I discovered that my husband had a one-night stand during a recent business trip (the OW texted him thanking him for the "amazing" sex they had and I got to his phone before he did). I was devastated and I kicked him out of the house while I figured things out. I told my mom and my sister about it, and to my surprise, they're all treating it like it's no big deal. They're both telling me that men will have their flings from time to time and that I should overlook them as long as they keep them discrete and don't let them interfere with our home life. My sister went even further and said that we should be open about it and set some ground rules! My mom basically told me that my father stepped out multiple times during their marriage (he died three years ago), that she looked the other way, and that I should do the same. That was truly a shock to me since I never had any inkling that my dad was unfaithful and I always knew him to be a loving father and husb and who was devoted to his family. From what I could see, he always treated my mom like a queen.
What's surreal about all this is that his family, whom I have always had a great relationship with, had the opposite reaction. After I kicked him out, my husband confessed to his parents. My father-in-law (who is truly a wonderful man whom I have always respected) called me and profusely apologized for his son's behavior. He said that he and my mother-in-law raised their son with better morals, that I did the right thing by kicking him out, and that they would understand no matter what decision I made.
I'm truly torn about what to do. He was my high school and college sweetheart and is the only man I've ever been with. We've been married six years and have been together for thirteen. Our relationship had been wonderful until now, so this was pretty devastating. He came clean and he's remorseful, but he's not exactly begging for my forgiveness. He claims it was a one-time lapse. He's attractive, charismatic, and has a very strong sex drive, so I'm not confident that this won't happen again (or that this isn't the first time, despite his claims). We have no kids and I have a good career, so I could theoretically walk away and never look back. On the other hand, he's been a great husband in every other respect. My family always liked him and would welcome him back, and because his family recognizes that this was his fault and is taking my side, I know there would be no ugliness with my in-laws if we reconciled. Plus, after having been with the same person my entire adult life, the idea of essentially starting over as a 30 year-old single woman seems scary and daunting.
Truthfully, I still love him because of all we've been through, but I don't know if I can ever trust him again. Is my family right though? Should I just learn to overlook these kinds of lapses as long as everything else is good?
What's surreal about all this is that his family, whom I have always had a great relationship with, had the opposite reaction. After I kicked him out, my husband confessed to his parents. My father-in-law (who is truly a wonderful man whom I have always respected) called me and profusely apologized for his son's behavior. He said that he and my mother-in-law raised their son with better morals, that I did the right thing by kicking him out, and that they would understand no matter what decision I made.
I'm truly torn about what to do. He was my high school and college sweetheart and is the only man I've ever been with. We've been married six years and have been together for thirteen. Our relationship had been wonderful until now, so this was pretty devastating. He came clean and he's remorseful, but he's not exactly begging for my forgiveness. He claims it was a one-time lapse. He's attractive, charismatic, and has a very strong sex drive, so I'm not confident that this won't happen again (or that this isn't the first time, despite his claims). We have no kids and I have a good career, so I could theoretically walk away and never look back. On the other hand, he's been a great husband in every other respect. My family always liked him and would welcome him back, and because his family recognizes that this was his fault and is taking my side, I know there would be no ugliness with my in-laws if we reconciled. Plus, after having been with the same person my entire adult life, the idea of essentially starting over as a 30 year-old single woman seems scary and daunting.
Truthfully, I still love him because of all we've been through, but I don't know if I can ever trust him again. Is my family right though? Should I just learn to overlook these kinds of lapses as long as everything else is good?
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