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I Don't want a divorce, but I can't keep living like this

I am looking for any advice I can get. My wife has basically shut me out and started stone walling me. About six months ago she came to me and said that she was not happy. We have had a number of difficult things happen to us in our six year marriage, we were unable to get pregnant for a long time and eventually ended up having twin girls through in vetro. My job has us about 6 hours away from any family to help us out and we recently went through a very difficult real estate deal that ended up with us selling our home and the deal for our new house falling through at the last minute putting us in a rental. Anyway to make a long story short she told me that because of all those things she felt like all the romance had ended. I told her that I wanted to make things better and that I would do whatever needed to be done to save our marriage and our family. I have tried everything that I know how to do. I have tried showing more physical affection, writing h er little notes, bringing home flowers, cleaning the house, doing the laundry, setting up babysitters so we can go on dates. You name it I have tried it and the result is always the same, it is completely ignored. We were going to counseling and all she could do was complain about how horrible our marriage was and how it was supposed to be a fairy tail and it hasn't been a fairy tail. Keep in mind I have never once abused her physically or emotionally, I don't drink or use drugs, I have never been unfaithful, I am a good involved parent and I work hard at a steady job to support my family. After a couple months the councillor basically told us that we were wasting our money because she would not commit to moving forward and all she wanted to do was find faults in everything that I do. She now will hardly interact with me. She spends almost all evening texting non stop and gets angry if I ask who she is talking to. She spends almost all day with one of her friends who is one of the most negative and distructive influences I have ever met. It is almost impossible for me to talk to her about anything because if I tell her my concerns and how I am being hurt she flies off the handle and turns it into a huge fight. I love my 2 year old daughters more than anything and truly believe that they need to grow up with both their mom and dad. I am currently going to counseling by my self to try and keep me going. I would appreciate any input or advice that could be given. Thank you.
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How long do you try?

Hello all. When you are in this considering divorce stage, how long do you think you would give your one last shot try?

Some days I am fine, I can hold on and wait. Other days I feel like I can't take another day. I don't know where the line is between giving up and gave it your best shot and moved on KWIM?

What makes it a lot harder is he does not want to leave. He says he loves me every day, tells me how wonderful he thinks I am. He makes future plans and tells me this will all work out and we will be an amazing couple someday.

He is trying and I can see that. I can also see that there is only so much he will ever be capable of. On my good days I feel like I can compromise and deal, bad days I fantasize about having more and feel like crying all day.

So how do you know when you are completely done (and won't change your mind)? How long do you wait to see if things will improve?

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Dealing with Husband's Cheating History

Hello, kind people of TAM. I have been a lurker here for the last two weeks. First of all I want to thank all of you for sharing your experience, opinion and advice. I have learned a lot from my short time here.

Unfortunately it has come to a point where I feel the need to share my story with you and ask for your support through what I am still struggling with every single day. Please be prepared for a wall of text.

Background on my marriage:

My husband and I met through an online game when we were still teens. We were good friends before we began dating. Neither of us were on the best of terms with our respective families at the time, so it meant a lot to us that we had each other to talk to almost every day. We had a long-distance relationship with occasional visits to each other for several years before I moved to his country and we got married.

We registered our marriage on our own even though both families became supportive of us as time went on. My hope is to pull through the toughest financial years with him and then we can throw a renewal-of-vows party for friends and families. He does not care about having a wedding but is willing to do something like that with me.

Other tidbits:
  • We are best friends.
  • We both had crushes on other people before we started dating.
  • We were each other's first date.
  • We had a very steady on-going relationship. We never broke up in between.
  • We still talk to our mutual friends that we met through the game.
  • We used to joke about how marriage wasn't a big step for us, that it was mainly a way for us to move across countries and be together.
  • I have done tons of research on a range of topics related to infidelity, anything from scientific research, opinion pieces to a blog written by a cheater who turned his life around. I have shared some of the more interesting articles with my husband.
  • I admit to having some codependency issues in the past, but I'm actively working through it and am presently feeling more centered as a person.
  • We share an apartment with two roommates who are mutual friends of ours. The female roommate is rarely here due to work but we see the male roommate every day. We share the living room.

The initial pain:

It all came crashing down before new years. We had our little hiccups and arguments here and there, but those are not frequent. For the longest time I thought we had something perfectly fine going on, that we loved each other, were fully committed to our relationship, and were able to work through any problems that we had. Little did I know he had been flirting with other women since before we got married and had PA with two women. On the outside, he acts like he's single. So far I think only his current coworkers and our mutual friends know he's married (besides our families, my friends and coworkers).

When we first started dating, I had a period of adjustment where I had to tell myself to not get jealous that he still liked to talk to his female friends (some are mutual friends). Other than that initial period, I rarely get pangs of jealousy, and they all pass quickly. I consider myself to be a very understanding person. I have male friends, so I believe in having friends of the opposite gender. The problem is I seem to have a stronger moral code and firmer boundaries than him. For me, if I frequently talked to a male friend or wanted to share things with him, I would pull myself back and remind myself to put my husband first. I know when I am weak, so I take good care to make sure I do not tread on landmines when I am in a vulnerable state (such as the last two and half months). For my husband though... I assumed he was the same as me and you know what people say about assumptions.

For the month/months leading up to DDay, I noticed my husband frequently smiled at his phone while he texted his "friends." This usually happened when we were in the living room. During this time I would sometimes point it out to him and inquire whom he was talking to. He never gave me a straight answer and he was always secretive about his cellphone. Then he started to ask me to stay out of our bedroom for about 10 minutes so he could finish doing "his thing." (We usually hang out in the living room, though our bathroom is in our bedroom.) I know that both of us sometimes read/watch erotic stuff, so I reluctantly gave him his space. (I think I'm less reluctant in sharing my selection than he is his.)

The dead giveaways were the two times when he left his Skype open on my computer. I'm not usually one to pry, so the first time it happened, I quickly scanned the names of the people he was talking to and told him he left his Skype open. I asked him who were all those girls that I didn't know. Looking back, he was already defensive then. He said that some were people/scammers who'd randomly friend you on Skype and try to date you (he thought it's funny talking to them) and some were friends that he met in other games or from other places. He even said I could read his chats if I wanted to. I let it go because at the time I still trusted him completely despite my sinking gut feelings. However, the second time it happened, I called his bluff and skimmed through some of the chats. Since they were flirtatious in nature, I had a talk with him. I was angry but very calm this first time around.

At first he was also confused himself. He said he has tried to stop this behavior on his own before, but he'd eventually fallen back into the habit. He said he didn't see promiscuity as something morally wrong. He said he believe it's in human nature to want to have sex with multiple people, that he didn't realize he was this way before he got together with me. That it had nothing to do with me. He admitted to liking the thrill of the chase, but he insisted he was not really interested in any of those other women.

I think the first time I found out, he was sorry that he got caught. His own words were "I'm sorry that you feel hurt by this." He was not sorry that he did something wrong and he was not sorry that he directly hurt me. I understood perfectly well people's desire to self-preserve, so I thought long and hard about what he said and how I wanted to handle the whole thing. I knew there are swingers and open relationships out there, so I wasn't completely blind to alternate sexual lifestyles. I seriously considered, reevaluated what I want and did preliminary research online regarding why people cheat. I could barely sleep that night. I sat in bed staring at walls while I tried to make sense of what he said. He asked if I wanted him to stay away from me for the time being. I told him to stay. (Part of it was my then-codependency at play.) It didn't really help that he was able to sleep just fine.

The next morning we laid in bed, I started to ask him for details. Then somehow, unbelievably (based on what I thought of him back then), I asked him about whether he has gotten naked in front of other women or even had sex with them. He reluctantly answered yes to both and gave me a count. I tried to get time frames and names from him but he refused, saying they are in the past. He also insisted it was all just sexual attraction, that he was not emotionally involved with any of them. He even said at least one of the two other women he had sex with was on the same page as him in regards to sex being just sex. I went to work that afternoon putting on a strong front. I pushed myself to work because I refused to let his trespasses to make me miss work. I love my job and it helped me put my mind somewhere else for the time being.

In the end I wrote him a letter and told him that I could be understanding and I even admit to my problems in our relationship, but he has hurt me deeply and I would not agree to allow him do whatever he wants with other women, that includes frequent texting, flirting, sexting and any inappropriate physical contact. I think he was more than happy that I was willing to give him another chance to try again, though at that time he said he could not promise me definite results. (I hear you, that's a big warning sign. Sadly I didn't know better then.)

Second pain:

After a month of Hysterical Bonding, I very slowly worked through my doubts and watched him closely. He refused to share certain details with me so asking him questions was very difficult. He had opened up a bit more about what phone apps he used to contact other women. After some pushes, he showed me that he deleted most of the inappropriate contacts he had on his phone. I say most, because as I slowly found out, other contacts I once thought were OK were actually not OK. Yes, he trickle truthed me. I did not want to push him too hard and have him clam up. I told him I'd appreciate it if he'd tell me everything himself without prompting (which he never did).

Near the end of January, I took a chance to check his e-mail, facebook and saved a copy of his Skype chat record. I read through some of his e-mails and facebook chats (not his Skype, as I think that would likely be too much for me) and found out a lot more than what he originally told me. For a while I thought he was the one being pursued by other women, then I found out he had been acting like he's single all along, trying to chat up his old coworkers and hooking up with people online. He told me certain people knew he's in a committed relationship and the fact that we live together. That was not true. I was merely a "roommate" that he mentioned in passing. He also used experiences that we shared together as a talking point when flirting up women. I also found out that he started to reply to hook-up postings again not many days ago. (The stuff from before DDay did not trigger me as much as the stuff from after DDay.)

This time I was furious. As soon as he got home from picking up food, I told him we needed to talk. Our roommates were in the living room about to eat, but I didn't care. We went to our bedroom and I tried to keep my voice even, but my whole body was shaking with rage. To this day I still commend my self restraint. I told him flat out that he needed to choose between me or his singledom. Last time I gave him a chance and I chose to stay with him, thinking that we could work through it and become better persons. This time I left the choice up to him. I was fully willing to walk away if he wanted to be single again. On the other hand, if he wanted to stay in the relationship, he needed to be clear on the boundaries. I have no intention of being his Plan B or placeholder.

I think I put him in shock. I told him I was able to pull through the first time because I believed in him, that once all the deception came out, he wouldn't feel the need to hide anymore, that he can truly change and he'd have my support. I have learned since then being understanding and supporting as a BS does not work in our relationship. He cried and he told me that I'm worth it, that he will purge and change. I told him he needed to read the selected links I sent him (I shared a whole collection with him but he never read them) and he needed to read the brainstorming document I wrote up after first DDay with my suggestions on how to stay away from temptations and do more self reflection. The list included things like he should not withhold the fact that he's married from acquaintances and friends if the chance/conversation comes up.

He read the list and the specific articles I linked. He said he did not agree with all of them but I did see the change in him over time. He said one thing that really resonated with him was when I said he was investing all the time he could have spent with me with other people. I did notice how he has been redirecting a lot of his energy on me. We now spend more time together and he's not as secretive as before.

Epiphany:

I tried to stay positive and started to mentally withdraw myself from him. I admitted to myself that I had codependency issues and I've been working on that. I feel better now and I believe he's slowly getting the message that I am someone who can live without him. It does not make it hurt any less, but I now have a better perspective on our relationship. I used to think that his affairs were partly my fault, that maybe he was dissatisfied in some way. Now I understand even though I may have caused problems in our relationship (he did too), the affairs were definitely 100% his fault. I was dissatisfied at times, too, but I would never do such a thing against my moral code and hurt the one I love the most. He may have a different moral code, but he needs to understand that going against one of my fundamental morals is a big no no. I already let him know that despite what I told him immediately after DDay regarding my willingness to share blame in this misstep, I knew I did not hing wrong for the month that came after DDay to warrant his second trespass.

All that said and done, he still has not volunteered any additional information regarding his past activities. I had to confront him after each time I found more evidence/facts.

Today is one of those days. I am part upset that I gave in to snooping on his computer, something I said I wouldn't do again, but deep down I am truly glad that I now have solid proof of both of his PAs. I had asked him before, that when he refused to give me the other women's names at the very least, whom he was really protecting. Whether he was protecting them, himself or me? I told him time and time again that I wanted the truth. I had found evidence that linked to one of his PAs before, but it seemed like that was a one time thing so I let it go. The one I found out today, however, seemed to be the one that went on multiple times (he did tell me that) and I am not so quick to believe that the OW is not emotionally involved at all. She seems to have problems of her own, but I would not blame her for the affair as judging from the records, she thinks my husband is still single.

Quite honestly I have half a heart to text her to let her know what's really going on with my husband being MIA to her. More than that, I want to talk to my husband tonight and request that he text her and tell her to cease all contact because he's married, made a gigantic mistake and has recommitted himself to our relationship. That, and he needs to go through with changing his facebook status to being married to me. I have requested for him to confirm it, but since neither of us are big fb users, he refused on the grounds that he didn't want some of his older acquaintance to think he's active on there again (some he has fallen out with). Seriously though, when he refused the first time, I knew he was just saying that to get out of doing it, because I knew he was using fb as a way to flirt with his past coworkers/friends who thought he's single. Changing his status will raise questions and potentially make him look bad.

I know I need to get past this with or without him. That said, I love him too much to not try to support him in improving himself. We are having a good month so far and I do not want to undo the progress. Eventually I think we will need to let our families know about his affairs. Right now it does not seem to be a good idea since mine is far away and they will tear him apart; he has a complicated relationship with his and I think they will likely side with me and tear him apart, too. I do want to have support, since I know what it's like having been doing it alone for so long, so here I am on TAM, sharing my story.

As things are right now, we are moving along, trying, and I'm keeping my eyes open, observing how things go.

Thank you very much for reading.

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What race/ethnicity do you think is overrated/underrated when it comes to looks?

Just curious to know the perspective of TSR members.

No, this thread is not intended to be racist or rude.

For girls, I personally think Asian and Latina women are overrated. Like extremely overrated.

As a white guy I think white guys are also overrated... and middle eastern men are underrated.

(Yes WE know that there are attractive people in every ethnicity)

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Anyone ever hear from GotMeWonderingNow anymore?

It is one of those threads that I wonder about from time to time.

He was never even really sure if she was cheating or not, and she seem to always be one step ahead of him.

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19, Married, Pregnant & Watching Porn

Hello, I am new to this forum and would greatly appreciate any help from the members here since I don't have anywhere to turn.

I've been married for a little more than half a year now, shortly after I got pregnant (I'm 5 months) and my husband and I are both young but we're very much inlove and have a great marriage.

The thing is I used to love having sex with him and used to want it all the time and he wants it just as much, doing it 3-4 times a day. But shortly after getting pregnant I've lost interest in sex. Every morning when he goes to work I watch porn for a hour or so, get off and get on with my day until he comes home. He tries touching, kissing and wanting to have sex but him touching me is annoying me, I do have sex with him to just keep him happy and get him to stop touching me.

He asks me why I'm never in the mood to do it anymore and if it's because I'm not attracted to him anymore. I don't have any answer, my sex drive is so low I hate how sad he gets because I reject him so much and it's hurting him and his blaming himself.

I'm wondering if it's because of the porn? I only started watching porn when I got pregnant and lost interest in sex. I enjoy getting off to porn more. I hate this. I wish I could back to my old self. My husband doesn't know I watch porn and would be very upset if he found out.
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I'm i being paranoid here?

I busted my wife on dday by her cell phone which had texts to and from the OM. In anger, I ended up throwing her phone and breaking it.

Here it is a few months into R and things are going well. Her not having a cell is inconvenient and I've been wanting to get one. Our contract still has a few months to go so we can't upgrade yet. I'm still paying for both lines and just got an email for an early upgrade.

Thing is, she seems very hesitant to get a phone. It just strikes me as odd. Why is she hesitant? I don't know why it's bothering me. I would think she would want one again but the fact that's she's so hesitant is making me think paranoid thoughts.

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Indian guys: Do you find that you are more attracted to white women than Indian women

Anon please in case my profile is of any influence

Yes, ANOTHER race thread. Deal with it lol

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I feel like he doesn't care.

We've been together on and off four months (1 break up because neither of us put 100% in) We've recently gotten back together and things are already going back to how they were if not worse, we never spend anytime together alone, it was my birthday on Monday and he ended up mad at me because of miscommunication and we didn't end up spending time together without my friend, last weekend he said he was busy which I understand and I can't be the main priority in his life but sometimes I would like to spend time with just us, I said this on Monday when he was mad and he was like okay cancel the meal and we'll spend time together but I wanted to spend time with friends too, the plan was spend the morning with him and then evening with him and friends. The amount of times we see each other doesn't bother him but it does me but then when he breaks up with me for a second time I will get some **** about how we didn't act like a couple. Before when we didn't see e ach other we'd text but now we don't do any of that, I feel like if I didn't text first he wouldn't bother. I've told him how I felt when we were trying to sort out what we should do about getting back together and he said he didn't see how I could feel like that when he said that he loved me and I didn't say it back. When we see each other he is usually really sweet but this past week he's been in a bad mood but he's also very stressed.



All I want is for him to want to see me more and by ourselves! I've tried dropping hints and I asked but nothing ever happened! What should I do? I'd rather not break up with him because I think I might love him and he's the only person I've ever felt this way about. I know nothing lasts forever but I'm not ready to give up on us yet.

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Dating After Divorce. I'm the Betrayed Spouse W/Lots of Questions.

Hi All,

I joined TAM a while back during my ex-wife's walk away separation and eventual divorce. This is a great resource and the members here really helped me. I thank God for you all.

47 yrs. old, first marriage. We (I) have 3 kids, 2 out of the house own their own. Was married 23 years. I'm a christian and try hard to love others as Paul tells us in 1Cor13. I love to do anything outdoors, but still enjoy doing the cleaning, cooking, kid support, etc. of keeping a good household on my acreage. I have a long successful career. Being newly rebuilt, I'm now a more active listener with empathy. Not without faults, but I'm more aware of when I need to try harder, most of the time...;)

Here's my first question:

I have a very hard time feeling that sex before marriage is ok. But let's be real here. Many christians do it. I'm not talking about serial sexual relationships. I've read many, many resources including the Bible, around the subject. I don't need to quote. I'm obviously not a teenage virgin. I'm not interested in one night stands. I'm not some lust filled man either. I consciously decide to view women as God's children, worthy of respect with God watching me.

But.. I'm sensual. I love a great adventure. I enjoy making a special woman's day. I love planning or or doing a fun day for someone with lots of laughs and smiles. I love to cook an unusual meal or a comfortable standard. I love having a female partner for decisions, discussions, activities and prayer. As you may guess, this makes for great intimacy.

But.. I'm still quite vigilant, afraid of being wrecked again by divorce, I will take my time deciding if I'm with a partner ready for the long haul. At my rate, I might never be 100% ok for sex, as in married-no-other-poster's-view-of-wrong-sex.

Do we get a pass because we're now with a not young, not experienced, mature adult loving, committed relationship?

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I feel like he doesn't care.

We've been together on and off four months (1 break up because neither of us put 100% in) We've recently gotten back together and things are already going back to how they were if not worse, we never spend anytime together alone, it was my birthday on Monday and he ended up mad at me because of miscommunication and we didn't end up spending time together without my friend, last weekend he said he was busy which I understand and I can't be the main priority in his life but sometimes I would like to spend time with just us, I said this on Monday when he was mad and he was like okay cancel the meal and we'll spend time together but I wanted to spend time with friends too, the plan was spend the morning with him and then evening with him and friends. The amount of times we see each other doesn't bother him

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When you both overreact, who 'caused' the resulting upset?

The title is almost all the question: If one of you overreacts, but in a 'minor' way (acknowledges it's an unnecessary reaction but no-one was particularly upset by it) and the other as a result overreacts in a major way (acknowledges it was in a major way) following which there was a lot of family upset: is it reasonable to say the 'minor' overreaction was the cause of the subsequent serious upset or more logical to say the major outburst resulted in the unpleasantness?
I know this sounds childish and probably is, but we could do with some feedback!!!!

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I'd be much happier if you did that, but I HATE that you did it!

Someone posted in a thread about the no win situations with the wife. I found it very interesting. I'll never truly understand it, but the brain pattern going on is nonetheless intriguing.

As an example

The wife wanted me to make more money. No issues...I wanted more money too.

Eventually I was offered a higher position at work. I told the wife what this truly meant. The odd time, when the CEO wants a midnight meeting, I'm there. My phone? Stuck to my hip. That's why they pay you stupid money...24 hour availability.

She agreed, of course. Things were good. I could afford some useless toys, and the wife could pursuer her shoe collecting hobby.
Now, I would get those midnight calls or meeting, but they were actually few and far between. It didn't seem like that aspect of the position was really affecting my outside work life at all.

So...after several months, the wife started to get annoyed with the odd late night call. Eventually, it turned vehement. She actually told me to tell the CEO the next day to stop calling after 5pm because my phone would be turned off. Wtf?!!! Lol. I tried explaining to her that a comment like that would be career suicide and she would have to start pawning off her shoes and handbags and jewelry to pay bills. That didn't matter to her. It was a hot topic that just didn't end.....sigh...

"I hate your phone! Why do they expect you to be available all the time! No one else at your work gets called at odd hours to discuss work! By the way! Look at these cool matching handbags I just picked up at the Burberry store! They were on sale for $20 dollars off!"

Ahh. The mind of a lady.

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same-room sex

This has been a fantasy of ours for some time . I don't no if it will ever happen . Like to know if any other couple have ever tried this and if so how did it go, and was it everything that you was expecting it to be . No Swamping partners .

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Manicure Chaffeur?

So my wife goes for manicures every 3-4 weeks. Which is not that bad of a perk lol.

But she asks me to drive her. Instead of waiting there a few extra minutes she gets me to drive her so she can be careful with her nails.

I just don't get and find it a bit much to be honest. I do lots for her but for some reason this just gnaws at me. She said if I was a gentlemen there wouldn't be any discussion.

Am I out to lunch on this one? Anyone else drive their wife to manicures lol?
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After the battle, how do heal the war wounds?

As the title implies, I fought the good fight. We separated, sold off our assets, and then divorced after her multiple unapologetic affairs. This is the thing though, I have had a couple longer relationships since the split, and they start off nice but in the end they fizzle. Some of this may be due to the PTSD of the whole situation with potential triggers induced by the women(like having the phone off for hours, missing time, talking to her "guy friend", etc...) However, the one component that I would like to literally call factor X is that in some deranged and twisted way I still love the women I was with for 14 years that consistently shat on me by having affairs and being mentally abusive. I know before everyone gets their panties in a bunch, I see a therapist once a week, but there still is a level of disconnect between a coping strategy and understanding the cause, and actually moving on. I was hoping for some of you out there that gave in on the R and got out of Dodge, how did you finally cut that piece of your heart out. I only say this because now I am with and incredible woman, and want only the best for her. I can't find fault for a single thing that she stands for, and prior to the mind F of the last few years with my Ex-Wife I would be whole hog in love with her. It's just I feel a gap inside me and feel broken when it comes to love. I have had breakups before in my life, but I just got back on the horse and rode off to greener pastures. This time it is different, and I just can't shake my ex and the damage she did to me. I know there is no short cuts in healing, but I was wondering if any of you out there ever fully recovered after being cast aside?

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Second Life

I want to know what are others people advice about a spouse playing this game Second Life? My husband doesn't see anything wrong with but I do because even though these are avatars, There are still real people behind those things pushing the keyboard to talk to people!:rolleyes:

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I'm at a loss on my next move....

So I found this site a couple years ago and it was instrumental in opening my eyes to why my wife of 4 years wanted "space".

I had given her the space while in the home with her and our two kids. It wasn't good enough so I opted to move out about 5 months ago. She has said she doesn't want to R at this point but hasn't filed for divorce either.

Over the last 2 years I've done everything in my power to show my commitment to her and the family, as a Christian man. The separation was not intended for us to date.

Long story short though I've had my suspicions obviously, I confirmed she is sleeping with another man. All the while she's been extremely easy to get along with and has actually been inviting me over for family dinners etc.

With this specific information what do I do? I really want my family together but know I don't deserve this behavior not to mention how do I trust again?

Sorry if I left info out didn't want to be too long winded.

Thanks in advance for your advice and support

Mvnfwd

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How do,you walk like a girl

I dint walk like a girl, someone once commented I don't walk normal and that she's walks with her boobs and ass. I don't think I have a feminine walk, I walk straight so don't think like a man, but I don't walk with my ass and tits and don't know how to. I'm quite similar whilst sitting down also, I find it hard not to spreads my legs open as it is so comfy. What is a feminine walk

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I'm rude to people

I can't seem to help it. I'm rude to a lot of people on here, as well as in real life. People just piss me off a lot.
I can't stand my friends 99.9% of the time, but while at school I put on a smiley, cheerful persona. Again, I can't help it.
What's worse- being directly rude to people, or being smiley and cheerful, but mentally judging people?

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How much does your partners music taste matter to you?

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Adding a girl from Uni on facebook

Hi
Only 2 months till I graduate, recently got dumped by my girlfriend but I feel like I'm ready to move on. There's this cute girl I occasionally see around campus. Possibly some interest from her, were of the same ethnicity, we've made eye contact a few times, I've seen her possibly looking a few times as well. She's definitely aware of me anyways. I've also seen a few of her friends looking at me as well, possibly means she's talked about me to them or something, gossiping at girls do.

I wanna add her on facebook and maybe send her a message. We have 2 mutual friends if that makes a difference. She's in 2nd year, I'm 3rd. Approaching her in person is very hard as I hardly see her around and definitely not in social areas. Occasionally I'll see her walking around campus with her group of friends, very hard to approach. So I'd like to do it via facebook rather than miss my chance. I know it's not the best way of approaching girls but I'm willing to risk it, don't really have anything to lose.

Any advice on what I should say??

Would you find it creepy if a guy you've never spoken to but have seen around Uni added you on facebook? If it makes a difference I'm somewhat good looking(sorry to sound vain!) lol I don't look like a dogs *******s.

Help me out please

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Boyfriend never compliments me anymore. Issue level?

I wish it didn't bother me as much as it does. Boyfriend and I have been together nearly a year - when we first met he was always complimenting me. Even after the initial six months, if we were going out I'd wear a new dress and he'd tell me I was stunning, couldn't keep his hands off me etc.

I've not had one compliment from him since last year. It doesn't bother me on a day to day basis - but if we're going to a big party together or a big event, I'd like him to notice when I'm dressed to the nines. Sometimes I'll buy a sexy new set of underwear just for our weekend together and he won't even blink. In the end I had a proper talk with him about it (as I realised how much I didn't feel like having sex with him lately as well and was sure it was linked) and he apologised - said he was speechless when we first met etc. I told him how much a nice compliment would be appreciated every so often. And yes - I compliment him, but he is not very good at accepting them!

The very next night after speaking to him about this we were going to a kind of black tie event together. I had this gorgeous new dress on and again he didn't say a word, even when other people were saying complimentary things right in front of him. I was so disappointed considering I had just talked to him about it. Also we both took that love languages test and 'words of affirmation' come out top for me and it comes last for him! I've told him twice how I feel and now feel it's really affecting the way I feel about him. What more can I do?

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Do you change the types of people you are sexually attracted to quite quickly?

I'm attracted to many types of girls, white, black, blonde, brunette, redheads medium-short length hair, long locks. It's almost an obsession for me to change who I'm attracted to every few days. One day e.g. I'll be attracted to a pale redhead with blue eyes, another an asian girl with brown eyes.

I've noticed though that some people are more rigid in their love for women or men. Or they like all types at all times.

I tend to have days where the first type of girl I like is who I'm liking that day, I'd find the others attractive of course, but just not as attractive as the type of girl I'm liking that day.

Anybody else like this?

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Girls! Want to Become More Attractive to Men? Develop Your Femininity!

Society has probably made you overly masculine. Men hate that. Men want sweet, nurturing, feminine girls.

Develop your femininity:

1. Grow your hair longer. Men love long hair. Wear feminine clothing - skirts, dresses, etc. Make it clear that you are female and not a male. Wear subtle makeup to accentuate your features.
2. Make sure you are a healthy weight (NOT anorexic!). A feminine appearance and healthy weight is 90%+ of the battle to attract a guy. Eat healthily: fresh fruit, vegetables, lean meats. Severely limit processed food. Make sure to exercise a few hours every week - cardio and weightlifting. Weightlifting WILL NOT make you big and muscular - you don't have enough testosterone. It WILL tone your muscles and give you an amazing derriere. :borat:
3. Do NOT get tattoos.
4. Do NOT be promiscuous. Guys hate committing to sluts. If you get a reputation for being easy then guys are much less likely to call you back. Keep your sexual partner count as low as possible. I would strongly discourage sleeping with a man within three dates (this helps to weed out the worst of the players).
5. Be classy. Don't wear overly revealing clothing. Don't get too drunk and pass out or vomit in the streets.
6. Learn to cook. Men love women who can cook. It shows a wonderful nurturing side.
7. Remember that men are heavily attracted to youth. Make sure you get serious, lifetime commitment while you are young - or you will need to settle for a loser or become a lonely old cat lady.
8. Support your man with his mission in life. Be a good mother to his children. Don't frivolously divorce him. Keep his belly full and his balls drained. He will consider you beautiful for life. :)

Develop a feminine appearance and demeanor and get commitment from the guy of your dreams! :D

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