After the Lies - the Dawning

And so you get up you walk the dog and you live with it. You get the breakfast for the kids and you live with it. You watch your partner reading the morning paper and you live with it. You haven't even fully opened the door on this stunning Sydney autumn day and you live with it. You will get out there amongst it with your family and live with it. What a bucket of sh!t - but you'll live with it. I'm angry this morning - angry that my so called partner has put me through this. 3 weeks of up and down misery - trying to get back on the rails, drifting from despair to cold steel eff YOU! It is incredible how prolonged this pain can be - let alone contributors talking about trust possibly returning after 3-5 years if ever. Early in the evening last night I sent 2 e-mails to my partner. She has her work laptop at home. Maybe I should have said come here pls and read this now but anyway I didn't. I e-mailed 2 very good pieces. One was about infidelity with advice to the cheater and the cheated and the other was about "The 10 myths of relationships" (both by Dr Phil). These messages are IMO important reminders of what we need to consider in this thing we all call a marriage or a partnership. It enabled me to re-think what my expectations are, what is realistic and what is fantasy. A tune-up if you like. You might think it's all a bit odd given the betrayal but I got a lot out of it and I though my partner would as well. The same goes for the other message on infidelity. It helped re-align my thinking and I thought this would be of particular use, given the circumstances, for my partner. To help her take ownership and hopefully open her more to the full impact of this betrayal and the fact that she needs to do more than sit back and be nice and occasionally f**k me and hope it all blows over. A short time later I was in the kitchen and I casually asked her if she had read the two messages - she hadn't. Nor did she then proceed to read them - she was playing a game on her LT at the time. Still hasn't read them though she has just got up this morning. 11 hour sleeps are standard on weekends for her. The other thing is - at one point last night when she was sitting there on her LT she said to me "oh not tonight". I think this was in reply to my mentioning the e-mails but it may have been something else i said - I am given to occasionally making puns re her EA/PA (coping mechanism) - but in any case she put up the "stop" sign because she thought we were about to have another fight. I was glad with the way I handled it. I turned around and said "Don't do that, don't ever do that. If I need to open this up at any time you are just going to have to wear it. Don't ever dictate when is or is not appropriate about dealing with what happened. That's just the way it is". She backed right off and agreed. She's being very neutral, very friendly, very "normal" but that's about it. Yes, I'm wondering how this R is going to unfold over the next weeks and months. This ahole OM is following me around like a bad smell and she put him there. This is the bit they don't get. My partner thinks she is empathising in her neutral approach but she hasn't got a clue. The last two years I went through depression, I worked casually (30 hrs per week) for 5 years up to June 2012 even though I had been Mr Mom since 2005. I quit that job when her new gig started simply because there was no one to get our kids to school (she was 6 months out of work/trying to find a job due to redundancy). My early starts were out and so was the job. She started her PA the same month - it coincided with a r-union party for the staff of the previous job. I have to accept that nothing existed with this co-worker when they were actually working together because he, the OM, told me the June 2012 re-union party was the beginning. Though I have never questioned her or him about an EA at that time. I will ask that question today - we have to know, so demoralising and painful but we have to know. "Why do you need to know so much, why are you blowing this up?" she asked recently. Walk a mile in these shoes I say. They just don't get it. That's enough - is this not the just the nastiest, degrading slap in the face? I didn't deserve this and now, in my bloody 50's I have to go through it. I was hoping to land "that" job (something, anything!) and work it till retirement or whenever I finally drop off and meanwhile help my kids grow - get over the depression, start enjoying life and this happens. The absolutely worst possible thing emotionally and physically for an effectively healthy person. Effing lying mongrel bastards the lot of them. :mad:

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