My husband attacked me

Tonight I had so much happen. My husband had nude pics on his phone that I told him to take off. He wouldn't let me see so I took his phone and went into the bedroom. He came in, Jumped on top of me and then physically held me down and fought me. I kicked and pushed my way away from him so he tried to physically hold me in the room. I got through and he got in front of me and kept pushing me into the walls trying to get me back in the room. I got past that and into my car with the phone I wanted the pictures off and he stood behind my car so I couldn't leave and called the cops.

They got here and I told them why I had the phone and regardless that gave him no right to physically restrain me and why I wanted the phone. They treated ME like the criminal and disregarded everything I said.

All they said was "you had his property" he is gone for the night. My lawyer has a message waiting for him but idk what to do since he's allowed back tomorrow.

I called my parents and they will take the kids but I can't stay there. They want me to work things out with him. I am so ready to break and all alone. I don't see a way out when the cops wouldn't document my injuries and said I was too hysterical and he was so calm. I WAS ATTACKED. Then they just cared about his phone and not why I had it.

I am so upset and depressed and alone. I don't think I can do this.
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Married, have 1way feelings to the sister-in-law

This might sounds like a classic case that you read about in the media and your novels. He gets married, he fall in love with the sister, cheat on the wife with the sister and get divorce. But Believe me when I tell you that it is different.

It started five years ago, I met my wife, I still recall every single feature that attracted me to her. These never changed, my wife changed me to an ambitious man, if it weren't for her I wouldn't taken any of the steps and risks to the success I'm in right now. I was a smart man, good at his job, but very limited in his dreams. She stretched these dreams to the edge and managed to push me to my potentials. All my work is dedicated to her. I remember when I first seen her sister, I never felt anything towards her. But two years from that I started to develop these deep feelings, everything she does I started to love, anything she wears, not anything she says though. I'm writer so I express my emotions in writing. I started to write her poems, very deep poems, she initially reacted and then she slowly stopped. The poems were never explicit, I never said I love you or what not. It just portray jealousy, lust, desire, compliments. So recently, she started to simply ignores my texts. She continues to the poems with a heart or a kiss emoji but that's it. You can safely assume that these feelings are one-way and I never taken it to the next level, nothing physical happened. The digital world was the medium for me to drive these feelings. When I see her in person I simply look at her and charge them.

I must also say that she had kids and her kids are very close to me they call me Uncle Carsten and they count the days to spend time with me. Her husband is working outside the country and returns in the weekends, and he is close to me to the point that he actually brags about how he is seeing other girls and sleeping with them. Now I didn't take any advantage of this, no body knows about this but me and I am not willing to use this information anytime soon to sabotage that marriage.

So, the reason I'm writing this, is that as you are starting to say, there is no future to this relation whatsoever, and believe me I don't want anything. I want to stop thinking about her, I don't want to wake up to browse her photos in the morning everyday. I don't want to do that either at night. I tried many times to ignore her, but those feelings man, they weigh tons. The reason I want to treat this started to get jealous, yes I'm jealous when she posts her picture in instagram, I'm jealous when she takes picture with other men. For instance, I just seen her picture on someone else's public profile, I told her about it and she ignored me. I would swear that this will be the last message I send to her.

I thought by ejecting those feelings into poems I will eventually detox myself from this ... love. Chill, I don't like to call it love either, but it sure as hell feels like it. It is not working, I will tell you why I didn't work. I have an app on my phone with a lock on it with nothing but her pictures, cropped, cut and carefully placed and encrypted. So far, I deleted this collection 10 times in the past 3 years. Every time I want to get over her, I delete this collection, erase all my messages, poems and any nice chat that were ever between us. After few weeks I get back and recreate it from scratch and start saving again. I want her to do something I despise her for so I can hate her and demolish my feelings does that make sense?


My feelings towards my wife is still intact, I still love her and I would never cheat on her. I guess by cheating here I mean physically cheating since what I was doing is considered cheating anyway. We are planning a big move to another country, I found a great job, its all thanks to her constant nagging for me to do best. I also don't want to paint my wife a perfect portrait in this post, she does have some flaws but it is irrelevant here and nothing that will wreck a marriage.

I'm sorry if some sentences didn't make sense, English is not my first language as you might have guessed. I can't talk to any of my friends about this, that's why I'm here.

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How much is too much

My wife who never wanted to go out before all of a sudden wants to start going out 2-3 weekends a month and stays out until 3 in the morning... I think this is excessive... Am I being crazy

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I don't know how to approach this

• Thread Starter

I don't know how to approach this

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• 37 minutes ago 37m ago

I'm abroad at the moment on a programme of some sort. Met a nice girl who lives in another country to me who is gorgeous. She is the only really pretty girl here so alot of the guys sort of ogle at her and want her etc.

Last couple days we've grown quite close. By that I mean that we talked alot when we went out as a full group. Throughout the day she wouldn't even leave my side. I could sense other guys looking at us and wondering if we were an item or something. It's like she stayed by my side the whole day. But she's not so open - I haven't seen anything obvious and she'd very hard to get in that she's not one to be holding hands or kissing with strangers on nights out (from the little I've seen of her). I couldn't read a huge amount from her but the way she stuck by me these last couple of days was perhaps an indication (i'm not sure). Last night we went out and she didn't really hang around me but instead started joking another guy and I felt like was I just dreaming or what. Eeven my friend asked me if I '****ed her'.

But because of a lack of proper flirting (maybe a little bit through eye contact smiling etc), it's hard to know hot to start flirting all of a sudden.

So what do I do from here? There's alot more guys here now and I need to do something.

Should I just ask her if she wants to go out JUST ME AND YOU? So she gets what I mean. I just hope I haven't misread anything. Or should I tell her I like her and find her attractive or what?

I would feel so disappointed to not go further with her because I've been rejected so often that it'd be nice to get the girl I want for once.

And btw this isn't a sex/ONS thing at all but I'd still be interersted to pursue the chance and see if it's something worth doing.

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no longer together...

So my bf and i have not been together since sunday.
Last Wednesday our daughter stayed the night at his sisters, so i was hoping we could go out. Almost all the week before he was wanting us to watch the new age of ultron movie. So i was looking forward to it.

Anyway, i text him at work asking what he wanted to do and he teplied with enjoy the silence. So i took that as not wanting to do anything. Well i said oh another boring evening...he replied with you can go out i need to watch my money. So i did, i got his fathers day gifts and his nieces birthday gifts. On my way home he texted me telling me i was an azzhole for not wanting to see him all evening. After he told me to go out.

Well, his nieces birthday was saturday. He had to work that morning until noon. And when i was coming home he wasnt here. No biggie. But for whatever hormonal and crazy reason i got upset he wasnt. He was on his way to the birthday even though everyone was leaving and his mom told him that they had all left. So he gets home in no time it is just 5 minutes down the road. I felt aggravated because even though he had to work, once again that was time i felt we missed doing something special together.

Mind you all, i had been upset since wed night when he rejected our evening alone.

So sunday comes, he is in a bad mood because i didnt put his nose scissors back in the cabinet and he starts saying smartass things. I wrapped his gifts and cut the paper with those. He is asking me where they are and i dont remember at this point. When i clean i clean and it goes to a place haha. So he was mouthy i was mouthy, it ruined his day. Well that evening he comes back from his dads as i do mine and he gets in the shower, so i go in there and ask him where the money is for what i spent on his nieces gifts. Now i jad asked him for it since friday. I was being mean and wanted him to pay me back because i was upset at him and just assumed he wasnt going to get a gift for his neice. I remind him of all his family events and birthday's and i usually get everything we need for whatever is going on. I felt taken advantage of. He hadnt even said thank you.

So when i asked him he said no he hadnt went to the atm, it is at the store a mile from our house. So we got into a tiff and the next thing i know, i am so overwhelmed with anger that i reach for the shower rod and i hit him on the shoulder with it, and throw it down in the tub. I was disgusted that he had the nerve to say anything when he wasnt looking me in the eyes as he usually does when we go through anything.
I went into the bathroom being confrontational.
However, i three his cigs at him because he lied about smoking when i thought he had quit so he threw them back as well as the shower curtain, and i took his wallet and said id go get it myself and he got out grabbed me from behind and grabbed it from me.

He called the cops.
I couldnt believe that.
So he stays at his moms right now.

I am just heartbroken and lost. I feel like my one big mistake he would take into consideration.
As i do everything for this man. But i am also guilty of being verbally and emotionally abuse just as he.

We have worked opposite shifts for years until he got first shift last month. Time has really ruined alot of things. I just dont knoe what to do.
I wrote him a letter, ive apologized and really humbled myself to give him time. But i asked him today if he knew for sure that he didnt want to be with me to please let me know because i didnt want to have any hope in my head something is there when it isnt. He said he didnt want to be the bad guy but he is sorry.

There is just so much to write about this.
I dont want us to be apart. We have communication issues where he doesnt express himself right away and is passive. And i am not.
Other than that issue we dont really have many things between us to keep us apart.

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The bully card

Bah! Fking six year old politics, and I have to get involved with all this crap...

SITUATION:

Been hearing (again) that my daughter has been bullying other kids in school and in church, and ex-wife has been having trouble dealing with it or so she told me, and insisted on me disciplining her and undermining her priviledges. This has happened before but it did not get so serious, and based on the outcome last time my ex-wife concluded that I've been encouraging our daughter's bad behaviour.

BACKGROUND:

The thing is - she gets on very well with most other kids, other kids parents too and teachers - she's quite loved - something I'm proud of. We have dealt with these accusations of "bullying" in the past, and it became a joke to me - I just see her as standing up for herself, ex abided by my decision at that time. Anyway with all this talk of "she's picking on other kids", I went to investigate, also out of my daughter's behest, ex-wife thought it inappropriate but fk that, she's my daughter too! We had a short quarrel amongst ourselves but it's unimportant (and I'm admittedly a bit hurt she thought it 'inappropriate' - is my presence THAT bad to her?)

BTW ex-wife also mentioned that the stories are consistent between the school and church - keep this in mind...

And well...

INVESTIGATION:

I was with the kids during sunday school when I told my daughter to invite the bullied kid into her little group and she did with zero hesitation yet the kid didn't want to. I knew my daughter may probably be on just her 'best behavior' so I talked to the sunday school teacher and she hates my daughter's guts, saying that she was quiet when I was there but when I'm not she's a smartass, talks back, and is trouble for her as she encourages other kids to talk back. The thing is - I'm not so sure I buy the whole "talking back" thing, I encourage her to question everything, she's very inquisitive and I want this trait to stay (other teachers even love it as she gets the kids involved!). Hell I only agreed to church as she has lots of friends there too!

I don't fully buy that my daughter is rude to her teacher either, she can be a smartass sure but not rude and another teachers told me the same, except even those who defended her told me she does have a habit of interrupting. I talked to her about that later but anyway... then she says that that my daughter teases, name-calls and what not to that kid. So I turned to the kid's parents after, consistent story.

I had a sitdown with my daughter and her side of the story is that this kid's a poor sport like A/B (we've been through this before in the past with other kids - similar story, other times she had unintentionally hurt other kids feelings but meh) and that's why she and her friends don't want to play with him anymore. When I asked her friends they lied to me at first about the bullying before my daughter stepped in and got them to tell me the 'truth' - hell quite frankly I didn't know how much of a pack leader she truly was until today!

They told me that they have tried to get him to play with them but whenever he does, he plays by his rules and whines until they comply or practically kicks them out of the grounds and if he can't - he 'dobs in' for bullying. That's the only consistent information, some tried to make up some bullsh-t that is probably to exaggerate the situation but I don't believe them. Anyway from what they told me it seems he's being picked on for that. The stories are consistent (mostly minus the bullsh-t, daughter didn't confirm or deny their stories), in the end I don't think this is a ploy these kids are up to. I didn't say anything to her friends about their bullying (or their attempts to lie to my face), not my responsibility, but I did promise them not to snitch to their parents.

The sunday school teacher said she would look into the boy's behavior but I'm not holding my breath based on how much she seems to hate my daughter - as I'm getting the impression she's being picked on herself by a teacher who hates her, I remember several messed up teachers when I grew up too - mostly racists. Also seeing how she's a pack leader it seems she's being held responsible for alot of the other kids behavior - I just don't believe that's fair on my daughter. There were also other mixed opinions and others who went "not my problem" within the church.

So ok, ex-wife was right -> name-calling, excluding the kid and ganging up on the kid is confirmed, daughter HAS been a bully. But the reasons?

OPINION:

Ex-wife told me I'm enabling her by not disciplining my daughter for her behavior but I don't believe she needs to be disciplined for this, ex said that the stories from church are consistent with the complaints from the school and hell I just turned around and told her if that's the case then I would be standing up for her at school as well. I just don't see why my daughter needs to be disciplined. Sure the name calling and ganging up on the kid is wrong but should I punish her for standing up for herself and her friends? Should kids get a bully card to pull every now and then to get their way? Should I enable THAT KID's behaviour and others like him?

That's IF - what my daughter and friends say is true, the kid didn't play ball when I made my daughter offer her hand out after all. And as mentioned their stories are also consistent, I don't think they are making it up, so it's not like this kid was being picked on for the usual childish things that I would consider REAL bullying.

OUTCOME:

Anyway we needed a compromise as there's no way we could leave this unresolved and break our united front (not to mention I'm bloody considering reconciliation!!!) We still don't agree with each other but we did drop our disciplinary plans and I also compromised on my part by telling her off myself, told her that ganging on that kid was wrong, and that if the kid wants to take over the playground let him, as everyone already knows he's a poor sport so she doesn't have to prove anything, and that other kids listen to her so instead of joining in she should get them to stop picking on him as well, to just avoid him, no need to pick on him or be mean to him, and maybe he'll come around to play properly if everyone wasn't so mean. I also told her not to interrupt her teachers in school and in church.

She seemed to have understood (I hope) and gave us her word that she'll stop her bullying in church and in school as well, cried and I hugged her as I told her we weren't going to take away her privileges as long as she keeps her promise, and that we both still love her, right now she's feeling a little down after being told off but seems relieved at least. It was settled, ex was satisfied, thanked me for supporting her at least. I reminded her we won't always agree with each other but we're still a team.

REFLECTION:

To be honest though I understand my daughter and the other kids, I was forced to tell her off today but that little brat... hell can't imagine raising someone else's kid!!! The consequence of this compromise - if daughter keeps her word - is that now this kid has free reign over all the activities and will be taught that the bully card works! Hell he reminds me of this kid:



Today I also saw how the kids at church were frighteningly loyal to her, but don't know about school where there's a bigger crowd and if she has the guts to stand against her own crowd if stones are thrown, especially if the bullied kids are bullied for a reason. Peer pressure.

My daughter did not lie to me and she has showed me she has nothing to hide, she didn't ask me to church to enable her, she was misunderstood. I don't know... Sometimes I wonder if ex is trying to disciplining our daughter for making her look bad as a parent or is disciplining her because she doesn't want our daughter to bully. I shouldn't be questioning her love for our daughter but she has pissed me off a few times in the past when it comes to parenting. So far will just have to give her the benefit of the doubt.

I don't know, what you guys think? This is making me question the "anti-bullying" guidelines that are standard in modern schools, as well as the "anti-racism" crap we still deal with as adults.

But anyway joked with my daughter that the boy is her future boyfriend though haha, nah screw that, I'll be strangling him if he was to be my future SIL!

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The Betrayed Spouse Fog

I JUST realized tonight that this is a thing.

Brief recap: Married 25 years with a 13-year-old son. WH moved out in May. I found out about his affair in February. Turns out he'd been seeing her since the previous September.

Tonight, it dawned on me that when he moved out, he took several pairs of leather and suede pants and boots we had bought together for me years ago - in some cases, when we still lived up north many years ago - with him. It wasn't obvious to me at first, I rationalize now, because the pants were size 6 and 8, and I'd been wearing a 10 for years (as 5'7" women in their 40s and 50s will tend to do), and because one doesn't wear leather boots in Florida very often. But now I am a size 6 again - due mostly to abject stress, not because I dieted on purpose - and wouldn't mind wearing one of those pairs of suede pants I'm particularly fond of when the weather gets cool enough. And it's gone.

WTF?

I can't believe I didn't notice this sooner.

On the plus side, more validation that divorcing this pathological liar and cheater is probably the best thing that's ever happened to me. On the minus side, I realize I've been duped yet again by him - that his lies are the gift that keeps on giving, and that I can't trust anything he says or does in relation to our son.

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I moved out, now should I move back in?

I'm not sure where to put this post, but this seems like the right place. My wife and I have caused each other a lot of hurt over the last few months. We only got married 8 months ago but had been together many years. I left after four months. Because we live in NYC, it was very hard to find short term housing. I signed a year lease for an apt but was always clear I considered it temporary and would leave early if we decided to try to reconcile. But I did not define the seperation well at all, in hindsight.

That's because I left because I was having an affair and felt too guilty to confess. I ended the affair and began the process of asking to R, but then a friend told my wife she saw I had a profile on a dating site. I did, but it was almost out of boredom. I have since deleted it and am not seeing anyone. I am in therapy, I have understood a great deal about myself and what led to these problems. (Abused as a child, Nice guy syndrome, etc.) and am working through these. I also came to see my relationship was not the problem, and I want to return to it.

When I wanted to R, my wife was expressing hope and saying her love for me was returning before she found out about the dating profile (she does not know about the affair.) After she found out, her attitude changed. I know she has seen several men, including a few trips out of town with different ones. I recognize from my own affair that she is probably in a fog. I had been trying to see her once a week to keep up contact but I feel that is no longer productive and I'm feeling much less needy right now.

She still lives in our old apartment, and both our names are on the lease. Though I moved almost all my possessions out, I want to pack a bag and move back in. I want to explain the things I need from her to work on R. And if she is committed to seeing these other men, I think she should be the one to leave the apartment. I would file for divorce if I had to, if the situation didn't improve.

This goes against every instinct I have, which is to give her time, to be nice to her, not to pressure her. And I of course am the one who got us into this mess. But I'm thinking about the shock aspect and what I can do. I can't decide if moving back in, which I can legally do, is going too far. But I think sleeping on the couch and forcing us to confront what is happening is better than skulking away to my apt and seeing her once a week while she goes out around town with these guys. Please, give me your advice, and thank you.

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Have You Ever Asked Your Spouse To Mate Guard?

Let me explain why I ask...

My wife and I are going upstate over the 4th of July to attend an annual "Red, White and Blues" festival, right? Well...There will be a couple there that we've known for years. The last time we were all together at the event, the wife made a rather overt move toward me (it seemed overt to me...touching my arm and commenting on my size and working out) that left me rather uncomfortable. Nothing ever happened, but I did tell my wife about it...she was there when it happened but she was engaged in conversation with the husband and didn't really notice the "move".

Anyway, so they're going to be there at this event and they both expressed how they want to "catch up" on what everyone has been doing. I'm going to say it now...

I'm nervous. I won't do anything, but I really don't look forward to "her" trying anything like last time. So I ask...

I've already told my wife that I hope Lorie doesn't do anything, but is it unreasonable to ask my wife that if something does happen, would she mind putting her in her place or would it be better if I handle it (if it does happen) myself by politely asking her to not act that way toward me?

Or am I just "spinning" because I'm worried?

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Berated Over the "Little" Things

I Wasn't Treating My Husband Fairly, And It Wasn't Fair

Just came across this article. I realize that men can do this to women too, but since the focus of the article is wives treating their husbands a certain way, figured that would be the focus.

Curious, how many guys have gone through this? This is something that fortunately I have not had to deal with during my marriage, and would have very little tolerance for. However, I have seen this happen first hand in other marriages. I absolutely cringe when I am around my in laws b/c this is precisely what my MIL does to my FIL.

Here is a quick excerpt from the article:

Quote:

And then I sat there and thought long and hard about what I'd just done. And what I'd been doing to him for years, probably. The "hamburger meat moment," as I've come to call it, certainly wasn't the first time I scolded him for not doing something the way I thought it should be done. He was always putting something away in the wrong place. Or leaving something out. Or neglecting to do something altogether. And I was always right there to point it out to him. Why do I do that? How does it benefit me to constantly belittle my husband? The man that I've taken as my partner in life. The father of my children. The guy I want to have by my side as I grow old. Why do I do what women are so often accused of, and try to change the way he does every little thing? Do I feel like I'm accomplishing something? Clearly not if I feel I have to keep doing it. Why do I think it's reasonable to expect him to remember everything I want and do it just that way? The instances in which he does something differently, does it mean he's wrong? When did "my way" become "the only way?" When did it become okay to constantly correct him and lecture him and point out every little thing I didn't like as if he were making some kind of mistake?

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The Betrayed Spouse Fog

I JUST realized tonight that this is a thing.

Brief recap: Married 25 years with a 13-year-old son. WH moved out in May. I found out about his affair in February. Turns out he'd been seeing her since the previous September.

Tonight, it dawned on me that when he moved out, he took several pairs of leather and suede pants and boots we had bought together for me years ago - in some cases, when we still lived up north many years ago - with him. It wasn't obvious to me at first, I rationalize now, because the pants were size 6 and 8, and I'd been wearing a 10 for years (as 5'7" women in their 40s and 50s will tend to do), and because one doesn't wear leather boots in Florida very often. But now I am a size 6 again - due mostly to abject stress, not because I dieted on purpose - and wouldn't mind wearing one of those pairs of suede pants I'm particularly fond of when the weather gets cool enough. And it's gone.

WTF?

I can't believe I didn't notice this sooner.

On the plus side, more validation that divorcing this pathological liar and cheater is probably the best thing that's ever happened to me. On the minus side, I realize I've been duped yet again by him - that his lies are the gift that keeps on giving, and that I can't trust anything he says or does in relation to our son.

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The bully card

Bah! Fking six year old politics, and I have to get involved with all this crap...

SITUATION:

Been hearing (again) that my daughter has been bullying other kids in school and in church, and ex-wife has been having trouble dealing with it or so she told me, and insisted on me disciplining her and undermining her priviledges. This has happened before but it did not get so serious, and based on the outcome last time my ex-wife concluded that I've been encouraging our daughter's bad behaviour.

BACKGROUND:

The thing is - she gets on very well with most other kids, other kids parents too and teachers - she's quite loved - something I'm proud of. We have dealt with these accusations of "bullying" in the past, and it became a joke to me - I just see her as standing up for herself, ex abided by my decision at that time. Anyway with all this talk of "she's picking on other kids", I went to investigate, also out of my daughter's behest, ex-wife thought it inappropriate but fk that, she's my daughter too! We had a short quarrel amongst ourselves but it's unimportant (and I'm admittedly a bit hurt she thought it 'inappropriate' - is my presence THAT bad to her?)

BTW ex-wife also mentioned that the stories are consistent between the school and church - keep this in mind...

And well...

INVESTIGATION:

I was with the kids during sunday school when I told my daughter to invite the bullied kid into her little group and she did with zero hesitation yet the kid didn't want to. I knew my daughter may probably be on just her 'best behavior' so I talked to the sunday school teacher and she hates my daughter's guts, saying that she was quiet when I was there but when I'm not she's a smartass, talks back, and is trouble for her as she encourages other kids to talk back. The thing is - I'm not so sure I buy the whole "talking back" thing, I encourage her to question everything, she's very inquisitive and I want this trait to stay (other teachers even love it as she gets the kids involved!). Hell I only agreed to church as she has lots of friends there too!

I don't fully buy that my daughter is rude to her teacher either, she can be a smartass sure but not rude and another teachers told me the same, except even those who defended her told me she does have a habit of interrupting. I talked to her about that later but anyway... then she says that that my daughter teases, name-calls and what not to that kid. So I turned to the kid's parents after, consistent story.

I had a sitdown with my daughter and her side of the story is that this kid's a poor sport like A/B (we've been through this before in the past with other kids - similar story, other times she had unintentionally hurt other kids feelings but meh) and that's why she and her friends don't want to play with him anymore. When I asked her friends they lied to me at first about the bullying before my daughter stepped in and got them to tell me the 'truth' - hell quite frankly I didn't know how much of a pack leader she truly was until today!

They told me that they have tried to get him to play with them but whenever he does, he plays by his rules and whines until they comply or practically kicks them out of the grounds and if he can't - he 'dobs in' for bullying. That's the only consistent information, some tried to make up some bullsh-t that is probably to exaggerate the situation but I don't believe them. Anyway from what they told me it seems he's being picked on for that. The stories are consistent (mostly minus the bullsh-t, daughter didn't confirm or deny their stories), in the end I don't think this is a ploy these kids are up to. I didn't say anything to her friends about their bullying (or their attempts to lie to my face), not my responsibility, but I did promise them not to snitch to their parents.

The sunday school teacher said she would look into the boy's behavior but I'm not holding my breath based on how much she seems to hate my daughter - as I'm getting the impression she's being picked on herself by a teacher who hates her, I remember several messed up teachers when I grew up too - mostly racists. Also seeing how she's a pack leader it seems she's being held responsible for alot of the other kids behavior - I just don't believe that's fair on my daughter. There were also other mixed opinions and others who went "not my problem" within the church.

So ok, ex-wife was right -> name-calling, excluding the kid and ganging up on the kid is confirmed, daughter HAS been a bully. But the reasons?

OPINION:

Ex-wife told me I'm enabling her by not disciplining my daughter for her behavior but I don't believe she needs to be disciplined for this, ex said that the stories from church are consistent with the complaints from the school and hell I just turned around and told her if that's the case then I would be standing up for her at school as well. I just don't see why my daughter needs to be disciplined. Sure the name calling and ganging up on the kid is wrong but should I punish her for standing up for herself and her friends? Should kids get a bully card to pull every now and then to get their way? Should I enable THAT KID's behaviour and others like him?

That's IF - what my daughter and friends say is true, the kid didn't play ball when I made my daughter offer her hand out after all. And as mentioned their stories are also consistent, I don't think they are making it up, so it's not like this kid was being picked on for the usual childish things that I would consider REAL bullying.

OUTCOME:

Anyway we needed a compromise as there's no way we could leave this unresolved and break our united front (not to mention I'm bloody considering reconciliation!!!) We still don't agree with each other but we did drop our disciplinary plans and I also compromised on my part by telling her off myself, told her that ganging on that kid was wrong, and that if the kid wants to take over the playground let him, as everyone already knows he's a poor sport so she doesn't have to prove anything, and that other kids listen to her so instead of joining in she should get them to stop picking on him as well, to just avoid him, no need to pick on him or be mean to him, and maybe he'll come around to play properly if everyone wasn't so mean. I also told her not to interrupt her teachers in school and in church.

She seemed to have understood (I hope) and gave us her word that she'll stop her bullying in church and in school as well, cried and I hugged her as I told her we weren't going to take away her privileges as long as she keeps her promise, and that we both still love her, right now she's feeling a little down after being told off but seems relieved at least. It was settled, ex was satisfied, thanked me for supporting her at least. I reminded her we won't always agree with each other but we're still a team.

REFLECTION:

To be honest though I understand my daughter and the other kids, I was forced to tell her off today but that little brat... hell can't imagine raising someone else's kid!!! The consequence of this compromise - if daughter keeps her word - is that now this kid has free reign over all the activities and will be taught that the bully card works! Hell he reminds me of this kid:



Today I also saw how the kids at church were frighteningly loyal to her, but don't know about school where there's a bigger crowd and if she has the guts to stand against her own crowd if stones are thrown, especially if the bullied kids are bullied for a reason. Peer pressure.

My daughter did not lie to me and she has showed me she has nothing to hide, she didn't ask me to church to enable her, she was misunderstood. I don't know... Sometimes I wonder if ex is trying to disciplining our daughter for making her look bad as a parent or is disciplining her because she doesn't want our daughter to bully. I shouldn't be questioning her love for our daughter but she has pissed me off a few times in the past when it comes to parenting. So far will just have to give her the benefit of the doubt.

I don't know, what you guys think? This is making me question the "anti-bullying" guidelines that are standard in modern schools, as well as the "anti-racism" crap we still deal with as adults.

But anyway joked with my daughter that the boy is her future boyfriend though haha, nah screw that, I'll be strangling him if he was to be my future SIL!

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Life stage question

• Thread Starter

Life stage question

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• 1 minute ago now

Okay TSR -

I am going to be 2nd year student at uni and at the end of last year I met a guy while having coffee who will be starting his PhD. We casually talked for about an hour and I ended up adding him on fb and to my surprise he accepted! I haven't sent him any messages nor has he messaged me but I keep thinking about him. Would it be weird of me to contact him in the fall? Oh I'm 19 and he's 23. Yes, I asked cuz he looked young to be starting a PhD. Anyway.... do you think our life stages too far? I don't want to look like a little girl chasing after him. No, I don't feel like a little girl but I don't know what his perception would be as I'm a second year student.

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It seems I have no "genuine" friends and can't find any. Do you feel the same?

• Thread Starter

It seems I have no "genuine" friends and can't find any. Do you feel the same?

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• 36 minutes ago 36m ago

hey, this gets me so annoyed. I don't seem to have or can find many genuine good friends. Most of the people who have claimed to be my friend are people who have been unreliable and only really after their own self gain. I do try to make an effort with people but it seems like they are not interested or just lose interest completely. I get ignored a lot. I'm wondering if this will eventually change as I am at uni but it seems like these "real" people don't exist - is this the same for you guys? and if so how did you change the situation.

thanks for your time

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Hiring an attorney

My husband and I are separating (I think) and I need to hire an attorney. Our neighbor is an attorney who I trust, but would you hire someone who is friends with your spouse as well as you?

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ISIS attack in France

ISIS attack in France today, when does it come to the US?

Since Amplexor closed down the other thread, I figured I would start a new one with the new incident in France.

My opinion is sooner than many think, within a year. Either home grown or alien, there will be an incident with a beheading and other damage. Praying I am wrong....

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Let's talk about man buns

No, not men's azzes. Pervs. >:)

Yeah or nay? I say YES PLEASE with a cherry on top! Yum.

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