| Hi everybody, This is my story and really just saying a huge thank you to all of you who have shared yours and you amazing people who have spent their time to help others cope with infidelity, in my case those who are coping with a walk away wife, exit affair or someone with GIGS. Reading these message boards in particular along with others have really helped guide me to overcome my heartbreak and acknowledge/accept the inevitability that my wife isn't coming back. To understand why it happens and realise it is not our fault, unless of course you have been abusive in any way towards your spouse. Every story I have read about the betrayal of a spouse and the end of a marriage is a variation of what happened in my life and I have used them as a template to healing through others lives. I hope that makes sense. First I will point out the facts why it isn't your fault: • Unfortunately like me you chose someone who is easily deceived and tempted by lust and shallow endeavours • Your spouse does not know what true love is. In the beginning love may seem like a feeling but feelings change and in the end love is a choice, not an emotion • You are a great person and truly don't deserve to be hurt this way • People in this world are broken. Moral and ethical standards are slipping and if we don't proactively fight against it, we will increase the generational cyclical nature of the beast of the point of the detriment of our society • Your partner is selfish, possibly narcissistic or has BPD Other things to note: • Women in particular receive a lot of sleazy attention from dishonourable men; older married men, men who have no morality, selfish men • We don't communicate effectively with our spouse. This is no excuse to have an affair though or "shop around" • We deserve better • Once your partner has decided to check out of your marriage, it may be a time before you realise and from this point their heart is hardened so much there is no chance of reconciliation and they won't come back to you, particularly if they have selfishly given their heart to another. I have scoured every message board for an exception to this "rule" in hope that I might have a chance with my wife, but have yet to come across one • Your partner's affair or exit affair has an extremely slim chance of surviving once your marriage is over. What they will do for you they will do to you If your betrayal is fresh it doesn't matter what anyone says it does take time to accept the truth and this is all part of the healing process My story in a nutshell: My wife and I had been together for 5 ½ years, married for 2 of those. We are both from a Christian family background, both from broken families (particularly my Dad had an affair; it didn't last after my parents divorced). I wanted to stop that chain of hurt and I thought both her and I knew enough of how the world works etc that she would too….obviously not. We got on great and I can safely say from my side I loved her and still do, although I can feel my love for her is diminishing every day. In hindsight she is a troubled person, I knew it all along but I didn't know to this extent. I was always there for her and somewhat regrettably after she's treated me like trash probably will be if she was ever in a bad way, which is how she was when I met her. So it was January 21st and she said she wanted to get a divorce, initially I wasn't happy in our marriage too and I agreed (the mind only remembers the most recent feelings). The reasons I wasn't happy have to do with her subtle comments and digs at me and her making no effort in our relationship over the last while, in hindsight she was deliberately creating distance because of someone else she was attaching herself to. I went to the spare bedroom for a few days and thought how silly this is and talked to her about counselling and sorting it out and so on, that it's just silly to throw us away like that without trying to sort it out. She said it's useless and there's no hope. At this stage I still didn't suspect anything until she began staying out late for the next week and at one stage txt me to say she's staying the night at a friend's place. So of course I drive over to the friend's house late at night, her cars not there. I said to myself I will talk to her about it tomorrow and give her an opportunity to tell me about what happened without letting on that I checked on her, if she doesn't come clean then I will get a GPS on her car. She didn't come clean and that's what I did. I tracked her to her hairdressers (male hairdresser, recently separated from his wife, 2 small kids) house and to his salon. Then even when I confronted her she said they were just friends etc. And a lot of other lies on top of lies. She was moving to a fictitious house with a group of girls etc. I believed her with every new lie I think because my brain wouldn't accept the truth. The most I've ever been angry I can't call her names but I said "satan is behind those eyes". I really wanted the lies to be true so that I could regroup and fight for my wife, still not 100% knowing she was in a relationship with this dirt bag. She moved out straight into his rented unit, I had to find this out for myself because again I wanted her lies to be true so I knew I had a chance. Even when I knew where she was I still fooled myself I had a chance to turn this around and win her back. It's taken almost 6 months of fighting my hopes to accept it's over. The grief stages are cyclical and even though you know you are in an up time you are heading for a down time there's nothing you can do about it. I feel like I'm finally out of it but I can't say for sure. All I can say is that you don't get closure from them, you have to find that yourself. My wife has shut me off completely and this whole time has ignored my few messages. I can see as well as everyone else that they won't last. She quit her job to work at his salon soon after our separation, his salon was not doing well and it closed down a few weeks ago. She has created a new hair salon company on paper at least as 100% shareholder (it only takes $150 to file the application), she has no money for this nonsense and has a fair bit of debt so I don't know how she's going to pull it off. Since he's already failed I almost feel bad that she will fail. From what I know of this douche bag he is a talker (quite a few OM probably are) and is most likely getting her into some serious financial trouble. Taking no responsibility in the setup of the company, either because he is bankrupt, or he is avoiding having to pay child support. Meanwhile I have put things in place in my life to improve, a version of the 180. My future has never been brighter and hers is……well, we'll see. A great person is out there for you, someone who will know how to love you and cherish you. Take care and thanks again, Nick | |||
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When you have had enough let it out. A forum style blog about relationship issues and concerns,join in and have your say.
Thank you all
Husband went to meet his 15 yr old son for the 1st time
| Since receiving the court summons, my husband has been wondering about this child. The mother has yet to reach out to us, so I suggested he go meet him himself. Being that I used to be friends with the mother, I suggested we go to her grandmother's house. Guess who lives with his great-grandmother, the child. Come to find out, the mother doesn't even have a relationship with her son. Even when she moved to another city,she had left him here. After introducing ourselves (of course her grandmother already knew me because she practically helped raise me), the son was really open with us. My husband explained to him the situation from his side. After talking with him, we find out he had been told my husband was his father when he was around 11 or 12 & was told my husband didn't want to have anything to do with him. He was told he has a wife & kids & they we wanted nothing to do with him. We explained that wasn't the truth. To make a long story short we ended up telling our kids today also. They wanted to meet him. We let the kids meet. My son was excited, my daughter on the other hand, not so happy about this whole situation. I think this was all too much for her. I'm still not sure how I feel. But I know my husband & my son were happy, I also think my husband's son was too. It's just us girls feeling some kind of way | |||
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What is a "normal marriage?"
| I know we all feel very unique in our feelings, especially when they are troubling feelings. However, I am curious if I really am feeling a unique (not normal) desperation and sadness within my marriage. I have been married for almost 4 years. No kids. Living together for over 8 years. When we met, he opened my mind, we chatted til late hours, we did fun things together. It seems like its been, well--4 years since we have really had FUN together. It all seems like work. It all revolves around arguments and resentment. ************************************************* I have been thinking of divorce for almost a year now. The main thing holding me back is that I am afraid this is as good as it gets. So QUESTION: Is this as good as it gets? Is there hope for a marriage to remain fun, inspiring, respectful and interesting? Did I just find a bad match? How many people have an honestly engaging, fun and enjoyable, steamy and romantic marriage after 10, 15, 20, 30 years? Is this possible? ************************************************* (WARNING: Rant ahead. Sorry...need to get it off my chest.) I can't tell you how many times I have just pleaded with him that, "I just want to have fun with you!" And it never happens. We just argue and go about our days eating, watching TV and fighting. In fact, dining out and shopping are really the only things he will do with me. Even then, he always finds a way to belittle me or make the entire experience sour for me. I have the most fun while I am with friends. And then, he always tries to turn it around on me, "Oh, you just go off and have fun without me. You are always having fun without me. I never get to do anything fun." It's like he is trying to guilt me into having a good time. *I travel a lot for my work and have colleague friends who I meet up with once or twice a year. The things he used to say he liked doing while we were dating are no longer true. I am not sure if he used the bait and switch or what? Maybe I did not even realize it until we are now in the thick of it. He never goes out with me to do things I enjoy with my friends that he, at one point, said he enjoyed. He has even changed his stance on lifestyle choices. Before we were married, he detested fast food for the most part. Now, that is just about all he will eat. He complains about everything I cook and sometimes refuses to eat what I make. Pretty much the only thing he will eat is fast food, pizza (with HIS choice of toppings), tacos and steak. He even taught me to cook many delicious ethnic foods when we were dating. He no longer will eat those things. I have had a couple milestone events in my life since we have been married and he has not congratulated me in the least. He acts as if it is a chore to attend my special events or anything else that honors my professional accomplishments. I feel a deep pain in my stomach when I see couples smile and laugh, embracing in joyous hugs at these events as they support one another. I do not have that. We don't laugh together anymore. At all. We do not smile at one another. Ever. When I look at him longingly, he asks me what is wrong and why am I staring at him. I am not attracted to him in the least anymore. His hygiene has gone to the wayside in the last couple years. I have talked to him about this when he argues with me about intimacy...telling him that I cannot be attracted to him while his poor grooming habits remain inferior. When he does take care of himself, he expects me to jump on him but he never seduces me and then resents me for it. As of this moment, it is Saturday night and he has not showered since at least Tuesday. I left the country a couple weeks ago for the first time, by myself, for work. He tried to make me feel spoiled about the whole thing, saying it was nothing but a vacation for me (yes, I DID do fun things and stay out of the country for a week to sightsee and make the trip worth my time/money) and how it was unfair and how I was costing him work for him to drop me off and pick me up from the airport. When he picked me up, he was more than an hour late (after my international flight) and then I watched him drive right passed me. He did not even see me. When he finally came back around a second time, he just yelled at me and told me about how there was traffic. Was I wrong to think he would have been there, waiting for my arrival with a warm and longing embrace? I thought he would have wanted to greet me as soon as I came home.......or maybe I am spoiled? There is no romance. There is no laughter. There is no respect. I have tried talking to him about it but he just gets angry and defensive. I asked him to go to counseling with me and he refuses because he thinks it is a waste of money. I feel like that is him saying our marriage is not worth it. I am sorry this is so long, but I am curious......is this how marriage turns out? How many of you still feel a fire inside for one another after several or more years? How many of you have an honest to goodness great time with one another? Is there laughter and fun in your marriages? | |||
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Obama says
| "Scientists must design new fuels and energy sources to curb carbon pollution". Carbon(C) is an element. That is an atom which exists independently and cannot be created or destroyed. I am no scientist but that is my understanding. Correct me if I am wrong. So how can an element on its own be a pollutant? Unless it combines with oxygen,c02 but that eventually breaks down I think some of the global warming alarmists are crying that the sky is falling, are behind this. 30 years ago there was a consensus among the worlds scientists that the earth was in dire danger of global cooling. Climate change is a fact, as archaeology proves over 1000s of years.However man-made "global-warming " is not. More and more scientists are coming to this conclusion but that is not the "political correct view" | |||
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I see a break up in my future
| No. Seriously like soon. We made 3 months yesterday but the third month of our relationship was shit. We barely talked to or saw each other. I don't know why this is happening, not sure if any of it was on my part cause we never fight or argue. Should I talk to her about this? Because this has been going on and bothering me for 3 weeks. I feel like ill be very upset if we break up cause I really like this girl. What's your opinions on this? | |||
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Not sure what to do...Divorce? Suicide?
| I am so confused. I guess I am reaching out for some help here. I have reached a point in my marriage where I just don't know how to continue. She just doesn't get me. I wonder if I wasn't around how that would be. I know she'd be devastated. But I honestly could give a ****. I know my mom, brother, and sisters would be very hurt. My cat, who loves me, would wonder where I have gone and when I will be back not knowing that I won't be back. People can understand that I have died and passed over, but my cat will not. That pains me the most. If I get a divorce, since he legally belongs to my wife, I fear I wouldn't be able to take my cat with me and he would still wonder where I had gone and why I abandoned him. I hate myself. I hate my life. Right now. It would be easy to just get this **** over with. But those I love will be hurt and will not understand. I am in so much pain. This woman has confused the **** out of me and I just don't know what els e I can do to make her understand me. I am a very reasonable, or have been anyway, person. I deal with my problems logically and in a calculated manner. But my wife defies all logic. What should i do? | |||
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Close to the END of my rope...
| I have been in a relationship for about 8 years. We are now married. But I am at the end of my rope with our relationship as we have so many issues. One of the problems is that she says sex is not important to her, that she could take it or leave it. And it shows. We have sex once a week or every two weeks. Mostly about every two weeks, sometimes once in a month. Some may say that is enough, but not enough for me. She even committed the cardinal sin of telling one of my friend's wife that she does not like having sex with me, if you can believe that, so uncool. Of course, my friend's wife told me and then went on to hit on me which I thought was kinda funny. Although she is HOT, but she is my friend's wife and that would not be cool. Plus the fact that I am also married. She also tells her friends things when we argue, as if she needs to report to everyone our details. That just pisses me off to no end, especially when I think of her telling one friend she does not like having sex with me. I have to tell you, that is a tough one to overcome, I am struggling with that. Who wants to have sex with someone who is not also enjoying it? I am in my late 40's, not a bad looking guy and girls in their 20's and early 30's are attracted to me if you can believe that. I try and stay in good shape and am not perfect as I have gained about 10 pounds if that over the years. But not more than that. My hair has gotten salt and pepper and for the longest time she kept telling me to put color in it because I looked old so I would put a little of that stuff that takes away some of the grey, but still leaves some of it on. We have 3 daughters in the 3-7 year range. Here is the deal, when we met our sex was awesome. All the time. She loved giving and receiving oral sex. Now she considers sex a chore and get's extremely irritable when I talk about it and want to initiate it, as if she is disgusted with me. She is in her late 30s, I am close to 50. In regards to oral sex, which I LOVE LOVE LOVE, she will NOT allow it or allow me to even come close to that area unless it is with my manhood and occasional hand stroking of her. Other then that, I can forget it as far as she is concerned. We had some financial issues for a while in which we struggled, but we made it through and within a few months we will be debt free and living good. I know it stressed her out, but we made it. She is a stay at home mom who loves to take care of the girls, goes to their school and volunteers and spends days at the beach with the girls during the week while I am working. I have done a lot of cool things in the house and back yard that it is like a haven for our kids, a park and entertainment place for the whole family. Many months I would come home from work and go straight to work on the house. Yet everything I do, she looks for what I did wrong or how a board is crooked. I am not kidding, she literally looks for defects rather than the whole overall picture. And then, when I want to watch the last half of a game, she says I do not do anything in the house and talks about how she should hire someone to do the things I am "supposed to do". I just get pissed when she says things like that because I bust my butt for everything we have, I feel like she is so ungrateful and just takes things for granted. She sometimes goes out with her mom friends and I stay home with the girls so she can have a night off. Many times we fall asleep watching TV and when she gets home she walks in and immediately starts complaining because I did not do the dishes and how the girls are not in their jammies when they are asleep. Keep in mind that I do the dishes every night, it is a chore I do because I want to show her my appreciation for her awesome dinners she always makes. It is hard to think that she would come home with such a rotten attitude, rather than come home happy because she had a night off with friends. FYI: I KNOW she is with her mom friends, I know them and she sends me texts of them hanging out all the time when they are out to their dinners, so I am not worried about anything like infidelity. We live in an amazing area in an exclusive neighborhood and home which I bought before I met her. There is a reason I bring this up, I am not bragging, I promise. The reason why I bring it up is because I think she is in love with our home, with our area, our lifestyle, and not with me. She constantly says how great it is here, how lucky we are to live here, etc. She also brings up a lot how she is not on the title of our home or on my cars. I know it is trivial, but it makes me wonder if she is more interested in that then me. I cannot begin to tell you how unhappy I am. If it was not because of my kids, she would be gone because I would have asked her to leave a long time ago. The lack of sex is killing me, it is making me angry and resentful of her. We had a conversation recently where I was asking her why she did not want sex and she said she could take it or leave it. So I told her it was important to me, that I was still in my prime and she said I should see a specialist or doctor to cure my sexual cravings because maybe I had an issue. I told her that this was silly, that she should be in her sexual prime and she said no, that her sexual prime came and went. Sometimes she says that I need to do things for her so that she feels more loved which will lead to more sex. I do everything she asks and still, same thing, same results. Plus, what is the deal with always having to work for it, always having to do special things just to get sex. I don't get it. I have always treated her well, great actually, but every day I am more and more angry and resentful of her because of this. I have a hard time leaving her because my daughters would suffer tremendously and my kids are my life. Any thoughts on the matter? Am I being ridiculous? | |||
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My wife says Sex is NOT important to her... Yup
| I have been in a relationship for about 8 years. We are now married. The problem we have is that she says sex is not important to her, that she could take it or leave it. And it shows. We have sex once a week or every two weeks. Mostly about every two weeks, sometimes once in a month. Some may say that is enough, but not enough for me. She even committed the cardinal sin of telling one of my friend's wife that she does not like having sex with me, if you can believe that, so uncool. Of course, my friend's wife told me and then went on to hit on me which I thought was kinda funny. Although she is HOT, but she is my friend's wife and that would not be cool. Plus the fact that I am also married. She also tells her friends things when we argue, as if she needs to report to everyone our details. That just pisses me off to no end, especially when I think of her telling one friend she does not like having sex with me. I have to tell you, that is a tough one to overcome, I am struggling with that. Who wants to have sex with someone who is not also enjoying it? I am in my late 40's, not a bad looking guy and girls in their 20's and early 30's are attracted to me if you can believe that. I try and stay in good shape and am not perfect as I have gained about 10 pounds if that over the years. But not more than that. My hair has gotten salt and pepper and for the longest time she kept telling me to put color in it because I looked old so I would put a little of that stuff that takes away some of the grey, but still leaves some of it on. We have 3 daughters in the 3-7 year range. Here is the deal, when we met our sex was awesome. All the time. She loved giving and receiving oral sex. Now she considers sex a chore and get's extremely irritable when I talk about it and want to initiate it, as if she is disgusted with me. She is in her late 30s, I am close to 50. In regards to oral sex, which I LOVE LOVE LOVE, she will NOT allow it or allow me to even come close to that area unless it is with my manhood and occasional hand stroking of her. Other then that, I can forget it as far as she is concerned. We had some financial issues for a while in which we struggled, but we made it through and within a few months we will be debt free and living good. I know it stressed her out, but we made it. She is a stay at home mom who loves to take care of the girls, goes to their school and volunteers and spends days at the beach with the girls during the week while I am working. I have done a lot of cool things in the house and back yard that it is like a haven for our kids, a park and entertainment place for the whole family. Many months I would come home from work and go straight to work on the house. Yet everything I do, she looks for what I did wrong or how a board is crooked. I am not kidding, she literally looks for defects rather than the whole overall picture. And then, when I want to watch the last half of a game, she says I do not do anything in the house and talks about how she should hire someone to do the things I am "supposed to do". I just get pissed when she says things like that because I bust my butt for everything we have, I feel like she is so ungrateful and just takes things for granted. She sometimes goes out with her mom friends and I stay home with the girls so she can have a night off. Many times we fall asleep watching TV and when she gets home she walks in and immediately starts complaining because I did not do the dishes and how the girls are not in their jammies when they are asleep. Keep in mind that I do the dishes every night, it is a chore I do because I want to show her my appreciation for her awesome dinners she always makes. It is hard to think that she would come home with such a rotten attitude, rather than come home happy because she had a night off with friends. FYI: I KNOW she is with her mom friends, I know them and she sends me texts of them hanging out all the time when they are out to their dinners, so I am not worried about anything like infidelity. We live in an amazing area in an exclusive neighborhood and home which I bought before I met her. There is a reason I bring this up, I am not bragging, I promise. The reason why I bring it up is because I think she is in love with our home, with our area, our lifestyle, and not with me. She constantly says how great it is here, how lucky we are to live here, etc. She also brings up a lot how she is not on the title of our home or on my cars. I know it is trivial, but it makes me wonder if she is more interested in that then me. I cannot begin to tell you how unhappy I am. If it was not because of my kids, she would be gone because I would have asked her to leave a long time ago. The lack of sex is killing me, it is making me angry and resentful of her. We had a conversation recently where I was asking her why she did not want sex and she said she could take it or leave it. So I told her it was important to me, that I was still in my prime and she said I should see a specialist or doctor to cure my sexual cravings because maybe I had an issue. I told her that this was silly, that she should be in her sexual prime and she said no, that her sexual prime came and went. Sometimes she says that I need to do things for her so that she feels more loved which will lead to more sex. I do everything she asks and still, same thing, same results. Plus, what is the deal with always having to work for it, always having to do special things just to get sex. I don't get it. I have always treated her well, great actually, but every day I am more and more angry and resentful of her because of this. I have a hard time leaving her because my daughters would suffer tremendously and my kids are my life. Any thoughts on the matter? | |||
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Approaching a person who you fancy - best and worst ways to tackle this?
| Hiya guys, we're looking to get some chat and opinions on the subject of: **Approaching and starting a conversation with someone you're attracted to (flirting, essentially)** To get things started, here's some youtube videos: | |||
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Seeing a girl who doesn't chat much?
| Hi, So I dated this girl I met online. All went well, not a bad date, although said girl was tired due to being tired (late nights at work). This definately showed on her. However, this is all cool. Anyway, we are going on another date (if you can call it that) but she just does not communicate much over txts etc. It's always me initiating an exchange of msgs. To be fair, she does always get back to me, within the same day (by few hrs max), but as you can imagine, this gets very boring very quickly. When we do chat, we chat for ages and it is fair sided (her as much as me). It doesn't give me much confidence, and we should be building up and talking more in the run up to a date. She has said that I am cool and nice guy and I care about what she says/does, so things are positive for how far we are, but I just don't feel it. On the one hand, she agrees to meeting up, on the other hand she doesn't chat much? :confused: I don't want to be doing this then I ask her about "us" and then she is like she just wants to be friends and I look like an idiot (she said she wants to see where/how it goes). The idea that the guy does all the work (in this case, said girl just really agrees to what I say) is ridiculous because I don't know if she is playing hard to get, or I am just doing the usual guy chasing, or something else like she is in mixed minds. Any feedback appreciated. | |||
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Social circle falling apart, what next?
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Don't like seeing other people happy, need some help
| All through this year whenever i've seen someone happy about finding some they care about for example, i always get a little irreitable and depressed beacuse i often say to myself "why can't that be me" most recently was hanging with a few mates and it was CLEAR that this guy liked this girl i've been hanging with (we both had confused feelings for each other a little while ago, and i think mine are still slightly there) Anyways to the point i don't know what i can do, i wish that someone "liked" me so that i could actually be happy for once, (yes i know how pathetic that sounds) i've NEVER been noticed before comming to univeristy, this is why i tend to get emotionally attached rather quicky, but whenever i see someone happy and play fighting for example i get depressed, angry and upset all at the same time Think of the Korean girl in that wedding shop in "Yes Man!" | |||
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Been to an all girls school - how to meet guys
| I've been to an all girls school and don't really know any guys. I'm currently in sixth form (year 12) and sure I'm going to meet guys when I go to university but I feel kind of nervous (I know this probably sounds weird) around guys and so just want to know of ways in which I can meet them myself and form more confidence? I guess I mean this in terms of all types of relationships with guys, friendships and more. | |||
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Ex wife and step children: Did this cross the line?
| My husband and I have been married for 15 years and it's both our second marriage. He and his first wife had been divorced for about 20 years when I met him so I had nothing to do with the break up. They had 7 kids together, who are now all adults, married with children. At first there was very little contact with the ex because she lived in another state, but moved back to our area about 6 years ago. My husband and his ex wife "burried the hatchet " and we participated in many family events where she was also present. She and I actually developed a friendship. She took sick a while back and went down hill fast. All the children were called to her bedside for the final moments. My husband called to say he was going to support the kids. He asked if I wanted to go, but I felt it was inappropriate and I would not be comfortable. He went and stayed until the end. Next day I was shocked when he announced he was going to the funeral director with the "kids" to help plan the funeral etc. I thought this was unnecessary and "over the top". I ended up in an argument with him about it, and he went anyway. I suspect they wanted him to chip in with some or all of the payment. Anyway, the following day, I went with him to the funeral and reception after. I noticed his sons were very cool towards me. As it turns out, he told them I didn't want him to go to support them and made me look like a wicked witch. I felt like the "outcast of Polker Flats" but tried to act gracious and cordial. Now I feel he has damaged the already strained relationship I have with the step kids. I also feel he went too far, since when members if my family passed away(my mother), I had to go to the funeral director alone to make arrangements etc. His kids are all grown ups and not little children. I feel very hurt. Am I right or just being a witch? | |||
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Just a kudos to this website
| This is not a suggestion, but I don't know where else to post. I am so happy I stumbled upon this website in my searches. It is arranged well by subjects. The people who post keep it sensible and give advise that actually helps. It is such a refreshing change from trudging through the bit@#$ing forums and finding intelligent opinions. The silly people who want to only vent gravitate to the other sites and stay away from this one for some reason. I suspect it is due to your strict and well thought out guidelines. Thank you for having such a professional website. | |||
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Potential girlfriend is moving away...
| Anon for this one... I have never felt so...down. I got so many emotions circulating at the moment..I guess right now I'm just looking for someone to talk to. The worst thing is that she liked me back..why in the world would someone do this. When you think you found someone, life decides to be a pain in the ass. WHY... Was anybody in such or a similar situation? I feel pathetic... | |||
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Need opinions on what my heart is telling me
| To make a long story short and so you don't have to look at my other threads I have mixed emotions. Caught my wife in an year and a half EA but she won't admit anything else not even PA althought i know that's almost a sure thing. Went to counseling and later found out it was all for show and to buy time so she could leave later on down the road. I have sense filed for D but we have a 2 year old son and I still love this woman very much and it breaks my heart when he asks where mommy is since we have separated for like a week now. I really don't want to be the one to ask for R and be the chaser is she has no intention of making it work. But I also feel like if I don't say something she will just slip away and let the D go through and I will never know if it could have been salvaged. Any ideas? | |||
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I don't know what to do..
| So, I never thought of writing something in this category before but I need some of your life-changing advice.. Soo here's my story.. There was this girl.. We didn't meet for years and I don't know how I ran into her online.. When we talked, we were like great best friends in the world and we talked how we lived our lives in these two years.. I complimented her, said her things i never said before and we talked..blah blah blah.. Now this is not the case anymore ( she says she hates me- i get her to talk to me again- she hates me again) When I said: "You can hate me.. Maybe I am an idiot.. But I'll always smile" She responded with" ok" That was it. Nothing more. It hurts.. Guys.. I like her.. I just don't know what to do.. How to text her? How to make her smile again? Help me guys. | |||
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Too late to feel Pain and Disgust from Molestation involving a family Member?
| 9 Years ago, I was admitted to an Adolescent Youth Facility or as I like to call it.. Mental Health Clinic. I was a young Teenager at that time 14 or 15 I was Bottling up my emotions, and Self Inflicting to Temporarily escape my Pain.. with a Razor I don't know why I did it Sometimes I wanted to die and sometimes I just got a temporary high from watching myself bleed to know I was alive. Of course one night it went too far and was clearly visible. I at that time lived in a home with my Maternal Grandparents, Mother 2 brothers, 2 cousins and Aunt. I Seemed to stay under the radar, My Mother and I never had a perfect relationship and with my grandparents my Cousins and Brothers where always first and I was always last.. While staying at the Clinic for 2 weeks I opened up a bout a lot my mother and father were brought in several times for questions some left unanswered I'll never forget the question my Mother asked my Therapist duri ng one of our meetings.. whats wrong with her? Dr said.. "Mom, your child clearly needs a lot more hugs, and told how important she is a lot more often.. and the bomb was dropped.. Also you and her father can expect the police to be phoning or dropping by your home, we have filed a statement taken from your daughter regarding her relationship with her eldest brother." I can't really remember all the times it happened I just remember clearly the first and last.. It started as young as 6 years old when my mother would work for long hours and dad would leave to go pick up some groceries or things like that.. My brother was old enough to watch my brother and I.. He was 8 years older than me. My brother was always the pervy touchy type, so i always told myself after it happened that this was normal and what brothers and sisters were supposed to do.. I wont go into details about it because its painful for me. Long story short Everyone then knew that day after the meeting what My b rother had done to me, he openly admitted to it and cried telling me how sorry he was.. i at the time felt like i had forgiven him through the years I would realize that I practically raised myself from childhood to adulthood Mom was always working and when she did have time for me.. she wanted nothing much to do with me unless it was to her standards and her wants. Dad was in and out of his mind battling mental illnesses and while my Second eldest brother was off with his friends and in church with grandparents id be left with my cousins or other brother. I stared working at a young age and even though it was my duty living with my mom after her and my fathers divorce to pay some money for rent i was always giving extra here and there for her to buy groceries or something like that which i would later find out she wasn't doing anything at all with my money except blowing it on nicacs and things like that while our bills were piling up. From 15 and to currently i have worked dead end jobs, I remained in contact with my brother through the years but it was always distanced he would always say something make me cringe with disgust and later i would catch myself alone wondering why i was still upset by his actions and words. i also was disgusted when my other brother that i had somewhat a better relationship with decided to name his son after our brother. when i was 13 the molesting brother was injured because of his own stupidity from drugs.. he will never walk again i think i somewhat forgave him a lot because i kind of felt sorry for him anyways long story short lots has happened in recent weeks I am the blacksheep of the family my 2 cousins still live with grandparents they are in their 20s don't work don't go to college they stay at home on computers or out partying all day and night they get free room and board my brother is living with them while my mom ran off to another state and I have been treated what i feel like pretty unfair by most of them.. I spent my whole life thinking i needed them until recently realizing I have made it just fine on my own.. but now that I have shared with you some of the history I..really wanted to share that to simply ask.. Since I have cut all ties with my extended family I seem to be thinking back on my childhood more and more though I find myself Repeating word for word what I so desperately want to Say to my family and I catch myself grinding my teeth and clutching together my fists. but I am seriously for the most part happy now.. actually I find myself smiling more and more and not thinking about it for the most part.. so I just want to know.. is it wrong of me to still feel ill towards my family and my brother? to not want to have anything to do with them are these feelings okay, normal and valid? | |||
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