Wow does divorce life suck

We were high school sweet hearts. Together for 22 years. Married for 15. Both graduated college, waited another 2 years to get married. Dated for 7 years. Waited 4 years after marriage to have children so we could really get to enjoy eachother and travel a littel before kids came along. She was a stay at home wife/mom up until about 3 years ago. She re entered the work force and fell in love with a MARRIED co-worker. Now I'm not playing the innocent victim here. Have never played that card. I was not the perfect husband. I got way too comfortable and kind of went into coast mode. We were together for so long, I just thought that that was the level we should be at. But with that said, I was a good husband. Never abused, drank or gambled. Just not enough I love you's, not being there as much as I should have emmotionally. ( her words, not mine ). So my question is, these are somewhat minor issues that if she would have came to me an d talked we could have for sure worked this out. There was never a third person involved on my end. So its not like my heart or mind was on someone else. Instead of talking with me about this, what does she do??? She brings this D-bag to my home and introduces him as a friend. I drank tea with him on several occasions at my table until late at night. I was not threatend by this dude. He is kind of geeky, a high school drop out and does not make all that much money. Now nothing wrong with that, Lord knows I could lose my job today and make no money. I get that. So after a while i started getting a hunch about these two. I went on about a weeks search for my wifes cell phone but I could never find it. I realized that I had not seen her cell or heard it ring for weeks. While she would be in the shower I would look for her cell. Tore her underwear drawer apart, went through her car, her coat but could never find it. I finally did find it one night about 2 in the m orn. Openned up her text msges and hit the kitchen floor on my knees and cried like a baby. 22 years, a great little family, two sweet kids whos life is changed forever. How can spouses do such a thing? What goes through thier minds when they are cheating? What do they tell people how they met? How do they look back on how they met? Here is how I see it - " Remember when we were both married to other people and we started cheating? Yeah sweet heart I do. Remember when we had to hide your car at the school so you could spend the night so your wife would not find out? Yeah cupcake, remember the look on our spouses faces when and the tears in our childrens eyes when we told them our family was no more? Wow, yes I do. Those were good times" I mean really, what do they have to build on? The trust cannot be there from day one. Oh how I hate her for she has done to our kids. We have been divorced for about a year and my heart still breaks for my kids.

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