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Isn't three years long enough?

I am new to this site and have been reluctant to post, I'm embarrassed of my situation. But after reading through the advice that is given on other posts I feel it is worth giving it a try.

My wife is suffering from a mental illness, as a result our relationship is nearly non-existent. The past three years have been increasingly difficult, we do not share any emotional connection and have not had any sexual contact with each other for three years.

My patience is gone and I feel that if I do not share some form of intimacy with someone soon I will be doing significant harm to my ability to ever have that kind of a relationship again. My self esteem and confidence has been harmed and I don't know how to even go about this.

For reasons I'm not comfortable sharing, leaving is not an option at this time. I feel guilty and at times think my future actions may be selfish, but three years has been so long and I cant imagine going another year like this.

Any advice, especially from someone in a similar situation, would be greatly appreciated.

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A Sincere Thank You

Hello Tam,

Clearly this is my first post, and in all honesty I have no idea what the result of the post will be with the exception of a sincere thank you to all of you folks who take the time out of your lives to address the heartfelt concerns of newcomers.

I am not sure if I am ready to tell my story at this point, although Im sure some of it will be detailed in general terms below. While I am fairly social and well adjusted, I guess I am a private person with respect to "family issues".

Other than my sincere thanks which I have felt compelled to say this week surely there is some therapy in writing these words.

Us:

BS (Me) 42
WW or maybe WAW (44)
DS 11
DD 14
Married 13 years together for 15 years.

We met when we were about 27 and in my mind experienced enough, we had both had time to play the field etc. She had me at hello, and I her. What followed was of course bliss. The typical euphoria of falling in love etc.

Anyways we ave had issues over time like any couple I suppose. Nothing over the top or so I assumed. There was a particular issue which I will address
later.

So in the spring which followed a very tough winter work wise for both of us. We both have demanding careers, in addition to the brutal winters we have here North of 49. We were just finishing a major renovation of our home which of course was addition stress. The point being I began to notice a change in my wife. Working more at night (at home in her office), more distant, cell phone locked, etc, etc. I could sense the change but with both of us wrapped up in our work **** I didn't really pay any attention to it. As time went on though I could sense something was wrong, wrong enough to compel me to start reading, which thankfully brought me here. I read and I read.

I can say that I would come to the infidelity forum and read the accounts of people and the responses of the regulars, the end outcome and I empathized. After you so many of them you see the script, the denials of the BS, the realization of the BS, so,so heartbreaking. I had to stop reading as I would often find myself in tears for these strangers. It was just so heartbreaking to see. There was always the "not my spouse" , but it always was.

Imagine my horror when I started to take some of this advice with respect to cell phone bills, credit cards, etc. To see that my very own marriage was running on the exact script was devastating beyond words. On more than one occasion I approached my wife with questions about the texting, the charges etc, and of course I got gas lighted in the extreme. As you all know when you are in it you want to believe this but it is so contrary to what your gut and logic are telling you. I can say I thought I was going crazy. I lost 30 lbs, sleeping 3 hours a night, etc. A very painful realization after the fact is to know that your spouse can see you disintegrating before your eyes but continues to deny. This is one aspect I will never be able to reconcile in my mind. To be clear I had approached her numerous times during this period in a calm and rational way to say...if you are unhappy, and are having a affair lets talk about it. I pleaded with her to talk about it, and not drag me an y further into this. Denials at every turn, gas-lighting all the way.

I recognize this post will be disjointed, like I said I am not sure I can do all the details yet. The affair started in April, my real suspicion started in July and was confirmed in the most exquisitely painful way August 14th. I will get to all that perhaps later.

I have learned so much here, not just about affairs, but about people, how one creates a marriage situation where this
may seem like a option for a spouse tec. I have truly ve at come full circle with it all, with having no one to talk to. This in thanks to you all.

To give some perspective of what I own. That is, my responsibility in creating emotional detachment over the years from the women who I adored. I am extremely successful in my career. I manage large projects, which entails, people, schedules, and of course capital. People would tell you that I am a problem solver at a high level. I am a people person. The corporation considers me the relationship builder. Not only clients and partners, but the young people we are charged to mentor and foster. The irony here is this same patience, understanding, I was never able able to translate to our children. From their young age I was none of these things. I was quite detached. No abuse or anything, I love my kids. But I was detached in way.

This went on for years and of course this was very painful for my wife, who approached me on several occasions over the years to tell me how much this hurt her. It hurt not only her but of course how over time she intimated how I would struggle with the kids. Here is the thing, I was not ignorant to it. Indeed, I was painfully aware of it, would acknowledge it, set my mind to do better, but never could. I was never able to reconcile how I could be so good with people and relationships away from home, but not able to apply this where it matter the most, which was the kids. To be clear, I never had this issue with my wife, she would tell you that I treated her like a queen. But like all mothers, watching this interaction with the kids had its toll.

As time went on with my acknowledgment of the issue and seeing in my kids, and certainly the displeasure from my wife I began to withdrawal from family activities. My rationale being if I did not participate there would be no disputes, and as a resut everyone would be happier. So, so wrong. O course this just amplified my wife's detachment, I see all this know thanks to all you folks.

For the record, I did go to IC in the spring to mange my issue. The good news is in about 3 sessions she was le to see what the issue was and things have been complete 180 with the kids. They would tell you that, and its been great. My wife would tell you the same thing,unfortunately too late, and damage done as far as detachment from wife.

Anyways, I realize that is disjointed, and not the full story, but like I said, my goal for the first post was just to thank you all for being here. Its been the most painful last 2 months of my life. You all have been beyond helpful in getting me to where I am now. Do I still hurt? You bet, its very painful, but I understand so much more thanks to all of you.

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I need your help

I was originally going to PM a couple of members but would like a wider range of replies.

Background: We have been together 4 plus yrs.
Both from past marriages of around 20 yrs.
Mine was passionless.
He was married to a woman clinically diagnosed with several/serious mental health issues.

We have built a great life together, we just fit, sex life is excellent.
We are a blended family with 5 teens and doing pretty well with it all. They all live part time with their other bio parents, my relationship with my ex is amicable and very flexible when it comes to the kids.
His relationship with his ex is strained and when it comes to his kids and seeing them it is at her mercy as to what happens.

So the issue: there is one thing that keeps coming up and it is really causing a big problem, our lives are busy, complicated and no where near routine with so many kids/work/ other commitments.
I am all good with this, I don't like routine but what I do need is to know what is going on for the next few days, I like to be kept in the loop and told what is happening with time with his kids/our time together.
His ex is a complete PITA and changes are often made with him having his kids, that is their problem but it impacts on me when he doesn't keep me up to date.

I feel it is disrespectful to not be informed of what is happening, this is my life too.
All he has to do is send me a quick txt when he finds out if the schedule has changed (she usually calls him last minute at work). I cannot get him to understand my deep need (maybe irrational?) to be kept in the loop.

Regardless of if my need is rational or not the thing that really pisses me off is that all he has to do is take 30 seconds to send a txt to let me know what is going on. I feel that I am not important enough or that he completely dismisses this need I have because it is not important to him.

In the big scheme of life this probably sounds silly to some but honestly I am getting mighty pissed about it. I need to be kept in the loop, it feels like he cannot be bothered to do that, in turn I feel disrespected.

Anyone got anything for me?

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stay or go? PLEASE advise!

Married 23 yrs, 2 teenage girls, in later 40s. Wife and I do nothing together, and it's been this way for quite some time. Unless it's a school function, we don't go... And we miss some of those. She never wants to do anything, have not seen a movie in years, can only remember going to dinner with friends once in the last 5 yrs. No sex in at least 2, in separate bedrooms for 6 months.

She has it pretty good, homemaker, but does nothing with free time. Organizes kids homework / school stuff, but does nothing with friends, no gym, typical day includes nap, wine at the end while watching QVC.

Saw counsellors in 2010, and I've seen a couple of therapist / psychiatrists about her likely depression /OCD. ( mom definitely has these... She is living "learned behavior".

Been wanting to get divorced for a while, have seen attorney and am verse versed in all aspects (I have reviewed or such a long time). Believe I am there, but it's tough to leave the girls and, well, little scary.

Input appreciated.

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My story (orgasmless marriage)

The title is just the tip of an iceberg, but it tells a lot imo.

I got married at 18 to my ex, who was 25yo at that time. We met in Internet, had LD relationship and no intercourse before marriage (religious reasons). I didn't find him attractive at first but he was funny and (supposedly) mature. I actually tried to break up with him once or twice but he was always so disappointed I just kept going and got used to him.

We dated about a year before marrying. Around 6mo into our relationship he insisted that I (17 at the time) satisfy him orally and with HJs or else he will break up with me. Due to religion this was forbidden and a sin, idk why I was so weak but I played along in fear of losing him and being faced with the fact that he had made me do that stuff to him.

Years go by, kids are born, I try and speak to him about my wants around once or twice a month. I can orgasm easily by myself. He promises to try more but that doesn't last. He doesn't like going down on me or using his hands, it takes too long he says. We still have a regular intercourse twice-thrice a week. Then I discover the joys of flirting online to strange men, have a few crushes (nothing physical but it's still cheating I know). One is special, saying that he is not enabling me to stay in my that obviously is lousy by being available. That gives me courage to start to think about things. I try to talk with my husband, he still doesn't care (also is not much of a provider or a father, yelling at kids, and not keeping any discipline, calling me names and being all around a negative person).

I separated, moved away with my kids and honestly don't even miss him at all (it's been around 4mo).

I know my faults. I know a big chunk of this rests on my shoulders too, I'm not denying that. I thought about counseling but there are some issues that can't be resolved even in counseling. The other person has to want to change, and even then at some point it just is too late. I should've never married him. It feels like that lame saying "we grew apart". I grew tired of his negativity, when I matured, he didn't. I like to think I loved him at least on some level. Maybe I feel guilty about putting up with him this long (over 10 years) when I didn't have strong feelings for him. Now he is very bitter and resentful, blaming me for everything (he is not even capable of taking kids to him all at once or nights (3 kids, ages 1-9). He has asked two times is this my final decision but in a very hostile way, I have replied that it is. I haven't seen any warmth in his behavior, just selfishness. But, I take all this as a lesson learned about life. And I have my wonderful kids <3.
< br> Idk what I wanted to achieve by writing all this, maybe experiences about people who have been in a similar situation?

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(( lottey ))+919772193202 Girl vashikaran sPecialiSt in Damoh
(( lottey ))+919772193202 Girl vashikaran sPecialiSt in Damoh
(( lottey ))+919772193202 Girl vashikaran sPecialiSt in Damoh
(( lottey ))+919772193202 Girl vashikaran sPecialiSt in Damoh
(( lottey ))+919772193202 Girl vashikaran sPecialiSt in Damoh

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