But what happens if I can't verify?
My cheating husband used erotic websites to talk to women online. He was outed, and I decided to work it out. I agreed based on him only talking dirty with women online, without emotions involved. My original DDay was over 3 years ago.
Last November I was sent messages between him and a woman. I was told in the past he had a long term affair with her, though all online and phone based (no in person meeting), but I believed him and accepted it wasn't true. Then, the messages come and they are from the same profile I know he used at the erotic site. The messages are to and from him and the woman he was accused of having the affair with.
He gave me access to all his accounts, phones etc. If the messages are authentic it is possible he has been in an ongoing affair with this woman for 1-4 years. I have no way of knowing the duration.
I am smart enough to know that if he wants to cheat I cannot track him. Between SIM cards, burn phones, calling from his office, using office computers or devices, I have no way to verify what he tells me. My gut tells me there is more to the story, and that it was not merely online flirting and dirty talk.
My questions are:
Do I use a VAR? (of course, if he talks from work it won't work in the car)
Do I ask or demand a polygraph? Can I trust the results?
If he won't tell me the truth can we still reconcile? Can a betrayed spouse reconcile with a cheater if the cheater will not admit the extent of the affair or what really happened?
Have any of you been able to reconcile if you knew (but did not have proof) that your cheater spouse was minimizing and lying by omission? If so, did you sweep your doubts under the rug and trust even though your gut was screaming?
Can my marriage be fixed if he will not be honest with me?
My cheating husband used erotic websites to talk to women online. He was outed, and I decided to work it out. I agreed based on him only talking dirty with women online, without emotions involved. My original DDay was over 3 years ago.
Last November I was sent messages between him and a woman. I was told in the past he had a long term affair with her, though all online and phone based (no in person meeting), but I believed him and accepted it wasn't true. Then, the messages come and they are from the same profile I know he used at the erotic site. The messages are to and from him and the woman he was accused of having the affair with.
He gave me access to all his accounts, phones etc. If the messages are authentic it is possible he has been in an ongoing affair with this woman for 1-4 years. I have no way of knowing the duration.
I am smart enough to know that if he wants to cheat I cannot track him. Between SIM cards, burn phones, calling from his office, using office computers or devices, I have no way to verify what he tells me. My gut tells me there is more to the story, and that it was not merely online flirting and dirty talk.
My questions are:
Do I use a VAR? (of course, if he talks from work it won't work in the car)
Do I ask or demand a polygraph? Can I trust the results?
If he won't tell me the truth can we still reconcile? Can a betrayed spouse reconcile with a cheater if the cheater will not admit the extent of the affair or what really happened?
Have any of you been able to reconcile if you knew (but did not have proof) that your cheater spouse was minimizing and lying by omission? If so, did you sweep your doubts under the rug and trust even though your gut was screaming?
Can my marriage be fixed if he will not be honest with me?
Put the internet to work for you.
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