For those of you who have read my previous threads, you will remember my angst over my wife's friends...for the rest of you here is my story in brief: married 9 years, together for 11 I am 43 she is 35 and we have a 4 yr old daughter. I have anger issues and am already in EA and IC. I accept full responsibility for the angry outbursts though none got physical and were only one or two per year most years.
Part of what has made reconciliation hard is my wife's complete detachment and the fact that she believes she fell in love with a mutual friend. Also, friends in the neighborhood, including her best friend all encouraged her to leave me and pursue the other- not good friends obviously but at the beginning of this journey my wife sided with them.
She takes one thing seriously at this point, fidelity. We both agreed to this at her request until we could get some space and time to think. The mutual friend she fell for got angry at her and told her to get her **** together. Then we found out her so called friends started spreading infidelity rumors about her, the ones I trust know it's bogus as do I because some of the stories and timing are impossible and don't add up!
Lastly my wife has fibromyalgia and has been severely impacted by the medications, changes in medication etc. we are now on a preplanned family trip to relatives and they too are noticing her imbalance.
So, many married and formerly married women on this site have mentioned how once they were done they were done and the thought of reconciliation was barely on the radar. As my suspicions that she was being influenced and struggling with her disease proved out to be true the more I want to stick by her and support her. Yes the anger issues are real and I am working hard on those, people are noticing.
180 is hardly working for me because she relies on me for so much given her ailments and now alienation from the so called friend group. I won't deny a certain level of sucker in my thought process but I also love her and want to help her and keep our family together. Her parents and mine know the level of effort I make to helping her and are so concerned about her health that they are worried something might go down. They don't know about all the rest yet, separation, infidelity rumors, etc.
I want my family to survive this, I want to help. I can honestly tell all of you that even if she had cheated I would work through it with her because the disease and mess have so thoroughly altered her reasoning.
Maybe I am an idiot. But never expected to be here and talking to her sometimes is like talking to a block of ice. Truly no chance for reconciliation?
Part of what has made reconciliation hard is my wife's complete detachment and the fact that she believes she fell in love with a mutual friend. Also, friends in the neighborhood, including her best friend all encouraged her to leave me and pursue the other- not good friends obviously but at the beginning of this journey my wife sided with them.
She takes one thing seriously at this point, fidelity. We both agreed to this at her request until we could get some space and time to think. The mutual friend she fell for got angry at her and told her to get her **** together. Then we found out her so called friends started spreading infidelity rumors about her, the ones I trust know it's bogus as do I because some of the stories and timing are impossible and don't add up!
Lastly my wife has fibromyalgia and has been severely impacted by the medications, changes in medication etc. we are now on a preplanned family trip to relatives and they too are noticing her imbalance.
So, many married and formerly married women on this site have mentioned how once they were done they were done and the thought of reconciliation was barely on the radar. As my suspicions that she was being influenced and struggling with her disease proved out to be true the more I want to stick by her and support her. Yes the anger issues are real and I am working hard on those, people are noticing.
180 is hardly working for me because she relies on me for so much given her ailments and now alienation from the so called friend group. I won't deny a certain level of sucker in my thought process but I also love her and want to help her and keep our family together. Her parents and mine know the level of effort I make to helping her and are so concerned about her health that they are worried something might go down. They don't know about all the rest yet, separation, infidelity rumors, etc.
I want my family to survive this, I want to help. I can honestly tell all of you that even if she had cheated I would work through it with her because the disease and mess have so thoroughly altered her reasoning.
Maybe I am an idiot. But never expected to be here and talking to her sometimes is like talking to a block of ice. Truly no chance for reconciliation?
Put the internet to work for you.
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