Question for men - initiating intimacy

I am really trying to figure out if my sex life is normal, not completely normal, or very dysfunctional. I know that most men get turned on things like lingerie, short skirts, and stockings (at least my husband does) but is the ONLY time you initiate sex with your wife is when she is wearing these things? This has been a long standing issue in my marriage, because I have always had to initiate sex with my husband, he NEVER does. I think some of this stemmed from a time I was sexually assaulted in college, when he waited for me to initiate things with him when I was ready. It took about 9 months, but eventually I had healed enough to be ready to initiate sex with him again. The problem is, from that point, I ALWAYS have had to initiate sex. No offense, but my assault was in 2000, this is 2013 now, you would think 12 years would be enough for him to change, and we've been married for 11 years. I'm in counseling for some other issues, but we end up talking about my marriage a lot. She asked me what makes me feel sexy, and I honestly couldn't answer her, because if your husband never initiates sex with you, how can you feel sexy? I am overweight, but I've always been, and he says he loves the fact that I have big breasts, shapely hips, and a big bottom. I'm probably within about 10 pounds my marriage weight, while he is about 100 pounds more than his marriage weight. Yet I still initiate sex with him, I guess because I crave it a lot more than he does. We've been going through some issues lately, and I had originally brought up the idea of separation, but he is doing what he can to improve on other areas. Except sex! Now he has had performance issues for over a year and thank goodness he'll be going to a doctor on Tuesday to talk about this. But there are other things we can do other than just intercourse, and he's only had these problems for about 1 to 1 1/2 years - he was able to perform just fine earlier in our marriage, he just has never initiated it. When I brought up separation, he said he wanted to work on our intimacy. So I bought some sexy lingerie, and last weekend we took a shower together, I put on the lingerie, which he said he LOVED, he brought me to orgasm, I performed oral on him. He still couldn't complete intercourse, but I didn't care, we had fun. Yet all of this week, nothing from him! How are we going to change if I still have to be the one initiating with him? The point of that long story is that I want to know if you ever initiate sex with your wives, even if she's not wearing the most sexy thing in the world. I mean really, he doesn't wear anything special either, just a t-shirt and some pants or shorts until bedtime. After work I usually slip into a t-shirt and comfortable pants, and after my kids go to bed I'll usually take of my bra and pants and just wear a t-shirt. I've gone over and shaken my bare boobs in his face, just to see if he'd use that as a chance to initiate something with me, but nothing. :( I'm tired of being the one to initiate everything, and I just wanted to get a male point of view on this (or any females who go through this too).

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