't have any friends who are girls but how do I make girl mates if I can't talk to them! It's the second year of college (year 13/17 years old) and I think I've missed the opportunity to approach people and befriend them in college. Another reason which partly contributes to my "girl-phobia" is that I'm not really outgoing, I don't have a social life mainly because my parents (pretty strict) don't let me out of the house, and if I do go with friends etc... then I can expect numerous phone calls from family and that's only if I'm out of the house for 2-3 hours. So you can see that my parent would never consider me staying out till late night (11pm/12am). Putting that aside I did manage to go abroad a week ago for 2 weeks. 1 week to Morocco, and the other to Magaluf. Now you're thinking how an earth did I manage to do that, well I stretched the truth and told my parents that I'm volunteering for 2 weeks in Morocco (whereas it was only 1 week!) Now don't think that I can convince my parents to allow me to stay out late (unless it's for something to help me in my academic studies). I struggle to confront my dad on issues and telling things to my mom will still require a go ahead from dad! Now that you understand part of my history (I think) I'll go on to explain my current situation... At the start of last year I started to like this girl in my maths and well I thought that she liked me back to, not because we used to talk a lot or anything but because she came and sat next to me in one of the lessons and well me with my girl-phobia could hardly get a word out so next lesson she moved back. For you that might not be anything but I thought I had a chance from there on. So fast forward a few months and I was at a maths workshop that girl was also there with a large group of friends and she wanted help with her decision maths she was asking and asking, maybe because she saw me doing a decision maths paper, later on she started another conversation with me again I kept it minimal as my nerves kicked in! (Is it me or do I sound like I want to believe she likes me?) Now in the 6 weeks holiday I went to Morocco and Magalluf. In Magalluf I told my friends about my "girl-phobia" issue and this girl and well one of my friend knew her from secondary school. So while I was in the shower they told her on Facebook that I like her and that I'm a shy guy etc... She called me sweet and said that both of us hardly know each other, the conversation ended by my friend saying "enjoy year 13 with *insert my name here*" I was pissed off but I thought hey at least now she knows I exist. So now about 3 days ago it was my first maths lesson and I tried to avoid all contact with this girl because well I felt awkward. so at the end of the college day my friends asked if I talked to her and they were a bit frustrated when I said I avoided her! Later on in the day I received a phone call from my friends and they're mocking me for not being able to talk to girls and how I avoided this girl in maths. Lets say this kind of got me pumped up and I tried to ask her out on Facebook, but later on I realised why would a guy who hardly know a girl ask her out and that too on Facebook. Here's the conversation... Now the last comment by me (in blue) was done to make it look like my account was hacked (which obviously failed epically). I told my friend I asked her out and she said no, so he suggested that I make it look like my account was hacked however that didn't work, so to redeem myself I made it look like one of my friends posted that message. Now if you've read this far thank you. I was thinking that once the weekend is over I should try and start a conversation with this girl and apologise for how I tried to ask her out, I don't know if that's a good move and it'll be helpful if you guys could suggest what I do next. Thanks! | |||
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No luck with boys?
| I'm a 15 year old girl and many people have said I actually look about 11 to 13. I'm short as well (5'0) and it's making it hard for me to get a boyfriend. I'm nearly 16 and it's frustrating. I feel so insecure and shy around boys and my voice starts shaking. Can anyone help? Thanks in advance :) | |||
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My boyfriend hanging with his best mate's girlfriend - girls & guys need your advice
| Guys, How would you feel, if your girlfriend text your best mate (who had just moved to the area and didn't know anyone), whilst you were away, and asked to chill out/go the pub with her? My boyfriend has recently moved to Bristol, where his best mate of ten years lives, and doesn't have any other friend aside from him. He spends a lot of time with his best mate and his girlfriend (who live together), which is cool, it cant be helped if she's there. So my boyfriend moved into this houseshare 6 days ago, doesnt know anyone yet, but prob because he's spent nearly every night at his best mates flat. My boyfriend's best mate went away for the weekend with his uni mates, and my boyfriend couldn't go for financial reasons as it was too last minute. So my boyfriend is sitting on his own in this new house, and his best mate's girlfriend text's and asks if he is in town. She said would he like to go around to hers (his best mate's) and chill out/go the pub. They have only spent time together when his best mate is around, because she obv lives there, socializes with them. How would you feel if your best mate went around to your girlfriends to chill out whilst you were away? Bare in mind you dont get on brilliantly with her, you just accept her because she's your best mate's girlfriend. I found this out tonight, that my boyfriend was cycling to hers and I don't know whether I over reacted or not, because this is the first time they have hung out on their own of a night, and he is staying over. I wonder if his best mate knows? Is she hot? No, she isn't (dont mean to be nasty), I wouldn;t even say pretty, but obv he didnt want to stay in this new houseshare of his and try and get to know his housemates better, he'd rather cycle 3 miles to hang out with her. My boyfriend is very good looking guy, works out, a charmer, so its easy for any girl to be attracted to him. I've met her a couple of times, she's alright like, nice enough, not rude or anything, but just feels a bit weird if you know what i mean..... Girls, do you think that's weird? We've just gone long distance (been together 3 years), hes had to move away to do this access course for ten months then coming back nxt July. | |||
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How to have confidence around really hot girls?
| Was out today with 2 friends and we went to McDonalds to meet 3 of my friend's friends who were all girls. There were 3 of them and they were really hot, but I didn't know any of them. Everyone was talking happily and getting along fine but I was awkwardly sat there in silence, unable to say anything. I'm normally fairly chatty (especially if it's just one person) but I hated how we were in a group and the girls were really hot - I just like froze and felt anything I would say would sound stupid. Please help :S | |||
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Question for the men..
| I'm together with my darling for 2.5 years now, married for 9 months. I have many different questions for you: 1) He's studying half-day and has some architecture jobs also (which he can do at home with the iMac). I am at home.. looking for a job. (I'm an event manager.) Basically we moved to my hometown, because the school he goes to is great here (it's an 8 months course program), but sadly in this town is NO work for me. :( I keep trying to find something. I'm cleaning and cooking for him, keeping the apartment nice and I do creative stuffs, we do sport together etc. … but could it be, that I am getting boring for him, 'cause I got no job? 2) In the bedroom we do the same all the time. What we do is nice but to be honest it doesn't get me off. We switch between missionary, doggy and spooning and he gets lots of and pretty good bp's. :) But i.e. he never goes down on me or so. :( He also says he is happy with what we do. But I am getting bored of it. Why isn't he interested in doing/trying more and in going down on me/fully pleasing me too? 3) I am always the one who has to plan activities and take care of all organizational stuff, no matter if it is what groceries we need to buy or when to buy a new book for his school. Is he really just too lazy for all that? I spoiled him too much with doing all for him? He is a great man and he loves me. I love him, too. But sometimes I just feel annoyed.. I wish for more attention, more caring about me. I wish that he takes care of the little things. It's not really his character, I know now.. but is it really so hard to show your love, every day a little? | |||
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is it all about his needs?
| It seems many of the posts here are about men and their needs. It is frustrating as a woman to think that I'm only in a marriage for my husband's needs. Good thing my husband is patient and understands or else we would be divorced, I guess. I understand being worn out and stressed. I am working in a chaotic environment with very high expectations. We are short staffed, thus, I work late a lot and have to go in early a lot. I sometimes have to work at night at home, too. Until we hire several more people, things will be like that. My blood pressure is up, and I'm just so tired from work. My boss knows we are all worn out at work and so is she. However, we have to deliver or risk our jobs As a result, our sex life has decreased. I think of myself as HD, but right now, I'm trying to make it through the day and get enough sleep to go do it again. To make matters worse, my husband and I have opposite schedules. So our time together is limited. Before anyone says get a different job or cut back, I make a much larger salary, in the low 6 figure range. My husband now makes less than before, so I had to step up and pick up the slack. I've done so, but it has its costs. Another note, I travel some for work, so that gives us less tome. I realize some will criticize me. But how can I manage until I get some relief at work? Posted via Mobile Device | |||
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Silent treatment
| My story in a nutshell: Been married for 4 years and have a 3 year old child. I've been receiving the silent treatment from my H on and off since we've been together (we didnt live together until we married so it was easier to handle then as I didnt have to see him everyday) but it got worse after we got married. For the stupidest little thing, he would close off and not engage with me for days. The longest period of silence was last year, it lasted 6 weeks and I thought I would die... There was no word from him at all, no hello, no how are you, no nothing! He even left our room and slept on the couch for 6 weeks for something that I dont even remember. Now we're on it again and going on ou 3rd week. I'm sad to say that I'm used to it and that I handle it differently than I used to. In the beginning I used to cry and beg for him to tell me what I did wrong, apologize for something I might have done or said to upset him and his answer would be :"if you think hard, you'll understand what you did wrong". Then when he decides that he's ok, he'll start talking to me again as if nothing ever happened; if I tried to talk about the issue, the cycle would start and I would get blamed for causing trouble again... I can never talk about things that upset me, I cannot share my pains with him, I am afraid of saying things the wrong way and be "punished" again so I keep everything to myself and have very little conversations with him... even on good subjects, if my opinion is different than his, it becomes a problem. I have no affection from him, not even when we're not on silent treatment... I feel like I dont exist, like he doesnt need me in his life... Now on week 3 of a long series of silence, I live diffrently... I act as if I dont care. I do my own things, I limit my talks or questions to him, because I know that he will answer cruely and I'll react negatively, which will make it worse. So I try to look happy and take care of our son in normal way... but I'm tired of this, I'm in pain and I don't know what to do to make him see his wrong. Does he even care? I'm thinking of leaving (I thought of it on the last one but stayed and hoped that things would change) but I'm thinking of my child and am scared. Please help me | |||
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