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im in need of desperate help!!!!!!

hello my names jordan im 25 years old have to wonderful kids and an amazing wife that ive been married to since august 13,2011.
Me and my wife have gone through a lot since we started dating and even up till now. I've said and done some mean, nasty things i could honestly right a book about and im not proud or happy about the things ive said and done i cant take back cause i dont have a time machine and i wish i did. We seem to fight all the time especially about the past i hate it and i know she does as well but nothing seems to get better most of the time it blows over but i seem to be on thin ice all the time. Her main problem with me is she wants me to change my attitude be more consdering but when we fight i feel like im being shot down always having cheap thoughts thrown at me being put down so what do i do i go into attack mode and i HATE IT!!!!! I cant remember the guy i used to be when we first met she wants that guy back but i cant remember how i used to be. I want to change to be better for us and especially for our 2 kids. I ask her what can i do she tells me ive tried helping you yo ur to lazy to put work into this realtionship. Please help me i dont want to lose her but i dont know what to do.

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