New career creating conflict

I am a first time visitor to this site. I will be the first to admit that maybe thinking about divorce is jumping the gun a bit, since we haven't even tried counseling, but I'm starting to think that we're really at a fork in the road of our relationship. My husband and I have been married for almost 4 years, and together for 8 (we are both in our early 30's). From the beginning, he has been very clear about wanting a family and children, and that having those are actually his goal in life. I think its a noble thing and a very valued trait, to have a man who wanted to get married and have children. When we got married, I told him that I also wanted to have children, buy a house and build a home together. So, we bought the perfect house in the perfect surburban neighborhood, adopted the perfect dog, and started to build our "perfect" life. For the past 3 years, our relationship, at least in my mind, has deteriorated. I don't feel like we have anything in common, we don't have fun together, we don't enjoy each other's company, and I can't even think of the last time either of us made the other laugh. By the way, the sex is non-existent, and when it does exist, it is more like a routine than anything resembling passion. Fast forw ard to 4 years later, and we have put off children because the year after we got married, I decided to go back to school for a masters degree to have a higher level position, but in the same field that I have been working in. He was not pleased with the idea of me going back to school and delaying his plans for children, and accused me of "stalling." I denied this, of course, but looking back on it now, I think maybe I was stalling a bit. As of today, I am a few weeks away from graduation, and have already accepted a job offer for a new position that will utilize my degree. It is a position that I have long coveted, and really is a dream come true to me. The down side, is that at least for a couple years, until I really become an asset to the team, I will be working an average of 60 to 80 hours per week. I did not take this job without talking to him about it, but after discussion, it was clear that he did not want me to take it. He did know that it was something I wanted, s o he told me to take it anyway, which I did. I will not be starting this job for about 2 months. Now, he feels that I am choosing this job over him and our marriage, and that I'm throwing away everything we have in exchange for personal ambition, my own ego, and just being plain selfish. The truth is, I knew he would hate this idea of me working these hours, that it would not be feasible to have children for a few more years, and that it would require me to spend a ton of time away from him. I saw this job as my way out, I guess. I feel like the bottom line in our marriage is that we don't even like each other. I don't like to compare my relationship to anyone else's, but I can't help noticing that my couple friends are affectionate, loving, and smiling with their partners. My husband and I sit through silent dinners, silent car rides, and barely sit next to each other at social gatherings. He feels like our relationship has taken a downhill slide, but he feels like the love is still there, and he desperately wants to stay married to me. However, he wants to be married to the version of me who wants to be a wife and part-time working mother, not the high-powered career driven version of me. He has been the one to bring up divorce, and I'm not agreeing or disagreeing at this point. I guess what I'm asking is...am I being completely selfish to pursue my goal and ambitions (even though this goal wasn't present before we got married), or is he being selfish in not willing to stick it out a few more years to see what happens? He feels like he needs someone who shares his goals, and I feel like I need someone who allows me to pursue mine. He thinks that I have strung him along for the last 8 years because I didn't know what I wanted to do with my life yet, and that I have been deceitful, though not intentionally. The idea of splitting up, selling our home, dividing our things, and having to break this news to his very large, very loving and close knit family is devastating.

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