Wife's libido has been virtually removed surgically!

My wife of 20 years underwent a hysterectomy just a few years after we married. Our sex life wasn't great before marriage, I was hoping things would improve, but afterwards, it deteriorated, due to the problem that caused the hysterectomy. About a decade ago, a gynaecologist perforated her bladder (as he told it) while separating the bladder from her bowel. However, as we discovered later, he had also perforated her bowel. Long story short, she had a total of 6 operations to save her life. Luckily, she has moved on from that. Psychologically, spiritually, emotionally, she is over it. Never talks about it. Sexually, it's dead, physically, she looks like she was vandalised by the surgeons. You can see why she never wants to talk about it, and she doesn't want to talk about our total lack of sex, either. Ignores it altogether. As you can imagine, our sex life was/is/will be about zero. She masturbates herself about once every second year, and isn't interested in my invitation to join in. So, I just have to relieve myself and forget about it. After quite a number of years of no sex, I am now at my wit's end. I started drinking heavily in an effort to forget about sex on a daily basis, but finally came to the realisation that we will NEVER make love again, and that she isn't interested in sex at all. I managed to cut down drinking, after she threatened to divorce me for that. Now I've managed to cut down drinking even more, because I started to get health complications and now I realise that alcohol wasn't helping at all. I don't drink much at all now, and my attitude has wisened up so I can face the real problem. I feel like a house mate more than a husband, and I am sick of playing this role. We have no kids and I am now considering leaving the marriage, because I want to become happy as a man once again. I can't look for anyone else while we're married, and so I need to leave my wife. She'll take this hard, she won't see it coming, she'll probably never remarry unless she marries someone who doesn't want sex. But as for me, the thought of living my life without ever having sex again is just too much. I think I'm venting here, but I'd love to know what people here think about this. I've looked at forums about when a spouse isn't interested in sex, but she's virtually had her libido removed surgically. When we sued the gynaecologist, we were also asked to see a sexual psychologist. My wife insisted she didn't need any help. But I told our lawyer that I wanted to sue the medico, because my sex life had been destroyed too. However, the female lawyer ignored not only my written requests, but also my verbal requests. Given the total lack of support for MY side of things, I have had enough and want to create a new life for myself. I'd love to hear what you think about this, because I've only come to this conclusion in the last few months, although I've already decided that I SHOULD leave her. The pain is palpable, because we are very close in every other respect - except physically and sexually, but it's impossible to separate these from a person, but half a dozen operations gave certainly separated my wife's sexuality, from her and me. I feel selfish for wanting to leave to have a normal sex life, but I do NOT want to be celibate for the rest of my life!

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