Some Things Are Worse on Kids Than Divorce

Hello all, Since I last posted, my STBX and I have had our first court hearing. We're going to try one more session of mediation, with lawyers present this time, to try to work out the final details. Meanwhile, we took our son to see a developmental pediatrician. Our son has been exhibiting some maladaptive symptoms; my STBX, being a former school teacher, was quick to suspect autism or Asperger's. I suspect it's something much worse. We talked with the doctor for a while. Our son sat there the whole time pretending his name was "Johnny," which is the name of a firefighter on a favorite DVD of his. He sat there the entire time and carried on a conversation with the doctor, answering questions appropriately, looking the doctor in the eye. Doing everything a normal, not-autistic child would do. But he did it IN CHARACTER. No matter how many times the doctor asked him his name, he kept saying it was "Johnny." (Johnny is not really his name, BTW...) I've seen him to this role-playing thing for HOURS. He can recite almost every line of a TV show or movie he's interested in. But sometimes, he'll branch out and start making up new plots. He'll think through cause-and-effect, and be able to predict outcomes. His thinking will be SO incredibly clear, and yet he's doing it all in an alternate identity. The doctor excused herself to go make some phone calls. Under the pretense of needing to pee, I walked out into the hallway. The doctor was standing there, looking very pensive, and deep in thought. When she saw me come out, she pulled me aside and said, "OK...tell me what's really going on in your divorce?" Oh my...how do you summarize 18 years of bat-**** behavior? I gave this brief summary: "After a year of counseling, she refused to return. The counselor suspects it might be a personality disorder. She's lucid and appropriate today, but our son has been in the room for some VERY bizarre and paranoid arguments. I've been falsely reported to CPS..." The doctor interrupted me to say, "When I heard that your in-laws are living full time in an RV, I was concerned. Your STBX also seems enmeshed in the church to an unhealthy level. And I'm VERY uncomfortable with the thought of her home-schooling him and being his only source of socialization..." I interrupted, because I knew the STBX would get suspicious if I didn't return soon. I said, "My gut tells me that my son has absorbed the FEELINGS of our dysfunction even if he can't find the WORDS to describe how he's feeling. I'm afraid he's dissociating because his pretend world is safer than his real world." The doctor got a relieved look on her face, grabbed my arm, and said, "That's exactly the right word! I'm glad you see it! He's dissociating and withdrawing from reality." Holy crap. A doctor who only spent sixty minutes with us saw the issue right away. Holy crap. This is much deeper than my own pain and suffering. This is impacting my son. The doctor is going to try to get an expedited meeting with a psychologist soon. She's also hoping to get a child psychiatrist to see him. Not sure where things are going to go from here. I'm very concerned about my son. And feeling very confident that leaving that mess was the only option I had. Wasn't looking for any validation today (I'm trying to recover from being codependent!). But holy crap.....

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