Early twenties, married almost 4 years. She has issues with intimacy and romance - rarely looks me in the eyes, doesn't like to cuddle for long at all.
I have a serious need for physical attention. I mean seriously. Purely non-sexual (surprisingly our sex life is great) but it's never been something she's been able to give me.
First off I feel absolutely freaking awful for wanting something she can't provide.
Secondly we've spoken about it lots, how touchy-feely I was at the beginning of our relationship (it's been much better controlled since), how much I crave it now.
Usually whenever I wasn't feeling great or just felt like it I'd go to touch her or hug and cuddle her anything like that. She's reject me lots so I'd ignore it mostly by excessive gaming. Long story short I don't want to spend the rest of my life like that, ignoring what's actually going on.
The past 8 months now she's found a volunteering job (still relying on me financially, which is fine and I'm happy to do it) and made a new friend of her own (which is great, she's out of the house more and stuff). Basically she's becoming more independent and less held back by her MH issues (PTSD, BPD).
My shifts have changed in the last few months and work has gotten a lot harder for me. I don't have any real friends left at all (as shown by my abysmal birthday do where 1 person showed up) and I'm incredibly lonely.
She can be right there across the room but then she'll reject me and I'll block it out but I still feel so lonely.
I've always been a touchy-feely person. I love hugs and cuddling and literally anything like that, being warm and cosy with a duvet on the couch and just the feeling of closeness to another person.
I've spoken to her about it a lot, we've agreed that I'm allowed a "cuddle friend" (tried it once with someone I met at a party, was great they had a nice time but I think they were too weirded out by it). I know my wife is trying her best to be there for me too but it's just not enough.
I'm in a position now where I could possibly go on holiday overseas meet up with someone I speak to online and literally just cuddle and talk the whole time. I know most guys want to be unfaithful for sexual desire but that's not what I want at all. I want to be faithful for her, I would do anything for her outright. The only problem is how I've been managing it so far isn't good for me, only trying to pry open my emotions has shown me that.
Recently started talking to someone new and looked like we were becoming really good friends. We spoke lots and everything was great. We even mentioned meeting up sometime and then it got a bit more intense with descriptions of cuddling and massages. I got a bit uncomfortable when they started mentioning kissing a few times and made that clear (I'd done my best to make myself clear from the beginning). This upset them terribly and now I feel absolutely awful.
I feel like I've been dumped again, like I've been winded and all of my chest cavity hollowed out and I can't deny the fact that I've finally slid into full blown depression again.
TL;DR:
Is it wrong to want to meet people for the express purpose of platonic intimacy and friendship?
Why do I feel so genuinely distraught over the idea of hurting a potential new good friend in a way that only a scorned lover should?
I love my wife. I know I do but do I/should I love someone else as well?
Edit - found the last time I posted here......
http://ift.tt/1BqP3bV
I would have thought that we were never better.. but looking back on that I'm not so sure, only difference is how much I'm trying to do something other than gaming.
I have a serious need for physical attention. I mean seriously. Purely non-sexual (surprisingly our sex life is great) but it's never been something she's been able to give me.
First off I feel absolutely freaking awful for wanting something she can't provide.
Secondly we've spoken about it lots, how touchy-feely I was at the beginning of our relationship (it's been much better controlled since), how much I crave it now.
Usually whenever I wasn't feeling great or just felt like it I'd go to touch her or hug and cuddle her anything like that. She's reject me lots so I'd ignore it mostly by excessive gaming. Long story short I don't want to spend the rest of my life like that, ignoring what's actually going on.
The past 8 months now she's found a volunteering job (still relying on me financially, which is fine and I'm happy to do it) and made a new friend of her own (which is great, she's out of the house more and stuff). Basically she's becoming more independent and less held back by her MH issues (PTSD, BPD).
My shifts have changed in the last few months and work has gotten a lot harder for me. I don't have any real friends left at all (as shown by my abysmal birthday do where 1 person showed up) and I'm incredibly lonely.
She can be right there across the room but then she'll reject me and I'll block it out but I still feel so lonely.
I've always been a touchy-feely person. I love hugs and cuddling and literally anything like that, being warm and cosy with a duvet on the couch and just the feeling of closeness to another person.
I've spoken to her about it a lot, we've agreed that I'm allowed a "cuddle friend" (tried it once with someone I met at a party, was great they had a nice time but I think they were too weirded out by it). I know my wife is trying her best to be there for me too but it's just not enough.
I'm in a position now where I could possibly go on holiday overseas meet up with someone I speak to online and literally just cuddle and talk the whole time. I know most guys want to be unfaithful for sexual desire but that's not what I want at all. I want to be faithful for her, I would do anything for her outright. The only problem is how I've been managing it so far isn't good for me, only trying to pry open my emotions has shown me that.
Recently started talking to someone new and looked like we were becoming really good friends. We spoke lots and everything was great. We even mentioned meeting up sometime and then it got a bit more intense with descriptions of cuddling and massages. I got a bit uncomfortable when they started mentioning kissing a few times and made that clear (I'd done my best to make myself clear from the beginning). This upset them terribly and now I feel absolutely awful.
I feel like I've been dumped again, like I've been winded and all of my chest cavity hollowed out and I can't deny the fact that I've finally slid into full blown depression again.
TL;DR:
Is it wrong to want to meet people for the express purpose of platonic intimacy and friendship?
Why do I feel so genuinely distraught over the idea of hurting a potential new good friend in a way that only a scorned lover should?
I love my wife. I know I do but do I/should I love someone else as well?
Edit - found the last time I posted here......
http://ift.tt/1BqP3bV
I would have thought that we were never better.. but looking back on that I'm not so sure, only difference is how much I'm trying to do something other than gaming.
Put the internet to work for you.
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