I have a good friend who is in a bit of a bad situation. I know that he won't post and ask for advice, so I'm doing it for him in hopes of hearing about other people's experiences.
He was married for 14 years and was completely blindsided by his wife's midlife crisis. After years of being "blissfully happy" (her own words) being a stay-at-home mother to his three children, she decided to begin going out at night to listen to local bands and occasionally singing in them. Suddenly, she's learning how to play guitar and staying out all night. After a new months of this, she announces that he's "boring" and she wants a divorce. He's so stunned and derailed by her choice that he decides to be congenial and agrees to child support of nearly $1,500 a month as he's earning a six-figure income in sales.
After his divorce is final, he's fired from his job (lack of focus during the divorce led to lower productivity) and due to the recession, he has a great deal of difficulty finding a new position to replace the one he lost. After three years of unemployment, then underemployment, he's finally employed again, making about half of what he was making before.
Meanwhile, his former wife has (after the divorce) started dating a wanna-be rock star, and marries a year after the divorce. She is his fifth wife and he is her third husband (my friend was number two.) She understood that ex-husband couldn't pay that child support while he was unemployed and then underemployed, but now that he's working again, she seems to think that he owes her for all the back support not paid.
They split custody 50/50. Newly married Mrs. Wannabe Rock Star never attended college and doesn't make much. Mr. Wannabe made $16k last year, as live shows evidently don't pay much.
Basically, she wants her former husband to pay child support to contribute to her household income, despite the fact that he pays for all the kid's extra expenses (school fees, sports, clubs, medical bills, etc.) Meanwhile, its been discovered that Mr. Wannabe was recently arrested for his third DUI, and will soon be in court as a "persistent offender" and may be serving time soon.
Its hard to know how to counsel him in this situation. The kids have suffered terribly from their mother's decision to break up the family, and they don't care much for the new stepdad. There's some evidence that points to this relationship beginning prior to her asking for the divorce, but we live in a no-fault state.
Needless to say, it just doesn't seem fair that he has to pay her anything in this situation (she received half his retirement in the split, which made for a great down payment on her new home where Mr. Wannabe now lives rent-free with her) and my friend had to liquidate his half of his retirement just to make ends meet during the un/underemployment period of time.
I've been encouraging him to see an attorney and get a modification done, but he's so dreading spending money on an attorney and rehashing the whole matter that he's stalling.
Does anyone have any advice as to what he can do to take care of this situation? He's tempted to bring up Wannabe's upcoming trial to make the case that he's an unsuitable step-parent as he obviously has a drinking problem; and see if he can get custodial custody as a result. He doesn't want to keep his kids from seeing their mom, but he's just not interested in paying to subsidize the Wannabe household income when he's already footing the bill for their extra expenses.
Any advice or sharing of experiences would be appreciated. Thank you!
He was married for 14 years and was completely blindsided by his wife's midlife crisis. After years of being "blissfully happy" (her own words) being a stay-at-home mother to his three children, she decided to begin going out at night to listen to local bands and occasionally singing in them. Suddenly, she's learning how to play guitar and staying out all night. After a new months of this, she announces that he's "boring" and she wants a divorce. He's so stunned and derailed by her choice that he decides to be congenial and agrees to child support of nearly $1,500 a month as he's earning a six-figure income in sales.
After his divorce is final, he's fired from his job (lack of focus during the divorce led to lower productivity) and due to the recession, he has a great deal of difficulty finding a new position to replace the one he lost. After three years of unemployment, then underemployment, he's finally employed again, making about half of what he was making before.
Meanwhile, his former wife has (after the divorce) started dating a wanna-be rock star, and marries a year after the divorce. She is his fifth wife and he is her third husband (my friend was number two.) She understood that ex-husband couldn't pay that child support while he was unemployed and then underemployed, but now that he's working again, she seems to think that he owes her for all the back support not paid.
They split custody 50/50. Newly married Mrs. Wannabe Rock Star never attended college and doesn't make much. Mr. Wannabe made $16k last year, as live shows evidently don't pay much.
Basically, she wants her former husband to pay child support to contribute to her household income, despite the fact that he pays for all the kid's extra expenses (school fees, sports, clubs, medical bills, etc.) Meanwhile, its been discovered that Mr. Wannabe was recently arrested for his third DUI, and will soon be in court as a "persistent offender" and may be serving time soon.
Its hard to know how to counsel him in this situation. The kids have suffered terribly from their mother's decision to break up the family, and they don't care much for the new stepdad. There's some evidence that points to this relationship beginning prior to her asking for the divorce, but we live in a no-fault state.
Needless to say, it just doesn't seem fair that he has to pay her anything in this situation (she received half his retirement in the split, which made for a great down payment on her new home where Mr. Wannabe now lives rent-free with her) and my friend had to liquidate his half of his retirement just to make ends meet during the un/underemployment period of time.
I've been encouraging him to see an attorney and get a modification done, but he's so dreading spending money on an attorney and rehashing the whole matter that he's stalling.
Does anyone have any advice as to what he can do to take care of this situation? He's tempted to bring up Wannabe's upcoming trial to make the case that he's an unsuitable step-parent as he obviously has a drinking problem; and see if he can get custodial custody as a result. He doesn't want to keep his kids from seeing their mom, but he's just not interested in paying to subsidize the Wannabe household income when he's already footing the bill for their extra expenses.
Any advice or sharing of experiences would be appreciated. Thank you!
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