Torn

I have been married for 34 years, many of which have not been happy. We only knew each other for 9 months when we got married and I was 5 months pregnant at the time. Almost 10 years ago we lost a child to suicide. My husband started drinking very heavily and was being verbally abusive. I withdrew in order to cope. I got involved with a guy at work. We had an affair for the next 6 years. During that time my husband cut down on the drinking and was dealing with the death of our child much better. I decided it was time to end it with the bf. That was 2 years ago. I don't really feel like I'm in love with my husband. I don't enjoy sex with him and we rarely do it anymore. About a month ago I ran into the ex-bf and we started seeing each other again. He told me that he loves me and always has and I love him. I don't know what to do. I don't want to hurt my husband, but I want to be with someone I love and that I am sexually attracted to . I know what I am doing is morally wrong. I am not looking for anyone to judge me, but maybe there is someone out there who is going through the same thing. I'm so torn. I know what the right thing is to do, but I want to be with someone I'm in love with. ConfusedChloe

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