I wish I could love my wife the way she wants me to

Im brand new to this site and found it extremely interesting and useful from what Ive read so far. to begin I have to say that this is extremely difficult for me mostly because I feel as if im betraying her or going behind her back by posting this. But I need advice and I dont feel that formal counseling would help. Ok, this mite be long so let me appologize in advance. To begin I met my wife in January of 2012, and got her preg by march of the same year. We were just starting to see eachother seriously and everything seemed fine as almost all relationships do on the begining. Once I heard the news I felt compelled to ask her to marry me because of the baby. I just felt that it was the rite thing to do. I was 28 witb a child from a previous marriage and she had 2 of her own from 2 other guys. I felt that we were adults and needed to own up to our responsibilities. She agreed and we seemed to be happy about it. First feeling that came over me was that besides trying to do the rite thing I should also be deeply in love with her and have had enough time to get to know her as a person before making such a bold decision. After a few months we found out that we had unfortunately lost the baby. She was absutely devasted as was I but I couldnt deny the fact that I strongly felt that it was an op portunity for us to do thing the "rite way". She was so upset that she begged me to promise her to try again immediatly. I did not want to at all but felt horrible telling her that because I didnt want her to think that I regreted it in the first place. My feelings for her were strong and it broke my heart to see her lime this. It felt hundreds of times worse to know that if I told her to take some major steps backwards that I would crush her even more. So I did what she wanted. Needless to say we got pregs again and everything with that sittuation went perfectly. during that time I moved her and my now 2 step sons in ages 10 and 6 and started out new life. As time went on we obviously began to learn more about eachother and thats when I started to realize that she was not the kind of person overall that I could see myself with. She had no control over her children mostly because her parents were the ones that did most of the care taking of the oldest boy and the youngest sp ent most of him time with his dad that she openly hates. The reason that she did not spend most of her time with her children is because she was pursuing a career in professional wrestling and was traveling from one city to another. From what she tells me this had been going on for close to four years. I did not agree with this but I was also not in the picture. iny opinion and standards of rasing children I thought that they were nothing close to how I would want them to be or should act according to their ages. But I am not the father and as she has made it very clear I was only a weekend dad and knew nothing. The excuse for it it all was that they are kids/boys and are supposed to be that way. I agreed in one sense but one the other hand children dont just wake up one day and say "ok I am an adult now amd will start acting like one". I tried to talk about postponing the wedding and she went absutely insane. I gave in again and we were married a weekend later just to get i t over with. I did.t want to but she made it very clear how much iteant to her. Another problem I ran into was her insane jealousy and damaged image of what men are like. From what she tells me her parents were very strict on her and took her to get her female parts checked until the age of 16. She also said that her father told her constantly that he had wished she was a boy and that his image of what a woman is physically should be blonde with long legs and a nice chest. My wife is opposite of that, she is brunette with gorgeously blue eyes, 5"5, has naturally thick muscular legs, DD breast size. Needless to say she is beyong gorgeous in my eyes and I would actually preffer her over that blonde image her dad told her about. Ive told her that countless times. But no matter what she felt as of it was only a matter of time before I would cheat. She left her parents house at 17 with both of her middle fingers up to the world and started living on her own as only a young girl in her shoes could. She was bartending, working at nightclubs and making under th e table cash to get by. Also living with trash roomate after roomate getting invloved With the wrong crowd. She then got involved with some "wrestlers" and they promised her a career. I came to find out that it was notbing but an underground circle of scumbags and that she had done some fetisb videos wrestling in a very small bikini that was easily torn off. During this time she had already had her first child by aucb older man that she claims raped her...I later discovered for myself that it was all an entire lie. I hated questioning her story, but everytime she told her story some of it major details would change So I had to do it. Her excuse for doing the fetish videos was because she needed to support her family because the father of her second child was a huge abusive waste of a man. she tells me that the only reason she married him was because she wanted a father for her first son and that she lost her virginity to him in highschool so it was only rite. She also explained that while she was in the hospital after her "rape" he swore to her that he would love her and raise him as his own. She then had a baby with him because she tried to fix their marriage and wanted a companion for her first child. I appologize for the long post again especially of this is confusing but I have to get it offy chest some how. Anyway so obviously she has had a rough past when it comes to men amd I "for a while" was paying for it. It had gotten so bad that we had seperated during her 8th month of pregnancy. I felt absolutely horrible but the yelling and arguments were unbareable and affecting the kids. I just could not do it. I Continued to see her and support her while she was staying at her parents house. After she gave birth "I was very much a part of it" I took her back in and we began living together again. All seemed good but after a few months more of her past began to surface and show their true colors. A nasty argument toom place and I thought for sure we were done. I then took a breather and told myself that her past is there for a reason so leave it there. But at the same tims these were no white lies or even just a story of a young girl having fun and exploring herself. But anyway I held in there and swollowed it. Next issue is that she absolutely can NOT get over the fact that I was once married and had a child. She hates that she is not my first anything. To make matters worse my first wife is hispanic and for some reason she is so deeply in competition with hispanic and Black woman. before me she almost exclusively hung out with blacks and hispanics. her "reason" for this is because they were the only ones that accepted her because she was a "white girl" with a big butt and that the white guys and girls didnt like that. I myself am hispanic and grew up in the rougher parts of new Jersey were most of the population was of hispanic or African American decent. So because of that she fears that I preffer that type of woman over her. Being tgat my first wife is hispanic she is now in a secret death chess game with my ex. She feels that ever move or every phone call or text is a diabolical plan to steal me back NOT because she wants me but because hispanic and black woman like my wife do that kind of stuff just because. She also claims that my ex wife is a leech and only wants me because I have a career now especially since my ex wife just broke up with her husband amd has moved back to her motbers house whicb is only an hour and a half away from me. I DO NOT have a hateful relationship with my ex simply because I do not hold grudges. Posted via Mobile Device

Put the internet to work for you. via Personal Recipe 2629979