This is a really confusing mess of a story, so try to keep up (if you can).
I have had support for several years from a charity in Scotland, because I have autism and I am 28 now. I live in a supported flat where flat 1 is their office and the staff do sleepovers. Most people sadly do not stay in this type of work for long, but I do get attached to people who help me quite a lot. I am very fond of the guys as well, so it is not just sexual attraction that draws me to the females. But yes, that can be an issue.
Last year, I had a woman called Joanna banned from working with me for a while, because I text her asking her to date me due to the fact my storied ex-girlfriend Laura had mucked me around, after I spent a lot of time and money trying to keep her by my side, but it to me was no big deal saying that to Joanna, although I sort of agree it is not professional to chase after women who support me (because there are restrictions in place).
I am sorry if she was at all offended by it. I ended up getting banned from working with her for good after some "trial" shift took place, because I felt the bosses who organize the support rota (who are referred to as seniors) had been dishonest about future shifts with her and I went on Facebook to post about her as I was annoyed about 2013 being a miserable year. So I overreacted, I guess, so it was my fault way back then. Shame on me. I may give them the benefit of the doubt they were maybe not lying then (even if I still think they were). This Andrew guy certainly was a snake in the grass.
Anyway, I had another lady who is Spanish supporting me for months, called Sara, and she had the role of being my key worker. And being that she was quite nice and friendly, and women from Madrid are hot, I grew to like her too, but in an unhealthy way. She knew I liked her, because I had words with a male worker and he blabbed to somebody about me. The lame part is - he (Robert) was my top male support worker, as we played snooker and pool a lot. You could say he was like a coach.
Before Christmas last year, Sara and I had a shift, but I called her "petal" in a text message so she run roughshod about the boundaries, plus she revealed others knew I liked her. After that day, Sara was cold and mean whenever she worked with me. A few months into 2014, I had her taken from my support team abruptly and Andrew who co-ordinated the rota for my shifts acted smug and tried to say she was still my key worker for weeks when I asked where she was, but he was clearly lying and Sara was giving me odd looks sometimes. Then I got rather suspicious and wound up emailing Sara something inappropriate, so I got told at a meeting I could no longer work with her. That really upset me.
After this, I was left feeling hurt and life felt lonesome. I rarely saw Sara around and when I did, she ran off or acted mean-spirited towards me. But Joanna had been cool with me, for a while, in spite of the fact I was no longer allowed to work with her except seeing her during sleepovers, as it is not one to one like a shift usually would be. However, I looked up Joanna's address online once it become apparent her bosses would not bring her back to my team, as I went insane in the membrane you could say and then she went, and turned on me too.
But...
I grew highly agitated and totally frustrated more and more, until the point I just blew up. I spent all my shifts with everyone moaning about the same old stuff. It was boring. I got to say sorry to the ladies in front of the big cheese one time, but it still hurt I was not allowed to work with them any longer. I only wanted to leave them with happy, fun and positive memories.
Eventually, in July, I learned Sara had a boyfriend because we went to a charity event with various bands doing gigs and in spite of the past animosity between us, I desired for her to be my key worker again. Only she acted mean, yet again, by refusing to read a support plan I typed up for her to look at. She embarrassed me in front of my neighbour. I ended up kicking off and broke a wine bottle. I got arrested, but bailed by the cops.
A few days later, I got arrested a second time after telling Joanna on Facebook I planned to do a pornographic movie with a woman I found through a model agency. I was then found by police yards from where she lives that morning after I emailed people saying I would commit suicide but go see Joanna first, but I was actually just sitting in a park near her home, feeling low, and then two pigs were driving in a van and saw me walking just as I left the premises. They detained me then interviewed me and arrested me. I was let go and giving a non harassment order in court the next day. About a week later, I emailed Sara similar messages and acted racist, in an unintentional way, so I ended up remanded in jail. This was the first time I had been in jail. I was in prison for 2 weeks.
Not long after I got out of jail, I ended up contacting Joanna and Sara on Facebook, offering an apology to both. This resulted in me being arrested again but I got bailed. So a few weeks went by and I got upset about missing them, so I tried to apologize to them again, by going back and registering on Facebook. As the staff had been told to ring up 9-9-9 or 1-0-1 right away if I breached my bail terms, I got arrested again after my own mother shopped me in the swing park near her house. I got sent back to jail, where I remained for a little over 2 weeks!
I seriously doubt I'll get to work with Joanna and Sara again. It really does hurt. But I can go back to my flat next week. The other support workers are still willing to support me. My lawyer was concerned I may do something dumb again, because he thinks that is a possibility. Some support workers have said I've been getting better. However, my next court date is in December and I get urges to write to the ladies again, thus if I do that, the judge will come down on me hard.
I also know where they both live. This chaos also resulted in me losing my money and my laptop. I had to stay with my parents for ages. Because I borrowed money, I am owe them a lot of cash now. Well over £200 now, in fact.
What is there I can do to get over all of this grief?
Put the internet to work for you.
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