I've been living in another country for about 1.5 years now, and my proficiency in the language is coming on but is certainly not fluent yet. This is largely out of fear. I was tested according to the European framework and I was given an upper intermediate/advanced level, but sometimes when I speak with natives I feel as if I would be given a beginners' level if they were to hear me.
I just believe that my accent sounds ridiculous and I just sound like an idiot, basically. I have been told this on certain occasions, and people have also mocked my accent, saying it's bizarre.
However, my native boyfriend and his two mates (a couple who live close to us and who we frequently see) all have an excellent level in English. According to the European framework, for those who are familiar, I'd definitely place them at a C1 a least.
They know I am shy, and have commented to my boyfriend about it behind my back. I try my best, and I think I am getting there, but sometimes it's hard. We spent NYE with them and at first they were all making jokes that I just didn't understand the references of.
My boyfriend's mate told him to say it in English, which led to me being further embarrassed at their bilingual abilities and my lack thereof. I try to make jokes etc. but I just hear myself speaking in this quiet little voice, and I bet they think it's silly.
I just don't feel like one of them. I cannot expect them to speak in English since i'm in their country, but I'd like to know how to feel more confident. I just feel like an outsider and the odd one out. Thanks for any advice
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