Hello everyone...
My name is Dave and I'm a 54 year old married man. I really don't know where to begin, but I'm going to give it my best. I've been married to my third wife (yes ...third...and you'll see why I have relationship troubles as you read on) for 8 years now and we've been together for about 12 years. I left my previous wife for my current wife whom I blamed for all my woes (without ever bothering to think it might be me). My current wife knew I was married at the time, but we entered into an affair regardless.
When my current wife and I got together, I was in poor health. I was obese, on BP and cholesterol meds, and suffered from a low libido. Back in 2010 I went in for a physical and my doctor said the BP, cholesterol meds weren't really working and I was on the fast track to diabetes if I didn't change my habits. Wake up call. He gave me 3 months to see what I could do. In 3 months I dropped 50lbs and had perfect blood stats, so much so that my doc took me entirely off meds. I have since maintained my health and have actually improved dramatically. I began running and lifting. Last year I ran 7 half marathons, 2 10K races, and 1 Tough Mudder challenge. I packed on 30 lbs of muscle and am more fit than many men 20-30 years my junior.
Not long after that, my wife went through menopause and had lost her desire for sex completely. One of the unfortunate side effects of my becoming fit is that my libido came back with a vengeance. As my wife once put it...I was like an animal in rut. I was constantly after her almost every waking moment. The only problem was...she wasn't interested...and here's where I really began screwing things up...
I would post my progress on facebook. I'd put up pics of me in my races, of me performing lifts. This garnered the attention of women. 3 years ago I began an online affair with another woman who gave me the attention I craved (I'll explain this soon). It got to the point where we had planned to meet for sex. She was married and made it clear that it was only for sex. Before that happened, my wife found out. I severed the relationship and we went into counseling. After about a year, nothing really got resolved in the "bedroom department", but I "thought" I had come to terms with it.
Things were good for the past few years though. My wife would often tell me how I get checked out by the ladies while we were out, but I would let it slide. What I really wanted was for her to desire me...And that is where the cycle began. I began thinking that if I just got a bit leaner, more muscular, that she would have no choice but to want me. I began cycling anabolics and got very muscular and fit. Yes, I'll say it...I looked really good. The only problem is...I wasn't getting the attention from my wife..I was getting it from other women.
Fast forward to this last Thanksgiving when I pleaded with her in tears for her affection and attention. She simply told me that it isn't there. She told me that she doesn't feel any desire for me...or even an inkling of desire if she sees another attractive man. I begged her because another woman was coming on strong to me on facebook...and I did not turn her away. We exchanged explicit photos, we sexted. This other woman told me repeatedly how much she wanted me...She fed that "demon" inside me. We had made plans to meet when I met another woman locally who helped me let go and put the other woman behind me. I knew that what I was doing was wrong, but I couldn't stop. This other woman told me though that if I weren't married, things could be so much more "different" than simply platonic...if you know what I mean.
My wife found out about these two women the week before last and confronted me. I came clean and admitted to having an emotional affair with both. I broke down and told her why. Oddly enough, she told me that I might want to consider a mistress, but that she (my wife) would always be first and that my mistress would just be a sex partner. I told her that that is not what I wanted...I wanted her. I wanted her to put her arms around me and say "Kiss me you gorgeous hunk of man!"
And that is where it hit me...Self esteem, body image issues. I began researching and the more I researched, the more I found out that I may be suffering from NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder) and/or HPD (Histrionic Personality Disorder)...The need for attention/affection. I did a lot of introspection and finally realized that I do put myself out on display for women. I did it with my current wife when I was married to my ex. I'm manipulative with women. I seduce them to garner attention. I have since contacted my medical facility and requested an evaluation as all the online tests I've taken seem to reaffirm my conclusion(s).
I need help. I want to save my marriage and my wife is willing to help me. We are currently sleeping in separate beds, but we have shared intimate moments just cuddling, holding, hugging watching movies together. I won't be seen/evaluated until the 20th and until then, I have acquired a few books on NPD and others as well. I'm reading "The Five Love Languages" and find it very interesting. I have always communicated to my wife through "acts of service" like making/bringing her her coffee every morning, doing all the cooking, surprising her with her favorite chocolate, building her garden beds for her...things like that, but just maybe she speaks another language I have yet to realize. Time will tell.
I have betrayed the trust of a woman I deeply love because of my own selfish/twisted needs. I aim to put an end to it...NOW. I want to grow old with this woman...and I came very close to losing her not once, but twice. I don't know why I never connected the dots before. Hell, I have even spoken to therapists in the past over my depression in relationships and they never even drew a correlation to my behavior and my indiscretions. Now I am going to have it addressed and work on a plan to reestablish the trust I have managed to dismantle so effectively.
Thank you for reading.
My name is Dave and I'm a 54 year old married man. I really don't know where to begin, but I'm going to give it my best. I've been married to my third wife (yes ...third...and you'll see why I have relationship troubles as you read on) for 8 years now and we've been together for about 12 years. I left my previous wife for my current wife whom I blamed for all my woes (without ever bothering to think it might be me). My current wife knew I was married at the time, but we entered into an affair regardless.
When my current wife and I got together, I was in poor health. I was obese, on BP and cholesterol meds, and suffered from a low libido. Back in 2010 I went in for a physical and my doctor said the BP, cholesterol meds weren't really working and I was on the fast track to diabetes if I didn't change my habits. Wake up call. He gave me 3 months to see what I could do. In 3 months I dropped 50lbs and had perfect blood stats, so much so that my doc took me entirely off meds. I have since maintained my health and have actually improved dramatically. I began running and lifting. Last year I ran 7 half marathons, 2 10K races, and 1 Tough Mudder challenge. I packed on 30 lbs of muscle and am more fit than many men 20-30 years my junior.
Not long after that, my wife went through menopause and had lost her desire for sex completely. One of the unfortunate side effects of my becoming fit is that my libido came back with a vengeance. As my wife once put it...I was like an animal in rut. I was constantly after her almost every waking moment. The only problem was...she wasn't interested...and here's where I really began screwing things up...
I would post my progress on facebook. I'd put up pics of me in my races, of me performing lifts. This garnered the attention of women. 3 years ago I began an online affair with another woman who gave me the attention I craved (I'll explain this soon). It got to the point where we had planned to meet for sex. She was married and made it clear that it was only for sex. Before that happened, my wife found out. I severed the relationship and we went into counseling. After about a year, nothing really got resolved in the "bedroom department", but I "thought" I had come to terms with it.
Things were good for the past few years though. My wife would often tell me how I get checked out by the ladies while we were out, but I would let it slide. What I really wanted was for her to desire me...And that is where the cycle began. I began thinking that if I just got a bit leaner, more muscular, that she would have no choice but to want me. I began cycling anabolics and got very muscular and fit. Yes, I'll say it...I looked really good. The only problem is...I wasn't getting the attention from my wife..I was getting it from other women.
Fast forward to this last Thanksgiving when I pleaded with her in tears for her affection and attention. She simply told me that it isn't there. She told me that she doesn't feel any desire for me...or even an inkling of desire if she sees another attractive man. I begged her because another woman was coming on strong to me on facebook...and I did not turn her away. We exchanged explicit photos, we sexted. This other woman told me repeatedly how much she wanted me...She fed that "demon" inside me. We had made plans to meet when I met another woman locally who helped me let go and put the other woman behind me. I knew that what I was doing was wrong, but I couldn't stop. This other woman told me though that if I weren't married, things could be so much more "different" than simply platonic...if you know what I mean.
My wife found out about these two women the week before last and confronted me. I came clean and admitted to having an emotional affair with both. I broke down and told her why. Oddly enough, she told me that I might want to consider a mistress, but that she (my wife) would always be first and that my mistress would just be a sex partner. I told her that that is not what I wanted...I wanted her. I wanted her to put her arms around me and say "Kiss me you gorgeous hunk of man!"
And that is where it hit me...Self esteem, body image issues. I began researching and the more I researched, the more I found out that I may be suffering from NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder) and/or HPD (Histrionic Personality Disorder)...The need for attention/affection. I did a lot of introspection and finally realized that I do put myself out on display for women. I did it with my current wife when I was married to my ex. I'm manipulative with women. I seduce them to garner attention. I have since contacted my medical facility and requested an evaluation as all the online tests I've taken seem to reaffirm my conclusion(s).
I need help. I want to save my marriage and my wife is willing to help me. We are currently sleeping in separate beds, but we have shared intimate moments just cuddling, holding, hugging watching movies together. I won't be seen/evaluated until the 20th and until then, I have acquired a few books on NPD and others as well. I'm reading "The Five Love Languages" and find it very interesting. I have always communicated to my wife through "acts of service" like making/bringing her her coffee every morning, doing all the cooking, surprising her with her favorite chocolate, building her garden beds for her...things like that, but just maybe she speaks another language I have yet to realize. Time will tell.
I have betrayed the trust of a woman I deeply love because of my own selfish/twisted needs. I aim to put an end to it...NOW. I want to grow old with this woman...and I came very close to losing her not once, but twice. I don't know why I never connected the dots before. Hell, I have even spoken to therapists in the past over my depression in relationships and they never even drew a correlation to my behavior and my indiscretions. Now I am going to have it addressed and work on a plan to reestablish the trust I have managed to dismantle so effectively.
Thank you for reading.
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