It's okay to fight right?

How have people recovered from knock down drag out arguments that they have with their spouses? My wife and I had one last night with what started off as being small (her not communicating clearly imo that she didn't pay a bill which as due yesterday and me lashing out angrily) turned out really big (when I came home she had a note on the floor the sleep on the coach...I came in and told her she wasn't reliable about paying bills and I would pay them all from now on even if it was a personal item(s) that she purchased that she didn't need...she saying she can't rely on me because I don't do things consistently enough like clean the kitchen etc...me trying to push to come up with some resolution but then she refused to talk to me anymore because she says when we argue she can never be right...then I called her weak and pathetic little girl and stormed off). Anyway, my wife was abused as a child and said that was one of the most hurtful things I have said and I told her I apologized but I meant what I said but in the context of certain things she does (never finishes anything she starts). Needless to say we aren't talking. In the past she hasn't talked to me in over a week and then when she is ready she will talk which I don't think is fair or reasonable but we end up okay. I venture to say this will take longer. Anyway, any hints on how to confront this?:scratchhead: We had issues in the past and we saw a counselor for a few months and we were doing much better. It's like we get in an argument (like I think any couple does) and to her its the end of the world...

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