10 down the drain

I meant to tittle this "10 Years down the drain" well here it goes, nothing different from anybody else going through this but sometimes letting it out helps we met back in '03, she was 16 i was 22.... we move pretty fast, but seem right at the time, we dated, honestly didnt think it would last that long, but it went on, got married right out of high school, and moved in, everything was great, we even tatted our names on each other, in '06 had our first and only kid (the light of my life) we would argue but never was something too crazy, then in '09 i started talking to another chick, YET never really got physical she lives in CO. i live in NY, she came to visit NY and we had lunch the couple time she came, but it was just that, the I started rethinking my marriage, i got distant and started to think and figure out what i really want, so i snapped out of it, i realized i was married to a good woman, and i truly didnt want to hurt her in any way, she was *****y and always complaining about anything yet i put up with it cus deep down i really love her. there was a time when one of my brothers moved in and that kind of make things bad between me and the wife, but then i kicked him out for disrespecting her we always joked about leaving each other and acted like it was no big deal, but i should've known that was a sign time past and obviously, we barely made money so we got stuck in the routine of go to work-come home-clean-go to bed, i always helped around the house, cleaned, did laundry, help with my son, she would cook and i would clean after, times she would ask for new clothes even if i had no money i would open a credit card just for it, later down the road we go deep in debt, she would be depress cus she said that we could never save money or anything about financial, she started online school got loans and instead of paying that she would use the money for other stuff i cant say that im the perfect husband but i know i was good to her, never complaint if she wanted to go out with friends as long as she told me who her friends were '10 makes friends with this lady, mainly cus shes got kids my sons age, so for them as play dates, but the become closer, and start going out, one night they go out, and before she leaves she says shes depress, i tell her she'll get over it, and to not worry (turns out she was already pulling away from me and that im depressed means im not sure if i want to be with you anymore) she comes back that night @ 3am, wakes me up just to ask me if the dogs were fed and goes to sleep in the couch, her excuse was that she was going to the gym early in the am, later that day we go out with my son to eat, i see 2 roses in the car, she tells me that those were for her friend, but im not stupid, no guy will give 2 roses to one woman so i knew one was for her. later that day i ask her about the roses, she says yes one was for me, but i didnt tell you because i knew you would get upset, then comes the bomb, i need space, i want to miss you, but i dont know how i take my son to the park and im down, but i keep my head up and think of all the things i can do to make it work, i dont give her space and she says forget it, i dont want space, we keep up and of course again fall into the routine april '11 i keep asking whats wrong and eventually she tells me that she wants space, that she lost herself and wants to try to do something for herself, because all this time she was doing for us and she feels like she cant do anything, i get angry and said why does she feel that way when i wasnt a demanding husband nor abusive, she had freedom and she could do anything she wanted to do, but dont ruin the marriage, i start going nuts, she leaves to be alone and goes for a drive, i start tracking her, to see what im against, she comes back stays in her room most of the time, the situation becomes awkward, i keep begging her to be with me and says that she cant at the moment, i get angry, sad, i cry, i plead and then i just dont say anything, one of my friends told me at the moment, act indifferent and you'll see she'll come to her senses, i tried my hardest but i couldnt do it, she made friends with other guys at the gym, and went out a couple of times while i stayed with my son, killed me but i couldnt say anything, kept pushing and asked for a second chance, again wrong move june 22nd '11 man i remember this like it was yesterday, i was at work, and i had a feeling something was up, i tracked her and bam, shes at a hotel, with somebody else, i drive to there and she was shocked, i knew everything about the guy, i pretty much scared the crap out of him and he left, all she kept saying is that we were not together anymore, thank god i have a son or else i would have done some crazy stuff then i searched on her computer, and i see shes already searching for divorce, she was angry at the fact that i showed up at the hotel and was serious about filing, i kept it cool after all, and decided to move back with my brother, kept going everyday to see my son, and bought stuff that was needed for the apartment, groceries, i would buy dinner, or stuff like that, she asked me if i had the marriage license, i asked her why she need it for, made up some lame excuse, i gave it to her, i knew what she was doing, and there was nothing i could do, one night she comes to me and tells me that how would i feel giving her $250 a week for child support, i flipped out and told her she was out of her mind, the kid doesnt use up to $250 a week, i told her i'd give her $150 and thats me being nice, if she couldnt afford to have him, he could come to me, (i get pay half cash and half check, so she cant even get more than $74 a week) dont get me wrong, i'd spend my last penny in my kid if i h ave to, but i wont let her take me for all i have. for months i kept asking for a second chance and i got nothing from it, i couldnt bare with the pain, i even thought of killing myself, but once i went to my sons school i realized i couldnt do that to my kid, i was raised with no parents, so why do that to him, after 5 months of begging i gave up and started focusing on my son, had a fb account which i had her as a friend too, i started adding people i knew but never did for respect to her, one chick who told me had a crush on me, started commenting on pics, my wife saw it and started calling me, that day i picked up my son, and she called me to tell me to not take my son to other chicks place, i told her to not call me for that and she was taking away the time i was spending with my son, and hung up, an hour later she calls me again, asking me where i met this girls and they looked better than her, and asking why cant she see my friends, that why was giving the time of day to other girls instead of her, that she thought i w as different and that i only had eyes for her, then she says, i want to start again, i regret it, i instantly say ok lets do it, but in the back of my head im thinking its not going to work, things go ok, spend the holidays together, she seemed happy, xmas comes she was asking for an ipad for the longest, but i couldnt afford it, i give her $300 but according to her i didnt make the efford to give her something that she was asking for, so i went out of my way and stop a few payments on my bills and got her the ipad, and we never mention anything about the past, yet we never talk about which direction we are heading Jan '13 i started feeling suspicious about something fishy, she kept her phone with her at all times, BUT she was very affectionate with me so i was maybe its nothing, i got pws to her icloud and phone bill, i saw a number under one of her friends name, yet, i never called it, one morning she decided to do laundry and while shes there with me, she gets a call, said it was her friend, leaves 5 minutes later, i log onto her phone account and there it is that one number, i start to think ther worst, and i decide to call it, a guy answers, i hung up, and go on take a shower to leave to work, at this moment i dont want to say anything but i could never be fake and put up a fake front, she notices right away something is wrong with me, asks me and i say nothing, just want to go to work, then i break and asked her if it was really her female friend calling her, she said no, so right away i say im moving out and theres no way i want to be in disrespectful marriage that day she calls me non stop, and asks me to come after work to talk, she said that she was sorry and she should have told me about the calls, says that wants to try things, i tell her that i dont want to be wondering who shes talking all the time and is better for me to move out, it hurts but its better this way, she said that she hopes time apart will help and compares her situation to her friend who left her BD to go and **** around and came back to him and realized she loved him, i told her that the difference between me and her friend, is that i know whats going on, and who knows what will happen, she said that she doesnt want to divorce me and has hope, i told her that either we stick together and work at it or we call it quits once and for all days past and i was drinking heavily and smoking a pack a day, something i dont do, but the stress and pain are too heavy for me at the moment i checked her phone records and the day i was trying to have a heart to heart, as soon as i left she called him, so im sure i was the joke of the day i've tried my hardest to not say anything but my feelings get the best out of me, yesterday being Vday, i went and got her a shirt and a card, which after i relized it was a mistake, and i shouldnt have done it, she read the card and didnt show any emotion, i put my son to sleep, and i took the card with me, burned it i cut the days short to see my son, twice a week and i put him on the bus to school Monday through Thursday, i take him with me every other weekend, but its killing me she still has the divorce papers from the last time, and i know she looked at them already, but who knows what shes planning i dont know what to do, part of me wants to work it out, part of me doesnt, the fact that theres other guy is just harder on me, i know she thinks the grass is greener on the side, and she will find out the hard way, i dont know why, but i have a feeling that she will regret it, as for now theres nothing i can do but sit back and watch the show

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