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Wife mentally/emotionally abuses me

Hello,

Thanks for taking the time to read this and offer me any words of wisdom you may have. We've been married for ten years and have three kids. There are many things to cover. I will do my best to relay them here.

She continuously talks down to me like I'm a child or stupid. Whenever I call her out on it she gets angry and says that I am nit picking and analyzing everthing she says and does or trying to start a fight with her. I'm to the point now that I am on edge around her and feel stupid and unworthy. Here's an example from last night:

She was loading her vehicle up with stuff, pointed to the back door and said "can you open this?". I took my opener out and hit the button for the back door to auto-open. A few minutes later she tried opening a side door and it was locked. She yells, "What's going on here, I asked you to open this!!" I reply, "You pointed to the door and said 'open this' so I thought you wanted the back door open". She yells,"NO, how can I get in here if it's locked?!!" I reply "Why didn't you say unlock the doors then?" She screams "Why do you have to be such a control freak??!! I'm working here! I'M WORKING HERE!!!". I walk away mad and defeated. An hour later she acts like nothing ever happened.

We saw a town garage sale in a subdivision so I turn into it and read the sign that says FRI and SAT. This was Thursday, by the way. She notoriously goes to these town sales a day early as they are setting up and will let her buy stuff. I ask her, Do you want me to continue through or turn around?". She says "The sign says friday..why would I stay, it's common sense!". I said "I don't care, it's not about me I was asking if YOU wanted to stay". She replies "It's so frustrating with you, sometimes you don't use common sense"! So, I got mad and then she gets mad at me for getting mad. She then says "since you don't like things about me and I don't like things about you maybe we shouldn't be married". I bite my tongue and don't say a word. An hour later it's as though nothing happened.

There are many more of those episodes that I could bring up but I think you get the picture.

Intimacy: 95% of the time I am the one to initiate. When she does initiate, it's not sensual, almost like it's a job. She doesn't kiss me, etc. I almost feel like she is keeping an invisible wall between us and stays as far away from me as possible. I ask her if she's attracted to me and shes says yes. She eventually gets mad at me for being too insecure. She doesn't act interested in me or attracted to me whatsover.

She has become obsessed with Facebook and her phone. She ignores me most of the time while on her phone. If I say something than she gets mad and calls me a control freak. I just want to spend quality time whenever possible. Many times she starts on her phone at 5:30 am. She's not secretive and never hides her phone. She keeps Facebook logged in all the time and never acts weird if I happen to look at her account. There's no weird texting going on either as I have been checking the cell phone activity online.

There is a lot more that I can elaborate on in the future. She has me feeling that I am the one causing all the problems even though I know it's not true. I have suggested marriage counseling before. She said "you can go if you want to, I'm not going".

Any words of wisdom, please? I am not happy but yet I love her so much. I cling to every little bit of attention she may give me. I love her and I love our family. I don't want to leave but sometimes I do.

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Divorce or stay for the kids?

Okay, here is the situation. I have been married for 15 years, but the marriage is pretty much over. I have two wonderful children... boy 9 and girl 2 and a half. The marriage has been very rocky for a long, long time and I've come to the conclusion that neither of us is going to change or wants to change. Currently, we are pretty much living as roommates. I sleep in my own bed in a different room. Basically next to zero touching for the last 7 months... its a big deal to get a hug and even then its awkward. We are civil with each other. We have a long history of arguing and bickering but in the last 7 months things have changed. There is less arguing but I think thats because we have both "checked-out". There is no passion left so we don't have as much invested in the argument... if that makes sense. Why I say 7 months is because it really changed when she refused to let me buy her Christmas presents. I bought her a tablet and she refused it then a few weeks later, bought the exact same one. I am tired of trying to fix things and have tried for years upon years to make things better. Its never good enough. She is un-satisfiable.... by me at least. She is a good person and an excellent mother and I know she feels the same about me, but as far as the marriage goes, its dead and buried. I am 42 years old and I don't want to be living like this for the next 18 years until my children are grown and move out... but then again leaving my kids is probably the hardest thing I could ever do.

What I need to figure out, and what I am having a very difficult time deciding is, should I stay in this situation or leave? If it wasn't for my kids I would have been gone a long time ago (the second child was an accident, but of course I love my daughter very, very much). Financially, things will be VERY difficult if I leave as I will have to (want to really) give half my income as child support. I am a fairly responsible person and I feel duty bound to do so and its something I want to do, but that doesn't make it easier financially. If left I would still see my kids two or three times a week for about 4 hours each time. However, because of tight finances, I would not be able to keep them overnight. The only way I could do that, and pay half my income to child support, is to get a second full time job, which I just simply cannot do.

So from your perspective should I stay in a 'dead' marriage and thus be able to remain living with my kids or should I leave, be free from the marriage but see my kids on a much more limited basis?

Posting this on an internet forum I don't expect the "perfect" answer. However, I am trying to gather as much perspective and points of view as possible to aid in making the best decision possible. I have been thinking about this for months and months.

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Cult on Campus

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Every student and parents should be warned regarding a Cult operating on Swansea Campus. They are called the Freedom Church. Please research how a cults are defined and then look at the way they operate . Love bombing new recruits being one example and charging you for their services .True faiths do take money from you for meetings etc which these eventually do.
They do not operate on council estates but target vulnerable students on campuses and poor uneducated people abroad in order to build up their cult.
Research them before you go and they should not even be on campus their goal global domination. Report them to the Chancellor as the University have turned a blind eye to these people.

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Does a girl playing video games make her more attractive?

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My flatmate is a NORMAL guy, he is very good looking and likes to go out and pull girls. I am a normal looking girl I think he just considers me a friend but I also play FIFA with him quite a lot. As in I am the only one in the flat who plays FIFA with him because I am good. Might this make me more attractive to him?

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Meant to be revising but cant

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I need some help I've been having problems with some of my friends and now I just can't concentrate on revising I need someone to help. I don't want to post it publicly though so is there anyone out there that I could private message about it?
thanks guys

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Do you think...

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...She's interested in me? We've briefly talked a few times, and we've locked eyes a few times, which doesn't happen with other girls. She wrote an amazing message on my shirt on leavers' day (we've both left year 11). But she always seems to come close, talk to one of my friends and then following on from that she talks to me, why would that be? She always seems quite distant and while she's popular, I don't think that she especially gets involved in the typical 'popular' guys and I know that once she did date a friend of my friend, who wasn't 'popular' but just got on well with most people. Though I don't think that I'm good enough for her and so I need to improve my appearance and confidence over the summer if I'm going to have a chance. Hopefully she will return to Sixth Form. Though I will see her at prom. What's a subtle way to see if she's actually interested in me? What can I subtly do to show her that I like her? I'm not big on the confidence thing...

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What is going on with him?***confused***

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I'm going to keep this as short as possible.Basically ,a few weeks ago I told this guy I like him.We hardly talk but I see him around all the time at school.I asked him for his number over Fb and he gave it to me.I sent him a text telling him I like him and he responded 3days later asking me what I wanted to do about it then bam sent one saying he doesn't think he'd have the time to do anything with exams approaching.
Hes been avoiding eye contact with me ever since.One of my friends thinks he's embarrassed and doesn't know what to do.The annoying thing is,before I dropped the bomb (Haha), him and his friends would stare and smirk at me constantly.
Now I'm questioning myself whether telling him I like him was the right thing to do.I honestly feel like a mug because it took a lot to tell him I like him.I don't usually tell guys I like them.
I want to ask him how he feels about me so I can forget him if he doesn't like me but don't want to be too direct and make him feel like I'm chasing him.
Another girl who used to be all over him all the time ,hugging him ,playing with his hair ,told him she likes him at the start of the year and his response was "sorry but I don't like you" Ouch.
I don't know what to do :( any advice?

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Case of relationship breakdown??

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So my boyfriend and I have been best friends for 4 years, and have been together properly for nearly a year. We have had a pretty rough past (before we were together) due to my ex etc.
We are so so similar, everything we do and how we are we fit together so well and can just chill in each other's company:)
however he's finding life pretty tough atm, and doesn't feel like himself at the moment. He's gone to one counselling session, but is convinced it won't help him, he's just really depressed and says he's lost the enjoyment out of everything. Like he can't have fun anymore.
This brings me to my main point, he doesn't want to kiss or touch me anymore. I'm not certain why but he had a breakdown the other day and I know he loves me, and always puts our relationship first. But he has no idea why he doesn't want to, he says it just feels uncomfortable :( so he loves me but doesn't want to kiss or touch me, he wants me to be with him though.
I've told him he's got all the time in the world to get through this and I'll stick by and support him :)
just need some help!

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I don't like spending time with my dad.

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I see my dad every weekend and I don't look forward to it. In fact, I slightly dread it. It was never like this until a few months ago where he just really got on my nerves.

My mum and him have been seperated for like over 12 years, yet it seems she isn't allowed to move on. She told him that she had a new partner, to be polite, and since then I've not enjoyed his company.

He said it made him sad, how he wants to seek help, to leave my mum to it and things like that. He was also weird with my mum, like not really coming in to speak. He usually picks me up from my house, but recently my mum has been dropping me off as it's on her way to her partners house. My dad said to her that he thought she was 'hiding something'.

When my mum first told him, he would say like sad things that happened to him, how he doesn't get on with his family and stuff like that. I want to defend him but I feel it's to make me feel sorry for him. I've cried so much about it and it really got me down. I'm not close to him so I don't want to speak about it.

I just want to move far away when I go to Uni, but then I'm going to be guilty because by then, he will be an old man living alone (doesn't have a partner). I feel torn, guilty and generally sad that he had to make our relationship this way.

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Is this clingy or just sweet?

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I'm currently seeing someone new, we're not officially together yet but I've gotten a couple of messages that I can't decide what they are, my ex (and first) boyfriend never did things like this so I'm a little confused about if this is clingy or sweet.

The texts have been posted as an attachment!

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Biggest reason for affairs after 15 years of marriage?

Just pondering and wondering now that we have been married a longtime 18 years. I've seen so many marriages come and go and so many people unhappy.

What do you think the cause for looking for extramarital sex is?

Growing older wanting one last hoorah before entering the golden years?

Variety and bored with the same person regardless how good they are?

Just wondering.

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Hired a kick ass lawyer, now scared

And am now having even worse panic attacks.

The last one was lame and just shuffled papers around and charged me for it. I think in some dysfunctional way I was ok with that.

Now that I have one that will get the separation going I am suddenly even more anxious and depressed.

I don't know why, h's been so cruel, estranged me from the kids, been very spiteful in every way.

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Need some opinions, complicated story

Hi all, I'd really appreciate some opinions on my current issue. There's going to be quite a long backstory, so this post may be kinda long.

There are 2 girls, A and B. We were all the in same clique in school and hung out with each other rather frequently.

A few years ago, I met this girl - let's call her A. I got along really well with her, to the extent that her sister even hinted that I would be her future BF. I tried asking her for a date once, but she rejected me. I never asked her why, and we ceased our frequent contact with one another since then.

Shortly after, I entered a relationship with B for a few years. I entered a relationship with her because I wanted to believe that love can be a choice. In the end, B broke up with me. The reason was she felt I didn't like her as much as I liked A.

I took a few months to get over the breakup and coincidentally, I ran into A and we started messaging a bit and caught up over lunch once. It was then I finally admitted to myself that B was right all along, and I really liked A much more than I liked B.
I did some further reflection, and I really feel that I need to do 2 things now, but would like some opinions the 2 things.

1. Meet up with B in person to apologise and tell her the truth.
2. Ask A why she rejected me.

Thanks for reading, any opinions will be greatly appreciated. Do let me know if more details are required.

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Why does my wife enjoy bringing me down

Yes there is another thread about marriage counseling, but are you going to pay for it? I didn't think so.

Why would someone consistently boost themselves up to bring you down?

(ie. I do all this stuff at home, but you make a mess in the kitchen. I am not your mom, I can't tuck you into bed and force you to go to sleep.)

When you explain she can use all the words she wants, but she doesn't know how to communicate to me. That we communicate at different levels, which makes sense to me because of the whole man and woman thing. Nope, believes it's just me.

"I have been looking at Germany as a solution to our family problems, I've been reading they are supportive of families."

"The grass isn't always greener on the other side."

What the **** kind of conversation is this? If it isn't money or buying ****, it's I am wrong and I am the *******. :rolleyes:

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Why be so cruel and hurtful

My wife wanted a divorce and was being mean and condescending so after trying to talk it through and work it out, I couldn't take no more so I filed for divorce. Before I even filed, she was on dating website and meeting another man. A week after I moved out, she was professing her love to the OM. LOL just a month before that, she was professing her love to me. That's just crazy. We had not spoken since I moved out simply because I was afraid to make a move because of what she might do as far as restraining order or something. Right before I filed, she drew up this document wanting it signed and notarized stating she would get any and all proceeds from sell of house. No way was I going to sign that. She listed the house way above what it's appraised value is. We had a hearing Monday and her attorney told the judge we wouldn't be divorcing that day and we might be able to work it out. LOL work it out?? I gave it a few days and I sent her flowers and got no thing but rude and cruel remarks. She rubbed the OM in my face and said she don't want me. She said no man would take anything from a woman that wasn't his, referring to money from sell of house. We just bought house 6 months ago and got married. We have no kids. She made the down payment, paid for upgrades that she wanted and I paid all house payments up until I moved out a month ago. I didn't encourage her to spend that money, she chose to. The house is in both our names but since it was purchased such a short time ago, there's not much equity in it. I do t care about the money. Since she wanted this divorce and has made it plain that she wants out. Then sell house so we are not tied together and our credit is locked up. What needs to happen is to just sell it to pay off the loan and chalk up the money we spent as a loss. Why is it that she is so spiteful, cruel and condescending? Why do that? I've tried to be civil, I've tried to save it. I sent flowers and had hoped to t alk after her attorney made that statement to judge. Why do people act this way? This is not the woman I met, knew, and loved.
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How to work through 16 years of shame?

hi Ladies,

Please, I need your advice.

We have been married for almost 15 years. My first, her second. No kids. She is younger than me by 10 years, I am over 60.

How can I make amends to my wife for some horrible, hateful things I said to her in the beginning of our relationship? I accept full responsibility for this.

I don't know why I said these...'cause I am a frigging idiot. I spoke before thinking.

I have tried to make amends over the years but I have never been successful.

This is the one hurtful, harmful aspect of our relationship. Everything else is good (afaik). But this issue is so fundamental. I don't know how to make amends, to apologize, to make her feel beautiful, wanted, desired, lovely, sexy, smart, and awesome (and she is all those things to me).

We get into fights or 'things' every so often when she remembers the things I said and did to her, which diminished her self-confidence and self-esteem (and continues to do when she remembers this).

I have tried to show her how much she means to me. But I've never been able to remove stain of hurt and shame.

Please...I love her so much, even more now after all these years, how can I repair this sludge in our foundation, that I put there?

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Please help! I don't want my marriage to end.

First some background information: I met my husband in March of 2013. We moved in together in July 2013 and got married in March 2014. I do realize that we kind of rushed into it, especially since I'm only 19, but I love him with all of my heart. We have only been married for almost 4 months, but we are already having some bad problems.

1) We have a hard time with communication. It seems like every time that we have a serious conversation, it turns into a fight. Usually, its about money, or our pets, or small things. I'm not even quite sure who starts the fights anymore. If we don't agree, we just end up yelling. This is basically an everyday occurrence. A day without a fight is rare.

Sometimes when he hurts my feelings and I start to cry (I blame that on me still being an "emotional teenager") plus, I never really had a thick skin with people I care about. I try to leave the room so I don't start yelling. When he sees my tears, he usually says something mean and patronizing like, "Do you need a tissue?" (sarcastically) or "Go ahead and shut yourself in the bedroom and cry now like usual."

Now I probably know what you are thinking by now, "That guy sounds like an a**!" And trust me, I know. He really is. But other times, he is the sweetest guy ever. I love him, a** or not. I think he just says those things out of anger or frustration. He usually doesn't really apologize, once he calms down, he just comes into the room and hugs me. By that point, I don't want to continue the conversation or ask for an apology because I don't want to start another fight.

2) We rarely have sex anymore. I'm definitely not sex-starved, we have sex a few times a month. (We honestly only had sex once during out week long honeymoon. Once.) The problem is, I want it all the time, probably again due to me being a hormonal teenager. He never seems to want it, and when it happens, he doesn't really put a lot of effort into it. It will last maybe 10 minutes, and it will be boring. Occasionally its mind blowing, for me anyway. He never really moans or anything, so I can't really tell if he enjoys it or not. Of course he says he does, but you never really know. He always makes sure I get off, but it seems like he treats it more as a duty then something he wants to do. A few times, he stopped right after I got off and before he did. This kinda makes me think he only has sex with me because I want it, and not because he does, which is strange considering he is only 24.

When we first started having sex, we did it ALL the time, several times a day, and it was always amazing. I just don't know why this has changed so soon.

3) I feel like he is always comparing me to his ex-girlfriends. For some reason, they always come up. For example, I will be watching a tv show and ask him to join me, and he will say something like "No, my ex used to watch that." Or I will do something and he will say, "My ex used to do that." Or, "Please don't act like my ex." I can't help what I like to do and watch. I'm not going to change myself or my personality.

4) We never go on dates. We will plan one, but due to our financial constraints, we never get to. We never even really eat dinner together. Ill ask him what he wants for dinner, and I'll work to have it done when he comes home from work. Once he gets home, he will have already eaten or not be hungry, even though I made him what he asked me to. That doesn't seem like a big deal, but it makes me so angry because it happens all the time. We have a lot of money problems. If I knew I was the only that was going to be eating, I wouldn't make a whole dinner. I would just have a snack or something to save money.

I know this turned out to be a huge post, but I really need help. I want my marriage to work. If anyone has any idea of what we can change or what I'm doing wrong, please let me know. It would be great to have the point of view of some men on this too.

Thank you for taking the time to read this!

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Confused - Why am i suddenly acting 'gay'?

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I feel better and do these things instinctually... never thought in my life that this could happen:

Stroking my hair,
wanting to grin when I think someone is cute,
wanting a kitten,
wanting to cuddle
interest in looking good (more than normal)


I swear I was not like this... what could be the cause?

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