Whats wrong with me

The most awful thing has happened to me. Last Friday me and my beautiful girlfriend were getting ready to move into our first flat together and were so happy. She moved down to be with me while im at uni and was staying with me until we found a flat. My friend was having a party and as my girlfriend had been stuck in my small student room all day we thought that going out for a bit was a good idea. So we went to the party on an empty stomach and everything was fine until we both got extremely drunk. Then the first incident occurred. Some people decided that they wanted to go to a club and my girlfriend wanted to. I said i thought it was a bad idea as we had to move tomorrow and i wanted it to go perfectly. However, when it was time to go she said she was going and I reacted extremely badly and shouted across the kitchen 'where are you going, we cant go we've got loads to do tomorrow." She went outside in to the taxi and i rushed out to appoligise about how i spoke to her and asked her nicely to stay but she said to lighten up and have fun, so we went to the club. Everything was fine in the club until i wanted to go as we had alot to to in the morning. She had real go at me about not having her cloakroom ticket to get her coat back and was shouting at me. Anyway after a short period of this she found it in her pocket and we went for a taxi back. Once we got in the taxi i began to argue and shout at her saying how could you treat me like that and I wasnt going to put up with it. I then said it was over and she should leave and she started crying. I then came to my senses and appoligised and said im sorry i dont want it to be over etc. However she wouldnt speak to me. I then began to get very frustrated and began horribly shouting at her to try and get her to speak. I was saying that she was being disgusting for not speaking to me but i continued to shout at her for a period of time. I cant believe I acted in this way, it breaks my heart writing this now and its hard to type because of the tears. How could I be so horrible to someone I love so much. She wouldnt speak to me so i asked the taxi to pull over so we could walk and talk. When we got out she walked ahead and wouldnt speak the entire way home. I continued to be horrible and say she was being selfish and disgusting. We got back to the accomadation and I stood outside and asked if we could talk about what had happend. She refused and said she needed the toilet. I said can we talk quickly first but she refused again. Then she said if i dont let her in this time she ll just do it outside. I said can we please talk first but she refused and went round the back of the building to do the toilet. Im so ashamed by my actions, why couldnt I see sense in all this. So we got inside and had a large argument and she said it was over this time. I got rather angry and said well you can sleep on the floor then. She then said she was going to go and stay at my friends and i said she goes i'll throw her stuff out of the window. She went and in the morning came back to get her stuff with one of my friends but wouldnt speak to me and moved her stuff to my friends house. She then went to stay with her sister in 2hours away. She then asked me to get her stuff from my friends and if i could take it to her. She wouldnt speak to me for days until she said could i take her stuff through to her. I took all her stuff through and she told me it was over and that she would never let me do that to her again and would put herself in that position again. I said i was horrified about what happend and i was so sorry. I said i wouldnt drink again if theres any possibility i might be like that. I asked her for a second chance but she refused. I am utterly ashamed of what happend and cant belive i acted like that as im always so nice to everyone. Its cutting me up inside that ive spoilt and lost the best relationship ive had over one moment of madness. I realise I was verbally abusive to her and im so scared that i could hurt someone like that. I didnt want to hurt her, i wanted her to speak to me and for us to talk about it. I know thats no excuse and alcohol is no excuse, I just dont know what to do. I hope someone can help me. I'm in total despair and distress. I have to meet her tommorrow to give her the last of her things and she is getting the train back to scotland, i have no idea what to say to her or what to do. I wish we could sort things out but maybe I dont deserve another chance. Can someone please help me

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