Its a long story but I will try and shorten it up.
Im 28 she is 29. Married under 6 months. No kids. We have been together for over 5 years. I work more than full time. She can not hold a job or find one.
At this point in time I know I want a divorce but I have not forced myself to man up and tell her to leave.
It started when I started a new high pressure job that I only lasted 3 months at. I had taken the job due to the pay and health insurance being affordable enough that she did not have to work while we tried to start a family. The hours were too long and It ate up my free time. I started to neglect her and started smoking way too much weed. I was so stressed about work I was having nightmares about the next day.
I lined my old job back up and went back for a small raise. Money was still tight but I could manage it. The problem was that I was still not giving the attention I should of been. There was a major breaking point on my birthday. I came home and was in a really depressed mood and told her I did not want to go out anywhere. She burst into tears and started to tell me she didnt know if she could take our relationship anymore. I admitted my faults as a husband and promised to turn it around. I meant it.
For the next 2 days I took her out and tried to get her to enjoy herself after work. I looked back at our old relationship and said I wanted it back and went for it. On the 3rd day she left me.... It was the same day as my sisters wedding recital.
After a sad phone call and some texts one in which she told me "I could find a better wife" I agreed to go into no contact mode. I struggled through my sisters recital and wedding with my head held as high as I could and the best smile I could muster. It was the hardest day of my life.
Curiosity took over and one morning I took a drive past her sisters place. Her sister had left her boyfriend (who was working with my wife) for the man across the street. Her car was at her sis's ex boyfriends house at 5am in the morning. I was devastated and in denial. I than decided to turn my game on to get her back. I managed to pull off a date with her that she ended up cancelling on me. She came back home to spill the beans on her having sex with him. She also lied to me several times to minimize what she had done.
I came clean on a few lies I had been hiding from her. The worst of which was that I had done some harder drugs off and on for the last year. (meth) I never got hooked and quit after that. We lasted 4 days and she went back to the other man.
I was hit with a bombshell from the family that it may be bipolar disorder that I was not aware of but they always thought she had. I obtained proof of the affair for legal reasons.
Over the next month 1/2 she came and went 4 more times each time ending back up with this other man. Each time I mentioned divorce she would run back to me and try to make up with me being as great as she had ever been. After a few days of that she would turn cold on me and leave.
I made the mistake of telling my friends and family and now that I have taken her back I have lost my friends. My family still loves me but they are not coming around as much.
She has continued to stay but has been cold and not open to what I need to regain my security and trust in her. In her mind what I had done with the drug secret was worse than what she did, and she even has said on multiple occasions that because she left me each time that it was not technically cheating. I told her that she is my WIFE and if she sleeps with another man that it is cheating... she disagrees.
So over the past 3 weeks every day has felt more and more like I am coming home to a roommate that I dont like, and I dont love her anymore. The problem is that I want to love her and I cant.
I am embarrassed to have taken her back and disgusted by her actions. I am ashamed of myself for keeping things from her but I don't think I can get passed what she did to me. Especially when I am not getting the openness that I think is required after this sort of problem.
THIS IS THE SHORT VERSION and Im thinking I need to start writing about this for a book someday because it gets deeper the further you dig. All I need is for a Maury appearance where I am not the father. Which wont happen by the way.
Oh and on the bipolar theory, she has refused seeing a doctor about it to even get tested to see if she has it.
Its not a matter of If its a matter of when. I need a divorce. Now before it gets worse. I feel bad because she has nothing without me, until I think of what she did.
So go ahead and comment on this situation.
And how do I go about sitting her down for the divorce talk
Im 28 she is 29. Married under 6 months. No kids. We have been together for over 5 years. I work more than full time. She can not hold a job or find one.
At this point in time I know I want a divorce but I have not forced myself to man up and tell her to leave.
It started when I started a new high pressure job that I only lasted 3 months at. I had taken the job due to the pay and health insurance being affordable enough that she did not have to work while we tried to start a family. The hours were too long and It ate up my free time. I started to neglect her and started smoking way too much weed. I was so stressed about work I was having nightmares about the next day.
I lined my old job back up and went back for a small raise. Money was still tight but I could manage it. The problem was that I was still not giving the attention I should of been. There was a major breaking point on my birthday. I came home and was in a really depressed mood and told her I did not want to go out anywhere. She burst into tears and started to tell me she didnt know if she could take our relationship anymore. I admitted my faults as a husband and promised to turn it around. I meant it.
For the next 2 days I took her out and tried to get her to enjoy herself after work. I looked back at our old relationship and said I wanted it back and went for it. On the 3rd day she left me.... It was the same day as my sisters wedding recital.
After a sad phone call and some texts one in which she told me "I could find a better wife" I agreed to go into no contact mode. I struggled through my sisters recital and wedding with my head held as high as I could and the best smile I could muster. It was the hardest day of my life.
Curiosity took over and one morning I took a drive past her sisters place. Her sister had left her boyfriend (who was working with my wife) for the man across the street. Her car was at her sis's ex boyfriends house at 5am in the morning. I was devastated and in denial. I than decided to turn my game on to get her back. I managed to pull off a date with her that she ended up cancelling on me. She came back home to spill the beans on her having sex with him. She also lied to me several times to minimize what she had done.
I came clean on a few lies I had been hiding from her. The worst of which was that I had done some harder drugs off and on for the last year. (meth) I never got hooked and quit after that. We lasted 4 days and she went back to the other man.
I was hit with a bombshell from the family that it may be bipolar disorder that I was not aware of but they always thought she had. I obtained proof of the affair for legal reasons.
Over the next month 1/2 she came and went 4 more times each time ending back up with this other man. Each time I mentioned divorce she would run back to me and try to make up with me being as great as she had ever been. After a few days of that she would turn cold on me and leave.
I made the mistake of telling my friends and family and now that I have taken her back I have lost my friends. My family still loves me but they are not coming around as much.
She has continued to stay but has been cold and not open to what I need to regain my security and trust in her. In her mind what I had done with the drug secret was worse than what she did, and she even has said on multiple occasions that because she left me each time that it was not technically cheating. I told her that she is my WIFE and if she sleeps with another man that it is cheating... she disagrees.
So over the past 3 weeks every day has felt more and more like I am coming home to a roommate that I dont like, and I dont love her anymore. The problem is that I want to love her and I cant.
I am embarrassed to have taken her back and disgusted by her actions. I am ashamed of myself for keeping things from her but I don't think I can get passed what she did to me. Especially when I am not getting the openness that I think is required after this sort of problem.
THIS IS THE SHORT VERSION and Im thinking I need to start writing about this for a book someday because it gets deeper the further you dig. All I need is for a Maury appearance where I am not the father. Which wont happen by the way.
Oh and on the bipolar theory, she has refused seeing a doctor about it to even get tested to see if she has it.
Its not a matter of If its a matter of when. I need a divorce. Now before it gets worse. I feel bad because she has nothing without me, until I think of what she did.
So go ahead and comment on this situation.
And how do I go about sitting her down for the divorce talk
Put the internet to work for you.
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