Could I be any more messed up?

Long story. This will be the first time I have told it honestly to anyone. Married for 11 y. 3 kids. Last several years were 'dead' went through motions. I thought I was being a good husband. Just thought with kids and work it was a tough spot and things would improve over time. Female coworker approached me fall of 2010 after a few playful comments saying she has been wanting to 'be' with me for the 8 years we worked together. I had same thoughts but we were both married. I never had anything close to affair before this. I did everything I was supposed to do and tried to be super husband and dad. We did have affair for about 4 months. Turns out my wife was doing the same thing. I wised up and stopped. Wife didn't and I caught her. She had no desire to stop her affair. I did want to reconcile and do what we could to repair and rebuild. She didn't. I moved out and lawyers took over. Divorce process started in Spring of 2011. I was really down in the dumps and got the idea that dating would help. Against advice of others I did meet someone. It really did help for about 2 years. Met wonderful person who really got me through tough spots. Fall of 2012 I was again approached by coworker. It starts with texts and looks... At the same time an old (married) girlfriend from college starts calling and texting. At this point I am almost done with divorce. I have been dating a wonderful person for almost 2 years and I am having on/off affairs with 2 married women. This keeps up for about 6 months until divorce is final. This was bout 60 days ago. Just in the last 2 weeks I ended both affairs and have no desire to see 'real' girlfriend anymore. I think I may break this off soon. I can't fake. It is hard to even be civil on the phone. I can't explain this. I used to fall asleep and wake up with this person on my mind. No interest in sex either. What the h*** am I doing? I never ever would ever think I was capable of this. I am not proud. I thought I was having fun but I was not. It was constant abuse. Roller coaster up, roller coaster down. The affairs that sound fun are not because these ladies I'd get a bit attached to go home to their husbands. I have girlfriend that can't compete with 2 others at the same time...and I felt guilt at the sneaking around. I think I might be better off alone a bit to get my head on right. I have appt with counselor but am so upset and lonely and empty and a mess I thought I'd get feedback before I get in to see him.

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