I think my stages of grief are all out of sorts. I guess, to be honest, I've been lying to myself this entire time. When my wife first left and declared her intent to divorce me, it was brief because she brought her parents in for support. I don't know why, I've never been violent or destructive (more on this later), but all in all, that conversation took all of 90 seconds. A lot of it was disbelief, for we did have a pretty crazy relationship, but no matter what, it always felt like it was meant to be forever. She moves out, and despite the empty apartment and the notices that the utility contracts were being terminated, it felt like a huge bluff. Even now, months later, it still feels like one big crank.
I guess I don't understand why. Yeah, we bickered and fought, but while I did have my flaws (lack of patience), she definitely brought more serious issues to the table. I'm on this forum, not in the court of law, I don't have any reason to lie. I still firmly believe that any problem she had with me was reactionary to her problems, and she didn't seem to like the alienated person I became as I ran out of ideas for solutions, along with patience and the will to compromise.
The divorce itself has been insulting to me, for a lack of better words. The papers themselves were angry and accusing. The demands were crazy, and the fact that her parents sought her a lawyer was insane. If the divorce was to go down, this could've been amicable. We don't have children, we don't have property, or anything else that would necessitate a lawyer. I didn't have an ace up my sleeve, I wasn't going to counterpetition with hate, and there wouldn't have been a single exploitable loophole on my end to ruin her life.
This is where I would think that she's made me out to be a monster, because at the end of the day, her parents paid a lot of money to get her divorced. The utility cancellation fees were insane. The lawyer's retainer, his constant contact with me by different forms of communication, and the legal fees all came out of her end. At one point, she even paid the rent, when I assume she thought she was going to get the apartment in the divorce. These are all things that she can't ever afford, and knowing her parents, she's in their pocket for a long time because of this. They've never been giving or helpful, even when things got desperate financially for a month, so seeing them pour an increasing amount of money into this makes me think she tells them that I'm violent and destructive.
After our hearing, the deal was that all charges and demands were going to be dropped (duh) in exchange for me signing her off of the apartment and our bank account. I sign her off of the apartment, but the bank we were supposed to sign her off together. What does she do? Goes to the bank, closes the account, and makes herself a check in the amount that was in the checking account. There wasn't much money in the checking account in the first place, since it was all in the savings that she didn't have access to, but by closing the checking account, she definitely spit in my face because that interferes with my direct deposit. At my company, it takes two full pay cycles to change how you want to get paid. I'm sick, healthwise. I have a stomach problem that is doing me in, and she never took it seriously enough in our marriage to where she has no idea how badly she screwed me with the closing of the bank account.
And now? Perfect strangers. We've never met. We were never married. I see people here talking to their husbands and wives, getting mixed signals, sleeping with them, and I never got any of that. I've been lying to myself. I tried being the good, adult, responsible man and not beg her back when she left. I could've made a show when her parents were here, but I didn't. I made it a point to not look at her during our hearing. I haven't hurt her in any way, I haven't called, texted anything mean, email, nothing. No slander to my friends and family... hell, I haven't even changed the locks. I miss her, I worry about her, I obviously still care, but at the end of the day, I really have no idea what the hell happened. It feels like I just woke up and dreamed up the whole thing.
I guess I don't understand why. Yeah, we bickered and fought, but while I did have my flaws (lack of patience), she definitely brought more serious issues to the table. I'm on this forum, not in the court of law, I don't have any reason to lie. I still firmly believe that any problem she had with me was reactionary to her problems, and she didn't seem to like the alienated person I became as I ran out of ideas for solutions, along with patience and the will to compromise.
The divorce itself has been insulting to me, for a lack of better words. The papers themselves were angry and accusing. The demands were crazy, and the fact that her parents sought her a lawyer was insane. If the divorce was to go down, this could've been amicable. We don't have children, we don't have property, or anything else that would necessitate a lawyer. I didn't have an ace up my sleeve, I wasn't going to counterpetition with hate, and there wouldn't have been a single exploitable loophole on my end to ruin her life.
This is where I would think that she's made me out to be a monster, because at the end of the day, her parents paid a lot of money to get her divorced. The utility cancellation fees were insane. The lawyer's retainer, his constant contact with me by different forms of communication, and the legal fees all came out of her end. At one point, she even paid the rent, when I assume she thought she was going to get the apartment in the divorce. These are all things that she can't ever afford, and knowing her parents, she's in their pocket for a long time because of this. They've never been giving or helpful, even when things got desperate financially for a month, so seeing them pour an increasing amount of money into this makes me think she tells them that I'm violent and destructive.
After our hearing, the deal was that all charges and demands were going to be dropped (duh) in exchange for me signing her off of the apartment and our bank account. I sign her off of the apartment, but the bank we were supposed to sign her off together. What does she do? Goes to the bank, closes the account, and makes herself a check in the amount that was in the checking account. There wasn't much money in the checking account in the first place, since it was all in the savings that she didn't have access to, but by closing the checking account, she definitely spit in my face because that interferes with my direct deposit. At my company, it takes two full pay cycles to change how you want to get paid. I'm sick, healthwise. I have a stomach problem that is doing me in, and she never took it seriously enough in our marriage to where she has no idea how badly she screwed me with the closing of the bank account.
And now? Perfect strangers. We've never met. We were never married. I see people here talking to their husbands and wives, getting mixed signals, sleeping with them, and I never got any of that. I've been lying to myself. I tried being the good, adult, responsible man and not beg her back when she left. I could've made a show when her parents were here, but I didn't. I made it a point to not look at her during our hearing. I haven't hurt her in any way, I haven't called, texted anything mean, email, nothing. No slander to my friends and family... hell, I haven't even changed the locks. I miss her, I worry about her, I obviously still care, but at the end of the day, I really have no idea what the hell happened. It feels like I just woke up and dreamed up the whole thing.
Put the internet to work for you.
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