Feeling overwhelemed and in Limbo

I will try to keep it short. I am 47 my wife is 45. She woke me up one morning and said we needed to talk. The next thing I know she is telling me she is unhappy and thinks she doesn't love me anymore. As many of these posts go, I had no idea. We have a history of 30 years. 24 in marriage. Two kids. No serious fights EVER (I know some of you may suspect that but it is true). She packed a bag and left for her mothers. I started reading the forums. I started the 180 steps. I have been working out. I have lost 20 lbs. Female coworkers are complimenting me and it feels good. My wife and I had another conversation. I was a good listener, I did not judge, I did not accuse. I acknowledged her feelings. I did let her know that I believed that marriage was forever and that I was willing to work on the marriage. Talking with her she had no plan. She did tell me she was talking to a man but he was just a friend. I did not ask anything more and d id not show any anger for it. I know who it is. It is her former boss. He lives in another state. He is 15 to 20 years older than her and also divorced. As I said my kids are older. 22 and living at home while going to college and 16 finishing high school. Before she makes any changes she wants to make sure my youngest finishes high school and seems to want to keep them in the dark about our situation. I think this is crazy. Both are smart and have figured out what is exactly happening. They have asked me questions and I try to keep in simple. I will not use them against her but I will not tell them everything is okay when they clearly know otherwise. She isn't fooling anyone. My youngest calls her CRAY CRAY. They both have been very supportive. She told me the other day that she would stay one more day at her moms and asked if that was okay. HUH? I'm thinking to myself why are you telling me? I tell her that she should take as much time as she needs. I ca n take care of the house. At this point I figure she will move out to her moms and make the decision on what she will do. So I come home one day and she is home. She has started cleaning the house and doing laundry. Things weren't in that bad of shape as the kids and I have been on top of things. I figure once I came in she would make an excuse and just leave. She stays. She asks the family to sit on the couch and watch a show we usually watch. This includes me. She is acting like nothing happened. She is treating my very nice. My daughter keeps looking at me and mouthing CRAY CRAY (I love her so much). My wife brought fast food for all of us. I'm tripped out. She finally says she has to go and I walk her to the car. Honestly her attitude was like nothing had happened between us. She gets in her car, gives me a little smile and waves.

I'm not sure what happens next. I am 100% for reconciliation. If she said there was a chance I would work my hardest to repair the marriage.

I also realize (not saying emotionally prepared) to let her go to. It will hurt but I know I can get through it.

I'm not sure I can do either if she is going to move back in and play pretend house. I don't know what to think about this. On the one hand she is back in my sphere of influence. If nothing else I get to show my 180 steps move. On the other hand I'm not a pretend guy. It's just not me. I'm not sure what to make of this and she hasn't communicated anything more to me. I'm not sure what to do. If I confront her am I breaking the 180? Should I just say nothing let her come back and continue the 180? Really tripped out. Feels like I am in limbo.

Any thoughts appreciated.

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